[Report This]Date: November 28 2011 11:45 PM Title: Chapter 1
One of my favourite stories of all time. I just wanted to say that. Thanks nostromo
Author's Response:
Glad you enjoyed this tale, Jude :-)
[Report This]Date: August 21 2008 3:30 PM Title: Chapter 1
clap clap clap
didnt get the ending was he eaten or crushed
Author's Response: Thank you, voyuerfan !! On the last line , he gets eaten, unfortunately !! ;-)
Date: August 19 2008 11:55 PM Title: Chapter 1
that was a great twist to the story!! awesome...
Author's Response: Sorry for late response, hideki. And many thanks for reading and commenting my little tale!
[Report This]Date: December 21 2006 11:06 PM Title: Chapter 1
Extremely good, superbly executed, brilliant ending.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and commenting, DX!
[Report This]Date: November 15 2006 7:20 AM Title: Chapter 1
This story just gets better and better!
Unlike Canaan I really the way you change the narrative style when you change the character, gives the story a bit of contrast.
I can't wait until you post the next chapter!
Author's Response: thanks a mil for your comment, Lil_panda :-) I'll try to keep the trend ! Shouldnot be too long till the next update.
[Report This]Date: November 15 2006 4:10 AM Title: Chapter 1
This was wonderful! I totally loved the narrative!
I think the use of "first person" vs "second person" though, detracted a lot of feeling from it. In my opinion, the story could have had a greater impact on the reader if both characters were presented in either first or second person; it felt like you was telling the man's story, but the woman was telling her own. That made the goal of your story a little hard to grasp, predict or understand.
Your descriptions were bravo. From the way you described the man's perspective, I was greatly drawn into his world, "seeing" it very vividly. This changed, however, when you were telling the story from the woman's perspective; your descriptiveness took quite a turn from describing to emotions. It made for a somewhat confusing contrast. Moreover, it gave the feeling that two different people had written the story.
All in all, I give this story a solid 8. Your descriptiveness and situational anecdotes were superb. I would have judged "10" had your story conveyed a more even flow--which it failed to do because of the changes in first to second person, and descriptive to emotional.
All in all, a good story, and a superb effort. Nicely done!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your reading this little story canaan, and even more for sharing your thoughts on it! I totally understand your point and absolutely sympathize with it. I prefer first person narratives myself :-) ! Here however i wanted us to get closer to the "spectator" of the events than to the "actor". (the thoughts of the shrunken guys are well documented elsewhere :-) )the story is a cinematic that displays itself on the screen, while the girl is more on our side of things, where emotions are. I was trying to play on this "dislocation" of the narrative.it may not be a very graceful attempt, i agree :-) hey, i'm real glad you still enjoyed it, in spite of the obvious flaws! Thanks again for your comment!
[Report This]Date: November 08 2006 1:15 AM Title: Chapter 1
Ah I love it! This is the genre I love more then any other! I wish I could wright as well as this.
Please, please continue!
Author's Response: thanks, lil-panda, unaware stories can be pretty nice, i agree. glad you like this one. Working on the third part, but not as easy as i first thought... soon hopefully. :-)
[Report This]Date: November 06 2006 4:15 PM Title: Chapter 1
yo wicked start dude! Cant wait to see the out come!
Author's Response: hey, thanks mate! I'll get to it soon i'm sure! Thanks for reading! :-)
[Report This]Date: October 29 2006 11:41 PM Title: Chapter 1
Good start. Please continue.
Author's Response: Thank you, Stanley!
Author's Response: oh look! here its is again! :-) hehe, You should better match your comments with your rating, stan! this is NOT a competition, relax, man.
[Report This]Date: October 29 2006 11:24 PM Title: Chapter 1
this is awsome plz finish soon
Author's Response: Thank you, STA! I'll try to get to it asap!
[Report This]Date: October 29 2006 10:53 AM Title: Chapter 1
Beautiful please do continue, (will there be vore involved or will he survive? hope we find out ^_^).
Author's Response: Thank you for reading, Knight! You will find out indeed! :-)