You must login (register) to review.
Reviewer: Shrunken Mazerunner Signed half-star [Report This]
Date: December 01 2014 6:17 PM Title: Intro

The idea is ok. The way you wrote it though. I can sum most of your problems in one word. Description. You glaze over it. Tell us of the fear the guy feels, of the sticky, smelly saliva as he is drenched from head to toe. In summry more description, most times, = better story.

You must login (register) to review.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.