Date: January 26 2016 4:12 AM Title: Babysitter 3'7"
I agree with you that the story should go slow. After all it is a slow shrink tale. I was just saying to not leave a particular scene so quickly. Let's feel his shame or her caring or non caring in a particular scene..
Another idea for a scene is that he goes along to celestes parent teacher night just to visit his old school. Maybe he wanders off to explore the school and is in a closed off area. Maybe a teacher finds him and treats him like a child that is disobedient. Maybe he picks up something off the floor and she takes it away. Maybe he plays along that he is a child to try to get out of the situation quietly. Maybe answers her with yes ma'am.
Just some thoughts,
Diesel
Author's Response:
Very constructive, thank you man!
[Report This]Date: January 24 2016 7:17 AM Title: Babysitter 3'7"
Good for him! Hopefully, he'll remember to lock the door THIS time.
Author's Response:
We shall see!
Date: January 24 2016 5:34 AM Title: Babysitter 3'7"
It was great to see him at 3'7. Having Gina mistake him for a little kid was nice. Please do not take this criticism the wrong way but it would have been great to see even more interaction between the characters. More examples of the size difference and how it affects him. Maybe a character who says, I am Mrs. So and So and she continues to treat him like a child. Maybe taking something away from him or out of his hands because she is an adult and he is a child.
Maybe he needs to go to the children's department for new clothes or he ends up in an elementary school somehow.
Love your story and your writing. I would say just more description of their interaction. I know if I were writing a great story like this I would always invite feedback good or bad. I also would love suggestions they can only help. Plus you do not have to use everything sent to you, only what you like.
Greatly enjoying it,
Diesel
Author's Response:
Thanks so much Diesel. My plan was to take it REALLY slow until he is really small, that was my thinking, but you definitely gave me something to consider! Thanks for being such a loyal reader!