[Report This]Date: February 17 2019 8:24 PM Title: Chapter 39
Happy (almost) one year anniversary of this story! I wanna congratulate you on your creativity and perseverance of a story this good a year later. Without a doubt the BEST STORY on this site. Even when this eventually ends (and after a shed a tear) , I hope you continue to write and make as good stories as this. 10/10
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words and you’re patronage! I’m really glad you appreciate my hard work. This has been quite the project, so yes, I will be quite happy when it’s all done! As I’ve said, this was my first story, but it definitely won’t be my last: I have several short stories, novellas, and novels that I want to work on in the future, along with a couple commissions I need to get to, so stay tuned!
[Report This]Date: February 17 2019 4:25 PM Title: Chapter 39
Great chapter I didn’t expect to like Rachel as much as I do but she’s great. The ending was a nice tease and if I may request if Chris is still in her butt by the end of the shower could she put on a thong with him still in her butt. Just a suggestion can’t wait for what happens next
Author's Response: I’m glad that you’ve warmed up to Rachel; I wasn’t sure if the readers would take to her. While I do like your suggestion, Rachel really isn’t the thong type of girl, that’s more a “Shannon” type of garment.
Anyway, thanks for the suggestion; it certainly gives food for thought with other characters.
[Report This]Date: February 17 2019 3:13 PM Title: Chapter 39
Shrinker82, you sly devil, haha. When you said “wet and steamy” chapter, I was expecting something highly erotic, but the wet and steamy part was because Rachel was in the shower which was wet and steamy. Clever advertising. Lol.
Sure, we got a sample of ass, but that was quite a shorter scene than I’m used to you writing.
By the way, I’m confused about Chris’s current location. Last we see of him is Rachel scrubbing Chris into her ass and then she takes her hand out and washes it. Since Chris is super small, she could have washed him out after rubbing her ass with him. I’m guessing you implied that Chris is stuck in her ass, but there is no guarantee. We just see what Rachel does and we can’t tell where Chris is. I think a sentence about Chris being trapped in her ass would be awesome.
and then Rachel’s hand returns to clean her crack, forcing Chris even deeper between her cheeks. Chris sees the hand returning, thinking it’s a rescue attempt. Maybe she felt him. However, her hand pushes him further inside and soon it withdraws, leaving him inside. Chris watches it leave his field of vision and soon his world darkens as her butt swallows him up.
I can’t wait for that conversation with Rachel and Mrs. Carson. Maybe Chris will fall out and end up in some motherly, yet naughty hands.
I can’t wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: I’ll say this for you, TomSpeedy, you definitely get me better than any other reader. The chapter description was meant to ironic, so thanks for getting my sense of humor. 😜
As for as your confusion, that’s the point. I left Chris’s fate up in the air, not so much for the cliffhanger, but to leave it open for speculation, so that’s why I didn’t elude to where he was at the end; however, I think you’ve got a pretty good idea about what’s coming next, but that’s all I’ll say for now.
As always, thanks for your input, and thanks for reading!
[Report This]Date: February 17 2019 12:08 PM Title: Chapter 39
I have real trouble rating this stroy. Your writing style is compelling and descriptive - qualities that make your world really immersive. However...
In my eyes your story resembles a spaghetti; it goes on and on, a collection of highly repetitive and lenghty scenarios. Obviously, the details vary but the foundation remains almost unchanged. The unaware nature of Chris's mishappenings combined with the aforementioned results in build-up of frustration (unfortunately, not only Chris's).
Do not get me wrong, there are many things done right. Main protagonist's complicated relationship with Shannon and less complicated but no less interesting relashions with other women are what still draws me to new chapters. For a story that long and as well-written as this one I would just expect more character development and a truly engaging plot.
Story: 6/10
Form: 8/10
Author's Response: First off, I want to tell you how much I appreciate your honesty regarding your rating and review; Constructive feedback is always the most informative and only a few of my reviews offer that, so thanks for your input.
I have said, in response to my other reviews, that i really didn’t expect this story to be as long as it is turning out to be. What started as a small project turned into a fricken’ novel. Sure, I had a lot of details and scenarios that I wanted to go through— sort of a “little something for everyone” type of read— that could be bookmarked and revisited, but I hadn’t expected the project to be this massive. My own fault though.
Not to sound conceited, but I feel that over the course of this story my writing skills have vastly improved. You can probably tell the difference form the last few chapters compared from the first few chapters. Obviously, if I had it to do over again, I would have hashed out the characters better and changed some things around, but hindsight’s 20/20.
Above all else, however, I wanted the entire story to convey Chris’s frustration, helplessness, and hopelessness throughout, and for the reader to experience those same emotions and empathize with him, but once again, the length of the story does tend to provide a repetitive nature to my scenarios. I guess I just want to please too many people. But, I can assure you that in the future, my stories probably won’t be this long, and any that are will be have a lot more variety, especially between aware and unaware scenarios.
Thanks for your honesty and feedback, and thanks for reading!
[Report This]Date: February 17 2019 9:17 AM Title: Chapter 39
Loved the chapter, can't wan't to see the continuation! Been enjoying the story from the beginning!
Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!