Reviewer: Hammermaster02 Signed [Report This]
Date: June 10 2021 12:47 PM Title: Chapter One

Now this. This is the level of quality all giantess fiction should strive for. Not just smut for smut's sake, there's a real story here. Shift how the horrors Melanie inflicts are presented and this becomes a really brutal horror story, and I mean that in the best way. Melanie as a character is already so horrifying, that a college girl could be so broken and so twisted that her obsession could push her to do such terrible (yet extremely sexy) things. And how she developed from being a nervous doormat to becoming empowered and letting the power (arguably rightfully) go to her head was so fascinating. Not to mention that you gave her a totally believeable cause for being the way she is. A family teaching her toxic lust and obsession as love fits perfectly for a Yandere character, and most Yandere in fiction that I know of don't have that, they were just born that way which is so lazy!

As for Adrian, I suppose I should have seen her ending turn coming. She certainly didn't start the story being willing to enslave tiny women for her own sadistic sexual pleasure (unless I forgot about a moment establishing her as a petty, vindictive person) but combine being the object of adoration by a cruel goddess for weeks with being forced to kill someone, then being forced to compromise your morals even further to even have a chance at returning to normal, anyone would lose their empathy in this situation. I do have to wonder if Melanie spiked the cure somehow to make sure Adrian would fall in love with her once she returned to normal, but that'd be way less interesting from a character arc perspective.

Also, I love that Nicky, once in a non-abusive situation, is shown willingly remaining tiny. Gentle giantess stories feel rather hard to come by, and Juniper, while not getting a ton of focus, was a fun character and perfect for that style. Like, of course a stoner would be totally chill being the tiny buddy of a friendly drug dealer. I'd love more fluffy stories about Juniper and Nicky's misadventures. In the end, Nicky was really the only one to come out unscathed and likely happier than before being kidnapped. Scarlet accidently did her a favor! XD

Speaking of the other victims, having so many different reactions and perspectives made the story constantly engaging, and they all were always believable. Then Paige. What a great, climactic antagonist for Melanie (yes, I'm claiming Melanie is Thanos levels of a good villain). At a certain point I stopped reading for the smut and just read for the story, I mean that sincerely. You crafted an immensly engaging narrative and always kept the plot moving but character focused. So many hard choices made from all the characters, it was genuinely entertaining likely even without the smut.

All-in-all, this is an amazing story and I definetly plan on reading more of your work!

Reviewer: Joseph Micheal Signed [Report This]
Date: December 02 2019 7:06 AM Title: Chapter One

There's not much to say honestly, this story is absolutely fantastic and manages to be a complete rollercoaster of emotions all throughout it. I don't know if there's a word for the combination of horrified and giddy that I felt from the ending, but in any case it was a true delight to read through. And even though your gf was right, Kimberly does deserve better, I can always comfort myself with the giggly fun that is Nicky and Juniper's ending. 10/10, I'd consider this story to be one of the bests I've ever read. 

I do have to admit though, I am dreadfully curious whatever happened to the people who were randomly chosen and shrunk by Melanie at the motel to make her potion an instant-shrink potion. They didn't show up in the news report at the end so I assumed that they either all died, were kidnapped, or ended up in the hands of family or friends who for whatever reason decided not to bring them to a hospital. 

Reviewer: DarkStarGoddess Signed [Report This]
Date: March 05 2019 2:01 AM Title: Chapter One

@Saf To an extent I get what you are saying, but I agree with CurseCrazy in that the distinction that this is an adult website for adults is not clear enough.  Honestly I have not thought much about this being an "adult" website until reading the comments here, I always just thought of it as a website for stories that feature people of differing sizes, and I know many others who do as well.  The lack of many warnings and the inclusion of what seems like a child inclusive rating system (G, PG, R, such) does not help the website in this regard.

At the same time I disagree with the notion that a story that is posted here is inherently "adult," but since the author says the story should be read as such at all times, this one is inherently adult.  However, being an adult story does not mean that it is not breaking rules when it breaks the rules of prose or storytelling, as I already discussed in my last comment.

But if crafting a compelling narrative or well written is not the intent, then there is not much more for me to say.  In the end we should be writing for ourselves either way, so there's no harm, I just mistook the story as attempting to be something of a thriller since it had a lot of the bones of one.

 

@CurseCrayCray, oh and I am pretty sure you have referred to Mel as cute in-story before, which is why I brought it up.  I think this is example of yourself sorta entering the story a bit too much, which can be distracting and pull the reader out, which one generally does not want to do when writing erotica, especially fantastical erotica.  Again though, if that is by design then that is fine, but it seems like you were aware you were doing this.

Author's Response:

Using ctrl+f pulls up 40 instances of the word "cute," but none have been used to describe Melanie or her actions. That would be consistent with the audience opinion that Melanie, generally speaking, isn't considered cute. So if there is any place where I've referred to Melanie as cute in-story, maybe I used a different adjective, then... my bad! I still don't think I've made that error, but if it's there, that's definitely a mistake. I know fully that Melanie isn't conventionally attractive, so it isn't my intent to contradict that in the story. I just think that what makes Melanie cute to me are many of the things people find ugly about her, haha.

Reviewer: DarkStarGoddess Signed [Report This]
Date: February 14 2019 4:19 AM Title: Chapter One

I really wish this website had better communication features, it would be interesting to discuss writing with some of the reviewers here, but the medium does not make for stimulating discussion or civilized conversation, the medium of these reviews makes comments seem more bold and confrontational than they probably are.  I say this because I am not calling anyone out with this review, I am just thinking out loud because it is late and I am having trouble sleeping.

 

One comment I want to make is on what Saf has said; the author having a specific kink does not mean they are immune to bad writing.  I would not say it is bad art since art is very subjective and personal to the creator, but writing prose generally has rules and general guidelines to follow in order to achieve maximum effectiveness.  You can't say breaking the rules is not breaking the rules because it makes your peepee hard.

But contrivance, when used to such a massive degree as it is done in this story is a writing flaw, and it is not one you can fault readers for being annoyed at.

I see down below the author and Ghostwriter talked about how Plot Armor (contrivance) is mandated for a story like this, and I wholeheartedly disagree: having to fall back on contrivance means that the story has not been fleshed out enough to allow for a better reasoning for the events happening, or the author lacks the writing skills to pull off the idea.  It is a lazy writing tool; now, a little here and there might not be so bad, as the author claims, but saying a little is used in this story is flat out false, it is used heavily in this story, more than many I have seen.

Contrivance basically punishes the reader for caring about the story.  It creates unsatisfying payoffs, and when used repeatedly it makes the reader feel like they are wasting their time.  Of course, if the contrivances make for better jerk off material it can be ignored by those jerking off to it, but that does not mean it is still a storytelling flaw.

That leads me into my second point on Saf's comment, I do not think it is entirely fair to say that people can not judge a story because it might be used as jerk off material for some.  I do not believe that a story being posted to this website inherently makes it sexual, and there are a number of younger readers who come here, as well as readers who come here because they enjoy sized themed fiction despite not having sexual interest, such as myself as an asexual female.  I and others like me are as much a part of this website as anyone else, as much as the GTS community is designed to serve hetero male fantasies, but that is not an argument for now.

 

Now I am not saying the story is bad or anyone who likes it is bad or the author is bad with this comment, but it is incorrect to say that using contrivance in this way is not bad writing. 

 

Another comment I want to make, and this one is more addressed at the author, is about how the audience perceives Mel: you do not show her as cute.  Like, at all.  You directly TELL us she is cute, but... who are you?  You are not in the story.  The story does not have anything redeeming for her.  I might have mentioned this before, I forget, but this is super cliche but SHOW DON'T TELL.  Telling is Mel is cute is lazy, showing us her cute actions or characters reacting to cuteness.  I fall into this trap too I think everyone does, but it would help if that is what you want.

It could be that your idea of cute and what most people think as cute are at odds too, possibly.

There is also the possible issue that you have inserted yourself too much into the story and it is blocking the reader's view of the story, but that is a conversation for a different time.

 

Anyways I am just thinking out loud after reading the recent reviews, no one take anything personally, hope all the best for the story.

Author's Response:

When I say Melanie is cute, I do indeed say that with a knowing, smug grin on my face, the fact that most people would, in fact, not consider Melanie cute. When I blatantly tell reviewers that Melanie is cute, I do so half-jokingly, understanding that to someone who isn't interested in the creepy aesthetic of dark, haunting women like I am, Melanie would probably come off as gross, horrid, unlikeable. I've never been bashful to admit, even from the very beginning, that Melanie was designed for me, with my interests in my mind. Furthermore, I do defend myself from the "show, don't tell" writing critique: my responses to reviews are not part of the Endless canon, and shouldn't reflect the quality of the writing. In-story, I have not referred to Melanie as explicitly cute -- unless I'm totally blanking out on a stray comment I made about her! I don't think I am, especially since I've had it in mind that "cuteness" and the identification of cuteness is a running theme. It hasn't really been coincidence that so often I've used the phrase "cute girl" in regards to how Melanie views people around her.

I think the note I'll leave this response on, as it extends to the rest of the topics brought up too, is that my endgoal here is to share the story that's in my heart, the way I invision it, and express that  story with the size community as best to my abilities. There are going to be elements many don't like or understand or sympathize with, elements that do break the immersion if read as a casual story, but my hope is that those flaws would be forgiven as they're somewhat necessary evils for what is... ultimately, my erotic giantess fantasy, where much of the erotic and fantasy comes from aspects that don't make for a bestseller. I'm rambling, but I hope what I'm saying is understood. For my erotic giantess-shrinking yandere fantasy story to exist as it does in my heart, and for that to be expressed purely, there will have to be plot armor. My heart demands it, go talk to it.

I will also mention this, as it did come up and I'd like to make a statement: I do not support "younger audiences" reading this story. I don't think this website makes this distinction clear enough, especially considering the legitimately disturbing synopsises of stories listed here and what that says of this ragtag community, but this story is purely for audiences 18 and older. To tie this back into the discussion earlier, it's not been my intention, ever, for this story to be read and critically acclaimed by a wide audience. Although my writing is, allegedly, good enough to make an engaging story, I've not committed to writing it with making a literary masterpiece. It is an erotic adult story and should be read as such at all times, even if there's more emotion and drama behind it than the usual erotic novel.

Thank you for the readership and the review! I know I don't respond to reviews until I push out a new chapter, but this provoked some thoughts from me that I didn't want to lose. For anyone curious, the next chapter is coming! It is. Delays have certainly come up but I promise the next chapter will be out very soon! Thank you thank you for your patience~

(Also, just so everyone is clear, Melanie is cute, everyone else just has bad taste.)

Reviewer: Saf Signed [Report This]
Date: January 13 2019 3:23 AM Title: Chapter One

This story is on a website specifically for a fetish involving overly powerful women and so many of these reviews are criticizing it for doing just that. Not liking the author's personal tastes in kink doesn't make it bad writing. It's clearly not everyone's fantasy to be in a situation like this, so keep it up for those who do, OP. 

Reviewer: chainorchid Signed [Report This]
Date: January 02 2019 3:22 AM Title: Chapter One

I really like this. The scenario seems simplistic at first but the writing is good enough to make it compelling to read.

Looking at the reviews is interesting too. I'm not well-versed in moe so maybe a true yandere is different, but characters of Melanie's type in movies or books usually have a mix of malice, allure, and pathos, so that the protagonist and the audience are conflicted between attraction or sympathy on the one hand and fear and revulsion on the other. A lot of the appeal comes from that tension.

In this story, though, Melanie is written as unattractive (not once is Adrian or anyone else even slightly drawn to her) and as an unsympathetic bully (except for a few moments like at the mall).

This isn't a criticism, since I'm sure that's exactly the way you intended to write her. It's just speculation about why some people might dislike this while still liking other things with just as much darkness and depravity in them.

Author's Response:

"Melanie is written as unattractive." Melanie! Is! Cute! Y-You can't just say something like this...!

All jokes aside, heh... Melanie does seem pretty unappealing to most palates. Comments like this make me wonder what kind of visual people have for Melanie in their mind. Perhaps the ugliness of her nature sticks with folks and represents itself in that way. Personally, I think Melanie is adorable! The messy hair, the bags under her eyes -- she's Miss America, or at least Miss Halloween in my book. The unsympathetic bully part, well, you've got me there. She is pretty mean! But that's part of her charm~

True what you've said though, perhaps Melanie just isn't the kind of giantess for some, and so her actions are a lot less forgivable. But overall, the response to Endless has been so positive. I'm happy my story can interest people, including you! Speaking of which, thank you for this review! I hope the rest of the story continues to be entertaining~

Reviewer: officerkc Signed [Report This]
Date: November 30 2018 8:22 PM Title: Chapter One

this story is kind of reminding me of dexter. you kind of want him to get caught but you also want him to keep going.although dexter mostly did his thing with criminals and really bad people. 

I cant believe this is the first time I've commented on the story. Im pretty happy with it so far. Definitely agree with plot Armor stuff, but same with dexter and I'm doing my best to forgive it. The part I'm having trouble with is how the main she's not the brightest bulb. At least dexter was super smart.

Anyhoo  i get pretty excited when I see new chapters. Keep up good work 😊

Author's Response:

Oh, you should give Melanie some credit! Dexter is an adult and a professional in both his career and his hobby, whereas Melanie is still just a bud, a college student that's only been up to crimes for about a month! Give Melanie some time and she'll be a fully developed psychopath with experience under her belt. Or something. Besides, isn't her dull wits a charm point? It really pushes the terror of what's happening, how a girl that's far from a genius supervillain is able to inflict so much torment. Or, maybe that's just something I'm into...

Regardless, thank you for the review, and for all the reading! I hope the chapters ahead continue to entertain~

Reviewer: Bigdawg K Signed [Report This]
Date: November 27 2018 6:18 PM Title: Chapter One

Curse Crazy,

Just three things that could impact if you want them to...

1.  Candi's car, high-tech, luxery and a cop Car, 99% GPS, 90% other tracking, my HMMWV back in the desert likely had less tracking on it then her car.

2.  Why doesn't Adrain just use and repeat (and so no doubt in meaning) the oldest/truest statement about love "if you love something let it go, if it loves you back it will return."  Meaning Mel needs to let them go if she loves Adrain otherwise she just a trinket to posses, a spock in his never opened box.  Which leads to...

3.  if the story is about hopelessness, then by all means the girls should be hopeless, meaning they don't eat, they don't drink, they know their lives are pointless so they do the barest minimium Mel expects of them, they don't talk to her, they bare the pain and ignore to the best of thier ablities the pain of others and they are looking for a rope to end it all.  Adrain most of all, they should be united in just trying to sleep, endure, or place their minds outside of the torture, infact they should be just spiteful enough to tempt Mel to end it, at current better then the lives they have.  So they either John McCain it (stotic) or find a rope, jump off the table, ect cause they all know that even if Mel's caught or killed they will be stuck at the same size and with all the mental trama.  They would be doing themselves and families a favor if the story is about hopelessness by ending it all, or basically living like emotionless shadows.

For this part I wish I could PM you, but you did say if I have a story I should write it.

As for writing a story I have posted my Prolouge to "A War with no Graves", I am not very skilled at writing, but it will be a long five book cross over (Battletech/Titan Empire).  My lead is going to hate themselves for what they do in book 2, they are also going to pay for it at the begining of book 3 (so much so that the hero who does the punishment almost loses themselves like the lead almost does toward the end of book 2).  The lead will do everything right, they will indeed make it "A war with no Graves" the lead will limit damage outside of military and goverment, the lead will heal and reconstruct, but even with all they do, the lead will hate themselves for one reason 'bringing volecence and pain on people who did not deserve it.'  in 99.9% Mel and my lead are polar oppisites but in bring volience and pain to those that don't deserve it they share one point and all it takes for a hero to fall is one flaw, or a villian to be redeem is one right action.

I believe you to be a skilled writer, I am not, however even in the worst days if not hope, there is comradiery, no comfort then coming together, in pain and torment people can find strength and brotherhood, The Hanoi Hilton, WWII Concertation camps and the fields of Combodia even without magic was 10x worse then Mel, I think the girls can find their own code of conduct.

Thank you for your time.

 

Reviewer: DarkStarGoddess Signed [Report This]
Date: November 26 2018 4:55 AM Title: Chapter One

I have got to say, the "plot armor critique" is not misapplied in my opinion, and even when you tried to argue that against by saying the plot is to keep her protected... well that is kind of plot armor.  It is less that she is staying in power though, it is more HOW she is staying in power.

Mel does not really DO MUCH to keep herself in power, things just sort of.... happen to keep herself in power.  The last chapter with Erin and Candi showed this especially; none of what happened was anything Mel planned for or part of her evil plan, things just worked out for her perfectly, the plot served her the solutions to her problems on a silver platter.  This happened with capturing Erin as well, and in many other parts of the story.

The last couple chapters especially have been full of plot contrivances and that is what is frustrating me and other readers that have commented I'd wager.  How the story is going doesn't make me feel particularly despaired or like "oh won't someone stop mel?", it makes me roll my eyes and takes me out of the story.  And while again I know you have your plan, but I do not think that pulling readers outside of the story is ever a good idea when you want them to suspend their disbelief and get invested in the character drama.

Not to mention you talk a lot about Mel's power, but the way the plot protects her so much with contrivance after contrivance, it makes her feel weak.  I don't believe Mel is a threat, honestly she feels like one of the most weak willed and unintelligent "giantess" chars I have read in a competent story; I don't worry about Mel or think she will do much, I worry about how contrivance will push the story.  If that is what you are going for I suppose that is fine, but it seems at odds with what you are saying you want to do.

You have your idea and following it is important, but at the same time I do have advice to give, and that would be to better map out what will happen to make the story beats feel less contrived and more purposeful; if Mel is a cunning threat to be feared that should reflect in the plot.  She should be the one making the power plays, not the plot contriving things in her favor.  I think having Mel solve her own problems without things just happening for her, or having to rely on herself in a tough situation (like with Candi) would go a long way in having the story feel less contrived and also possibly better suit your vision for a powerful yandere type character.

 

Also a little off topic I think I did have a different idea of what yandere was before reading this so that is on me... though a yandere usually seems like madly in love with someone, so I assumed the story was going to a sort of ultra possessive to a violent extent romance story, so that was where I was coming from.

 

Either way I am interested in seeing where you go from here, glad we did not scare you off, I am always afraid that a little tough love might make writers leave, and I don't want that.

Author's Response:

Thank you for another in-depth review! Unfortunately, I don't have much more to say than what I have said previously. Much of what's in this review I can only digest, I don't really have any direct responses.

Though, I will comment on Melanie's strength. I want to say I disagree about how "weak" Melanie is, but the truth is, you're not wrong either. Melanie isn't a juggernaut, really. She's a college student, a pretty lazy one at that, with very little will. You can see this with her first interaction with Scarlet, when she succumbed to anything Scarlet said because she was scared of her. You can see it in most of her normal sized interactions in general, she's a waif in this regard. However, I'd argue I've done at least enough to show that she is cunning to a degree. She knows how to lie to people, and she's crushingly mean to those that she finally has an advantage over. She stalks people, she executes plans to kidnap them. Perhaps it's not the most impressive use of her abilities -- she's no Light Yagami or Dexter -- but with the resources she has, I'd like to think the image I've made for her, when all context is considered, is that of a truly unhinged girl.

At the same time, the theme of the story does indeed empower her. I've touched on this a little bit more in the most recent chapter, and here and there elsewhere, but Melanie strongly believes in the "fate" of things. The fact that when she is cornered, and yet still succeeds, is part of what enables her into thinking the way she does. If things happen so cleanly in her favor, then she must be right. It must be fate. This must be true love.

I doubt I'll be scared off by any critique, so you and others are free to keep writing reviews! Even if the story starts showing some unrefined edges, that's fine by me if you call me out. I'm not seeking to create the perfect story, I'm just trying to put out there my story. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Monofone Signed [Report This]
Date: November 07 2018 5:31 AM Title: Chapter One

Please put Violence, Crush, and Vore in the categories so people know what to expect.  That was disturbing.  

Author's Response:

I've added those tags to the story. I tried adding crush and vore when I uploaded the chapter, but I'm still fumbling around with this website and I guess I messed it up. Sorry for the mix-up~ I know these tags can be quite important in sorting through the content folks want and don't want.