Reviewer: dood07 Signed [Report This]
Date: February 18 2019 2:56 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

What. The. Fuck.

 

I mean, what the fuck was going on with this story ? Why the fuck was I so much into it ? This was so... Perverted ? I started reading it last week, and I've been so preoccupied since then. It was so violent at first, really not the type of writting I'm usually looking for. But something kept me wanting for more, like I identified somehow with Rembrant's pains and feelings. And I wanted to know what would happen to that boy. And without seeing it coming, I got through the entirety of the story, having to stop only two chapters before the end (they weren't posted then). I was thinking about it several times per day, and finally the last two chapters came out. They were in the spirit of the story : violent and cute. They were intriguing. The last one was a bliss, literaly. I must admit that I didn't like "the end" that much, although it must be better this way. Of course Rembrandt can't choose for now. Of course he's still in love with that rich bitch. But... Come on. What is she comparing to Crystal ? I love her. How could I not ? She's a tricky character, it seemed like she was just some fucker bitch at the beginning, but she came out to be more complicated than that. It was as if we learned more and more of her story as she gradually opened up to Rembrandt. She's been acting so lovely in the last chapter. Gentle genuine laugh ? Saving her brother from their own abusive father and dismissing it so casually ? Dominant, insecure, rough, caring ? Fucking Rembrandt ? That was definitely a turn on. I love this girl. She makes me think of my girlfriend (even if she's smaller with no dick, of course). Now that I'm thinking about it... I'm wondering if that story didn't come out to be my subjugation as well. Like... I was somehow hesitant to try that kind of sex with her, but now I'm feeling like I'm ready somehow. She's been impliciting it some times now, and I'm really starting to think that it could be great. I've only been waiting to be ready, really. That little guy and that giant fucker somehow guided me through that, I now feel a bit dumb to not have seen it at first with my fiancee. But it feels weird to come out as a... Sub, sometimes, isn't it ? A

 

Anyway. Thank you for that.

 

I loved your perversions.

Reviewer: Kurogane335 Signed [Report This]
Date: February 09 2019 12:54 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

Damn it!

Can't a small prey enjoy one, ONE, movie ? 

Anyway... Another excellent chapter. What interest me the most is that apparently, Futanaris are a rather novel thing in this world. I wonder then who will end with Rembrandt. I can't see a trio ending with them, but it'll be a funny ride anyway.

Please, keep going !

Reviewer: twitch99 Signed [Report This]
Date: January 15 2019 11:49 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

Thanks for keeping this one going.  I am not a writer, so no great critique from me.  I am really enjoying the storyline, characters and overall feel to this.

Hope Rachielle shows up and Crystal kicks her ass!!  While Crystal may not be the most caring person, I think she is actually starting to care for and about Remy.

Looking forward to more chapters. 

Author's Response:

Thanks for commenting. I'm sure when Rachielle shows up someone's ass will be on the line! Haha! 

Reviewer: hadumba Signed [Report This]
Date: January 04 2019 7:15 AM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

 

Hi, just saw your new update and wanted to drop by and say some stuff.

Most of my favorite writers are gone and now we are stuck with you, which, still a good thing that you upload some decent quality stories. As I search some believability in strories and this perticular fetish is making most of the stories such a challenge. Hence there are such a small group of people writing what I enjoy about a story with believability, even if it's such an imposible fetish to exist in real world, consistency of the rules you build your world around, relatability of the characters even if they dont have human standards and of course good word forging helps alot. Don't downgrade your writing with simplified versions of your sentences, I'm not saying this because of this story but another author started his new story with his standard quality sentences and some person said its too confusing to read who is talking so place the name of the character speaking infront of the paragraph, now I have hard time reading it not because its too confusing but story simply feels ugly.

Sorry for the rambling.

Now you gave us some informa- no you just throw us some information to chew while you're writing the next chapter (I hope you keep this one alive for some time). Having little information can be a good thing while you reveal new things in chapters to come but having a main character too oblivious (even if you have reasons) puts him in a non-desirable position, he seems clueless to events going on around him even if the is living in this world for some years. He knows about school bullies but not their ambition which this girl explains later.

You said this story isnt in your confort zone so you used your previous work's template (a clueless school student explores new stuff), while I dont mind it much its better to explore new teplatates and dont get this as a bashing I just dont want you to get too repetitive (still we are in the second chapter it may be too early to make assumptions).

I also want to address the descriptions, you brutally showed us this girl is alot stronger than our MC and he is somewhat puny. After that you dont give much description. After rereading some I realised that you give much more description about the jock and nothing about the girl after their first encounter and I honestly forget about the scar or the body shape in general. What I mean is you can try subtile descriptions, like when she carried him how wind passes him realise the speed of the movement or how gracefull she was or how he get a feel of her while they are so close proximity. I know you mentioned she was athletic and we can deduce some of them but it still adds to the description or reminds us and make a lasting impression (still it is better to not to bore the reader with too much description like some authors).

Lastly this is a futa story and I still dont know why penis size is a rule of thumb on this fetish but if you combine this two in particular that is some "monster" on her and I hope you dont break the immersion of this story or the MC in half with that.

 

P.S: You may think some of the stuff writen above is obvious to you but I wrote those for any one to read and understand where all this coming from. Also futa is my one of my numbered fetishes which I have hard time understanding in itself, what I'm trying to say is THANK YOU for writing this one and hope you go somewhere with all these.

Author's Response:

Well thanks for all the feedback! I'm not sure what to answer first. Well....

Descriptions are one thing I'm trying to work on and that's part of the reason I'm even writing this story. In my opinion, good literary erotica (porn) needs great detail to be enticing. So I'm trying.

Jericho's been described more in my mind anyway, because he's had a...well I won't call it a sex scene, but the general intent is the same. Crystal hasn't gotten that far with Remmy yet, but it's coming. She'll have her turn. I also scribbled down a bad drawing I'll be posting with the next update.

I know the school settings kind of cliche but that's not the real focus for this one. It's more a place for characters to interact than anything else, but you're right that it to mention it. I'll take that feedback.

Also know I  won't be making some like 10 foot long dongzilla! Haha. There is an element of fantasy to this just based on the size difference but I am taking measure not to give exact number for stuff like that and let the reader fill in the blanks.

Don't worry I'll be writing more of this story! At least enough for the main two to get together otherwise what was the point of this?

Thanks for the comment and feedback

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: January 01 2019 4:21 PM Title: Chapter 1: The Cat and the Mouse

There's some nice plot development. Not often do people make an effort with that. I understand this is a fetihs story, but it's good to know some thought has been put into it.

 

I'm not really sure what else I can say. I hope I can help you out of your comfort zone. I hope the next installment isn't too far into the future.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the support. Lucky for you I just added a new chapter right now so you didn't have to wait long.