Reviewer: jtemp Signed [Report This]
Date: November 16 2020 6:12 PM Title: Thunderous Tapping

A fine idea! I'm not much for asmr myself, but it reminds me of that megalover93's collage with.. the streamer that should not be named, since you really seem to want not to - towering above a city :P

In any case, I find the execution alright for the most part - maybe the setup was a tiny bit too brief for my taste, but that's not what we're here for after all - so whatever :P
One slightly annoying nitpick is that every now and then you seem to mix the gts perspective with the one of the people - it's pretty obvious which is which and where, but it's just a bit clearer to commit, as in: either commit and do whole sections of "her thoughts and observations" followed by people's pov, or idk.. maybe if she spoke - or like.. "whispered seductively" - more? Explained what she was trying to accomplish, it would make the people's position even more miserable and hopeless perhaps? She could even be unsure whether it'll work or could ask viewers if they like it and so on, further pushing more salt into their wounds. At the same providing clear distinction - since she'd never hear them, or something :P
Also, I feel like more POVs could be helpful too - showing different angles on her actions, with short "stories" within a story almost - some person in the city being afraid of their family or kids - maybe trying to call them or save them. Or some poor soul actually enjoying it perhaps? Those sorts of things.. it quickly gets tedious and distracting, so it's difficult to balance the whole thing with proper progression.. idk, up to you m8 :P. And don't hesitate to kill the "named characters" off, it furthers the feeling of their vulnerability and pathetic situation - and makes the fates of those who survive ever more meaningful.

But once again, just some random thoughts and don't worry about it - or overthink the whole thing for that matter, you're doing great so far!

When it comes to suggestions/triggers, maybe: scraping slowly, enjoying it etc - maybe using the microphone too; tapping is a great vehicle for "interaction" and it can be explored more as well: trying tapping on different architectures/building-densities ("let's see how suburbs sounds against my nails, oh do you like it? it's a bit.. dry and.. maybe let's go back to the downtown!", etc), she could use some asmr articles perhaps - and simple everyday objects to wreak havoc on the city too, like tapping lipstick (then using it to freshen up, of course :P), tampon, maybe some random stuff like her phone/coins/etc. Or she could ask people to do something, like police/military to attack something and be disappointed that her mic didn't pick anything at all :P

But yeah, great job so far - and keep them chapters coming!

PS: I hope she makes them even smaller to see how a giga-asmr sounds like :>

Author's Response:

Wow, I hadn't even thought of that collage but after looking at it again it fits the story really well. I'm glad you like the story, I'll be sure to come back to it someday. I'm putting a pause on it for now and working on another one, mostly because I realized I didn't plan ahead with this one, I just threw together some different scenerios.