With his cup of mostly-brandy eggnog in hand, wrapped in a remarkably fluffy robe, and sitting in front of the roaring fire in the mountain cabin, Chad reclined into the arm of the couch and considered his good fortune. At roughly twelve and a half million dollars, the word cabin may have been a bit of a misnomer. Six bedrooms, six bathrooms, a pool, a poolhouse with its own bedroom and bathroom, and a four-car garage, spread over three floors and a basement, Chad found himself enjoying the view of the Rockies in the living room, sporting floor to ceiling glass of eighteen feet windows. The snowfall outside was constant and heavy, but still allowed enough off the moonlight through to cast a brilliant pall on the mountains.
Chad was just about to sink into the peaceful oblivion of an alcohol induced sleep when there came a thumping from up above. With his glass still in hand, Chad rose from the couch to try to track the path of the sounds coming from the roof. It started on one side of the house and moved, steadily, toward the side of the house with the fireplace where it was replaced with some newer, odder sounds.
The fireplace stuttered as the sound moved into the chimney. For a brief moment, Chad considered calling the police, until her recalled that the nearest town was seventy minutes away with good road conditions, and, from the chimney down into the fireplace came something that stunned him into further inaction; a pair of brass buckled, dark black leather, and exceptionally large, boots. The boots, kicking and fighting, were joined by the sound of unhinged swearing.
“Fuckin’ automated flue-cleaning…” The voice shouted, muffled through the chimney and wall. “Piece of floppity donkey cud blowing…”
Chad regarded the scene before him with awe, and more than a little concern for the contents of his cup, especially as the boots fell from the chimney into a cloud of dust and smoke as the person wearing the boots finally slipped free of the chimney and crashed into the fireplace with an astonishing shout, and one last exclamation;
“Fuck!”
Through the smoke and ash, a shadow rose up, and up, and up. By the time it had finished standing, it reached far above Chad and stretched its limbs up toward the sky. Chad was horrified to the dark fingers almost touch the ceiling before the whole figure settled back down on those black leather boots.
The ash and smoke settled with surprising speed, but more alarming was the fact that a quick shake of the figure cast off all the soot and dirt from shimmying down the chimney. Chad didn’t know what to expect, but as he followed the brass buckled, leather boots, which ran all the way up the the knees, the pale skin from the knee up to the white fluffy hem of a short red velvet skirt, the wide black belt and brass buckle, the generous cleavage on display behind the red velvet and fluffy white trim, the bare shoulders, the long black leather gloves running up to her elbows, and on top of her crown of snow-white hair, with a pair of curved horns, like a ram’s. A red velvet stocking cap, with white fuzzy trim and a happy fuzzy white ball at the end rested between the horns. The giant woman in front of him was more than double Chad’s height, even though she couldn’t be his elder, or human, for that matter.
“Sonnova bitch, that never gets easier.” She said.
“Who… what… how… that chimney’s only like seven inches wide!” Chad said, after struggling to form a sentence.
“Haven’t even been introduced and already calling me ‘fat’, see how you are.” The woman said.
The woman snapped her gloved fingers and a roll of parchment appeared in the air above her hand, she snatched it before gravity could take it and unfurled it. She spent a moment squinting at it, before rolling her eyes in recollection, reaching into her deep cleavage and producing a pair of rimless reading glasses. Thus augmented, she continued.
“Are you ‘Chadwick Burnswell’ of Denver, Colorado?” She asked, looking down her nose, and glasses, at Chad.
“Who’s asking?” He retorted.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” She said, releasing the scroll which popped into a cloud of smoke and immediately dispersed.
She placed her fists on her hips and stood tall, taller even than it had seemed to Chad as she announced herself. A confident smile on her face and her head held high.
“I am the only Christmas spirit of a kind with Kris Kringle! The Bringer of Birch! The goat herself! The righter of all the years’ wrongs!” She almost shouted to an house empty save the two of them.
Chad’s only response was a slackjawed look of confusion.
“Krampus.” The woman said, her shoulders slumping with dejection. “I’m Krampus.”
“What the hell is a ‘Krampus’, and why is it, are you, in my living room, driving up my maid bill for the month?” Chad asked. “Do you know how much it costs to pay someone to come out here and clean soot out of the carpet?”
“Well…” She said, reasserting herself and walking closer to Chad.
She stopped just in front of him, towering over him and forcing him to crane his neck up to meet her gaze. She was close enough for Chad to realize with some discomfort that she was wearing nothing under that short red velvet skirt.
“It’s my job to visit all the people dear old St. Nick doesn’t on Christmas eve and give them their just desserts.” She said.
She leaned down, her hands on on her knees, pressing her breasts together right in front of Chad’s face as she spoke.
“So, Chadwick, have you been naughty or nice this year?” She asked, with a breathy tone.
“Uh…” Chad said, mesmerized by the almost uncheck display of tits in front of him. “Nice.”
“Ha!” Krampus shouted, standing back up. “Works every time!”
A gloved hand caught Chad around the neck as she stood, and hoisted him into the air, suddenly hanging by the neck and being strangled, Chad began to kick uselessly and try to pull the giantess’s fingers from around his throat.
“I’ve got to give every naughty soul one last chance to admit their misdeeds and swear to me that they'll mend their wicked ways, but if they insist on lying to me…” Krampus said, grabbing Chad’s robe. “They’re mine!”
The giantess punctuated her claim on Chad by ripping his robe away. The soft and fluffy fabric, meant to resist the cold, failed to offer any resistance to a thirteen foot tall spirit of the holidays and was ripped to shreds right off his body. His cup of brandynog flew from his hand, shattering spilling all over the carpet, and he was left nude, suddenly very sober, and struggling to breathe from feet off the ground.
“B...but I said I was ‘nice’!” Chad managed to get out through Krampus’s fingers.
“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit.” She replied.
Another snap and the parchment appeared in her hand again, this time already unfurled.
“Chadwick Burnswell, Denver, Colorado. On January second of the year, you deliberately parked your car in a handicapped parking spot, despite being, in your own words, a peak physical specimen.” She said, reading from the sheet.
“I was only there for a minute!” Chad protested.
“To buy four hundred dollars of pixie sticks and porno magazines!” Krampus corrected. “On February twelfth, you withdrew a donation of five thousand dollars to a child’s cancer research fund! Holy fuck, that’s evil!”
“I…” Chad struggled, more with breathing than anything, but he had managed to get a secure purchase on the gloved wrist holding him up and used that leverage to ease his own hanging. “I reinvested it in another charity!”
“Your own charity that you then used to funnel money into your private accounts, who do you think you’re lying to?” Krampus said. “Speaking of your lies.”
The giant woman walked the two steps it took to cross the large living room and spun to sit down on the couch. The wood and metal snapped and screamed under her weight, collapsing in at the center as she sat down, but she sat, nonetheless. In one smooth motion as she dropped to the leather and foam, Chad’s naked body was flung prone over her lap, and the hand that had strangled him pressed into his back, pinning him in place.
Chad was too disoriented from finally being able to breathe again, so when the giantess’s palm came down like a meteor on his exposed butt, he didn’t even have the sense to scream. He did for the second and third spank though. Even as he fought against her unwavering strength, she delivered slap after slap to his buttcheeks, after about a dozen leaving him cold, stinging, and out of breath.
“There, anymore lies and you’ll get more punishment. If I need to, I’ll break out the birch branch.” She said. “Now where was I? Oh yeah, March. On March seventh you actually fired a single mother who worked on your cleaning crew.”
When Chad didn’t object, maybe at the threat of another round of spankings, Krampus took it on herself to prompt it with a pre-emptive spank.
“Ah! She wasn’t performing!” Chad reasoned.
“She did more for your company than you do and had a hundredth of your salary!” Krampus almost delighted in recounting the deeds.
“Well, I lost the shit-list, but let’s be honest, if I visited everyone who was just a jerk on Christmas eve, I’d never stop.” She said.
A snap of her fingers on the hand that had spanked him conjured a new item, a long black leather riding crop.
“So about that birch branch? A little bit difficult to keep in one piece. You use that one naughty bottom and it snaps after only a few thousand lashings.” She said, cracking the crop against the leather arm of the chair. “But this thing? I can go all night long with this, speaking of…”
“You wouldn’t!” Chad shouted from under her palm.
Krampus responded by delivering a vicious slap of the crop across Chad’s thighs, causing him to scream anew.
“I would.” She said. “And now for the reason I’m here. You, Chadwick Burnswell, on December twenty second, fired seven hundred employees!”
The crop came down again.
“Over a virtual meeting!” She continued.
Again it fell.
“From the deck of a private yacht!”
Again the crack of leather on skin.
“In Ibiza!”
The crop fell for a final time.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Chad screamed, tears running down his face as his thighs and butt spread with a purple bruise from his back to his knees. “Please forgive me!”
“Oh it is far too late for you to apologize, you naughty, naughty boy!” Krampus said.
She stood up suddenly and dropped Chad to the floor, where he rolled onto his back. Paralyzed with pain, he could only watch as she snapped again, this time producing a woven, lidded basket from nothing, which fell to the ground.
“Now you’re mine!” She said, reaching down to pluck Chad from the floor by his ankle.
He dangled for a moment, still wracked with pain and confusion, but he could see her bringing him over the now open basket. Some part of his mind told him that the basket wouldn’t be large enough, but that didn’t stop him from being lowered down into it. His suspicions proved right as he found himself half in and half out of the basket. Krampus solved the problem by forcing Chad into the small space, pushing legs and arms into a tight, deeply uncomfortable curled ball. With his legs blocking most of his vision, and his head crammed down near his crotch, Chad couldn’t even utter a protest as the woven lid to the basket began to eclipse the light in the cabin.
“But don’t worry your naughty little mind.” Krampus said as he savored the look of silent horror on Chad’s face. “I only get to keep you for a hundred years for each unforgiven sin against your fellow man.”
She sealed the lid onto the basket and hoisted it onto her back.
“So you’ll be out roughly around this time in a few thousand years.” She laughed as she spoke.
Even with a grown man in a basket on her back, she had no problem walking over to the glass window and delivering a swift, destructive kick with the heel of her boot, shattering the impressive pane of glass in one motion. She took one moment to turn back to the cabin, snapping her fingers to prompt a spark from the fireplace to jump across the room and catch on the pine Christmas tree, which began to burn almost immediately, spreading with alarming alacrity to the variety of combustible surfaces around it.
“Merry Christmas to all!” She called out, walking out into the darkness. “And to all a goodnight!”