Chapter 18: Deep Thinking – Deep Planning

Kat was fuming – nay! She was an active volcano, pacing in her room, grumbling and groaning, launching baleful glares at everything, from the windows to her dressing to her mirror – all but the prone and sleeping form of her Mouse, who had collapsed on the bed, exhausted and was now sleeping peacefully. She had broken the Bond to not let her emotions disrupt his rest, something she hadn’t even done consciously and, had she stopped to think about it, she’d have found it incredible, and a proof that she did care deeply for him. But of course, she was too busy venting to do so.

Her Mom had played her for a fool! Played them both really, and it was more than irritating! Kat was, deep down, quite certain that she had outgrown such pathetic displays when it came to interacting with her mother, but she was clearly wrong. And if there was something she hated even more than to be lectured, it was certainly to be wrong about her own abilities. With a low growl, she kicked a teddy bear which was at least as tall as Mouse. I wonder if he’d be able to lift it from over him? she wondered for an instant, as she looked at the bear flying all the way from one side of the large room to the other.

She stomped toward the bed and stood there, towering over her boyfriend – and what a strange term it was to use, since he was more a toy friend! Not that she considered him a toy – a prey would have been closer to the truth, but also something she was now addicted to.  He is so small, she thought as she let her shadow cover his whole body. His somewhat sickly figure seemed appeased when he slept and it raised the speed at which her large breasts moved as her breathing increased. It would have been so easy to do something to him – anything!

She did not gave in and swirled away. It was harder than before, and she suspected it’d become harder and harder to do so in the future. She used to laugh at the way other MAJORS seemed unable to separate for long from their Bondmates – she had noticed that such couples, even as early as the first year of High School, tended to fray a lot less than MAJORS on MAJORS’ did. And those who did were often due to mishandling of the Bond, or sexual mismatching too great to be overcome even through it, as far as the rumor mill went – and she had often found those quite amusing, even if she had put a front pretending to frown at it.

And now she was quite certain that she was the one being laughed at. Minors… nobody seemed to be able to live without, but you couldn’t live with them! She wondered how it was for Cyclopeans. They were a strange, recent evolution, after all. Did they saw normal MAJORS as those saw Minors? Or were they just bigger peoples, a rare breed which seemed poised to replace the older one, but still too few to do just that? She groaned. She didn’t like Cyclopeans very much – they were literally bigger predators around and she needed to be a lot more careful with them – it was tiring!

“Damn you Mouse” she whispered as her pacing brought her back near the bed where she heard his peaceful breathing, making her feel all tingling and excited. “Did you have to be so cute and easy to lord over? Did you need to be such… such… such a Minor?” she asked him in a raspy whisper which could even disturb his slumber.

She exhaled slowly through her nose and felt a shiver run down her spine. It wasn’t fear or even nervousness – it was closer to the truth to say that it was a way to drive away the tension she felt inside her body, to exude it in an harmless way. Her mother was right when she said she needed to better control herself, let alone around Jordan. Even right now, as she looked at his prone form, so small, so weak, so hapless, a part of her wanted to pounce on him, to taste his blood again. To be the predator she knew she was and play with the prey he was so obviously! And she wouldn’t – she couldn’t – give in to the temptation.

“Fuck” she said, almost spitting the word, has if it could help her better deal with her conflicting emotions. “Fuck it! I need some release. I need to do something… To someone… Someone who’ll be able to take it all!”

But of course, that was not possible in her house. There was no one there – not even the domestics – to turn to, to be able to vent, even a little. Kendalynn was stuck with herself and her frustration, and it was quite an uncomfortable feeling, one she’d have happily traded away with anything else! All she could now was to think, even when she needed to act! But with a groan, she let herself fall on the floor, in the corner the farthest away from the bed – her bed, mind. And she looked at Mouse from underneath her unkempt hair. Her green eyes should have been able to set his body on fire, so powerful was the glare they threw at him.

“How can something so adorable can wreck such damage in one’s life and not become hateful…? That’s so frustrating” she mumbled, barely able to form coherent phrase to try and shape her ideas in a way which made sense – and mostly failing.

She gritted her teeth but managed to remain still, at least for the time being. Confusedly, she had realized that she really needed to make some soul-searching, even when all in her screamed at her to get up and rough up her Mouse a little – not much, but just enough to feel secure in her position as the dominant, to prove to herself that she was still the one in charge. But she shook her head and resisted this impulse – with surprising ease, she realized when it passed. She wasn’t like that. She wasn’t like that anymore perhaps, or perhaps she had never been meant to be that way and Mouse just allowed her to be herself…

It was a strange thing to consider. She had never really thought about what kind of person she was, deep down. Kat had always been Kat, as far as she could tell. Her earliest memories were her mother drilling into her the need to both appear non-threatening and yet being merciless and effective to seize power and fortune from the paws of more brutish, unsuspecting MAJORS. And she loved it. She loved the feeling of power, the rush which came with being so merciless when acting, taking over peoples who would have resisted her every step of the way if they knew what she was like all along!

But ever since she had met Mouse, as a child, she had discovered something else. She didn’t need to wear a mask with him, she had never felt it was necessary. He was so, well, mousy, never truly speaking up, minding his own business and generally speaking being so easy to play with that Kat just had taken it for granted, and had never taken the time to ponder about what it meant for her character. Why was she so happy, so liberated even, when she was with Mouse? She was a lot less cruel with him than she was with anyone and it felt fulfilling, not demeaning as she had expected it to be.

She shifted uncomfortably. She didn’t like where her thoughts were going. It smelt like admitting weakness, and worst, turning her back on what her life had been ever since she was old enough to take in her mother’s teaching. Nonetheless, Kendalynn realized that she needed to consider her course of actions. She wanted to remain Bonded with Mouse – to remain his girlfriend, that least was clear. What was muddier was the actions she’d have to take to forge a better, healthier, way of life with him. No matter how much she craved to bite into him, she needed to control herself after all. Predatory yes, brutish and harmful, no!

That’s why she remained still, looking longingly at her boyfriend. It’d have been so easy to get up, rought him up awake and have her way with him. It was something she craved after all. Hell, she could even had used the Bond to penetrate his slumbering mind and play with his dreams. But she rejected this temptation. She was not a thug. She was not some sort of abuser. She could be rough, but she was kind with him, and him alone – and perhaps with more people in the future, if her current line of thought yielded some positive results.

“I hope you realize that you’re messing with my life more than anyone ever did” she said to him, but now her voice was devoid of anger or even strain – she stated this calmly, happily even. “You beautiful little rodent” she added, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, until a low chuckle escaped it, and she felt herself on the verge of giggling, something she decided to not repress, for once.

She let herself go for a few moments until she reined in and sighed. It was good to let her feelings be expressed like that. She was too guarded, more often than not because it was she had been taught, the way she had been raised really. She shook her head and then her whole body and got up. She removed all her clothes, letting them drop on the floor in a heap. She couldn’t care less about it right now. She needed to sleep a little, and her Mouse needed to be cuddled, she decided. With a grin, she let her naked body surround his own and enjoyed the way he snuggled closer to her. She soon fell asleep herself, his slow breathing easing her away from the waking world.

* * *

“Uh… Kat?” asked Jordan behind her. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“Absolutely not” she replied without even looking over her shoulder, too busy arranging her considerable amount of hair in something at least slightly like a tangled mat and more like a braid or something like that – she never had much patience for this stuff, in truth.

“Then why do you want to do that?” he finally asked after such a long silent that she had almost expected him to already have surrendered to what she wanted – and she loved that he offered her some time to explain her intentions further.

“Because I think we – I need it” she replied. “Not because it’s a must, mind you but really because… because I need to be sure about myself, and everyone tells that doing that is a sure way to find your real you. Why do you think so many peoples wants to be with Minors like you?”

“Because it’s addictive to be Bonded and have such power over someone who can’t really defend himself?” he offered, which made her roll her eyes but also chuckle as she struggled with a particularly recalcitrant knot in her hair.

“Ok, sure. Point taken. But it’s also because of all those stories about it and how it’s an awesome revelation, something which can only be experimented through it, some form of… of enlightening experiment. Which, no matter how good what we’ve done so far was, has not happened to us, as far as I can tell. Or did I miss it?” she asked, finally turning her head sideways, cocking an inquiring eyebrow at her boyfriend.

“Sure but… come on… it sounds a little dangerous” he softly stated as he shifted uncomfortably under her amused gaze.

“Of course! I don’t know anything worthwhile which isn’t Mouse! But we’ll be doing it together, so you know I’ll make sure you’re safe right?” she asked – and in truth she dreaded he wouldn’t answer in a positive way…

“Of course I do but…”

“But what?” she interrupted him, turning her eyes back to her mirror and the mess of her hair.

“What if you’re the one in danger and I can’t help you?” he asked, so fast his diction became almost unintelligible.

She blinked but didn’t answer for quite some time, long enough that she could feel him growing uncomfortable behind her. It was something she hadn’t taken into consideration, ever. Could she really be in danger and in need of help with what she had in mind? It seemed ridiculous at first, but she understood intimately that she needed to consider this possibility. What she wanted to try was a momentous event, a deep change really, if what she had learnt was true. She was confident in her strength but what if it wasn’t enough? Would she need Mouse’s help? It sounded a little ludicrous, but she couldn’t discount this possibility…

“I’m sure we’ll be fine” she finally replied, her tone pensive and not as firm as she’d have liked.

“But what if we aren’t!?” he pressed on, and she heard the anguish in her voice, which required something a little more convincing to accept what she wanted to try. “What if I’m not good enough?”

“Why wouldn’t you be good enough?” she asked him, turning around and looking at him sternly. “Why would you think that you won’t be able to do something as simple as that, Jordan?”

The use of his name wasn’t innocent, of course. She needed to lift his spirits, otherwise perhaps their attempt would end badly. She needed him to be ready and able to act in the moments of potential danger. She was certain he had the aptitude – there were studies now proving that Minors were not just Bond enablers, they were supposed to have far more control than most MAJORS, even Tiers 3 apparently. And she wasn’t one of those super-Bonding MAJORS, just a good old Tier 1, with all the limitations which came with it!

“I don’t know!” he cried out. “I’ve never done anything like that!”

“Me neither” she reminded him, tilting her head a little even as she still struggled with her hair. “It doesn’t change the fact that we should try it. We both know that your kind is not as weak in that regard than what was believed until recent years!”

“Yes but –“ he started but she cut him off.

“No buts. No ifs” she ordered firmly. “You’re a Minor, and the Bond is supposed to be your birthright. All our history states that Minors have always been able to Bond with others, so you shouldn’t worry about it. Consider it spreading your wings. And know that I’ve the utmost confidence in your abilities in that regard.”

“Are… are you sure?” he asked her. “Do you really feel like it? I mean I’m not… I’m not the really the strongest-willed Minor out there after all…”

“Yes I’m sure” she asserted, looking right into his eyes. “I know you’re not assertive, and I don’t need you to be. I just want you to be you, and I’m sure you’ll be fine if you do. You see, I’m confident in your abilities that way. If things take an ugly turn, I know you’ll be there to help me.”

He paled and then blushed and looked away, his eyes obviously watering up and she grinned. She had won this discussion, just like that. It was what he needed, she had realized it long ago. Her Mouse required someone telling him that he’d do great when it’d be required. It was something common among Minors but especially evident for him, as far as she could tell. It was somewhat funny, really. The whole world – well, almost all of it – was trying to give them rights their peoples had never truly possessed, even when MAJORS and Minors were mostly the same size and possessed roughly the same abilities.

And yet he was insecure and unable to accept that it was true. Somehow, this behavior reinforced her previous view that the campaign of the Matthewson woman was dumb. How could you uplift peoples who so obviously felt that they were inferiors to MAJORS? And yet, now that she was with him, she wanted him to be happy – perhaps she didn’t always expressed it in the best way but it was genuine. She loved him – and while lording over him definitively played a part in her feelings, she loved him for far more reasons than that – reasons only her heart knew.

“Okay… We’ll try it” he finally relented, and she had to focus a lot of her will to not beam a smile at him – he didn’t need to see her so happy about him agreeing with her plans, after all! “But if it starts getting too dangerous, we’ll stop it immediately, okay?”

“Of course!” she approved – too dangerous was vague enough for her tastes, she would be able to play with the wording of that to not stop if needed.

“I mean it Kat” he added, his eyes still a little wet but hardening. “If… if it gets dangerous and you don’t stop it I… I will!”

“So serious” she chuckled as she braided another lock of hair. “But you really worry too much Mouse. I never said we needed to do it just now. It’s something we need to prepare, after all. I need to do some reading about it, and you need to get a handle on the Bond, I think it’ll be essential.”

The last bit was obviously a lie. As far as she could tell, the abilities of the Minor when it came to the Bond were utterly meaningless. All the native relation with this mental ability/plane/whatever it was, was deemed necessary. All the books agreed about it – the enlightenment came from the MAJOPR through the Minor. Perhaps not so grandiose for the smaller and weaker kind of humans, but something which meant that Kat felt confident enough. She wasn’t ready just yet, but it’d change fast, she was certain of that. She just needed a little bit more of preparation!

“Then why are you pressing me so much?” he complained, pouting a little, which made her struggle with her hair all the more frustrating, since she really wanted to pounce on him right now. “If it can wait…”

“Because I want to do it soon” she explained, feeling a little agitated now. “It’s something I need to progress Mouse – and I expect you wouldn’t want to hinder me!”

The last few words had been told in an amused tone, because she knew even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to prevent her from doing whatever she wanted. But it didn’t meant that all would be easy. It was just necessary to strike the iron while it was hot, and convincing him know would prevent him from easily backing away at the last second, as she knew he could be prone to do. Years keeping watch over him gave her a firm understanding – and a firmer handling – of his behavior after all. In that regard, she was at a critical junction now.

“Okay… We’ll do it. But you promise you’ll be careful, right? I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, and everyone says the Bond can be dangerous.”

“Nobody says that” she chuckled. “I’ve never heard anyone says that, really” she pushed further when he opened his mouth as if to protest. “It can be used in dangerous, unethical ways, but I’ve never heard anyone every stating that it was dangerous in itself. It’s how it’s used which matters, not its nature.”

“But what about the Case of the Confused Peoples?” he asked her a little defiantly, which surprised her.

“The what now?”

Kat had never heard anything about a Case of Confused Guys or whatever. Ever. If she hadn’t known her Mouse so well, she’d have suspected he was just spouting made-up nonsense of his invention to avoid what she had in mind. Instead, it was probably some urban legend he had discovered one way or another and had clung to, because he was afraid of the Bond and what it allowed peoples – even himself – to do. Which was funny in itself, considering how he idealized all those Minors fighting for their kind’s right, like Alejandro Matthewson, Izzellah Ivory and the like.

“It’s a story I read about” he explained and already she rolled her eyes but let him continue. “It’s about a group of people, mostly MAJORS but three Minors, who tried some form of experimental Bonding or something. Like, the MAJORS Bonded themselves and then the Minors or perhaps it was the reverse, I don’t remember and… well, anyway,” he hastily added when he grunted, “it all ended in disaster, with them going catatonic or half mad for some days and then being confused, as if their memories had been scrambled!”

“That sounds like a lot of rubbish” she huffed, shaking her head. “For starter, I don’t see why there would be such a backlash. All I’ve read was clear, the number of participants to a Bonding cession has no bearing on its load to the minds. Plus, I don’t see how various MAJORS could wreck things up when Bonded with several Minors. It smells like cautionary tale more than real stuff!”

“But I read it on the Internet!” he complained, which made her chuckle.

“It doesn’t mean its true silly! You should know it without me saying it! I mean, I’ve once seen something, don’t remember if it was an add or a post somewhere, which swore that putting an egg in your ass would heal some sort of disease. Well I’m pretty sure it’s wrong!”

“Yes but… what if it’s true?” he complained, trying to stand his ground which was somewhat adorable, if a little ridiculous. “What if it truly ends like that, with our minds fried or scrambled or…”

“Or benedicted?” she grinned, showing her large canines. “I assure you that our minds are not some eggs in a pan. If the Bond was as dangerous as you seem to think it is, it would have been outlawed long ago, even after the events of the Dark Age. You worry too much. Now, hush, I need to be ready and it means untangling all my hair fast enough!”

“But…”

“No but!” she ordered, her voice taking the deeper tone of commandment that she used with him to make clear discussion was over. “I don’t want to be too late to whatever Mom has in mind for today, get it?”

“Yes…” he meekly replied, sitting back on the ground and looking both dejected and a little afraid.

She turned back toward her mirror and enjoyed the silence. She was almost ready, she just needed to plan the course of action best. First, she’d find a reason to go to the city’s main Library, where she’d be able to find books about the Bond and its effects in ancient times. She needed to absorb as much knowledge as possible concerning the “how” of what she wanted to do. It wouldn’t be enough to connect to Mouse’s mind – perhaps it wouldn’t even be enough to enter this rumored Bond-Plane or whatever it was that some talked about.

She needed the real deal. The one thing which blew the mind of those who underwent it and made them discover a brand new world, something so incredible that they may have well died and be reborn as someone else – and yet all proclaimed that they had turned into their better selves, the ones who they had been destined to be at birth and prevented to become for one reason or another. If it was true, if she could truly discover who she was, she needed to try it. Not matter the odds nor the risks for herself and her sanity!

She focused on her hair. She didn’t need to worry about anything. She’d just have to apply to this endeavor her predatory and zealous mind and she’d achieve it. She wouldn’t let anyone, even herself or Mouse, get in the way of her needs. It just required being deliberate, careful and decisive in the planning, realization and experience itself. She grinned at her reflection, enjoying the thrill she felt coursing through her body. She had rarely had such an opportunity to prove herself so much. Soon, even her mother would have to admit that she was far more skilled and determined than she gave her credit for!