Chapter 6: Second Semester – The Bonding

Kat took a deep breath for the first time in her life. At least it was how it felt. She had never Bonded with a minor, even Jordan. She had kept her mind to herself, her mother had drilled into her that she needed to keep her thoughts to herself if she truly wanted to achieve success in her life. And minors were a liability, no matter how good they could make her feel. They were pets and toys to have once you had achieved what you wanted, a mean to be relieved from the stress of life and reflect on your successes. And now Kendalynn wondered if it wasn’t all lies told to prevent her from tasting Heaven.

Her Mouse’s mind was like a radiant jewel, revealing itself through grey clouds. She could feel him, who he truly was, deep down, beyond layers of complexity she had never even suspected… And his surface thoughts hide that from her from time to time, swirling and chaotic. Goosebumps covered her arms as she take all of that in. It was almost too much to bear, really. All her concerns, all her fears, everything which plagued her was actually dissipating, as if it had never been there at all, as if life was simple and happy.

“Oh my God… I never knew… it’s too much, far too much…” she mumbled to herself.

His anguish, his fear, was pulsating in her mind, strangely calming, allowing her predatory side to feel sated like never before. It was almost as if she held a small and frightened bird in her hands, like she had done so as a kid, but exacerbated a thousand times. Just like she had been almost too young to comprehend it, she diffusely understood that she needed to be extremely careful. Any wrong move could hurt her Mouse to a significant degree, perhaps destroying him forever. She needed to keep things under control, she needed to do that just to preserve her Mouse.

“Kat you’re… it’s too much” whined Jordan, and she felt his mind trying to retract and hide itself behind some form of mental walls, protections which appeared like tainted glass to her mind eyes.

“No, don’t… we need to get to the bottom of – of us; together” said Kendalynn, letting her will exert itself, enough to prevent Mouse from closing off, not enough to brainwash him or control his mind.

“But it’s… you’re in my mind…” he said, shaking like a leaf. “I… I’ve never had… it’s not like that with my Mom. I don’t want to… you’ll see everything I am and I won’t and…”

“So, if you could see who I am, you wouldn’t close yourself?” she asked him, puzzled. “It’s what I want to do, for the both of us. And you’re the one who requested that we Bond” she added mischievously, letting her domineering nature flare up a second.

“Yes but…” he started, but she didn’t let him finish his sentence, putting a finger on his lips.

“Shhh my Mouse… It’s all new for the both of us, but we’ll work it out!” she said, feeling a sudden rush of joy which almost made her giggle – the longer she was Bonded with him, the better she felt, it was truly intoxicating.

She felt him mellowing out under her will, and it was an incredible sensation. The tainted glasses dissipated as quickly as they had appeared, letting her bask in his sunny nature. It was her turn to shake as she felt his small fingers twitch in her hand and knew that they did so because of how overwhelmed he was by what he felt from her. It was so strange, almost as if she saw herself through her reflection’s eyes. She closed her eyes, took in the glorious feeling of the bond, and then decided that she couldn’t just bask in it. They needed to delve deep into themselves to discover what was happening to the both of them and how they felt about each other.

“We need to talk to each other, we need to look into each other” she said to her trembling minor. “I want you to know how I feel about you, that you giving up your misplaced pride won’t be for nothing – even if it wouldn’t ever be for nothing!” she added haughtily, unable to help herself.

“Then… then let’s find how YOU truly feel about me!” replied Jordan, his pride flaring in her mind’ eye like a strike of lightning. “You says you care about me but…. But I don’t believe it at all!”

Kat snarled at that. This stubborn little boy was unwilling to admit that he craved about her and it was infuriating enough. But he had the gall to pretend that she didn’t care about him? When she so clearly did, having been there for him since he was a little kid and herself barely older? That’s was nothing short of insulting. She had to prove him how she felt about him if she hoped to get what she wanted now, his absolute submission to her whims, his admission of his desire to be trampled underfoot by her glorious appendages!

She closed her eyes and searched her feelings and memory. She realized that she needed to find some sort of comparison, to highlight how she felt about her Mouse, to convey it to his stubborn little mind. She needed to bring back to the surface the feelings she had had for her first crush or Anthony, a beautiful if vain quarterback, back when she started High School. It wasn’t so hard since as a MAJOR she had excellent memory, but delving back into her mind to exhume those feelings still wasn’t exactly a good experience.

Her first crush, she couldn’t even remember his name, had happened when she was in kindergarten. He was older, much older since he was one of the teenager tasked with keeping an eye on the kids. He had been beautiful as a young god, with sculpted abs, lean but powerful muscles and shining grey eyes. She remembered vividly how she couldn’t wait to grow up and become his wife. A children’s fairytale, but one which had allowed her to enter the track and field team, like her idol of youth. She remembered how she felt when she saw him doing Miss Eleanore, the more than one hundred years old blond woman to whom belonged the kindergarten…

They had been moaning wildly and during a second, she had been afraid that he was hurting her, but then she quickly realized that it wasn’t the case. They had kept grunting and moaning for a few more minutes, until they separated, and Kat had felt a strange fire lit in her belly when her crush had stated that Miss Eleanore belonged to him, that she was his to command and that she had to worship him, to please him when he required so. And she had accepted, fervently. It had been her first realization of what power could grant.

And Anthony, with his golden mane and her laughing blue eyes, who had taken her in her first week at High School. How good it had felt to be near him, to let herself be a young girl, to enjoy losing her maidenhead to him. He had been gentle, he had been good. But he also had been vapid and once he had claimed what he wanted, she had left her alone. It had been a terrible ordeal for her, but also a source of strength and knowledge. Without him, she wouldn’t have become the perfect version of herself that she was now.

Bringing back those emotions felt both good and bitter, but she chose to share it with her Mouse. He gasped and shifted before him, uncomfortable as she couldn’t help but send his way her memories. She suddenly felt embarrassed and managed to not stop herself only because it would have been a proof of weakness, and she couldn’t afford it. She tried to discover how Jordan felt, how he was reacting to that. She couldn’t make him see how important he was for her if he hadn’t in mind how she had felt with the men she had crushed on.

“I don’t see how it’s helping at all” complained the minor, who took a step back, which did nothing to weaken the bond, even when his fingers left her palm.

“You need a basis to see how I feel about you, obviously” huffed Kendalynn, feeling a little hurt by the fact that Mouse seemed to reject what she was showing him, while it was so personal to her.

“I needed to know how you felt about them” he whined, “not seeing or feeling them do… do what they did ! It… I have those memories in my head now, it’s so…”

“Oh” blurted Kendalynn, who realized how strange it must have felt. “Sorry I didn’t mean to – I mean, I’m not used with using the Bond, so it’s all a little strange for me!”

It was the truth, it became both stranger and stronger the longer it went on. She found herself able to think clearly for perhaps the first time in her life and in the same time she believed her judgment clouded by how incredible all of it felt. But she realized that she needed to move things up farther as quickly as possible. She felt hos bothered and flustered and more and more frightened her Mouse was growing, and she couldn’t accept that. She felt hurt that he was so afraid; it wasn’t what she wanted for the both of them, not at all.

She delved deep into herself, trying to broadcast how she felt about him. She wanted to start from the beginning, even if it meant scouring her mind to bring back those half-forgotten memories to the front, stronger than before. She assumed it would take her a moment, and so she gasped when the first time she had seen Jordan came to her mind, as powerful as a bullet hitting her. Her head jerked back a little as she saw him back, in a blanket, so small and crying weakly, minuscule in his mother’s hand, as she looked transfixed, her own Mom nearby, her massive hand on her shoulder.

She remembered how she had been taken away by the small baby, so incredibly frail looking. A strange desire to be with him had come over her and had never left her. She just realized that when she wasn’t near him, a part of her craved to be. To stand over him, to dominate her Mouse, it was but a way for her to make sure he was her. It was different from what she had felt with her crush, with Anthony, but it didn’t mean she didn’t care about him, far from it. All she could think now that the floodgates of memory had opened who how important he was for her.

When he had been two, she had been there when his asthma had started, and she had shared his mother’s fear and anguish. It had been terrifying, to hear him cough and cry and try to breath without really succeeding. She just now remembered that she had had nightmares about the whole ordeal, as if it was her fault somehow, that she had done something wrong, when nothing she could have done would have changed what had happened to Jordan. Still, it had hurt her a lot, to see him in danger, more than anything she had ever experienced before or since.

“I never knew that you felt that way” said her Mouse, sounding a little off.

Looking down at him, she realized that he seemed almost groggy and she suddenly wondered if she hadn’t been too brutal in sending him how she felt as she exhumed those memories. His mind was reeling, but she also noticed he was surprised and extremely interested by what she had just shown him. It made her smile to see him trying to pry deeper into her mind. She gently barred his ways; she didn’t want to have him going into her memories without her prior acceptance. However, to her surprise, she failed to keep him out.

“You’re not showing us all there is” he mumbled, both vocally and in her mind.

She gasped when she felt him send a probe deep into her memories. It was almost as if a dam had broken. She found herself watching a four years old Mouse, sleeping peacefully in her lap, then looking up at her mother with sparks in her eyes. He’s so cute Mommy! she half-heard her former self says. I want to be with him! Can he come home with us? Please, please, please! Then her mother knelt and said that she couldn’t be with a minor, that it wasn’t their ways, and a wave of sorrow came over her, and into Jordan, no doubt.

Other memories assaulted them. She was crying, perhaps no more than three years ago. She had been vocal about her dreams of a future with her Mouse, and her mother had beaten her, harshly. She had berated her for being in love with a minor! In love with an inferior being, especially Mouse who was so weak and sickly! A minor was to be a pet, a toy, a bastard’s maker for MAJOR men, a hidden father for women towering over their puny frames. It was the ways of the MacGregor she had been told, and she needed to follow them or be punished.

“That’s not… I don’t want to remember that!” she screamed, but to no avail.

More memories came back, from all part of her previous years. Some where she was a child, some where she was already in High School, enjoying the good life and yet still pinning for her Mouse, refusing to admit it. She shuddered as dozens of flashes came and went in her mind. She felt almost tired by the whole ordeal. And yet, she felt Jordan still perusing all of it, as if he was a sponge soaking everything she had never wanted to see in herself. Why she had bullied him the way she did, why she had become such a predator compared to him…

“You… you do really care about me?”

Kendalynn looked at him, tears falling freely on her cheeks, sniffling hard. She was shivering under the potency of those repressed memories. She had never realized, or never wanted to admit that she was caring for him a lot more than just as a friend with benefits or an owner. She wanted to have him, to be with him, openly. But she couldn’t allow it. She had a reputation, and she was a MacGregor, she couldn’t be with a Minor as a partner. But surely, it would be enough for Mouse to give up his misplaced pride and give in to temptation.

“No” she heard, startling her back to the situation at hand.

“What?” she asked her Mouse, puzzled.

“No” he repeated, with a steadier voice. “I mean I can’t... I’m not enough to…”

“Not enough for what?” she asked, feeling a little angry. “You wanted to know that I care about you! Why wouldn’t you ask me to grant you the opportunity to lick my toes, to be trampled by me?”

“Because… Because I’m clearly not enough” he said elusively, as his mind retreated from hers and tried to cut off the Bond.

She gritted her teeth and threw the full force of her mind into his own. She needed to understand what was truly preventing him from giving up himself to her, when he so clearly craved it. Was it something she had done while preparing him unwittingly to be such a perfect pairing for her? She wanted to clear out everything, to be sure she hadn’t done so. She smiled when she heard and feel him gasp as she did what he had done. She dived deep into his radiance and opened the gates he tried so bad to keep closed to her.

She pierced his feeble defenses as if she had been a needle and him a balloon full of hot air. She felt a frantic attempt to try and close himself, born out of shame and a feeling of inadequacy. And then she saw how he felt about her. It was a mixture of awe, attraction and fear. But more than anything else was the pervading feeling that she was too good for him, a league of her own, where he could never ever hope to enter, let alone compete. He lusted after her, his childish attraction having morphed into something deeper, lustier, but didn’t dare give himself.

She went further, despite his feeble protest. Her intrusion wasn’t hurtful, but his resistance, for futile that it was, was unnerving, so she tried to soothe him, sending wave after wave of appeasing emotions, trying to calm him down. It wasn’t unlike when she had sang him lullabies when they were both far younger, and back then and now, it worked wonderfully. She felt his mind calming himself, the rough seas turning into still and clear water. It was how she could describe best his mind, a vast sea, where she had to dive to discover treasures.

What she discovered brought tears to her eyes, even as she kept calming him under the caress of her mind. She saw herself, towering and incredibly impressive, she saw how he lusted after her feet, how he enjoyed being dominated, deep down, how he craved to be treated openly as if she didn’t really care about his feelings. But more than anything, she saw how sad he was that the traditions of her family would always prevent her from openly acknowledging him as her partner, as a boyfriend and then a husband, and it killed him inside.

“Mouse… you know that the Macgregor are one of the oldest families of Boston…” she said tenderly to him, tracing the contour of his face.

“I know! But it doesn’t make it better” he added bitterly. “Why should I give up all my dreams to get a watered down version of one?” he asked her, tears rolling on his cheeks.

“Because… because you would be with me!” she said, knowing full well how weak her argument was.

“I wouldn’t be with you, I would be for you…” he sourly replied. “Because I’m not good enough to make you face your mother.”

A part of her flared in anger, and she did her best to stifle it, even if it was a lost cause to prevent it from infecting Jordan. She just realized how much of a feedback was starting to establish between her and the minor. She made a distinct effort to not let herself be lost in that loop. She understood how bad he felt, and such feelings, foreign to almost all MAJORS, was making her angrier, which made him more miserable because her anger rose from his self-depreciation. But he just had to bring her Mother here, and it meant she couldn’t remain calm.

“I’m not afraid of her!” she shouted angrily. “If I wanted to, I would make her give up on her ambitions for me and be with you openly!”

“Then why don’t you?” sullenly asked her Mouse.

Kat angrily opened her mouth but no sound came out. She knew perfectly well why she didn’t dare defy her family’s tradition, which were preserved by her mother. She was afraid of losing all she had. Contrary to Mouse, who was an only child, she had several younger siblings, and while some of them didn’t exhibit the drive to succeed like she did, her brother Matthew did. Should she fail to live up to her Mother’s standards, then she would be kicked out of the family, deprived of her birthright and left to fend for herself, all for a minor with poor health…

“I can’t” she admitted, defeated. “I wouldn’t be able to… to provide for you or anything, we would just end bitter and angry at each other…”

“You could start from scratch” he said, sounding perhaps a little hopeful, even if his emotions were now such a mess that she couldn’t read them at all. “There is stories about peoples ending really rich like that – like that of Sha-“

“Don’t said her name” snapped Kendalynn. “I know about such success stories” she explained in a calmer way. “But they are the exception, because the system is rigged against it. I would know it, I’m part of it, here in Boston.”

She had a bitter taste in her mouth as she said so. It was a burning truth, one she didn’t like to consider. She had heard all her life that the worthy managed to claw their way up the ladder and become wealthy and powerful, and she still believed it. But she had eyes to see and ears to hear. She knew perfectly that it wasn’t all the truth. Those born in power did their best to preserve it and pass it to their heirs. Shannon Matthewson wasn’t the rule, far from it, and while she didn’t doubt that she would do as all other for her children, she had been lucky to become so important.

“Then what will we do?” asked her Mouse, extremely sad now, his feelings almost overpowering her.

“We will… I don’t know” she admitted, letting herself fall on her ass, hiding her face in her hands. “I just don’t know…”

She almost cried. She didn’t know how to act, and it was a novelty she hated with all her heart. She was supposed to be ten steps ahead of everyone, she was supposed to be able to puppeteer all the idiots around her. But here, she couldn’t even make one minor dance to her tune, because she didn’t want him to just be a toy, but something else. Something more. She almost wanted to scream, but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t, allow herself to act like the common rabble she interacted with at school, even if they were already among the privileged few.

Suddenly, she felt small arms trying to hug her. Her mind was also covered by the blanket of compassion from her Mouse. It wasn’t something she was accustomed to; weakness was frowned upon by MAJORS after all, especially in important families. But she didn’t try to push him away, physically or mentally. She let herself be reassured and warmed –somehow- by his efforts. It was strange, really. In a few hours or so, she would dominate and tease him as always, but right now, she felt at ease letting him comfort her.

“I’m okay” she whispered. “Don’t worry, I’ll put you to good use for my feet.”

“I’m sure you will” he chuckled “For a time”.

Kendalynn sighed and enjoyed this hug for almost a minute, before gently cutting the Bond. She needed to be alone in her head, sure of her feelings to think about what she would do now. She needed to take a decision, to make a stand. One way or another, her life would never be the same again and have drastically changed by tomorrow morning. She got up, holding her Mouse in her arms, his head still pressed against her relatively flat chest. He was so light he could as well haven’t been there at all, she realized.

“Kat?”

“I’ll have to deal with my Mom” she said slowly; weighing all her words. “She won’t be too happy but I won’t give up my best toy –that’s you- without a fight!”

“Wait… so…” started her Mouse but she silenced him.

“Yes, game is on. I’ll keep you close. I want to trample you, after all!”

She chuckled and dropped him back on the floor. She felt a lot better now. She would have to endure the storm, but she would make her will known. Hopefully her mother wouldn’t chew her too badly and she would be able to rebound. Plus, it’s better to be poor with my Mouse than wealthy without him, she decided. Now that she had decided to confront her family’s traditions, she felt almost giddy. It was a fight like none she had ever faced, an opportunity to overcome a real challenge. If – When she would have won it, she would be so proud of herself!

“You better be ready to give up your misplaced pride, Mouse” she said to him, grinning.