As we begin to get scooped up one by one by various officers, the female one in the back and Officer Ortiz to be exact, I get scooped up by Officer Ortiz. The Female one having Dave and Tony. I hear Erica and Jennifer argue a little bit on why can’t they handle their husbands, and why couldn’t it just be with Officer Ortiz like I am currently am. Officer Ortiz quickly shuts them up with a “The government has to be with us all times now” kinda answer. Nicole not saying anything I notice, she makes eye contact with me as Ortiz picks me up though. As if she knows that she shouldn’t really interfere with anything that the officers do or say and as if she knows that they’re just doing their job.
I hear the sounds of scooting chairs and our wives collectively getting out of their chairs and beginning to follow us out the door wherever they’re going to take us before we leave. My heart is beating out my chest right now and my stomach is in knots with how I’m feeling with anxiety, since a situation like this and being brought to the government is a worst nightmare, although in the back of my mind it can’t be that bad if they’re acting that casual about it, but again they’re trained to be casual in situations that aren’t normal. I hate how I overthink things.
We make it towards the door, Officer Ortiz leading us out and the woman officer not far behind us, and our wives in single file line order walking out as well behind them. Officer Ortiz says the same thing to everyone else as he’s said before about filming us and not uploading us to any online or social media websites or there’d be total hell to pay as we walk into the main parts of the station and we make our way to some separate entrance outside.
It’s almost like you could hear a pin drop as we as a group make our way through the building, with how silent with us and how there were officers and other workers in the building watching us as we went by, their eyes staring us down as we went to the loading dock area I could somewhat see in the distance as we get closer, seeing a few jet black brand new Suburbans and Tahoes and a newer looking Ford Explorer pulling up as well, all government vehicles it seems to be as I can tell through the back door window towards the outside that we’re headed too. Their government lights on the bottom of the doors silently flashing and going off. Seems like they’re just pulling up to the station. I kinda wonder if we get a car per shrunken person and all of our wives will just gather into one SUV or something like that or what? I guess you could think about the efficiency of all of this as well too.
We go through this back door and into this loading dock area of the jail. It’s kinda interesting being in this precinct because besides for my job as a lawyer here or there to talk to a client for a case or to update them on it I’ve never really been in a jail. I don’t really know about Dave or Tony’s case but they seem like law abiding citizens that haven’t exactly spent a ton of time in jail either. As we go out the back door, the cold wind hits us as we walk out, reminding us how cold it is outside compared to how warm it kinda felt inside the building. As we walk out the door the government agents also get out of their vehicles, dressed in crisp and super clean looking black suits and black dresses for the women. About a total of 5 government agents here , two white dudes, one black guy, and two women, one white and one Asian. As we walk down the steps and towards the agents and their vehicles, I see them start to walk towards us as well.
We all get down the steps and then one of the white guys puts out his hand in front of him as if he’s telling us to stop, and everyone does.
“Alright, so here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re going to put all the guys in that Black Explorer right there, And you gals are going to be in that Tahoe over there. We’ll regroup once we get to the main headquarters in Los Angeles ” One of the officers says in a very commanding sound voice, a middle aged looking white guy.
Everyone’s pretty compliant as we get situated into our cars, the local Big Bear cops seemingly letting the FBI agents take over as soon as we get situated in the car. I notice that my wife and Erica share a Tahoe as they begin to get coaxed into getting into one and Jennifer gets a Tahoe all to herself. I jokingly think to myself it’s “pretty privilege” as I see this before we get situated ourselves, Officer Ortiz still holding us at this point as they get in first. I guess it’s not that cool to be alone in a situation like this with Jennifer, on second thought. It’s at least a two hour drive from here to the building that I’m pretty sure they’re talking about, it's a distinctive looking building that I remember driving past quite a few times during my time at UCLA back then. But once the initial shock of us being shrunk kinda wore out I think they’re at peace with the situation, even the officer in the station that told us all this was surprised with how well they’re taking it collectively as a group. You would think a newlywed would be the worst about it in reaction to a situation like this especially on your honeymoon, but Jennifer’s still chill too.
As the women start to get into their vehicles we start to get into ours, Officer Ortiz handing me and the Female officer handing Tony and Dave off to the government agents, and they quickly place us on the back seat. Surprisingly, they don’t really have anything special for us to sit in or a container to sit in or something like that. Just having us sit in the backseat behind the driver’s side together, us being safely placed on the seats in the backseat of this SUV that feels like a huge ass building to us at this size, with how high everything feels like it is compared to our height. The officers in this car are one black and one white, the other guy seemingly going towards another Tahoe.
They stop and collectively get back out to talk a little more, as they get everything more situated before we take off on this convoy to L.A., seemingly making calls to the agency and in talks with all types of government stuff, making me somewhat nervous overhearing a little bit of it, not knowing if we’re getting set up to get tested or not or something. Dave and Tony and I sit next to each other, Tony sitting Criss Cross Applesauce and me and Tony just sitting down with our legs stretched out. Seemingly travel buddies for the next couple of hours. The conversation with the agents as they talk amongst themselves and on the phone with whatever superior they report to I think, I can hear bits and pieces of the conversation but not much else. The windows that the SUV has are also tinted I noticed, making it a little bit darker here.
“Welp, let’s just hope this goes well” Tony says, seemingly making himself comfortable.
“I wonder if what we’re saying is being recorded in here. I wouldn’t be surprised” Dave says.
“It wouldn’t shock me, to say the least,” I responded back to him.
It’s quiet between us for a few minutes and I think the officers wrap up their conversation and phone call outside and head back to their vehicles to get a move on, and we hear the driver’s side and the other passenger side door open and we know we’re in for a ride now.
“It’s about two hours roughly till we arrive at HQ in West LA, so you boys better get comfy back there” The black agent says, as he closes the driver’s side door with a slight slam.
“Will Do” I say, responding back to him, as I say this the white agent closes his door on the passenger’s side in the front seat, and then there’s some mic talk about them collectively getting ready to roll and then I feel the car start to jolt off.
The Explorer starts to jet off out of the parking lot and into the street, although we can’t see the streets all too well due to the fact that we’re only a inch or two and the windows feel so high up and plus the fact you can’t see all that well anyways out of these due to the tint on them. It would be ironic if we got pulled over due to our windows being too dark, but who’s going to pull over an obvious governmental vehicle. I think we’re leading this trail of vehicles, since we seemed to be one of the first ones parked up front before everything else. The smell of the car is pretty much a really heavy brand new car scent, with the seats and everything with the really nice feeling leather that’s on it. The floors are really clean as if they’ve been vacuumed regularly as well too, whenever I lean myself out as I sit and reach my head out and look down.
“So, what about our rental cars and clothes and belongings and stuff at the hotel?” Tony says out loud, the question going out to
“We’ve gotten the rental cars and your things taken care of. It’s not like you need them at your size, anyways” The white agent says, a little gruffly with his second remark.
“Is there a way we can shower or something when we get back to the Agency?” I start off but I quickly get cut off.
“We’ll go more into detail on these things as once we get there, no more questions for NOW” The black agent says, sounding a little bit intense this time.
It’s quiet inside the car, the tenseness of the Agents really have us kinda sitting in silence and there’s nothing but the sounds of the hum of the car’s engine and a little bit of whatever’s going in the outside world, the hot A/C blowing up front and a little bit onto us as well. The radio in this one is just for talking, there’s no music to be used or any Bluetooth or anything of that nature it seems to be. So this is going to be a very boring two hour drive for sure. I can’t see out the window all too good, I just kinda judge what they’re doing by the SUV stopping and turning and a little bit of the top of the window, maybe showing a tree or a building or a street light in the background.
The agents don’t seemingly talk much among each other either it seems, maybe they’re just both more on the quiet side, but they do seem pretty tense so maybe they don’t like each other at all or that’s just how agents seem to be. I guess all tensed up and quiet.
I think after about 15 minutes or so we finally make it onto the highway, judging by the sound of the SUV’s acceleration in its engine and its constant quick movement. You can tell that there’s a good amount of horsepower with how quick they get to highway speeds in this Ford Explorer. I don’t know if it’s been modified or what but I think cars these days have more horsepower than you might think, especially these brand new cars.
“Y’know, what year is this Explorer? This is a new body style I’ve noticed” Tony says.
“2022” The black agent says, as he turns into a different lane judging by the sound of the blinker. The way he says this sounds like he really doesn’t wanna talk about anything right now. I notice he also says 2022 in the way of two thousand and twenty two, instead of the typical twenty twenty two like most people would say these days when talking about years post 2019 or so.
“Pretty much brand new then yeah” Tony says, kinda quietly seemingly killing the conversation.
For the next thirty minutes or so it’s quiet between us all, us driving through the mountains and getting stuck in a little bit of traffic as we get closer and closer more towards the Inland Empire, seemingly reminding me how huge and big Southern California is and how everything’s so close together but all spread out everywhere. I can’t get a good view as I said before though.
“Can we talk amongst ourselves or would you rather have us three stay quiet?” Dave says, sounding a little bit bored in his delivery, as if he’s somewhat tired of all the silence.
“We don’t care” Says the Black officer, sounding gruff about it.
Even though we get “permission” to talk there’s an uncomfortable feeling in the air between all of us though, since they’re there and can hear everything we’re obviously saying if we were to say something. It’s pretty awkward so we still don’t really talk at all, everyone kinda avoids eye contact, at least us three shrunken men are. The guys up front don’t seem as if they really care about what we say, their heads at laser point focus on the road ahead of them. I guess treating the situation of transporting us to the LA agency as if it’s another job they have to do, which I guess is why they’re so tense since they think it’s grunt work? I don’t really have a big clue about it to be honest with you. But a part of me just thinks that’s how government agents kinda are to some extent.
About another 30 minutes pass and I think we’ve hit back into the Inland Empire proper for real this time, judging by the Freeway signs and the buildings and the like that I can somewhat see through the tinted windows of the SUV. It’s kinda nice to be back in regular civilization again after this past week, this crazy ass out of this world week I’ve had. The type of week I haven’t had in nearly twenty years. All this shit going on in this touristy mountain town, a different setting from the houses in England and Germany back in 2004. At least I’ve only been swallowed like twice this time, and at least I’m going through it all with two other people this time. Not being alone during this.
“I love LA” Tony says, referencing the Randy Newman song I can tell with the tone in his voice, him seemingly noticing the scenery outside, even though we’re not quite near L.A. yet and still rolling through the Inland Empire, I think we’re in San Bernardino right now, if I think back when I was coming up here with my wife judging by the bit of scenery that I can see through the window, the tops of buildings and the like as well.
“Yeah, I’m more of a San Diego guy. Not as dirty, traffic doesn’t get as bad, but still has all that Southern California weather and charm and the food, good god the food is so good” Dave says, breaking the ice a little bit in the backseat.
“Really, then? Why didn’t you stay down there instead of going back to San Francisco? It’s probably cheaper to live in San Diego than up north in San Francisco” I say to Dave.
“Because I got sick of working with Rockstar, dude. Remember, I said this at the station when we were talking with our wives and stuff when we saw them” Dave says, a little bit annoyed.
“Sorry, y’know with all this commotion going on. Do you know anything about the new GTA? I saw that leak last year and it seemed pretty interesting. I’ve never really been a huge video game dude even back when I was a kid I’d just play them socially with friends occasionally or whatever” I say.
Dave just chuckles a little and doesn’t respond to it. Whatever the hell that means.
“Yeah my sons like those games, Anthony and Vincent. GTA Five, Call of Duty and all those M+17 rated games they’d beg me to buy when they were 10 and 13 or whatever when I’d take them to GameStop on a Friday after school or something. Shoot em ups and zombie Nazis and shit like that. Did you guys make Fortnite?” Tony says, sounding generally curious about this a little. Sounding like an out of touch middle aged man a little bit when saying all of this.
“Nah, we didn’t. That’s Epic Games” Dave responds back, sounding a little amused by what Tony just said.
“Oh” Tony says.
“I mean I worked on Red Dead Redemption 2 and some of the GTA Online stuff, it paid a pretty penny with some of the ideas of designs and stuff of that nature, I had a job at Microsoft that paid okay in Seattle, I didn’t have a college degree so it really was just a glorified internship. Something involving idea, not quite a product advisor but something on the lower rings of that” Dave says.
“Working with video games would be cool, that’s not a bad gig. I remember a few of the guys who went to UCLA that we’re friends of friends wanted to get into that industry” I said.
“It’s not as fun as it sounds…” Dave says, trailing off.
It’s quiet between us for the next few minutes, although not as bad as it was earlier. That Awkward tension that we had before we started talking is now gone since the ice of being in the SUV with these tense Government agents has been broken.
“You play any video games yourself, Tony?” I say, attempting to start the conversation back up again.
“Not really, I remember wayyy back long ago, this was like 30 plus years ago Derek would play on his NES and stuff and I’d overhear it downstairs when hiding from him. Duck Hunt and Super Mario and Zelda, all the big eighties games everyone had and shit. He gave his old NES to Kate as a present when she moved out, it just sat in her apartment collecting dust. She never really played it, I think she sold it about a year after I became normal sized” Tony says, and as soon as he says normal sized I notice the agents in the front perk up at this a little.
“Oh yeahh, you guys don’t know about that. Do you?” Tony says, talking towards the agents upfront. Sounding a little more surprisingly bold about it
They don’t respond at all to what he says, as if we never spoke to him. Tony shrugs it off and leaves it alone.
I kinda wonder if they already know that if they’ve been told that already by some higher ups, Tony’s birth being something that I’m sure the government to some extent probably knows about, it being covered up by Watergate conveniently seeming. Not to say Watergate was planned due to Tony’s Birth, cause no one could have predicted this one.
As we speed along the freeway, cruising down the 210, which I recognize through taking the same route to get up to Big Bear, going through the Inland Empire, although I’ve noticed the traffic isn’t too bad on the route we’re taking, Remember living in LA the traffic on the weekends could get pretty bad, which was another shock that took some getting used to when I first came down here for college.
“What time is it?” I say, we don’t get a good look at the center console from where we’ve been sitting.
“Eight forty nine” The black officer responds sharply.
“Thanks” I say, responding back to him, me sounding cool and collected compared to his sharp and tense answer.
It’s quiet between all of us again as we get closer and closer to L.A. proper as we go through the various cities and areas in the Inland Empire, traffic getting a little more heavier and heavier as we get more into the thick of L.A., seeing Downtown and the skyline and the mountains and things of that nature as we get closer and closer into the city. Getting onto the 10, a freeway I spent a lot of my college years on with friends going all around LA and Orange County a time or too. A part of me thinks as we drive along the freeway and see a little bit of the sights, thinking that maybe I could move back to LA, or at least find somewhere in Orange County to live in for a good five or ten years maybe. I wouldn’t mind my daughter growing up out in Sunny Southern California, lack of homeless in Orange County compared to L.A. anyways. Much cleaner too, even back then. I haven’t been out there since 2007, though. But even back then I thought that area was a bit cleaner than Los Angeles. Irvine, Anaheim, Brea, Fullerton, just to name a few places that I’ve been to in that area that I remember thinking were pretty nice even back then. Better weather, not as much crime, just to name a few things comparing Atlanta. Especially the heat, I’ll take the possibility of earthquakes and “The Big One” that’s been hyped up for years even back when I was living out in L.A. over the muggy humid heat of Atlanta and the South in general. Way more expensive though, I have to factor in, even with how much Nicole and I are (or maybe were) making. Cost of Living really is a bitch these days, especially out in Socal. Our money goes much further in Georgia anyways.
We start to get in some stop and go traffic, as we get closer to West LA, nearing my old stomping grounds near the university and Culver City and stuff like that. I get a little bit of a nostalgic feeling being in this area again, college days and the like as well too. I notice the guys don’t seem as phased by LA sites as I am, but I guess they don’t really have any memories associated with the place like I do. I think Tony’s probably been here before, traveling the country as a shrunken teen and everything as he’s told us before when we were in Michelle’s stomach. But maybe those years are something he’d rather forget than reminisce about, considering the circumstances of which he was forced to be doing.
As we get closer and closer towards the building, I wonder what’s going to happen next, as I feel us going onto an exit as our driver starts to switch lanes and slow down a bit. I don’t think everyone else is too far behind either.
As we get closer and closer towards the building, I start to feel sleepier and sleepier too and I notice that Tony and Dave start to feel the same and yawning as well, right before we get into the parking lot of the building. I can’t remember much else after this.
I wake up, and Tony and Dave wake up quickly after me. We’re in some sorta breathable plastic cube shaped container in a room, our wives and a few agents in front of us.
“Ah fuck. We’re being tested aren’t we” I say, as I start to immediately perk up as I see. Noticing that we’re in this sorta lab place in a top floor area of the building, judging by the windows
“No, you guys aren’t being tested. We just put some gasses under the backseat of the SUV you guys came in for you wouldn’t see everything that you weren’t supposed to see, for your entrance. It luckily went off when Agent Williams and Agent Stevenson pulled in, the two agents who transported you guys” A agent says, a male one. He seems to be in his early thirties. A tanned looking white guy, with a crew cut. He’s in a dark black suit and with some really dark looking Ray Bans.
"We had to be knocked out to be able to come in but our wives didn’t?” Tony says.
“We had a separate entrance for them, you guys had to come through a certain way for you as a group could be uh, checked in” The tanned agent says.
“So what are we going to do now?” I say.
“Well, we’re going to get in contact with D.C. to fly you guys out sometime later today to meet up with Jack Cooper and uh, we’ll discuss more there. We told your wives this as they came in and we were in the elevators, and this may come as a shock. But you guys aren’t the only ones, and Jack Cooper is the only one that’s been caught” The agent says.
And as soon as he says that, it’s pretty quiet between all of us. All of us are pretty shocked by this when he says, even a veteran like Tony is shell shocked by this, looking at his expression. I honestly thought us three plus Jack Cooper were the only ones in this world that has ever been through something that many scientists have said weren’t possible and that Jack Cooper was the freakiest of accidents.
“Yeah, that’s uh, that’s something I wasn’t expecting” Tony says, sounding in a daze when saying all of this.
“Yeah, it’s even above our paygrade too out here on the west coast. We gotta send you guys out to Washington D.C., because they can tell you about this type of stuff in more detail and the like as well too” The agent says.
‘What are they going to do to us out there?” Dave says, with a little bit of fear in his voice.
“I think they rather not have us spoil their all that, but I have made sure with your wives and we talked about all of this as they came in, you guys won’t be tested or hurt or anything like that, Jack Cooper and a few of the people who came before him kinda paved the way for all of that. If anything, it’ll be some pretty simple tests that’s similar to what you’ve gone through before at your size. Nothing involving stomach acid or anything like that” The agent says, starting to wring his sleeves up a little and check his Smartwatch, seemingly an Apple watch. Looks like there’s a little too much grease in his hair, noticing how some drips off as he looks down.
As soon as he says this, it’s like there’s been a weight lifted off my chest, my anxiety that was building up after Dave popped the question quickly deflated as soon as the agent responds with an answer that’s a huge relief to me. Something that’s come across my mind frequently since we’ve been caught.
“You guys are going to be flown out around 1pm or so, we’ll get you guys to LAX and everything. Private jets and all” Another Agent chimes in, a more middle aged looking Asian woman in that’s also standing around.
“What do we do in the meantime?” I Say.
“Well that’s about ehhh, it just hit eleven now since I just looked at my watch. Knowing L.A. traffic and they probably don’t wanna use the helicopter, let’s go ahead and get ready to head out now” The agent says, and people start to move, someone ushering our wives and a man grabbing our case and we start hustling out the room and through the hallways.
As we get hustled, I wonder if Jack Cooper will be there in D.C. But at least this experience isn’t as scary as I thought it would be, although the agent we were talking to didn’t exactly go into detail on whatever tests we’d be put through, and that leaves some room for even more questions in this already question-filled scenario.
Hey, at least we get to go to D.C. A place I haven’t been to since I left Baltimore and a place I went to every now and then growing up when we lived in Baltimore when I was a kid.
Providing another sense of familiarity in this surprisingly familiar situation.