I'm an idiot. My god, I am an idiot. 

It's too late to run. I won't make it past the front lawn, not today at least. I can see her car turning the corner, and the weight of my stupidity sinks in. 

I'm standing outside, carefully waiting on the steel bars of the window guard. The wind is blowing at my side as I hang onto the dull black columns just to keep on. I just need a taste, for at least a minute. I know it won't last, but  I need too just enjoy the moment before April barges in. 

The outside world, it's the exact same as I remember. Nothing's different from now than my view inside April's necklace. For some reason I just thought it would look different with nothing holding me down, not the necklace and not May's foot. 

Just myself. 

There's a slight movement in the distance, across the street. A car pulls into the driveway, parking into the house opposite of ours. I know who it is the second she steps out. It's been forever, I think. Four days, actually.  Just seeing her again makes me realize that there's not a thing different than before, so why am I so fed up with it? 

Maybe it's because I want to be as happy as Asha is while she's gardening. We might as well be on separate planes of existence. It's been so long since I've last had time to watch her out in the lawn. 

The woman disappears inside the house, gone for at least a minute before coming back out in an old t-shirt and jeans. She bends over the flower bed, watering the flowers and checking on the sprouting vegetables. At least that's what I imagine them to be. She has a slight hop in her walk as she roams along the lawn. At the very least I know my destination when I do get out. 

When. I'm assuming so much. 

"Juniper," April calls. I freeze in place, clutching the iron post even tighter. I don't know what to do, make up something probably, but nothing comes to mind. I'm drawing a goddamn blank. 

"You alright?" she asks, "you seem a little low." 

"I'm fine," I force out, "I just wanted some air." 

I know it looks bad. I'm just staring off in the distance, refusing to move an inch as I hug the metal bars with both arms not even wrapping around it. She doesn't see the shoelace thankfully. 

April takes a deep breath, biting her lip while her eyes lock on me. She's on edge. It's in her eyes. Something happened to her at work, and I'm probably going to take the worst of it. 

"Come inside, Juniper," she calls. Her hand is dropped right behind me, inviting me back. And against all of my judgment, I hop back onto her palm. She sits back on her bed, breathing a little hoarsely as she stares into the drywall. She's holding a book in her other hand, her thumb inserted into a page marked by a pink slip of paper. 

I'm dropped at her side, landing on the plush bed sheets while I'm facing skywards. I sit up, not really knowing what to do as we sit there in an uncomfortable silence. And shakily, she opens the book. 

"I've been reading some of it at work, and there's this one bit that--" April cuts herself off. Her voice is quiet, and her eyes are locked with the book's pages. I walk over to her, planting my hand onto her thigh, knowing that my gesture wouldn't even register past the thickness of her jeans.  "I'll just read it."

"I remember the first incident," April reads from the book. "I was twenty four, about five years older than when I first started shrinking. And it's been a couple years since my last loss of height. Of course for years after, I feared that I'd get even smaller. I never would have guessed that my first near death experience would come from someone I loved so much. 

"When I was younger, I watched over my siblings since I was the eldest. My parents worked two jobs each, and I often found myself giving my youngest sister, Esther who was four, baths while simultaneously preparing macaroni and cheese for my other sisters, Janine and Barbara. I was twelve then, undeveloped, forced to mature as I was responsible for three lives other than my own. 

"I held the closest relationship to Esther. I would force her into the bath against her will, and no matter how much kicking, screaming and flailing was involved, she always came out clean. It wasn't until years after she was allowed to bathe alone that she confessed to me that she was afraid of being sucked down the drain. At the time I laughed at the sentiment, thinking nothing of it, but one day she brought it up again while she washed me off in the kitchen sink, returning the favor as her gentle hands caressed my frail frame. Of course this time the chances of falling in the drain were real then. 

"I watched my baby sister bloom, mature much more gradually, gracefully, becoming a woman of her own, yet she always had time for me." 

At this point, April was tearing up, choking back halted breaths as she stopped reading. 

"I was sitting off to the side as Esther slowly brushed her auburn hair. Her nightly routine was meticulous, just like her. She counted each stroke with a singing tone, looking into the vanity mirror that used to be mine. After she was done, she tied her hair neatly behind her head. How she managed to contain the locks that reached the base of her back is beyond me. 

"I'm on her stomach, sitting cross legged and gripping the sky blue nightgown between my toes. It was late in the night, and we spent the majority talking to each other. Before I knew it, the television had already signed off with the national anthem, leaving nothing but static on the screen, and  after a few minutes, Esther was soundly asleep. 

"I hop off her gut, landing on the soft bed. I looked over at  my sixteen year old sister, resting peacefully with a slight smile on her face. I'm left  in the afterglow of the television, the dim light leading me towards the pillow next to Esther. 

"A light snore was the last thing I heard before a sudden, immense weight pinned me to the ground. There was no air, only Esther's body warmth and the chilling darkness. Off in the distance, almost miles away, the beating of her heart boomed, muffled slightly by her body. I fought to breathe, taking in small, hopeless gasps. 

"No matter what, her heart beat is consistent, slow, relaxed, drowning out my screams and pleas for help. I clawed, bit and scratched at the resilient fabric. With each explosion of Esther's chest, it got harder to focus. I could feel the pressure set in my bones, pushing them to a breaking point.  

"The fiery pain set in the center of my chest, every breath hurt, and my mind drifted towards my baby sister who's completely unaware of the sheer power that might as well have ended my life. Once the pressure became unbearable, I blacked out. 

"When I woke up, Esther was brushing her hair in the morning like nothing ever happened." 

April closes the book, inhaling deeply.

"Juniper," she says. "Is it anything like this?"