I don’t know how many times during that whole ordeal that I thought I was the most scared in my life.  I felt absolutely terrified when I first saw that Hiroshi had made me small.  Then I was terrified when I was up high and had to depend on her.  The amount of times I felt overwhelming fear was a never-ending list.  But, at that moment, when I realized how easy it was for her to hurt me, I felt fear I’d never felt before in my life.  I knew that I had to start playing by her rules.  If I didn’t, and even had an accidental sleeping outburst again, it could have very dangerous consequences. 

The moments after she let go of me were traumatic, to say the least.  My body was hurting and I was coughing and wheezing, adjusting to being able to breathe normally again.  I dared not even look at her after seeing her glaring down at me.  My mind was so conflicted at that moment as I recuperated from my struggle.  What was I going to do now?  What happened if I actually tried to escape and failed?  If Hiroshi got this bent over me calling out Rebecca’s name, what would she do to me if she thought I was trying to leave her?  Hurt me again?  Confine me to something even worse than a locked room?  I didn’t even want to think about it. 

“I…I’m…sorry”

It wasn’t easy to talk.  The breathing it took to speak still hurt from her squeezing me.  Even single syllables brought on a burning in my chest.  I decided to speak then because it felt like the best thing I could do at the time.  I knew that I was now at her mercy and she wasn’t going to put up with anything that she disliked.  It reminded me of when I was a boy.  My father disapproved of everything and every time I did something he disapproved of, he bullied me to the point of crying in my room.

Back then, I just did everything I could to make sure I never spoke up about anything around him for years, too scared to be shot down and verbally abused.  It completely warped my personality and changed me from an outgoing, spontaneous guy to a very quiet and shy introvert who only spoke when spoken to.  The same rules were applying, but much faster and for much better reasons.  I had to play by Hiroshi’s rules, or I may end up with far worse injuries than what she had just done. 

She looked at me for a moment with a confused look on her face.  She even asked me what I had just said.  I didn’t know if she actually didn’t hear me or was just trying to make me say it again.  It didn’t matter, because I worked up the courage to say it to her again.  I apologized to her.  I apologized for having a dream of someone I care about and calling out to them.  I apologized for thinking about someone who cared for me.  Every second of it disgusted me.  I just wanted out and back in Rebecca’s arms, but I was too scared to resist, still feeling the pain of what had just happened. 

So, I did what I thought was necessary.  I clung to her body, tears rolling down my cheeks and I kept apologizing again and again.  I wasn’t crying because I was sorry, but because I was so terrified at how easily she turned from a gentle maternal figure to whatever I had just seen constrict and bruise my ribs from hearing a name.  I cried and apologized several times, not willing to stop until I had given Hiroshi exactly what she wanted.  It was a very dangerous plan, but it’s one I thought wouldn’t end in me in even more danger. 

Several minutes went by, but I finally felt that warm, gentle feeling on my back from her hand.  It was smooth and went in gentle motions, just like it was doing before. 

“I forgive you.”

The words weren’t exactly back to an affectionate level, but it was improvement.  I at least thought part of what I was doing was helping.  I was slowing down the crying as she kept rubbing my back, which was mostly me trying to fight the tears.  Afterwards, I kept clinging to her body, hugging tighter and tighter as the minutes passed with us sitting there, naked, her arms around me and mine around her.  I could feel every part of her bare flesh that I touched, mostly her stomach and breasts.  But at least it was better than being hurt. 

She looked me in the eyes, her eyes now less sinister and more affectionate.  It was a very creepy look, which I credited mostly to the fact that I was now looking at her in a completely new light.  She had that smile on her face she’d had this whole time.  Before long, she got up and carried me into the bathroom.  On the way there, I noticed a clock on the wall, curious as to what time it was.  I assumed it was morning, but I do have weird sleeping habits.  It read 3:50 a.m. 

Once we got to the bathroom, she set me down on the toilet and began to wipe my face off with a nearby wash cloth.  My face shivered every time it rubbed on me.  Despite being a wash cloth, it felt like a lot of bumps were rubbing all over me.  I still let her do it, though.  After that much crying, I knew my face looked awful.  So, I just bared with it and allowed it to happen. 

Once my face was washed off, she handed me a small cup.  I looked in and it and back at her, confused.  It was just an empty cup.  There wasn’t anything inside it.  What was I supposed to do with an empty cup?  Stare inside it at my mirrored and deformed reflection?  Before long, though, I heard the rushing of water coming from the sink.  She took a quick drink out of her own cup and told me I should have a quick drink of water before we return to bed. 

Had everything escalated this quickly?  Or was she just trying to advance things because she now had a tight grip on me?  Regardless, I was thirsty from just suggestion and nodded.  I watched as she took the cup and put a little bit of water in it from the sink and handed it back.  In reality, it was just a small juice cup.  To me, though, it looked like a full-sized drinking glass.  I took a few swigs of the water and handed it back to her, gulping down as much as I could. 

After replacing the cups on the sink, she picked me up again and carried both of us back to the bedroom.  As we settled into bed, she quickly fell asleep, holding me like an oversized teddy bear.  Meanwhile, I just stared out at the walls of the room, trying my best not to fall asleep.  I may have calmed her down this time, but I didn’t dare fall back asleep and repeat the same dream again…