Porcelain Paradise

Staying close to the edge of the wall, three men scurried quickly over to where the towel was crammed under the space beneath the bathroom door.

“If we are going to have any chance at all of moving this thing, we need to pull together at the same time, you know, like one, two, and tug,” Josh suggested, mimicking a pulling motion.

Julian smirked at Carver, “Or a Friday night for you eh blimpus? One, two, and tug,” he said, wrapping his hand around his penis and giving it a pull.

“I leave that for your mother,” Carver retorted.

Julian grinned, “How is the old girl? I haven’t seen her in forever,” he said, reaching out and swatting a hand toward Carver’s scrotum.

Brushing the hand, Carver pushed Julian’s chest, “I’m getting sick of your shit man, the way you run your mouth,” he growled.

“Will you two just shut up and grab some towel for crying out loud?” Josh said angrily, shaking his head and positioning himself between the two men and gathering up a fold in the cloth.

Both Julian and Carver each took up some towel as well.

“Remember, one, two, and tug,” Josh said, counting out loud. On tug, all three pulled at the same time, though the towel didn’t budge. “Again,” Josh said. As before, they achieved the same nil result. “Again,” repeated Josh. This time, the towel moved, not much, but enough to fan the flames of hope. Buoyed by their success, Josh accelerated the cadence of the count, so that they were tugging faster and faster and finally they were able to pull an edge free far enough they could get under the door.

Grinning, Josh nodded to the others, “Not too far,” he said, releasing the towel and putting a hand on each of the other men, “we still have to pull it in behind us to make it look undisturbed.”

“Wouldn’t be funny if Carver got hung up under the door by his belly, you stuck kind of halfway like a gelatinous doorstop?” Julian offered.

Carver laughed sarcastically, eyes on Julian, “You’re so funny, I mean if you gig as a strung out drug dealer doesn’t pan out for you, you can always try hand at comedy,” he said.

Josh shook his head. He wasn’t sure what fueled the animosity between the two, but it was certainly getting tiring trying to referee. “Carver, you go first,” he said, pointing at the newly created access.

Nodding, Carver got down on his belly, crawling forward. The fit under the door was tight, but with only a couple of superficial scratches he was able to get through.

Next through was Julian, getting up and rubbing his chest, “Fuck dude you totally sweated all over the goddam floor, that’s gross,” he said, scowling.

Josh was the last through, drawing the towel in behind him to conceal their passage. Getting to his feet, he joined the others.

By normal standards, the lightly colored bathroom would have been considered small, but to the three men standing on the patterned linoleum designed to resemble tile, it was absolutely huge. There a mix of cleaner and floral perfume lingering in the air.

To the right of the trio was an immense cabinet, two doors on the front and two drawers at either end with a false panel covering the space between, Josh figured it was because there was probably a sink there. Beyond the cabinet was a gleaming white toilet, seat down but lid up. At the end of the room was a single person molded shower with a lip as tall as them to prevent water from spilling out. The shower curtain was clear, with a colorful design on clear plastic, swept back against the wall on a shower rod at the top of the unit. To the left was a laundry hamper and towel bar beneath a frosted out window, A little further down, there was a metal shelving unit sporting a wide variety of assorted hair and feminine products.

There was a plush bright purple bathmat on the floor in front on the shower, matching the cover on the toilet seat lid.

Moving under the cabinet to the kick, Josh looked up at the small gap at the bottom of the cabinet doors. He frowned, if it was a little bigger, they might have been able to squeeze through there and take up residence under the sink.

As it was, there were slender pickings for good places to hide. As they walked deeper into the room, there was a long handled brush in a plastic container between the toilet and the counter, a roll of paper on a holder inset into the counter.

“Good call there fearless leader,” griped Julian, screwing up his face and shaking his head. “Maybe there is some leftover water in the toilet brush holder?”

Josh frowned, looking at the stainless steel shelving unit and then up at the counter. “Forget the brush, we should check out the stand, there might be something there we could use,” he said.

“Look,” said Carver, pointing beside the toilet where there was a small puddle of water against the base, “condensation off the bowl,” he added.

“Way to go, you human pierogi, maybe rescuing you wasn’t entirely a bad idea,” congratulated Julian, clapping a hand on Carver’s shoulder.

Carver sloughed off Julian’s hand and moved over to the water at the base of the porcelain. There was more than plenty to slake the thirst of all three men.

“We should’ve grabbed some of the food from the box,” Carver said, shaking his head.

“We wouldn’t want you to starve,” sniped Julian.

“I’m hungry too, we should have, it would have been a good idea,” Josh said.

On the other side of the toilet was a small cylindrical garbage can made out of polished metal, a foot pedal to open the lid on the top, a long slender thread of dental floss hanging down the side trapped by the can lid, beside it, a plunger standing upright.

“That floss could come in handy,” Josh said, nodding.

“In the event of a flossing emergency, or just the knowledge that our girl Faith here looks after her teeth as you slide down her throat?” Julian asked.

“Or to get down the stairs, or to try and use it to climb something,” Josh replied, snorting and getting up to walk over to the can. Taking hold of the waxed thread, he pulled, the floss coming away easily and falling on the floor near his feet.

“You might want to run over there and see if there still a chunk of food on it or something,” Julian sat, nudging Carver.

“You were always a douche, I mean is it your special talent, or is it something you actually have to work at?” Carver asked.

“No, it’s a gift,” Julian replied with a half-grin.

“Asshole,” muttered Carver.

Josh returned, floss coiled around his arm. “It looks like the garbage can actually has a plastic insert inside an outer metal sleeve, there might be a big enough space under it we might be able access through the pedal,” he said.