I felt like I had a lot of nausea going in my bloodstream. Why me? Why is this
happening to me? There wasn’t anything I did that made me deserve this. I’m a good
father and husband. By God, please tell me why do you set forth this chain of events
upon on me? It just seems that the only thing now to do is to just lose all hope, in
everything. Since it seems I lost it all now. And so I just sat here on the floor of my
bathroom. I don’t know what is happening to me, and I don’t know what to do to stop it.
Susan was gone; she couldn’t help me at all anymore to do this. A tear finally dropped
down, I was crying. It was the first time in ten years that I cried because of myself. Get it
together, its okay. I can do this. I have to, just think what will happen if you lost yourself
in your personal doubt. Linda would not only lose her mother, but her father as well. I
have to be strong. But what can I do now? I wonder what Linda would think of her father
now?
~Linda~
I couldn’t help but think about my father all day. He seemed to be a bit upset, for
a different reason. I know that he didn’t show it. But I guess it was some sort of girl’s
intuition I guess.
It was 11:00 a.m.
School would be out, and Spring Break would begin. Everything in my life was
changing fast, and I had learned to accept it, if I want to be strong and move on. My
mother taught me that, and it was those encouraging words that helped me a lot, to get
through my own pain, when she died. I had my friends, Julia and Beth help me
understand the meaning also. They would be sleeping over my house somewhere along
the week. My father probably wouldn’t mind, but still I always need to ask him. Just to be
the good daughter. But I’m not really anything like my dad that much, he can easily move
on when things go wrong, but for me it takes a while, usually from a couple of days to
weeks. But I was able to heal quickly though, as I grew up. I notice now that I was
slacking off, during 4th period. I checked my watch.
It was now 11:45.
Lunch would start in five minutes. I guess time sure flies by when you got a lot of
curiosity in mind, but still I have this strange feeling that my father needed me. I could
call him in my cell phone at his work, maybe to see if he’s okay. That sounds like a good
idea. The bell rang, its lunch time. Time to eat!
I met up with Julia and Beth in the cafeteria, they both got the same lunched, a
chicken salad with a side of bread and butter, and water. For me, I got a pasta meal with
milk and vanilla pudding dessert. It was typical of me to buy my usual lunch at least once
or twice a week, but most of the time; I just made sandwiches from home. My mother use
to do this for me when I was a little girl, but I learned eventually when I was 8 and 9. I
even made sandwiches for my dad at one point, which was kind of fun. I was reminded; I
have to call my dad.
“Hey, girls I’ll be back okay. I have to call me dad, be back in a sec.”
“Alright”, said Beth.
“Julie don’t eat my pudding.”
“Whatever.”
Julia love to eat desserts, but at the same time she was afraid of gaining weight,
most of the time when I leave she sometimes take my dessert and eats it, which sort of
annoys me. But I got uses to it. I walked down the hallway, until I ran into Jeff.
“Hi, Linda. How you doin?
“Hi Jeff. I’m fine.”
“Hey listen, I’m sorry about your mom and stuff.”
“No it’s okay. I was able to keep strong, you know.”
“That’s cool, that’s cool. It’s just that well we’ve been talking for some time, and
well…I know this is sort of too soon for you, but would you want to watch a movie with
me somewhere next week I guess.”
“Oh, uhh Jeff. I think that sounds really great, but… I’m sort of not up to it right
now. It is sort of too soon.”
“I understand. But you know, when your ready let me know when you feel like it,
okay?”
“Okay, thanks Jeff. I’ll talk to you later okay. I have to call my dad right now.”
“Okay, see you later at 6th period.”
If I didn’t know, I say that Jeff was persuading me to go out with him. But then it
wasn’t the first time anyway. Last year, at least four boys, I know tried asking me out, but
I had to let each of them down, since I wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, anyway. I
couldn’t really handle drama, like the ways most of my other friends told me about their
relationships. But besides that, only one of the four boys did at one point try to rape me.
It was the scariest experience I had faced in my life. But luckily I was saved by Jeff that
day, that’s how I got to know him. Jeff was my age, around 6’1”, mixed with white and
Asian ethnicity. I thank Jeff everyday for saving me, but at time I do feel some tendency
to see if I was ready to go out with him. It was all of a question, which I kept asking
myself. But now is not the time.
I just went into the girls’ bathroom, which was pretty much empty. Hardly
anybody did their business at lunch, but rather afterwards or before. But anyway, I dialed
the number of my dad’s office. I knew that at the same time, he would be eating lunch
also since he gets at least thirty minutes to eat lunch or have a snack earlier. Just then, the
call was answered, only it wasn’t my dad.
“Good afternoon, this is Vermont Inc.”
“Um, hello is Mr. Hovel there?”
“Oh, I’m terribly sorry; Mr. Hovel does not work here anymore? May I ask who
this is?”
“This is his daughter, Linda. Where’s my father then?”
“Well earlier, one of his co-workers did call him at his home.”
“Oh, okay thank you. Bye.”
I couldn’t believe my dad got canned. I wonder why? I really find it messed up to
see they canned my father, right after my mother died. How messed up is this? Well, I
might as well call at home to see if my dad was feeling okay? I really shouldn’t worry
that much. But still, I can feel that he is maybe hurting himself, in ways that I can feel it. I
have to see for myself when I get home. I decided not to call.