Neverquest - Part 104
Characters: Queen Isabella, Lord Dartemus
Location: The royal bathtub
Time: Day 4 - 8:49 PM
“Don’t you have a royal ball to attend to?” Lord Dartemus asked. They had been in the tub for over an hour now and he was sick of looking at a sea of bubbles and clouds of vapor. The glass walls had long since fogged up and there was nothing to do but listen to the soft moans of Queen Isabella as she leaned back against the cushioned sides of the tub and closed her eyes.
“It’s really more of a party,” she said, “and it’s all quite droll to me.”
“Do you even know the meaning of the word ‘droll’?”
“Hark, do I hear a foul bird sing?”
“…You really are impossible to reason with.”
“Yes, but the way I see it, I have no reason to have to reason with anyone. I’ll always have my way. That’s what it’s like to be a queen.”
“You’re not the Queen yet, Isabella. You still have a lot to learn about—”
“I think I’ll flatten Penee.”
“What?”
“When I become Queen, I think I’ll stroll right through Penee with my royal heels on. Knock over a few buildings, smash up a few roads, poke my pointed heel right through the top of that pathetic castle of yours and grind it into the face of your brother. What’s his name again?”
“King Kaze—”
“Don’t care.”
“Look, Your Highness, you can’t just strut into Penee and trounce it like you own the place. You don’t even own the land. Princess Erika does.”
“Erika… Another whore, just like Olivia. Do you know she thinks Men can actually run her kingdom?”
“Believe it? My good lady, she has enslaved the greater half of my people. It takes forty of them to do what one Woman could do with ease. We have become a race of slaves to a girl who refuses to scratch her own itches.”
“I wouldn’t want to scratch myself if I was her either. Have you seen her skin? Talk about flaky. She should really learn to bathe every now and then. In fact, so should you. You Men all smell alike.”
“Well, not everyone can sit in a tub for eight hours a day. But you sure make a sport of it.”
“I’m glad you think so, Darty, because it’s about time you joined in.”
Dartemus stepped back, but Isabella made no sign of following him. Her eyes were still closed and her head was still down.
“It’s not like I’m asking you to wash yourself,” she sighed. “I know how disgusting you Men like to be.” Then she smirked. “I just want you to wash me.”
“Watch you what?”
“Wash me.”
“I am watching you.”
“Unlike a baby, your stupidity is not very charming. Now, do you see that bowl next to you?”
Lord Dartemus turned his head to see a split coconut filled with a reddish cream. “Yeah, I see it. You want me to watch that, too?”
“No. It’s called shampoo—something I’m sure you’ve never heard of—and I want you to wash my hair with it.” She sat up in the water, shaking her head, and let her dripping hair rain over the alcove like a waterfall. Then she combed it back with both hands and rested her shoulders against the cushions of the tub’s outer rim. “Normally I wouldn’t give someone of your below average intelligence such a complicated task, but I’m a queen now. I shouldn’t have to wash my own hair.”
“And if I should refuse this inane act of yours?”
“Then I guess you’ll be part of the next batch of shampoo.”
Lord Dartemus stared into the liquid bowl, horrified at the crimson goop that looked him back. “What kind of…demon are you…to turn Men into your hair products?”
“The kind who always gets her way. You see, you’ll be washing my hair whether you want to or not.” Then she let out a fake, sympathetic sigh. “What a shame. I guess you’re not much of a ruler after all.”
“This is blasphemy! What you have done… The gods will smite you for this!”
“Yeah, right after they finish washing their goddesses’ hair. My dear Lord Duckemus, you should know that there isn’t a Man on this earth who can do anything to me without my consent. That’s why you should take comfort in the fact that I’m giving you quite a harmless task. If you were a lesser Man, you’d be washing my rear end. But I know you’re royalty and deserve only the best.” She flicked her hair, spraying him with soapy water. “So start washing, my lord.”
Scowling, Lord Dartemus dipped his hands into the goo. It was cold and viscous and practically sucked his arms under, but he knew Isabella was watching him. He made another face, turning away from the bowl, and slowly pulled his hands out. The goop dribbled down his arms.
“Hey…” he said, sniffing the cream on his hands. “This smells like strawberries.”
“Of course. Only the best natural herbs for my shampoo.”
“But I thought it was blood…”
“Please, Darty. I wouldn’t actually put Men in my shampoo. If I did, my hair would probably fall out or turn into weeds or sprout stupidity. And I have such a beautiful image to keep up.”
“Obviously you’ve taken a look inside yourself,” Dartemus muttered. But his hands were covered in goo and he didn’t have much of a choice. Rubbing his palms together, he stepped over to Isabella and slowly began running his fingers through her hair. Fortunately, the strands were soaked and glided easily through his hands, but it was still humiliating. And her soft humming wasn’t making it any more bearable.
“So—Lord Buttemus, was it?—why did you attack, and I use that word loosely, my kingdom in the first place? Surely your people have realized over the course of a thousand years that you don’t stand a chance against Women. My great-great-great-great-grandmother Sorena should’ve taught you that when she made you so small and pathetic.”
“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Dartemus said as he scrubbed his way along the wall of hair. “Isabella, your mother has made a lot of progress in returning rights to Men, but there is still much work to be done. I had hoped to reach you, to touch you, to show you a better way. Together, I thought we could bring about a world where Men and Women—”
“Women and Men.”
“…Women and Men could live as equals. I know it’s hard to picture it now, but I believe—”
“You missed a spot.”
“What?”
Isabella quickly shook her head like a dog trying to dry off. With his hands caught in her hair, Dartemus flew back and forth with foamy suds squirting into his eyes. He slammed into the wall of the alcove a few times and then crash-landed on Isabella’s shoulder, releasing the strand of hair he was clinging to so dearly, and nearly toppled over.
“Hope you know how to swim,” Isabella laughed. She didn’t move her body, but she brought up her hand and brushed away the only streams of hair dangling over Dartemus’ head, leaving him stranded on her small mound of skin. White bubbles began to surround him.
“This is exactly what I mean!” he roared, raising his fists. One by one, he punched the bubbles around him, causing them to pop. But more kept coming. “Your Highness, it cannot continue this way! We must reach an agreement. We must find some peace among our races.”
“And if I should refuse this inane act of yours?” she smirked, pushing her legs forward underwater. Slowly, her shoulder began to sink under the foamy surface. “Think you’ll disappear once and for all?”
“There has to be a better way! Your Highness, I beg you…”
She stopped sinking. “Oh? Please, beg away. It’s music to my ears.”
“I have the papers here,” Dartemus said. He reached into his tunic and brought out a rolled parchment, which he raised over the swarm of bubbles. “I thought…I thought we could make the first step to a brighter future together. This document will ensure peace among our people again. I know we’re not the official leaders of our kingdoms, but someday we will be. When the Queen and King Kazekov step down, we can step up. We can join hands. We can reunite our kingdoms once more. Please, Your Highness… I am at your mercy.”
Isabella’s smirk gradually faded. He was serious. She could see it in his eyes, the way they pleaded to her. Slowly, her lips and brow began to reflect his face and she nodded.
“You really want this, don’t you?” she asked.
He knelt down. “…For too many years, I have watched my people suffer. They are hungry. They all tired of eating from the trash, tired of watching their families and friends being taken away and turned into slaves. I have seen too much horror with these eyes. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but there are people—Men and Women—who are forced to live on the streets while we sit atop our mighty castles. Certainly you have looked down at them and felt a little sorrow. It is known as human compassion… And it is something we both share.”
“Go on.”
“We live in a world of problems. Try as we might, we cannot turn away from this ugly truth. Something must be done. Unfortunately, on all too many issues, King Kazekov and your mother, the Queen, do not see eye-to-eye…”
“More like eye-to-ankle.”
“Please, Isabella, I beseech you to look inside yourself. I did not come here to start a war with you. I did not even come to attack you. My people and I came to ask for your promise, that when you become the legitimate Queen and I am the King, we will put the past behind us. We must become one again. The balance of our world depends on it.”
“I see…” Isabella said, her face like stone. “Why didn’t you come to me early about this? You’ve been my captive for three months now.”
“I told you many times. You never listened to me.”
“Why didn’t I?”
“I…I don’t know. You always used to walk away when I began speaking.”
“Well, you must admit, your voice is rather droll.”
“…Again, I must reiterate, do you even know the meaning of the word—”
“I’ll sign it.”
Lord Dartemus blinked. “What? …You will?”
“You’re always yelling at me, saying how the gods are going to smite me where I stand, how you’re going to pay me back someday… What did I ever do to you? Really, what have I done?”
“You—”
“I gave a wonderful home to stay in. I let you sleep in my room. I did nothing to harm you, did I?”
“You threw me across the—”
“I even let you wash my hair. Even after all the mean things you’ve said to me, I was nice to you. Perhaps it is you who should forget the past.”
He rose from her shoulder, nodding. “You may be right, Isabella. I hope this will be our first step to peace. Now, if you would just sign this—”
Suddenly, Isabella put her hand against her cheek. “Oh, dear.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I forgot to bring my feathered quill.”
“That’s okay. If—”
“I need my feathered quill!” she cried, starting to rise. "Can't sign anything without my quill. I need my quill."
Still on her shoulder, Dartemus scrambled for something to hold on, but there was nothing but damp skin. He staggered one way and then the other. Then he realized Isabella was trying to knock him off. Throwing up his arms, he fell backwards and splashed into the bubbly sea. Hot water poured over him. Just before the bubbles swallowed him, he saw the parchment flying through the air and splashing into the water next to him. Little by little, the paper began to crumble and break apart.
“ISABELLA!” he screamed.
And she just laughed and dropped back into the tub.
Giantess World
