Neverquest – Part 115

Characters: Duchess May, Bob, Guy, Russell, Wallace, the Rat

Location: Outside Oceanside, at the gates of the House of Femmington

Time: Day 5 – 3:15 AM

The horse-drawn carriage rolled through the countryside for what felt like forever, hitting every bump, throwing every organ in the men’s bodies together like tossed salad. Bob and Guy were in Duchess May’s lap, but her thighs were so firm that they felt like they were being bashed against two rather smooth rocks. In the back of the carriage, Russell, Wallace, and the Rat had found a sturdy shaft that they could cling to. It didn’t make their stomachs feel any better, but at least they had a nice view of May’s back. And luckily for them, she never turned it.

Some time after the moon was dipped over the horizon like a bent spoon and they were chasing it head-on, the carriage turned up a hill and they arrived at a large estate that was surrounded by an eight-foot tall wrought iron fence. The men in the back of the carriage poked their heads over the shaft. In the darkness, they couldn’t make out the other side of the fence, but they guessed the property was at least as big as the city of Oceanside that lay in the valley below.

“And she owns all of this,” the Rat whispered. “She doesn’t even let her s-servants sleep in the manor house.”

“Where do they sleep?” Russell asked.

The Rat pointed to the stables on the far side of the estate.

“Typical.”

“Tell me about it.”

The carriage pulled up to the front gates, which were promptly opened by two female night watches who smiled and wished May a good night’s sleep. She laughed and wondered why commoners thought they could speak to her.

As they passed through the gates, Russell looked up. Engraved in the spirals of black iron were the ominous words, The House of Femmington, looking down at them. He shuddered in the night air and watched as the carriage rolled across the cobblestone path and finally came to a stop outside the great manor house. The tall candles by the front steps were lit and dripping with wax and…

“My God,” Russell said, “there are Men tied to the base of those candles!”

The Rat slapped his greasy hand over Russell’s mouth. “Of course there are, f-fool. She makes wax dolls out of p-people like us.”

Swallowing hard, Russell looked up at May as she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and took a breath of fresh air with just a hint of burning skin on the tip of her nose. She smiled and peered down at Bob and Guy in her lap.

“Welcome home,” she said.

“We never shoulda come to this godforsaken place,” the Rat hissed into Russell’s ear. “Just gimme my m-money and I am out of here.”

Russell peeled his hand away. “You’ll get your money when I get my men back.”

“You’ll never see those fools again!”

“Then I guess you’ll never see your money.”

The Rat hissed again. “N-Nobody crosses the Rat. I will scream. She will catch us all! Then you’ll be s-sorry. You’ll be very, very s-sorry. Oh, yes, you will. Sorry little—”

“Shut up, Rat,” Wallace said, putting the Rat in a sleeper hold until he passed out.

“Thank you, Wallace.”

“No problem, sir. Should I just dump his body overboard?”

May stood up, putting Bob and Guy on her shoulders, and began walking towards the manor.

“No time for that. If we leave him here, somebody might find him. We’ll have to take him with us.”

“Where are we going, sir?”

“No man left behind, Wallace. No man.” Without another word, he jumped onto the back wheel of the carriage and scuttled down. Grabbing the Rat under his arm, Wallace did the same, and they landed on the cobblestone just as one of the night watches was coming to pick up the carriage. They dodged her footsteps and hurried towards the manor stairs.

 Meanwhile, May had stopped at one of the tall candles and looked down at the man tied to the pole. His head was down, practically between his legs, and hot wax dripped from his skin. He didn’t seem to be moving. May prodded him with the toe of her high heels and he fell to his side, as limp as coal.

“At least the wax burned through your bindings,” she smiled. “Saves me the trouble of having to bend over for you. Haha!” Then she stood on her tippy-toes and blew out the candle. “Good night, little guy. I don’t expect you’ll see another.”

Bob and Guy looked at each other.

“Duchess May…” Guy said. “What…what did that guy do to you?”

“He talked and it wasn’t his turn. Get my drift?”

“…No.”

A dark smirk rose from her lips. “Oh, you’re going to be fun to break.”

Then she ran up the steps, two at a time. Bob and Guy screamed and nearly flew off like drunken flies, but they managed to grab the threads of May’s blanket and were thrown against her spine again and again.

It was a lot harder than her thighs.

As quick as they were, Russell and Wallace didn’t catch her in time. They stopped at the foot of the steps and looked up, only to see May’s back one more time and then the door slammed shut like a clap of thunder. Breathing down on them, a cold wind slapped back their hair.

“…We’ll have to climb,” Russell said.

“We could just leave them, sir.”

“No! If something happens to them…like Tony, I…”

“What’s the worst that could happen to them, sir?”

But neither of them could ignore the man lying in a puddle of hot wax at their feet.

Inside the house, May stretched her arms, yawned, and headed for the kitchen. There, she poured herself a glass of milk and set Bob and Guy on the table. Then, paying no attention to chairs, she sat down next to them and folded one leg over the other.

Bob and Guy couldn’t help but stare at her thighs.

“You have…really great legs,” Bob said.

“I know. I like to keep in shape.”

“Well, I like the shape you keep!”

Then they all laughed.

“You know,” she said, taking a long swig of milk, “if you weren’t Men, I might almost like you.”

“Aw, shucks… You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, but I do.” Then she set the glass between them, as if she was trying to measure something, and lifted it to her lips again for another sip. The Men watched her, listening to the slow swills of milk draining down her gullet, and they realized how thirsty they were.

“Um, Duchess May…” Guy said. “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”

She lowered the glass. “Yes?”

“Well, Bob and I were watching you…and… We want your milk.”

“You want my milk?”

“We do.”

She took another sip. “So, you want…” Another sip. “…My milk.”

“Yeah!”

“I see manners haven’t found their way to Penee yet.” Then she let out a small burp and laughed and so did Bob and Guy.

But they soon stopped.

“No, really,” Bob said. “We want some milk.”

Sighing, she set down the glass again. “It’s all yours. I’m done until breakfast anyway.”

They cheered and pressed their faces and palms against the glass, licking its sides all over. Despite their attempts, however, their tongues just couldn’t pierce through the glass.

“Miiilk…” they moaned like zombies.

May stared at them and slowly unfolded her legs. “No wonder you landed on the bottom of the food chain.” She lowered her hand and gestured to them with her index finger. “Hop aboard, ye of little brains.”

They did so, like the idiots they were, and she dumped them in the glass, where they splashed around with nothing to hold onto and nowhere to plant their feet. May had purposely drank enough milk that they couldn’t escape out the top and left just enough that they couldn’t touch the bottom. She smiled at her handiwork, laughed at their cries, and pretended they were in hell and not heaven, because they were so happy to be lapping the milk from the sides of the glass.

“You guys crack me up,” she said. “I guess I’ll see you at breakfast then.”

“Wait!” Guy sputtered, bobbing around in the milk. “Where are you going?”

“To sleep. It’s late and I need to be up at dawn for the hunt.”

“The hunt?”

“It’s nothing you need to concern yourselves with. You won’t be around to see it.”

“But we can hunt!” Bob said. “We’re good hunters.”

She smiled and it was anything but nice. “Sweet fool, you don’t know what I hunt for.” Then she bent down and kissed the glass, leaving a bloody seal from her lipstick on the outside of the glass.