Neverquest – Part 130

Characters: Lord Dartemus, Frankie, ???, and the entire Bucket Brigade

Location: Inside Isabella’s castle

Time: Day 5 – Shortly after dawn

The Bucket Brigade continued down the royal hall, masked under the cover of their overly bright red bucket. They snickered at the Women who walked past them, oblivious to their perfect disguise.

Somewhere near the end of the hall, though, they heard a door open and shouting voices on the other side. By instinct, they quickly dropped the bucket and peeked out the bottom as a girl stumbled out of the room with a pillow hugged against her chest. She had big eyes that were more awake than the rest of her and curly, blonde hair that draped over her shoulders as crumbled and bed-thrown as the robe she had slept in.

“I told you to go home, Aisha!” yelled a voice from still inside the room. “I’m writing you out of my life.”

The blonde girl stood her ground. “I’m not walking back alone. It’s not safe.”

“Then go ask your precious Men to protect you! Who needs gods when you have them?”

The door slammed before she could reach it. “That’s not fair, Rachelle.”

“And just so you know, Aisha—I’m going to pay a visit to the Apostles and demand that you be removed from your position at once. You aren’t fit to serve Dai Celesta.”

“You don’t even know what it means to serve a higher power, Rachelle! You think all of life exists on some big chain and you’re somewhere near the top.”

“And where do you think you are, Aisha? Do you really think you’re above me?”

She pressed her pillow to the door. “No, I don’t any of us are above anybody else. Not you or me or all of Men.”

“Then what about Dai Celesta? Where do you put her on your imaginary cycle of life?”

Aisha was silent.

“Face it. You’ve forsaken your goddess by going against her wishes. You’re nothing but a mansaver now.”

All eyes of the Bucket Brigade looked up at Aisha.

“…I know her,” Frankie said at last. “She saved me. She’s the one who brought that feeling between my legs.”

Dartemus turned to stare at him. “Eh?”

“That feeling… I feel it a lot in this world.”

“Are you telling me you felt something from Women that wasn’t pure hatred and fear, son?”

He nodded, the way a child would. “Yes… She has soft hands.”

“Soft hands.”

“Like cotton. And she was gentle with me… Like a sister.”

“She is a sister,” the old man remarked, sticking his head into the conversation. “A clerical sister, actually. You can tell by the markings on her clothes.”

“A servant of Dai Celesta, huh?” Dartemus said, scratching at his beard. “And she was nice to you, son?”

“Very nice.”

“Hodgepodge!”

“Hodge…podge?”

“Women aren’t nice to Men without a reason. Perhaps she couldn’t tell you were a Man.” He grabbed Frankie by the chin and turned his head from one side to the other. “No wonder. You have no manly facial hair. You’re like a Woman without size.”

“Don’t insult the boy,” the old man said.

“Bah!”

“I’m telling you,” Frankie persisted, “she’s very nice. She’ll help us if we ask her.”

“We’re not asking any damn Women for their help. They’re the reason we’re prisoners in this kingdom.”

“I don’t care. She saved me.” And with that, he started to squeeze under the rim of the bucket.

Dartemus grabbed him by the collar of the shirt and held him back. “What are you doing, son? You can’t go out there. You’ll be stepped on within a minute.”

“Not if she sees me.”

“Especially if she sees you!”

“Aye,” the old man nodded. “You look quick, boy, but I’ve never known a Man to outrun a Woman.”

“Except Speedy,” Dartemus said. “You remember him?”

“The crazy guy who lived south of Penee and talked so fast that his mouth was always on fire?”

“Yeah, and he had that big obsession for cheese.”

“Cheese… Yeah, cheese, that’s right.”

‘Yeah, good ol’ Speedy.”

“Damn shame he got caught in that mousetrap.”

“Always knew the cheese would do him in.”

“Aye.”

“Always the cheese.”

“Does a body no good.”

“I have no idea what you two are talking about,” Frankie said, “but I’m going to thank the nice girl for saving me.”

Dartemus pulled him back again. “Don’t be a fool, son! She’s not your friend.”

“She’s not my enemy either.”

“Bah, all Women are your enemies!”

Frankie looked up at him. “…And all Men are your friends?”

“Well…no, not all of them. There are some that would sell you out for a scrap of yesterday’s meatloaf.”

“Then don’t you think there might be some good Women in this world? Some who would give you food for no reason?”

“Bah! It’s all hokey-pokey, son.”

“Why does he keep saying these weird things?” Frankie asked the old man.

The old man could only shake his head.

“Women do nothing unless they have something to gain,” Dartemus said. “To them, Men are nothing more than tiny blocks to put under their throne and elevate themselves up higher. We are pawns in a game of chess with no queen on our side! We are little more than—”

“Enough with the drawn-out analogies,” the old man interrupted. “The boy has already left us.”

“What!?”

Sure enough, Frankie had squirmed out of Dartemus’ grasp and the bucket and he was now running towards Aisha with his arms raised, like some sort of crazed madman trying to flag down a plane.

“We better get the bucket moving,” the old man said. “It’s too late for the little one.” He snapped his fingers and called out to the natives. “Hoist the rim! We’re moving out.”

The bucket started to go up, but Dartemus pushed it back down. “No. We leave no man behind.”

He couldn’t see it, but there was a sly grin hidden behind the old man’s lips. “I thought you said the boy was no man.”

“Not yet… Not yet, he’s not. But every boy deserves to live long enough to be a man.”

“Aye, you’re a good soldier, Dartemus… The Bucket Brigade has your back.”

Dartemus put his hand on the old man’s shoulder. “Thank you.” Then he pushed off, rolling under the rim of the bucket, and took off towards Frankie and the enemy of his eye.

The old man turned around and twirled his finger in the air. “Okay, Men, hoist the rim! We’re moving out.”

Meanwhile, Dartemus had managed to overcome Frankie and tackled him to the floor. They rolled across the red carpet, grunting like fools, and came to a gasping halt only a hair away from Aisha’s white slippers. All they could was stare up at her and hold their breaths, afraid that the slightest sound would cause a twitch in her foot that would crush them both like tiny carpet strands.

Dartemus pressed his hand over Frankie’s mouth. “Not a word, son. The beast hasn’t seen us yet.”

“She’s not a beast,” Frankie said through a muffled voice.

“She will surely kill us all.”

“But—”

“Come, son. We must leave this kingdom behind. We are not welcome here.”

“Rachelle, let me in!” Aisha said, pounding at the door. But her cries weren’t answered. She stepped back and held the pillow tight. “I can’t do this without you, Rachelle… I can’t go back alone.”

“Now’s our chance,” Dartemus said, grabbing Frankie’s arm. “Flee while the beast is distracted!”

“She’s not a beast!” Frankie called out again. “She’s my friend. She can help us.”

“Don’t make me spank you, son.”

“Aisha! Aisha, help me!”

Aisha’s ears perked up. “Rachelle…?”

“No, down here!”

Aisha looked down. Near her feet, she saw a little boy and a crazed, hairy man dragging the boy across the floor by his ankles. She put one foot behind them, to stop the hairy man, and then knelt down next to them.

“Frankie—is that you?” she asked.

The boy and the man looked up at her in awe.

“The eye of the beast…” Dartemus whispered. “She draws near.”

“What beast?”

“Back, vile Woman! Back to the primordial swamp that spawned you!”

Aisha tucked the pillow between her knees. “I’m not going to hurt you. At least, not unless you’re hurting Frankie. And even then, I don’t know. I’m a pacifist by nature and I’m really just looking out for the best of everyone…”

Dartemus shielded Frankie with his half-naked body. “Do not try to confuse me with your talk of logic! I know how you Women think. You try to manipulate us, to lure us into a false sense of security, like a wicked urchin waiting to push us over the edge.” He reached for his imaginary sword. “I will not be fooled again.”

“Really, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Told you,” Frankie said.

Dartemus lowered his hand. “Bah! What kind of Woman are you anyway?”

“The kind who is trying to fight for your rights,” she answered. “Why do you have to accuse me of such evil?”

“Because you are a servant to Dai Celesta! You carry out her will without a thought of your own.”

“…We’re not all evil, you know.”

“Paint the world what you want. You all march under the same flag.”

Aisha shook her head. “I want no part in the killing of Men… You deserve to live as much as any Woman.”

Dartemus didn’t know what to say. He just stared at her, dumbfounded, and a single strand of droll began to work its way down from his bearded lips.

“You, Miss—” he murmured, “—are a saint.”

She gave a half-smile. “I’m glad someone thinks so… Lately, it seems I’m the one on the dark side. …But I know I’m not blind. I know where my heart lies.”

“Then leave this kingdom. Come with us—to Penee, to our home.”

“You’d invite me so quickly?” she asked. “You hardly know me.”

“I know you haven’t stepped on me yet. I know you haven’t squeezed me into wine or popped my head like a grape. For that, you at least deserve an invitation to Penee.”

“Thank you, but I feel I’ll be as welcome there as you are here.”

Dartemus nodded. “I understand. It’s probably for the best.”

“Mm…” Aisha paused and then gradually looked over her shoulder, where a bright red bucket was creeping her way. “…Are they with you?”

“Who?”

“The people in the bucket.”

“What bucket?”

Aisha pointed down, to where the bucket stood by her feet with a bunch of men hurdled together under the rim, waving to Dartemus and Frankie. “I think they want you to go with them.”

“Aye,” Dartemus said. “So they do.”

“You should probably go…”

“Don’t you want to know what we’re running from?” Frankie asked.

“The less I know, the better. …Please, don’t tell me anything.”

“Listen to the lady,” Dartemus said, taking Frankie’s wrist again. “…Sister Aisha—is that what they call you?”

“Yes. Sometimes.”

“Thank you. In our fifteen seconds of meeting, I’ve learned that some Women are less evil than others. And I am proud to say that you’re one of them.”

“The lesser of two evils?” she said, with another trying smile.

“Yes… The lesser of two evils…” And for a moment, he thought he had turned away. He thought he had climbed back in the bucket with Frankie and the old man and the rest of the natives and had left this godforsaken castle once and for all. He even thought he was back in Penee, with his brother, with his family, with the people he knew. He thought he had shaved off all this excess hair and taken a real bath for the first time in months…

He thought, for a moment, that it was all over. That he could finally rest.

But it was all just a dream. In reality, all he could think of was the past. Isabella and those snake green eyes. Oh, sure, she was evil. Evil as hell. There was no denying that. Even her own mother would vouch for that.

But what of those Forsaken girls? What of Gena and Roxanne? What could they do to the kingdom—to Ellewyn, to Kaligar, to Penee? The last Forsaken to gain power…was Sorena.

What would happen this time?

The lesser of two evils. Something had to give.

“Sister Aisha…” Dartemus said, turning around. “There is something you must know about your queen.”