Neverquest – Part 136

Characters: Queen Isabella, Fallon, Aisha, Lord Dartemus, and the entire Bucket Brigade
Location: Isabella’s room
Time: Day 5 – Early morning


“Off with your heads—all of you!”

Queen Isabella looked at herself in the mirror, straightened the hemline of her dress, and practiced saying it again. “On your knees and off with your heads, peasants!”

“It’s no good, Fallon…” she said with a frown. “I can’t condemn them to an eternal death without laughing. …Oooh, I’ll never be like Mother!”

“…Perhaps you should consider giving them a fair trial,” Fallon suggested. “It’s a bit too early to sentence them all to death, especially when a good number of them came to—”

“Do I look pretty?”

“Isabella, you’re doing it again…”

She spun around, flaunting a dazzling green dress that trickled down her chest and swelled out from her legs like the layers of a cake. It left her shoulders bare, but she had decided to let her hair down, allowing the curls to fold over her skin and rain down her back.

“I said,” she repeated. “Do I look pretty?”

Fallon forced a smile. “Isabella, you always look pretty. You are the envy of all members of the castle.”

“Oh, I know. I know, dear Fallon. I just wanted to hear you say it.” She turned back to the mirror and raised her arm. “Worthless creatures, you disgust me! Off with your heads so that I may use them in my next polo match.”

“…I think this would be considered an abuse of power, Isabella. You can’t sentence them all without a hearing.”

“Ugh. Things were much better in the old days, where you could just wave your hand and heads would fly. How come we couldn’t have been born back then? Since when did peasants get the same rights as the rest of us?”

Fallon sighed. “Look…Isabella, Your Highness. Can we talk, as friends?”

“Of course, Fallon. You’re my best friend.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, if you weren’t and you spoke to me like a commoner, I’d have you tied and gagged and stuffed inside my mattress.”

“I know, …Isabella. All I’m saying is that, with the exception of Gena and Roxanne, everybody at the bell tower came to save you.”

“And failed miserably. I could’ve died from pneumonia or sheer boredom while they were running around and acting like fools. How can you tell me they don’t deserve to die?”

“Well, what about Lucilla and Cara?”

“Ha!” Isabella scrunched her nose. “And ha, again! I’m only sorry I waited so long to see how worthless they were as bodyguards. You can bet I’ll find a more suitable place for them. Maybe cleaning my servants’ undergarments.”

“Your mother, the Queen, specifically chose Lucilla as the royal captain of the Paladins. As much as you want to, Isabella, you can’t just demote her to…undergarment duty.”

Isabella patted her hair. “You know, it’s funny how your lips move and words attempt to come out, but I just don’t hear anything. Such a shame because you have such a pretty voice.”

“Isabella…”

“La la la.”

“I just—”

“La la la la.”

“If you could—”

“LA LA LA LA LA!”

By now, Isabella had a thumb in each ear, two fingers prying open her eyes, and her pinkies fitted into the corners of her mouth. Then she stuck her tongue out, bobbed her head from side to side, and yammered complete nonsense every time Fallon tried to speak.

After a minute or so, Fallon gave up and fell back on Isabella’s bed in a fury of frustration.

Isabella smirked and pulled her fingers away from her face. “Aww, I’m sorry, Fallon. I didn’t mean to make your face turn all red. Would you like to cry on my shoulder for a bit?” She patted her arm and pushed out on her lower lip. “Poor wittle baby needs a hug.”

“…Really, Isabella, I don’t think you take this job seriously enough sometimes…”

“Come here, wittle baby. I’ll kiss it and make it all better.”

Fallon paused and looked down at her feet. “I know it’s not my place to say anything and I can’t force you to listen to me, Isabella, but—as a friend, your best friend—I have to speak my mind.”

Popping her lip back into her mouth, Isabella nodded and looked away. “Well… I respect your passivity. A lesser woman would’ve stood up to me, but not you—not you, Fallon. And do you know why? Because you know your place in the system and I thank you for that. You truly are the best servant a girl could ask for.”

“Thank you, …Isabella.”

“Now, go fetch me some breakfast! I’m dying for some toast and butter.”

Fallon stood up and bowed. “Of course.”

With a smirk, Isabella grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. “I’m kidding, Fallon. It’s not your job to get my food.” Then she snapped her fingers and called out to the guard in the doorway. “Hey, you—the idiot wearing the bucket over her head—go fetch me some food!”

The guard turned around. “…Me, Your Highness?”

“I don’t see any other idiots wearing buckets on their heads,” Isabella said, knocking on her own noggin.

“W-well, I was put in charge of guarding you, Your Highness. I can’t just leave. After the attempt on your life, I—”

Beaming, Isabella folded her hands in her lap and leaned forward. “I’m sorry, the only sound I should be hearing right now is the soft pitter-patter of your boots marching to the royal kitchen and bringing me back a feast before I have to go to court. But if that’s too complicated for you, I’m sure I can get you as job as a doorstopper.”

“…As you wish, Your Highness.”

Isabella laughed as the guard walked away. “Isn’t power wonderful, Fallon? And just think—when she gets back, I’m going to fire her anyway! That’s what she gets for leaving her post. Golly, what if something happened to me while she was gone?”

“Isabella, the trial…”

“Oh, yes, yes.” Isabella took Fallon’s hands and led her over to the bed, where they sat down. “You were saying how I shouldn’t sentence everyone to death before the trial.”

“Right, I—”

“Should I wait until they start speaking? Maybe let one or two of them talk and then stand up and declare they all must die. Would that be the best way?”

“Well…no. No, it wouldn’t, Isabella.”

“Then you think maybe we should just skip the trial and move right to the execution? You could wheel in the guillotine and the look on their faces would be priceless! They’d be all…” She held up her hands and opened her eyes and mouth as wide as she could, gasping. Then she barreled over in a fit of giggles and landed on her back on the mattress. “…Priceless.”

Fallon didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, she didn’t have to say anything because, at that moment, Aisha appeared in the doorway with a guard on either side of her. She gave a timid smile, holding a red bucket against her chest.

“You…wanted to see me, Your Highness?” she said.

Isabella sat up and waved to the guards. “You idiots can go.”

Aisha looked over her shoulder as the guards stepped back, shutting the double doors. Then she slowly turned back to Isabella. “…When I heard of your plight, I had to—”

“Fallon told me. It’s okay.” Isabella smiled and motioned for Aisha that it was safe to come closer. “Sister, if not for you, I might still be stuck in that tower with all the fools.”

“It was nothing…”

“It was everything! I’m the most important person in this kingdom and you saved me. How can you call that ‘nothing’?”

Aisha blushed. “I was just passing on what I heard to Fallon… I have the real heroes here.”

“No!” came a whispered cry from the bucket. Lord Dartemus looked up at Aisha and began making slitting motions across his throat. “Don’t tell her about us. We want to remain anonymous. Anonymous, you fool.”

“That’s my bucket!” Isabella said. “What are you doing with my bucket?”

Aisha held out the bucket. “These are the wonderful creatures who told me of the danger you were in. They saved you, Your Highness. If anything, you owe your lives to them.”

But even with the bucket in front of her, Isabella continued to stare at Aisha with her mouth agape. How could her saviors be in a bucket? What were they? Frogs? Insects? Mice?

Or worse…

With her eyes as wide as fists, she slowly turned her head towards the bucket and saw what was inside.

Her face was expressionless. Her lips were unmoving. Then, just when it seemed she was about to say something, her shoulders sank and she fainted to the floor.