Neverquest – Part 142

Characters: Russell, Wallace, Duchess May
Location: The courtyard within the House of Femmington
Time: Day 5 – Morning

Russell and Wallace stood in the courtyard, looking up at the window they had just escaped from. Then they turned their eyes to what laid in front of them—miles upon miles of lush, living, breathing vegetation. Trees like mountains, vines like hair, and what appeared to be rivers of mud flowed freely in this rock dome. There were no escapes—no cracks in the stone wall, no open doors—only a sky of green and filtered sunlight that glittered like jade on their armor. And the vegetation called out to them, beckoning them in. It warned them, and welcomed them, to join the dark mist.

“…This doesn’t feel right,” Russell said. “Who puts a jungle in their backyard anyway?”

Wallace took a step forward, following a cobblestone path that was only wide enough for a creature their size. “I don’t think we’re in that girl’s backyard, sir. I think we’re in the courtyard and her house is surrounding us on all sides."

“Great. That means we still need to go through her house if we want to get out of here.”

Wallace stopped. “…I don’t think this is a jungle either, sir."

“What do you mean?”

He followed Wallace’s finger to a sign—a chipped wooden sign that was overgrown in vines but read very clearly, in the bloodiest of letters, May’s Playground. And dangling from the sign, with nails driven through their heads, were the skeletal remains of Men just like them, dancing like fools in the wind.

“…You get the feeling she wanted us to come here?” Russell asked.

“It’s crossed my mind.”

Russell turned away from the sign. “Come on. If we stay here, we’re dead.” They followed the path until they came to a small bridge. It was painted red and white, arching over the muddy stream, and, just like the path, it was the perfect size for them to cross. In fact, it was a little too perfect, a little too welcoming…

Wallace pulled Russell back. “Wait, sir. I don’t think we should use the bridge.”

“Why not?”

“Look at it. It’s too small for that girl to use. But it’s the perfect size for us. Which means it was meant for us.”

“Which means it’s probably rigged,” Russell nodded. “Right. Good eye, Wallace.” He marched off the trail and down towards the stream. “We’ll cross the river on foot.”

“Assuming that’s not a trap, too.”

“Hmm…” Russell stopped at the water’s edge. “Piranhas, you think?”

“Maybe underwater mines.”

“Could be.”

“Only one way to find out.”

Nodding again, Russell knelt down and carefully dipped his hands into the murky water. When nothing latched onto him, he slid them in further and then his eyebrows lifted. Elbow-deep in the brown goop, he turned to Wallace and said, “It’s warm.”

“Warm, sir?”

Without a word, Russell cupped his hands together and scooped out a sample of the water. He brought it to his face, took a whiff, and then tilted his head back and drank it.

“Um…sir?”

He spat out the rest. “Chocolate.”

“That’s strange. Why would she have a river of chocolate?”

“So the two of you go down better. Dry Men are the worst to swallow.”

Russell and Wallace froze. They knew that voice, the way it pricked their skin like cold snow, even before they turned around to see her standing with a foot on either side of them.

“Hello, boys,” she said. “It’s so nice of you to come out and play.” She smiled down at them, wearing a bare shoulder, leather hide tunic that was strapped around her back, and tight leggings made of animal fur. In her hair, she wore a pale yellow carnation—one that looked like the moon against the night sky—and her bangs were lightly brushed aside. But that wasn’t all she carried with her. She also had a wooden bow around her shoulders and a quiver around her back. In one hand, she held a stiletto, and in the other, a small spear used for catching fish. And all around her hip, she wore a girdle that was filled with throwing stars. “You did come out to play, didn’t you?” she asked.

Russell gazed up at her. “…Would it make a difference?”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. See, when I hunt squirrels and bunnies and other forest creatures that are destined to be my slippers, they actually run from me. They don’t realize I’m just playing around. It’s like, if I wanted them dead, I wouldn’t even bother with the chase.” She squatted down and leaned against her spear. “That’s why I like hunting you Men the most. You’re as dumb as an animal, but we share the same language, so I know you’ll understand me when I say there’s only one way out of here…and it’s straight through me.”

“You expect us to beat you?”

May laughed. “No, I really mean the only way out is through me. Everything here—the plants, the animals, the chocolate rivers, even the grass—is edible. Anything you touch here will someday be consumed by me. Isn’t that wonderful? You’ve entered my cycle of life.”

“…You can’t be serious,” Wallace said.

“Oh, but sadly, I am.” She sighed heavily and then smiled again. “When I was a little girl, my mother had a garden out here. And I used to sneak out of the house at night, just when the plants were ripe for harvesting, and pluck them right off the vine. That’s when they were the best for eating. If you waited any longer, the rabbits would get to them… And then, as I got older, I came up with a wonderful solution. If I ate the rabbits, it wouldn’t matter if they got to the plants first. They’d all end up in the same place anyway.”

 “That’s precisely the kind of logic one would expect from a demonic child like you,” Russell said. “Unfortunately, we’re not here for you to eat us.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you have some other purpose in life?”

“As a matter of fact—”

“Yeah, don’t care. You’re in my playground now. You’re going to be hunted and you’re going to like it.”

“She’s a bigger brat than Sophia ever was,” Russell whispered to Wallace.

“My daughters as well,” he agreed.

“Chalk it up for bad parenting?”

“Like mother, like daughter.”

“Might have to resort to paddling for this one.”

“I’ll get the broomstick.”

“I’ll grab the whip.”

May cocked her head to the side. “Um, hello? Insignificant creatures? I know you’re down there. You’re not that small.”

“She’s onto us, sir,” Wallace said.

“My foot’s about to be ‘on to’ you if you don’t start running,” she snapped, digging her toes into the ground. When they didn’t move, she kicked dirt in their faces. “Now! You’re no good to me if you aren’t fleeing in terror.”

Wallace ran a hand across his brow. “Why, I do believe she’s giving us a headstart, sir.”

“She really is too kind,” Russell said. “Especially to a couple of old men like us.”

“Yes, sir. There’s no way we can keep up with legs like those. Have you seen them?”

Russell looked at the bronze tree trunks that were May’s legs. “Why, you know, I think I have… But the last time I saw them, they belonged to a prostitute. A cheap one, too.”

“I don’t think the legs have changed owners, sir.”

“Aye, so they haven’t.”

May smiled, because they were smiling, and she leaned forward with her hands on her knees and showed them her every one of her glittering teeth. “…You know, some girls would find you cute, but I like to rip the wings off butterflies and I’d just as soon nail your limbs to the wall and complete my collection of the most annoying insects to walk my garden.” She smirked. “You might be the first two whose bodies aren’t splattered on the wall where I squashed them.”

“I guess you’re not used to men who don’t run at the sight of you,” Russell said.

“Maybe you’re just stupider than the others.”

“Or maybe we’re a couple of old war veterans who aren’t afraid of an oversized Bratz doll,” Wallace said.

“That so?” May raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps you’re not taking this game seriously. If you won’t run from me, I won’t get the satisfaction of hunting you both down before I kill you. And since the fun is in the chase, I guess I’m all out of options.”

“Then you’ll let us go?”

“No, that wouldn’t be very sporting either…” She touched a finger to her blood-red lips and smiled again. “But I might be swayed to let your friends go…you know, the ones inside me, being painfully dissolved into itty, bitty nutrients as we speak…if you humor me in my pursuits. And before you say anything, know this. This body has been trained by the Monks of the Blue Rose to be the perfect killing machine. I control every part of my body…from my arms, to my legs, to every organ inside of me. That’s right. I’ve learned to control my heartbeat and the acids in my stomach. Of course, I can’t stop the acids from consuming your friends over time, but I can speed up the process…or slow it down, if you agree to my terms.”

“And how can we trust you?” Russell asked.

“Come now. I may be a hunter, but I’m all about fair game. If you can best me in my playground, then there is no shame in me honoring my word. It’s a final act of redemption and I take it very seriously. After all, unlike you worthless Men, I have an image to keep up.”

Russell and Wallace looked at each other. She seemed sincere enough.

“...Even if we agreed,” Wallace said, “there’s no telling how much longer Bob and Guy can last. You should release them before you begin chasing us.”

“No. They had their chance to escape and they failed. Now, they’re learning the consequences of that.” Then she leaned forward and her voice became a cold, dark whisper. “But you’re war veterans. It’s in your code of honor to never leave a Man behind, isn’t it? Yes, I know. And I know if you could hear them inside of me…screaming to be let out…you would have no choice but to play my game by my rules. Why, I fear that might be the only chance they have.”

“...What are your terms?”

May’s smirk grew. “I’ll make it simple so even you can understand. There’s a golden monkey somewhere in my playground. Find it before I find you. The condition in which you next see your friends depends on it.”