Neverquest – Part 152

Characters: Lord Dartemus, Frankie, Mundo, Isaac, Grandpa, Quentin, Cid, and the Bucket Brigade
Location: The sewers under Felwinter
Time: Day 5 – Afternoon

“I thought I’d never see you again.”

Grandpa smiled and bent down to hug his grandson. “Come here, big guy. It sounds like you had quite the adventure.”

Frankie nodded and stayed in his grandpa’s arms for a while longer.

The group had spent over an hour exchanging stories and introductions. Lord Dartemus told Mundo and Isaac of his homeland and his recent escape from Isabella after three months of captivity. The Bucket Brigade shared tales of their time with the bratty princess and the kids of the real world found themselves talking through the chain of events that led them to these dark sewers without a mention of the other world.

It was strange. The longer they were here, the more they began to accept Neverquest as their new reality; they were, after all, interwoven into all that was happening. But as scary as it was, they had proven themselves capable of surviving in a land where their kind can be killed without a second thought. They had walked the tightrope of life and outsmarted the great ‘ruler’ of the kingdom. Sure, Isabella was only pretending to be the legitimate queen, but they still made a fool out of her. Together, they felt they could do anything.

Somehow, being amongst these rugged Men, they felt more at home than they ever did in the real world. Somewhere between the sword and the magic, they had found their place.

So fascinated was Quentin that he decided to share his feelings with the rest of the group.

“I’m going to write a song,” he declared. “An ode to us worldly travelers!” He tapped his flute against the side of his head. “…What rhymes with ‘Penee’?”

“Penee…” Dartemus closed his eyes. “How I miss the smell of grease and rusty metal.”

“I’d like to visit your kingdom someday,” Mundo said. “A whole city that runs on steam power sounds amazing.”

“I only hope it is still standing. My brother is not ready to take my seat next to the king. He’s too young and ambitious and out-of-touch with reality.”

“So is Isabella, but they gave her the crown anyway.”

Dartemus nodded grimly. “The last thing I want is to come home to another Ellewyn.”

“I’m sure your brother’s not that bad.”

“As bad as Isabella?” Dartemus raised an eyebrow. “No. No, he’s not… But I fear what he might do if given power.”

“Yeah, he might wage a pathetic attack against the most powerful kingdom in the world and get his ass kicked,” Isaac said. “…Oh, wait. That’s what happened to you.”

“We were ambushed!”

“You didn’t stand a chance.” He looked around. “None of us do. Not against these girls.”

“That’s not true,” Dartemus said. “Not all Women are strong and not all Men are weak. There is a balance that keeps our people alive.”

Cid thumped his chest. “He’s right. The average Man can lift five times his own weight. The average Woman is lucky to lift her own weight.”

“Yeah, except her weight is enough to crush a whole army of you,” Isaac said.

“Also not true!” Dartemus interrupted. “In combat, Men are positioned far apart. We use our size as an advantage by hiding in the surroundings and moving without being seen. We can also run faster and slip into places where Women cannot follow. You see, our own weakness has become our greatest strength.”

“It sounds like a cowardly way to fight.”

“What would you have us do, Warrior? Would you rather us stand toe-to-toe with these Women?”

“Personally, I’m getting a little tired of looking at their toes all the time,” Mundo said.

Quentin stared dreamily into his flute. “I’m not.”

“I’m not trying to tell you how to stage a battle,” Isaac explained, “but I have learned some things in my time.” He put a hand on Dartemus’ shoulder. “You need to start using all your advantages. Your size gives you a lot more than a few good hiding places and quick feet.”

Dartemus considered this.

“On their home turf, out in the open, or one-on-one, you’ll get massacred. Use your numbers to your advantage. I’ve seen ants take down a spider simply by overwhelming him.”

“And you don’t consider that a cowardly way to fight?”

“The way I see it, Men in this world get along much better than Women. We’re more organized and better equipped to work as a team.” He shrugged. “What’s wrong with a little gangbanging to even the odds?”

“Women do tend to bicker a lot,” Mundo pointed out.

“Just like back at home.”

They shared a quick laugh, but it died out quickly. None of them wanted to think about that. Just thinking about the real world, about the girls who had helped them on this journey…

“…I miss my sister,” Frankie said.

Isaac sank down beside him. “I miss my Kim, kid.”

“More of this talk of Women!” Dartemus exclaimed. “What is wrong with you people? Do you not understand that they are the enemy?”

“They’re not all bad,” Isaac said. “Hell, maybe that’s another thing you need to start using to your advantage.”

“And what’s that?”

“You shouldn’t be blaming all your problems on Ellewyn. Not every girl here wants to see you dead.”

“Quite a few of them have actually stood by us,” Mundo agreed. “Kendira, Olivia, that sexy paladin chick…”

Dartemus grunted a response and turned away.

“And what about Sister Aisha?” Frankie asked. “I told you we could trust her.”

Quentin stroked his flute as if it was a cat. “Aisha was nice. She had such cute toes…”

“You forget,” Dartemus said, “that it was because of this ‘Aisha’ that we ended up in these sewers.”

“She wasn’t the one who flushed us,” Frankie argued.

Cid ruffled the boy’s hair. “The little one is right. It was Isabella who pulled the lever.”

“And it was Isabella who locked my sister and her friend in the dungeon.”

“And it was Isabella who killed your men and took you prisoner,” Isaac said, looking up at Dartemus. “Face it, man. The kingdom’s not to blame. All your problems—and most of ours—can be traced back to the brat on the throne.”

“And Gena,” Mundo said. “You can’t forget Gena.”

“Hey, Gena’s a nice person!” Frankie snapped. “She gave me cake.”

“Are you sure she didn’t spit on it first?”

“Or rub it all over her bare feet while standing in a pool of whipped cream and chocolate fudge and forcing you to lick her toes clean one at a time while she watches?” Quentin asked. “Because that would be…” Everybody was staring at him. “…Like, even more disgusting…than spitting on it…” He slowly drew back into the shadows.

“…Seriously, do you have any purpose or contribution to our ongoing adventure?”

“I play the flute.”

“I thought so.” Mundo turned to Dartemus. “We could survive a lot longer in this world if we learn to trust the right women.”

“And you think you know the ones we can trust?” Dartemus asked.

“Well, I know Penee is a long journey from here on foot. I’m guessing it’s not a safe trip either.”

“Very dangerous, in fact. We could navigate through these sewers and be out of Ellewyn within a fortnight, but the crossing of Kaligar is much more difficult. The land is mostly uninhabited and even if we stick to the few roads that do exist—which, by the way, are patrolled by the Blades, a terrible group of Women who take pleasure in ‘cleansing’ the world of our kind—Penee is at least fifty miles out from even the smallest nearby city. And we can’t expect any help from Princess Erika. If we’re caught, we’ll be forced into one of her many slave labor camps for the rest of our lives, if we’re not killed first.” His eyes grew narrow. “And unlike Ellewyn, where people are too afraid to act out against authority, there’s a do-as-long-as-the-princess-doesn’t-find-out mentality that stretches to even the most remote parts of Kaligar. Murder is a daily occurrence. Erika tries to pass her kingdom off as a ‘free land,’ but the whole filthy thing is merely a hideaway for thieves and rogue bounty hunters looking to line their coin purses. Only a fool would try to make it to Penee alone.”

“Then how do you expect to do it?”

“As a team, like the Black Warrior says. We are the Bucket Brigade. We can do this.”

“The Black Warrior…” Isaac grinned. “I like that.”

“You are all welcome to join us, of course,” Dartemus said. “We could use a Warrior and a Shaman and a Wizard on our journey home.”

Quentin poked his head out of the shadows. “What about me?”

“…Well, I guess we have room for a Bard, too.”

“Yes! My songs of mirth and valor will invigorate us with the stamina needed to endure such a perilous—”

“I like it better when you don’t talk.”

“I can work on my instrumentals.”

“You do that.”

“Whoa, hang on,” Isaac said. “I’m not joining you guys on your quest to Sausage Fest Land. I’m not even setting foot outside of this city until I find Kim.”

“And I’m not leaving without my sister,” Frankie said.

Grandpa nodded, resting against his staff. “I am staying with the boy. I would like to see Siarra again.”

“I understand,” Dartemus said. He turned to Mundo. “What about you, Shaman? Would the Gallahorn Clan like to join forces with the Bucket Brigade?”

“Well…” Mundo started. “First of all, I already told you that the Gallahorn Clan doesn’t really exist. I made it up to impress Countess Olivia.”

“Why would you want to impress a Woman? It’s not like they’re going to fall in love with you because you’re strong or belong to some elite group.”

“Yeah, I’m still trying to get used to that…”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” Mundo leaned against the wall and started to think. “…Look, I think we should need to leave this city as soon as possible. We were better off meeting strange men and elves in the forest than we have been living here in Isabellaland.”

“I’m pretty sure the city is named Felwinter.”

“I also think we need to consider what we’re going to do once we’re outside the city walls. I’m sure there are better, safer towns for us to visit…but everybody we know and have met is still here. There’s no telling if we’ll find another friendly face in this world.” He scratched his head. “I think we should find the others before we go anywhere.”

“The ‘others’ meaning these…Women you are so quick to trust?” Dartemus asked.

“Well, Siarra and Kim, at least. If you want the rest of my group to go with you, we’ll at least need them.”

“We can trust them,” Frankie said. “I think we can trust Gena, too!”

Mundo stared at him. “Yeah, we’re not bringing Gena with us.”

“Aw.”

“Maybe Aisha…”

“So she can trip on a rock and crush us all?” Dartemus laughed. “I don’t care how nice she pretends to be. We’re not bringing a clumsy girl on an already treacherous journey.”

“We don’t know where Master Luna took Kendira, but I’m pretty sure they’re not still in Felwinter.”

“Master Luna…” Dartemus couldn’t hide the smile that was coming on. “I have heard great things about her. The Men at Penee have nicknamed her ‘Last Hope’ because she seems to be the only Woman who will fight for us in our hour of need.”

“You see,” Isaac said. “They’re not all corrupt and evil. And I know my Kimmy would do everything in her power to protect us.”

“Siarra too!” Frankie chirped in.

“…Okay,” Dartemus said. “We will find these two Women and ask for their assistance.”

There were cheers all around.

“But I’m still not happy about it!”

“…Should I sing you a song to cheer you up?” Quentin asked.

Cid snatched his flute away and held it in the air.

“Hey, give that back!”

While Quentin hopped up and down in a sad attempt to retrieve his instrument, Mundo turned back to Dartemus.

“I can’t ask you or your people to join me,” he said. “Finding Siarra and Kim may be more dangerous than the journey itself.”

“But the Bucket Brigade can help you.”

“Yeah, about that…” He took Dartemus aside. “I don’t know if you noticed, but most of your men are…um…naked.”

“That doesn’t mean they don’t know how to fight!”

“But we’re not after fighters here. We need to be able to sneak around without being spotted. That’s our best chance of finding the girls.”

“Surely Cid can help you. The rule of thumb has always been at least two Men on any quest.”

Mundo looked over at the big guy, now bopping Quentin on the head with his own flute.

“I don’t know,” he said. “He’s rather large, even for a Man. I’ll need someone small, if I’m going to bring anyone else, but I’m not willing to risk Frankie’s life.”

“No, that would be no good… The boy is much too young.”

“And his grandpa is much too old. I’ll need someone who can keep up.”

Dartemus thought it over. He couldn’t let Mundo go into the crowded streets of Felwinter alone. “Well…what about me?”

“Or me.” Isaac shoved his way in between them. “What the hell is wrong with you, man? If you’re going to look for Kim, you know I’m coming with you.”

Mundo took a step back. “I just thought—”

“I’m coming. Kim needs us and we need her.” He grabbed Mundo by the collar and pulled him closer. “We’re going to find her. This is the one game I refuse to lose at.”

“Then it’s settled!” Dartemus declared. “Mundo and Isaac will go to look for the evil vixens—”

Isaac glared at him.

“I mean—sweet girls…while the rest of us stay here to recuperate.”

“That’s not fair!” Frankie said. “I want to go find my sister.”

“Ah, my boy, one does not go looking for the grasshopper,” Grandpa said, waving a wise finger in the air. “Should the boy sit and meditate, the grasshopper...will come to him.”

Isaac stared for a moment and then walked over to them. “Old man, are you smoking again?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dude, I see the pipe in your hand.”

“Get back! I’m unarmed.”

“Give me that!”

Mundo sighed. “…Lord Dartemus, will you and your people be safe in here?”

“We may need to gather some provisions to make it through the night, but we should be okay.”

“Okay…” They shook hands and Mundo tried to look hopeful. “If we’re not back by sunrise, take your men and leave the city. Isaac and I will catch up…once we find Siarra and Kim…if we’re not dead by then.”

“We’ll be waiting, friend.”