TILBOP PART 11
ONCE LAMMY HAD FINALLY REACHED JOE CHIN'S DOGGY-DOORED TWO-STORY HOUSE (THAT HE WAS IRONICALLY THE ONLY PERSON OR THING LIVING IN) AND DEVIOUSLY SNUCK HER WAY INTO HIS BEDROOM VIA EXTREMELY LIBERAL SHRINK-RAY USAGE WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP...
"I...I was NICE today..." Lammy whispered disbelievingly to herself as she pulled out a tranquilizer gun from her pocket and literally shot Joe right in the ass with it while Parappa and Ma-San just sat there in her brain and ate makeshift popcorn chicken that they had made from pieces OF it. "NICE to all those INSIPID...little VEGETABLES...ANSWERING their STUPID letters..."
"My MIND...FILTHY!" Lammy cringed in disgust as she thought back to all of the unspeakably disgusting and perverted things that she had already done throughout her lifetime, most ESPECIALLY the immediate adventure that had been leading up to this point. "THE FILTH WON'T WASH OUT! GYAAAAHHHHH!" Lammy doubled over onto her knees, tightly clutched her head with her hands and shrieked in horror as she remembered what had happened with Fleaswallow and Cathy Pillar in particular.
"SECRETARY...what a JOKE!" Lammy stripped herself naked (obviously to represent her blind animalistic rage toward society; read, TOTALLY not for fanservice reasons) and continued helplessly whispering to herself and trembling in horror as she laid face-up on Joe's king-size bed right next to him and tightly pressed her tired, deeply aching head against its hard, wooden headboard while pointing her gorgeous human soles directly out in front of her and seductively wiggling her dainty little toes.
"SECRETARY...secretary of WHAT?!" Lammy whispered increasingly terrifiedly to herself, curling her toes intensely, clutching the aforementioned headboard of the bed ridiculously tightly with her ferociously clenched hands and trembling audibly with pure unadulterated fear as she reluctantly turned her head over to the left side of her and saw Joe just casually sleeping right there on his bed like a defenseless little baby.
"HOW HE LOVES HIMSELF..." Lammy got down onto her knees and elbows and shivered intensely beneath her pillow, digging her fingers and toes as deep into the mattress as they could possibly go while she just continued lustfully(?) staring at Joe's big muscular body (granted, she had already long since forgotten that Joe was really just a great big fatass, but you get the idea).
"LOOK AT HIM...LYING THERE ASLEEP...THE IDOL OF FUCKING NO ONE BUT STEREOTYPICAL ALT-RIGHT REPUBLICAN DOUCHEBAGS AND HIMSELF..." Lammy redundantly, pervertedly moaned to herself as she slithered her severely malnourished, lanky-as-a-twig body over to where Joe was sleeping and began creeping toward him like a venomous snake that had just found its big muscular prey.
"HE'S A FAT FUCK!" Lammy shook her poor, aching head back into focus and realized as the mirage that the poor woman's horribly crippling brain damage had caused her to see of Joe's nonexistent superhero chest muscles disappeared, revealing him for the truly bloated, egotistical blob that he was.
"RACIST, SEXIST, FAT FUCK..." Lammy thought disgustedly to herself while Parappa and Ma-San just speechlessly sat in their seats and stared in horror at the absolute madness that was currently unraveling before them, not even entirely knowing for sure whether the first-person or third-person view had overall scarier results in this case.
"How easily...I could...trump the Trump...with THESE hands...THESE...DIRTY(!)...HA-HANDS!" Lammy began rambling derangedly to herself, clenching her hands and then finally balling them up into fists to signify her ever-growing anger and disgust toward herself.
"AND WITH THESE HANDS, I HOLD THE FATE OF MILLIONS..." Lammy chanted melodramatically to herself, turning her palms directly toward Joe and maliciously wiggling her fingers at him as the entire room suddenly inexplicably faded to black around her so that only her murderously grinning face and her freakishly long-fingered hands were visible.
"He thinks he's a GOD...BUT HE'S AS MORTAL AS WE..." Lammy went COMPLETELY off the deep end and began outright psychotically rambling to herself, scanning diligently over Joe's body with her intensely bloodshot eyes while Parappa and Ma-San suddenly realized that the poor woman had gone SO completely out of her mind that the internal control inputs FOR said mind no longer worked, and thus, they would have to stop her the good old-fashioned way...why, by causing even MORE damage to her extremely delicate brain, of course!
"JUSSST...ONNNE...QUICCCK...SNIP...AND IT'S OVER...JUSSST...ONNNEEE..." Lammy pulled out a legendary-weapons-grade pair of hedge shears that was literally about the size of her entire freaking BODY from her pants pockets and began moaningly, droolingly, sadistically chanting to herself while Parappa and Ma-San desperately began attacking her brain in hopes that it would distract her enough to get her to stop.
"If THIS doesn't do the trick, I dunno what WILL..." Parappa sighed as he forcefully, desperately slammed his fist right down onto the big red DO NOT PRESS button on the dashboard of Lammy's central nervous supercomputer and summoned a massive swarm of brain-stinging nano-bees into her already horribly wounded brain while he and Ma-San ran for dear life to the back exit and desperately made their way back into her nose so that they could escape from the poor thing's horrifically tormented head before it was too late.
"HAAH..." Lammy moaned with delight as she eagerly leaned toward Joe's blissfully unaware, still fast-asleep body and was literally RIGHT about to shear his entire top half RIGHT off of his bottom half in one fell snip...when all of a sudden, completely without warning, her brain began violently pulsating and swelling from the sheer number of vicious, angry bees that were now stinging it FROM THE INSIDE, causing her to drop her ludicrously gargantuan hedge shears altogether and begin holding a completely DIFFERENT thing entirely!
"HYUAUUUGGGGHHH!" Lammy leapt into the air, clutched her head tightly with both hands and loudly shrieked at the tops of her lungs in unbearable agony, with the tranquilizer that she had just shot Joe with luckily being so ridiculously powerful that he was somehow STILL one-hundred-percent fast asleep as a result.
"IT'S HAPPENING AGAAAIN! MY BRAINNN! MY HOT...STINGING...BRAAAAAAIN!" Lammy continued screaming and wailing in completely helpless pain and terror as her brain began swelling up to such outrageous extents that it actually looked as if it was seriously just about to literally BURST right out of her poor, internally bleeding head altogether!
"HWAAAAAYAAAAGH! HWAAAAAYAAAAAGH! HWAAAAAAYAAAAAAGH!" Lammy blood-curdlingly shrieked BEYOND the tops of her own lungs as the pain became so ungodly agonizing that it actually felt like she was literally being dragged into Hell yet again...when, all of a sudden, the bees FINALLY stopped, leaving her with yet ANOTHER new thing to worry about...something REALLY funky was going on in her nose!
"Come on, you won't know if it works until you try it!" Parappa playfully teased Ma-San as the two of them stood deeply inside Lammy's right nostril and began scratching themselves rigorously with their fingers so that a whole bunch of excess hairs from their fur would flake off and therefore irritate her nasal passageway enough to make her sneeze in almost the same absurdly over-the-top way that she just been screaming!
"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT, THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE LAST STRAW! NO MORE LITTLE MISS NICE GIRL! PARAPPA AND MA-SAN, IF YOU FUCKING SADISTIC MONGOLOIDS DON'T GET OUT OF MY GODDAMNED HEAD RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR TO GAH-AHH-AHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lammy bent her entire body backward, leapt into the air, bent herself into a backward C shape and fucking SNEEZED at the tops of her lungs, sending herself flying all the way across the room and sending Parappa and Ma-San flying straight into an even BIGGER nose! Joe Chin's, to be exact!
TILBOP PART 12
"Well, I suppose that's ONE way to get those fucking nasty little gremlins out of my head once and for all..." Lammy sat on the floor of Joe Chin's bedroom and groaned exhaustedly, blushing embarrassedly, scratching her nose and dizzily resting the back of her sniffling head against his closet door while Parappa and Ma-San flew right into the unsuspecting, fast-asleep Joe's nostrils and eagerly made their way through into his unsurprisingly large and largely empty brain!
"Alright, now let's see what THIS douchenozzle's password is..." Parappa angrily encouraged Ma-San, who was already using her fabled Kung-Fu Mind Trick to figure it out right on the spot as the two of them stepped into the elevator located in his ridiculously thick brain stem (barefootedly in Ma-San's case) and took it straight up into his behavioral control center.
"Wow, REALLY? His fucking password is PASSWORD?! YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?!" Parappa threw his arms out in front of him and ranted furiously at Joe's unbelievable incompetence, taking his seat next to Ma-San at Joe's very own central nervous supercomputer (which, of course, was also a Mac, because go figure) as she literally typed out the word PASSWORD on his password screen and hit the Enter key, cringe-inducingly resulting in an actually successful (albeit highly fraudulent) login; surely enough, a few seconds later, Joe Chin finally woke up! Under the complete and total control of Parappa and Ma-San, no less!
"HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK?!" Lammy gasped as Joe Chin leapt right out of bed and began walking robotically toward her with his arms outstretched like those of a classic-style zombie.
"No need to fear, darling; Joe CHIN is here!" Joe laughed uproariously, taking Lammy by the hand and pulling her right back up onto her feet. "Would you care for a nice little romantic DANCE, perhaps?"
"Um...s-sure!" Lammy embarrassedly stammered and blushed as Joe Chin's shirtless, barefoot, boxer-shorted, extra thick body intertwined erotically with Lammy's generally naked body in a romantic ballerina twirl-fest for the ages...and ages...and ages...and ages...and...
"Okay, for the love of God, are you FINALLY done yet?" Lammy asked Joe approximately one-and-a-half hours later as he grabbed her by the waist, leaned her backward, gently whispered the words "I LOVE YOU" into her ear and smooched her right on the glittery hot-pink lips.
"Why, yes, of COURSE; in fact, I daresay it's about time I gave you a PROMOTION!" Joe reassuringly patted Lammy on the back and explained to her with a wink and a nudge.
"How about a different fucking JOB altogether, sweetheart?" Lammy teasingly asked Joe with a considerably less subtle wink and nudge, doing a shockingly good job at hiding her anger.
"You know what? FINE; if you really just want to rock for a living, then LET THERE BE ROCK!" Joe patted and stroked Lammy on the head and VERY uncharacteristically proclaimed, causing Lammy to break out into a warm, tearful smile and hug him tightly (something she seriously NEVER thought she'd do).
THE NEXT MORNING, ON THE TOP FLOOR OF THE EMPIRE CHIN BUILDING...
"MAN, does this fucker EVER stop talking?" Katy sighed exasperatedly, leaning her cheek against her hand and yawning tiredly as she, Lammy and Mr. Horse all sat on the main-balcony-hallway bench together and exhaustedly listened to Joe rambling on and on and ON about "America's glorious future" and "war bonds" and "the weight of crime bearing bitter fruit" and whatnot.
"For crying out loud, it's like he's literally a fucking broken record, and the thing that he's recording is the absolute most cloyingly stereotypical 1950s patriotism commerical to ever EXIST!" Mr. Horse began seething with pent-up rage as smoke began billowing out from his nostrils.
"Don't worry, it's not HIM that's doing it this time..." Lammy whispered foreshadowingly into his ear, causing him to ecstatically grin from ear to ear with satisfaction like only a true gift horse could as Joe FINALLY began nearing the end of his ridiculously, unbearably long and boring patriotism speech that served literally no practical purpose other than to stroke his own profoundly dickheaded ego.
"Alright, hit the TURN BACK TOWARD WINDOW AND POSE command and then let's get out of here STAT!" Parappa commanded Ma-San, who immediately followed his order without second thought, hastily followed him back to Joe's brain-stem elevator and took it straight back down to skull level before it was too late!
"Blessed is Joe Chin, who, in the name of justice and goodwill, shepherds the WEAK through the valley of darkness!" Joe Chin melodramatically posed like Jesus on the cross and recited from Ezekiel 25:17, shooting a despicably smug glare at Lammy, who understandably growled angrily at him and shot him the middle finger in response while Parappa and Ma-San hurriedly sprinted their way back into his nostrils (yes, BOTH of them this time) before it was too late!
"For he is TRULY his country's protector, and the finder of LAH...AHHH...AHHHHHH...AHHHHHHHHHH..." Joe Chin squinted his eyes shut and began trying desperately not to sneeze and therefore break his pose while Lammy desperately covered her mouth with her hands to hide how much she was now smiling with relief that Parappa and Ma-San had finally come through (literally THROUGH Joe Chin's nasal passageways, in fact) for her.
"End of the fucking line, shithead!" Parappa and Ma-San laughed sadistically as each of them began scratching his/her loose fur particles and strands into a corresponding one of Joe Chin's snotty, hairy nostrils (right for Parappa, left for Ma-San) until he and his nasty allergies finally couldn't take it anymore!
"AHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Joe Chin leaned backward, leapt into the air, curled himself into yet ANOTHER extremely distinct letter C shape and sneezed so loudly that he could literally be heard from three entire stories down, sending him flying right through one of the main balcony hallway's many, many glass windows and plummeting 102 stories to his death as Katy pulled out her shrink ray and grew the now thoroughly snot-covered Parappa and Ma-San back to normal size, at which point Lammy didn't even care how much they had done to her anymore and just lovingly wrapped her arms around the two of them and hugged them anyway.
"So tell me, Mr. Horse; what are you gonna do now that that sorry bastard is finally dead once and for all?" Katy curiously asked Mr. Horse, wrapping her arm around him and patting him on the shoulder.
"Bitch, PLEASE, I'll TELL you what I'm gonna do!" Mr. Horse laughed uproariously, slapping her smugly on the back. "Why, I'm going to outright replace the stupid son-of-a-bitch altogether and create a new and BETTER form of government, of course! A DEMOCRACY, if you will!"
"Uh, yeah, you do that...right after Lammy, Parappa and Ma-San take their much-needed SHOWERS, that is!" Katy stuck her tongue out and shivered in disgust as the four of them happily waved goodbye to Mr. Horse and exited stage left without another word whatsoever.
LATE THAT NIGHT, AT THE LOCAL CONCERT HALL, AFTER LAMMY HAD FINISHED PUTTING ON HER BABY-BLUE EYESHADOW, BLACK SHIRT AND BLACK, KNEE-RIPPED JEANS...
"GREETINGS, EVERYONE!" Lammy and Katy stood proudly together on-stage with their respective electric and bass guitars and loudly cheered in unison to their uproariously applauding audience of vegetables, objects and animals through the microphone while Parappa and Ma-San respectively manned the electric keytar and drum kit at the back of the stage. "ARE YOU READY FOR THE ULTIMATE LAMB STEFANI EXPERIENCE?!"
"YEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" the crowd screamed and roared with excitement.
"As you may already know, tonight's show is a tribute to the classic pop-rock artist No Doubt, whom we ourselves were VERY heavily inspired by!" Katy explained to the audience.
"And the FIRST song we're going to be playing tonight is a certain little ditty that the real Gwen Stefani liked to call I'm Just A Girl, but with the lyrics changed around a bit to help you guys understand JUST the type of crazy shit that I've been through these past few days!" Lammy reluctantly, nervously, blushingly explained to the audience, her legs adorably quivering in fear.
"Needless to say, this girl's been through a LOT of mess!" Katy laughed uproariously, winking snidely at Lammy and smacking her right on the ass as the very first song of the concert FINALLY began, with Lammy depressedly strumming her guitar while Parappa began busting out those weird "electro-pop" sound effects that the song had always been mnown for on his keytar.
"Parasites living in my brain..." Lammy cooed teasingly into the microphone, glaring coldly at Parappa and Ma-San while a whole number of multicolored spotlights blared in the background.
"Better believe that it drove ME INSANE!" Lammy suddenly yelled at the tops of her lungs, causing the audience to reflexively go HOLY SHIT and flinch backward in their seats in response.
"Forced to fuck everyone in this whole damned world..." Lammy continued singing, erotically tonguing her microphone and glaring at the audience while seductively raising her eyebrows and fluttering her eyelashes for emphasis.
"I wanna break down and fetally CURL!" Lammy sang passionately while Cathy Pillar suddenly went "THAT'S MY FETISH" from the back of the audience, causing everyone around her to glare nervously at her.
"Cause I'm just a nut, nothing else WRONG; not even my big magic DONG!" Lammy and Katy pressed their backs together once again and began singing in unison while Chop Chop's head stalk expanded to an even LONGER length than it already was before in response.
"Oh, I'm just a goof, with nothing more to HIDE, dissecting people from the inside!" Lammy and Katy seperated themselves and began singing to each other while Fleaswallow's cousin and all of the other frogs in the audience began audibly trembling in fear.
"PLEE-EEEEEEEASE, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Lammy sang loudly into the microphone while almost everyone in the audience, even including Captain Fussenpepper, began excitedly headbanging.
"The moment that I step outside, so many reasons for me to run and hide..." Lammy sang while Prince Fleaswallow's ghost shot her a thumbs-up from the audience while everyone around him screamed in response.
"Everyone's so FUCKING weird, and shallow too!" Lammy sang, delivering a perfectly-timed precision F-strike in mid-line while local security guards frantically chased Fleaswallow's ghost all around the auditorium before finally catching it in a vacuum cleaner.
"I wish they knew HOW to fear...like I DOOOOOO!" Lammy sang as Octavio meekly cowered beneath his sombrero in fear that literally everyone around him was about to beat the living shit out of him.
"Cause I'm just a toy, a puppet for RAPE; a target for the boys and their duct tape!" Lammy sang while Chief Puddle and Teriyaki Yoko began publicly masturbating to her fully-clothed self in the theater.
"Oh, I'm just a sheep; guess I'm some kind of freak, men always thinking they can control me!" Lammy sang, shooting yet another savagely vicious death glare at Parappa and Ma-San in the process.
"Oh I'm just a girl, the local sex symbol! Go ahead and fuck my eyeholes!" Lammy continued singing at Chief Puddle and Teriyaki Yoko intensely creamed themselves at the mere thought of it.
"PLEE-EEEEEEEASE, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Lammy got down on her knees and sang at the tops of her lungs as Parappa got down on his own knees and began playing the song's iconic mid-chorus synth solo on his keytar while the entire crowd loudly applauded and threw roses at him.
"WHYYY-YYYYYYY WON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY LIFE?" Lammy broke the rhyming scheme just to irritatedly sing to the audience as the song suddenly shifted right back into calm mode again.
"I'm just a freak...I'm just a weird awkward geek...that's all that you'll let me BEEEEEE!" Lammy began yelling once again as the song immediately shifted straight back to where it was before.
"Oh, I'm just a wuss, fraught with anxiety! You don't have to fucking remind me!" Lammy sang as Rammy suddenly inexplicably became afraid of her own shadow and drunkenly wet herself in fear.
"If I'm not Parappa, what's my destiny? Of course Sony will fucking forget ME!" Lammy sang as Parappa got down on his knees and began shredding out the song's classic synth solo yet again while basically everyone in the entire audience cheered specifically for him and completely ignored her.
"Oh I'm just insane, thank you very much; that is what cocaine does to you, DUH!" Lammy continued singing as Fleaswallow's cousin dreamed that he was swimming in mashed potatoes on the planet Venus.
"Oh I'm just a loon, lucky me! At least it breaks the monotony!" Lammy sang as she, Parappa and Katy all gathered together one last time to deliver the grand finale of the song's lyrics.
"WHYYY-YYYYYYY DID THIS HAPPEN?
WHOOO-OOOOOOO CAME UP WITH THIS?
WHAAA-AAAAAAAT IS THE POINT OF LIFE?"
Giantess World
