I awoke the next morning full sized, genuinely scared for a moment that I'd dreamed or hallucinated the entire experience, but then there was Rachel, arm over me, head on my chest, drooling a puddle into my dirty t-shirt. I guessed she wanted something bigger to cuddle with during the night, or maybe the shrinking just wore off after a while, no way to know without asking. I laid there for a while, listening to her soft snores, feeling her warmth, her weight, that strong thigh creeping between my comparably skinny ones, and my aching morning wood pitching a tent under the thick duvet.

            Finally she woke up, a weird snort escaping her nose as she braced herself on one elbow, wiping the spit from her lips. I looked at the pool of saliva on my shirt, smiled wryly at her, and imagined for a moment if I hadn't grown back. I could have drowned in that.

            “Sorry, sorry, bad habit.” She mumbled.

            “Yeah?” I shrugged.

            “What time is it?” She asked.

            “Uh, 9.” I said, spying her digital clock.

            “Crap, I have to go to class.” She threw off the blanket and rolled out of bed.

            “I probably do too.” I said, having no idea if that was true.

            “Kay, later Koji.” She said without looking, gathering up toiletries for a shower.

            “Yeah.” I said, watching her for a moment longer before sliding out the door. I walked outside and lit up a cigarette, deep breath of smoke, exhaling a stream of it straight up. Had she seemed upset this morning? Did she regret what happened? Was she just not a morning person? Oh boy, here come the obsessive thoughts again. I took the elevator up, rolled something more relaxing, and came down again. I probably went a little further than necessary, because I soon stumbled to bed and found myself asleep for another three hours.

            Waking up again and now certain I'd missed whatever class I may have had, I showered, dressed, grabbed my notebook, and walked off to a cafe where I'd pretend to be a poet for a while. I must have scrawled out eighty different attempts at a love poem, but all of them hung hollow and trite. I just didn't have the words to describe Rachel. Cup after cup of acidic coffee, breath after breath of rank smoke, bite after bite of stale pastry, I decided finally to throw all of my attempts into the garbage and trudged back to the dormitory.

            Returning by evening, I caught sight of a post-it note on my desk. It read:

               'K,

            Come by after practice, around 7.

                                                -R'

            There was a large, seemingly meaningless blotch in the corner. I looked over at my roommate, who was messily devouring a snack cake, and held up the note.

            “That sporty chick dropped it off earlier.” He said, mouth full of chocolate and cream, eyebrows waggling knowingly, “Gettin' lucky, stud?”

            “Yeah, right.” I said sarcastically, knowing he didn't have a clue how lucky. I looked back at the paper, getting my eye close to that spot. It wasn't a drawn heart or anything like that, just an oblong blot, barely perceptible, uncolored swirl radiating from the center. Almost like a fingerprint...a thumb print...a toe print? Rachel, you goof, did you seriously toe print your note?

            I knocked at 7, and Rachel called me in. She was already undressed from practice, in a long t-shirt and loose athletic shorts. Smiling widely at my entrance, she waved her arm towards me.

            “Hey Koj', come sit down, Jeopardy's about to come on.” She said, desk chair pulled in front of the television.

            “Oh, nice.” I said, sitting on the corner of the mattress.

            “Not there, nerd.” She smirked, pointing to the ground between her legs, “Here.”

            “Uh, okay.” I shrugged, walking over and sitting between her feet. Her legs lifted and hung themselves over my shoulders, using me as kind of a weird ottoman. I quickly felt her long fingers making their way through my hair.

            “Ugh, finally. I've wanted to pet your hair since we met. It's as soft as it looks.” She basically moaned.

            “No complaints here,” I said, her nails working little circles on my scalp that sent tingles down my body.

            “Did you like my note?” She said, wiggling her big toe towards me, stain of permanent marker adorning its tip.

            “It was cute.” I said.

            “I thought so. Here, play with these.” She said, moving her feet closer together in my lap, her cool, soft thighs pressing gently against my ears.

            “You got it.” I smiled, trying to ignore the growing bulge under my jeans, grabbing each of her feet in a hand and rubbing deep with my thumbs. We watched Jeopardy for a while like that, her in her little throne, and me her royal footstool. She continued to run her hands through my hair, occasionally teasing with a little pull or brush against my ears. I worked my fingers around her soles, squeezed and pulled her toes lightly, and once my wrists were too tired to continue, gently caressed all the spots I'd probably licked the previous night.

            “Mmm, right there.” She purred when I hit a sensitive spot, “You are so good at this.”

            “Yeah? I've never done it before.” I said.

            “Guess you're just a natural.” She said.

            “A natural foot-rubber?” I asked.

            “Hey, you said it.” She laughed.

            “Blaaah.” I feigned annoyance.

            “You wanna watch Wheel?” She asked.

            “You just call it Wheel? What are you, forty?” I joked.

            “Oh, shut up, you squeeze toy.” She said, playfully pressing her thighs around my head, “What do you want to do then?”

            “No, no, Wheel is fine. Isn't it over though?” I asked.

            “What? No, it comes on after Jeopardy.” She said.

            “Did they change the schedule?” I asked.

            “No, it always comes on after Jeopardy.” She was incredulous.

            “No, it doesn't.” I said, scooting out from between her legs and turning to face her, “Wheel of Fortune comes on before Jeopardy. Are you crazy?”

            “What are you talking about? It's been this way for like eighty years!” She nearly shouted.

            “It has not!” I retorted.

            “How much you wanna bet?” She asked sharply. I probably should have known not to get the star athlete into a competitive mood, but even arguing with Rachel was fun.

            “I don't know!” The absurdity of that statement combined with the conviction I said it with did a bit to break the tension.

            “Alright...” She mused, sly smile starting at the corner of her mouth, “How about if you win, you get to second base tonight.”

            “Oh!” I didn't expect that, and I'm pretty sure my erection did a backflip.

            “Hmm, interested now, huh?” She asked.

            “What if you win though?” I asked.

            “If I win...” Her grin was nearing dangerously devious territory, “I'm gonna fart on you.”

            “Wh-what?!” my voice cracked. We'd been on a date and a half, how the hell was she already comfortable farting in front of me? On me? Ew, but also, kind of hot? Not the fart but the humiliation, this girl, my maybe girlfriend, was she my girlfriend actually, putting her round butt near me and...

            All of the emotions conveyed by that statement must have passed over my face, because Rachel leaned over to get a better look at me, asking, “Hey, uh, you okay?”

            “Yeah, fine.” I lied.

            “Good. Now, you in?” She flashed her teeth, “Or are you too scared?”

            “No way, let's do this.” I was in too deep to back out now anyway.

            “Shake on it.” She extended her hand down towards me.

            “Done deal.” I shook, hoping she couldn't tell how sweaty my palms were.

            “Great. Let's call the library, they'll know.” She said, picking up her room's phone, before staring at me expectantly, “Hey, uh...do you know their number?”

            “Me? No.” I said stupidly. It took us a few minutes to pore over the college paperwork until we found it.

            “Hello, hi. Yes, could you help me answer a question? Mmhmm, yeah, it's about TV schedules. Has Wheel of Fortune always come on after Jeopardy? No, this isn't for a class it's for a bet. Yeah, okay.” She spoke forcefully into the receiver, looking towards me to mouth that she was on hold.

            “How are they going to find out?” I whispered.

            “I don't know, they probably have every TV guide ever in there.” She whispered back.

            “Every single one, huh? Wonder where they keep them.” I said idly.

            “Oh, yes, I'm still here.” She said into the phone, “Mmhmm. Yeah. Oh? Oh. Oh really? That's...yeah, no, I get it. Okay, okay, thanks. Thank you, good night.”

            She hung up the phone and looked at me confusedly.

            “Uh, so...?” I prodded.

            “Okay, so, apparently it depends on where you live. In some places it comes on before and some places it comes on after.” She said.

            “So...nobody wins the bet?” I shrugged.

            “Somebody has to win....” She appeared to run through her argument in her head before continuing, “And since in some places it comes on before Wheel, that means technically it's always come on before, right? In those places, at least?”

            “That's your argument?” I raised my eyebrows.

            “Do you have a better one?” She asked.

            “Um...” I thought maybe I could counter, but those eldritch desires, distant and unknowable, pecked at my prefrontal cortex, stymieing the process.

            “Yeah?” She smirked, “Don't punk out now, you shook on it, remember? Do you concede?”

            I let out a long, dramatic sigh, “Yes, I concede.”

            “Boom, chalk it! Rachel one, Koji zero! Zip! Nada! Nothin!” She danced in her seat.

            “Wow.” I winced, “Do you have to do that?”

            “Winning isn't fun unless you can rub it in the loser's face.” Rachel said, “And speaking of, I'm going to be rubbing something else in your face pretty soon.”

            “Oh jeez, at least warn me beforehand, okay?” I said.

            “No problem,” She said, clever eyes darting between me and the bed, “But you know what would make it even more fun?”

            “I'm afraid to ask.” I said.

            “If the loser of our bet was actually a little loser.” She grinned.

            “What?” I fell back onto my arms, “N-no way, come on, you didn't say that before.”

            “Too baaa~aaad.” She sang, and I was once again swirling to the bottom of a massive drain, the room shooting up around me like a spike trap. Trickster queen that she was, Rachel stood and took a jaunty step towards me, beaming with competitive pride. Limber fingers snapped around me like a yielding vice, and then, flop, Rachel was laying prone on her bed, giant, freckled face grinning down triumphantly at my tiny body.

            “Might not be able to hear you once you're between my cheeks.” Those monolithic teeth snapped, “Anything you wanna say before your trip?”

            She was, I think, probing for our safe word again. Some part of me, of course, wanted to throw myself back and scream it like a warding invocation, and another part of me really, truly did want to be humiliated by this beautiful girl, but perhaps the strongest voice tugging at my vocal chords was the one that wanted to impress Rachel by proving I'd stick to my word. Call it dumb, and you'd be right to, but that's where I was. I shook my head 'no.'

            “Wow.” She said, “Alright then, get ready.”

            With that her hand closed around me, inverted so that I fell into pinched fingers, and transported me like an excavator clamp over her butt. I peeked past the crease of her finger and thumb and watched her wiggle off her shorts, revealing that perfectly round rear, barely constrained by black, cotton panties. Her other hand pulled at the elastic band, and I was lowered towards that soft surface like the moon lander. I actually laughed at that moment, knowing that to be doing this the way she was, Rachel would actually have her face pressed into the pillow, no arm support to speak of, struggling to maneuver all these moving parts blind.

            Finally, though, I was deposited in that massive intergluteal cleft, which may as well have been the lip of the Mariana Trench. The massive hand which had been my ship to this strange world transformed, now just one thick finger poking out, and dropped down again, mashing into my face and pushing me into the dark crevice.

            Pressure mounted as I was squeezed tighter and tighter, until finally I was where she wanted me, not that I knew where that was. The finger receded, there was the snap of the waistband, and then the whole landscape shifted as she, I assume, propped up her torso with her newly free arms. The change pushed me elsewhere, up or down who could ever say, but not too much farther in either direction, I thought.

            “There we go. Comfy?” She shook her butt left and right playfully.

            “N-no.” I barely croaked.

            She then shook in the perpendicular directions, back then forward, causing her titanic cheeks to momentarily separate before slapping back together, smashing my body between them.

            “Hm, yeah, can't hear you. It's probably pretty sweaty in there though, so I bet you're loving it.” She laughed, “Oh, I think I've got one coming!”

            I was still stunned from her clap attack, and had no idea how to prepare for the next assault on my senses.

            “Ready or not...” She strained.

            It was like an invisible atom bomb, loud, powerful, hot, and I swear I could feel the shape of the explosions caught on rapatropic cameras expand from Rachel's anus and pass over me in that first second. A hurricane merged with a chemical attack, a cyclone carrying only horror, and oh god the fallout, the reeking, breathless remains that curled around my coughing body like phantasmagorical tentacles from some deep-sea monster. My ears were ringing, my eyes were burning, and my lungs desperately gasped for something resembling breathable air. When I finally could hear again, the only sound echoing in that moist space was Rachel's raucous laughter.

            “Oh my god, I cannot believe I just did that.” She cackled. I felt more shifting, her cheeks bouncing back and forth like balls on a Newton's cradle, and then sudden pressure from above. I thought she was pulling me out, but instead her cotton covered finger pushed me deeper, towards the source of the previous explosion.

            “No, no, no, no, please no.” I moaned, wondering if I might actually die if I were at the epicenter of the next blast. I finally stopped moving, the pressure around my body now much heftier than it was a moment ago. I could feel the heat near my face, and I knew where I must have been.

            “Okay Koji, here's how this works.” Rachel's voice was low and distant, “I'm going to assume you want to stay back there for more unless you give me a signal.”

            I immediately began moving my arms, trying to bang on the walls of flesh, only to be reprimanded by a sharp tutting.

            “No, no,” She said laughing, “The signal that you want out is to give my butt a nice big kiss.”

            I grumbled. Was she really going to make me kiss the ass that had just dominated me entirely? Nothing but far away groans from her bowels answered my thoughts. I shrugged, or approximated one in my strange confinement, struggled to squeeze forward a bit and pushed out my lips, planting exactly one kiss on the slick, wrinkled, bitter sphincter which winked tightly in response.

            “Was that a kiss?” She smarmed, “I couldn't really tell from up here. Maybe use a little tongue.”

            “Oh, come on.” I coughed, but the only response was more greedy twitching from her sulfurous hole. I took a deep breath and stuck my head out again, this time kissing like I was kissing her lips. The coating of sweat and other unforgivable secretions stuck to my face, matting my hair to my forehead, both disgusting and exciting me in the strangest way.

            “Now that's a kiss.” She said, her body moving once again, “Hang on, I'll get you out of there.”

            More shifting, panties stretching, those UFO catcher fingers snagging me by the shirt collar and nearly choking me the whole roller coaster ride back. A sudden swing of inertia, my stomach flopping up to my throat and then down to my nuts, then light, blinding, needling, beautiful light, and Rachel, now on her back, shirt off and underwire-free bralette proudly bared, holding me up like the catch of the day.

            “Since you were such a good sport,” She smiled, not villainous this time, but earnest, “I decided you could maybe slide over to second. Even if you did lose.”

            “I...” Part of me wanted to be pissed, but that chest paint-splattered with spots and the two high beams poking through the cotton covering her perfect little boobs convinced me otherwise, “Okay.”

            “Mm, so come over already.” She snickered, knowing full well she was the only reason I wasn't there yet. Her arm pitched me easily onto her right breast, which had been bared by the opposite hand. A lovely brown nipple, dark like her freckles, and a bumpy areola the color of cream in coffee: a new island to explore on Planet Rachel. I tossed off my shirt and embraced the tightening mound of dense flesh which seemed to shiver in response to my touch. Rachel stretched her head back and sighed happily, her hand beginning similar work on the neighboring mountain.

            I ran my tongue up and down, slid my fingers where they'd fit, and inhaled deeply the soft smell of her sweat, less sharp and fatiguing than the other times she'd introduced me. My aching erection pressed awkwardly into her skin, but I was more careful this time not to get carried away, to prematurely exit this adventure.

            Rachel's sighs became moans as her hand found its way towards her panties. The reverberations from that symphony made their way to me, but I was dedicated to staying where I was and worshiping this new idol. Maybe she just wanted more pressure, maybe she just wanted more control, but in a moment a shadow fell over me, and an enormous pair of fingers pressed me deep into that erogenous zone, undulating my body around in lengthening waves.

            I couldn't help it at that point, now having no control over the stimulation. Rachel had trapped me between herself and herself, and was using me to rub her nipple, which incidentally rubbed me back. I spurted out a wad of milky semen somewhere on her breast, and moments later she climaxed along with a final, lip-biting groan.

            Her hand lifelessly flopped to her side and I laid there, spread eagle, face down, rising and falling with her breaths.

            “Hooo boy...” She said.

            “Mmhmm.” I responded.

            “Didn't plan on that happening tonight.” She said.

            “Yeah?” I asked.

            “Yeah. I was just messing around before, but honestly? Having you in my butt felt a lot better than I expected.” She said.

            “Oh no.” I said.

            “Oh yes.” She smiled, “And next time you're there? More licking.”

            “Can you at least not fart on me?” I said.

            A tinny squeak of a fart escaped from the other side of the bed.

            “No promises.” She tried to stifle her laugh, but couldn't, the shaking in her chest knocking me clear off her breast and onto the sheets. She lazily rolled over and rubbed my entire body with an idle finger, “You're the best toy, you know that?”

            I sighed in response. I wanted to say something, act annoyed, play along more, but Rachel's soft touch was so pleasant in the afterglow that I couldn't do anything but fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.