Reviewer: Drone762 Signed 
Date: March 30 2024
Title: Chapter 1: Prologue I: An Eclectic Family
I was originally drawn in by the similarity between the concept and one I was tinkering with before, but even without that bias, this is the story that convinced me to make an account on this site after over a decade. The descriptions near the end of the first chapter were perfect, and I love the way you mix in your worldbuilding and the other narrative threads, to keep it engaging as a story as well.
I loved your style in A Faerie Crushing Date too, and hope to see a similar structure with bad end chapters or the like, but of course I have faith in any structure you go with!
You can stop here unless you want to see the concerns & critique I have to offer - my opinion, as I've said, is overall stellar, after all! But first, the 'thesaurus vibes' are a little strong (for instance, Nameless referring to capillaries as "sanguine circuits" was okay in his inner monologue when it just felt like the usual prose, but everyone's speech style so far has been very grounded, so it felt out-of-character for him to start waxing poetic in a serious conversation with his sister). It could simply be the in-universe name for blood, but it's hard for a reader to tell when you also implement words like fascia into your prose - the net effect is that it looks less like minor worldbuilding, and more like a bleed-through of your prose into the character's dialogue.
Secondly (and more subjectively), the Humiliation and Slave tags mildly worry me because everyone has stellar characterisation as someone who cares for Nameless deeply, and I feel like - barring a foray into mistaken identity - any such mistreatment of him would be a disservice to their personalities as portrayed. Even Frigg gives off the impression of caring about him too much for that, behind the usual sibling bickering.
Regardless, stellar work, and I will be watching with interest!
Author's Response: Yo Drone762!
I'm super glad that you found this tale to be exciting and one that has been on your mind before! And reading your comment now makes me wish that I was able to post my next chapter sooner. Guess you will just have to be content with reading it when it's available in less than an hour.
As for your critiques/criticisms, I am aware of the 'thesaurus vibes' being a little strong and that it could be detrimental to my world-building. I'm trying to work on that so it doesn't make the character's dialogue seem odd. Not too much, as the "thesaurus-vibes" is intended more to be a part of Nameless's character. As you will see in chapter 5, his education as a Cleric leads to a parlance that is steeped in medical knowledge. As we both know Nameless is supposed to be trying to shift away from that profession...but falling back on the foundation he's built for over a decade is expected. I've written him this way because I already anticipated that I might bleed prose into character dialogue, so I designated Nameless to be the character that would do that...and maybe a few others that I'll introduce down the line (but that is not set in stone yet).
And I agree with you, fascia isn't a word I would expect to see in a complete fantasy story, but so isn't D-type Juvenescent Information Networking Nucleus, so both the Cleric terminology and D.J.I.N.N.'s name are little clues in the world itself. I will try and not bombard y'all with medical terms. For instance, there will be a phrenic nerve issue injury in the next chapter, but I was able to practice restraint and not even mention that term once. As I figured, like you were concerned with, that even with my explanation about the content and purpose of Cleric jargon...it might be disengaging for the general reader.
As for your second point, we'll you already mentioned one way that slave and humiliation tags could be used without sacrificing character consistency...and I am a huge fan for mistaken identity. But there are two other avenues that I'm considering of how those tags will be implemented. Within this story that so far has only depicted people that care for Nameless. Therefore, I would like to tell you to please rest easy, as characterization is quite important to me as well...would be less hot for me if I didn't. Curse you Game of Thrones final seasons!!!
In short, thank you for the wonderful comment and I'll try to take your critique to heart. So please do write another review if you think there are improvements I can make.
I'll be looking forward to it.
