[Report This]Date: August 24 2024 2:33 PM Title: Salvation?
Greetings aHomester,
I have been a long time frequent lurker on this site for at a few years now but I have never made an account. But after reading this story, I recently got motivated to make an account to leave a review for this story. Since unaware is my favorite genre, I instantly felt drawn to your story and I wanted to leave my three and a half cents on it (two cents isn’t worth much anymore since inflation affects everything). I hope that you don’t mind if I write a lengthy review.
First, I never thought that nano sizes would be effective for a protagonist who needed to go on an adventure to get someone’s attention but I have found that you have made a compelling narrative that challenges that bias of mine. Usually nanos get obliterated easily and quickly making their potential adventure completely meaningless, but this story proves that argument is not entirely accurate.
Secondly, I fell in love with your characters (especially Brooke for reasons that are too much to explain here). The dialogue between them all seems natural (not forced by the author to push a desired plot line) and amusing to follow as a reader. The characters also have obvious distinct personalities (despite the limited amount of material that you have currently available to the reader) that make their own behaviors and decisions unique and somewhat predictable that is in line with their character.
Thirdly, the adventure of Spencer is gripping and engaging. As a reader of many stories on this website, I would consider myself experienced enough to tell a good micro sized adventure from a mediocre one. This story’s plot has great promise and I look forward to seeing how it develops and ends (no matter how good or bad the fate of Spencer ends up). The pacing and time jumps of the plot are also well balanced.
Fourthly, the experiences of Spencer regarding the size differences between him and the women around him are superbly written (kind of the whole point of having a story on this site). I believe that you have illustrated effectively the dire and damn near hopeless situation that Spencer has found himself in and you seem to balance efficiently between having him survive by his own means and using a “Deus ex Machina” plot device to save him in times of overwhelming crisis (the wind blowing him away or another character’s candid actions rescuing him). After all, a story of this kind does warrant a certain long length and you can’t kill the protagonist so early in such a cheap way right? I won’t go into certain aspects of the usual and expected “fan service” that would be expected from visitors of this site but you seem to not go overboard on that either which is appreciated (I could elaborate on this in more detail if you would like me to).
Lastly, I would like to touch upon the things that this story makes me look forward to and describe my desires/ possible theories on how it might end up. Personally, I hope it ends with Spencer getting his adventure personally resolved by Brooke in some manner since she was the initiator of his adventure to begin with (a “full circle” kind of story). He could be discovered by her and she can decide on what to do with him. Her intentionally killing him for reasons of mercy or selfish reasons (perhaps to hide such a catastrophic failure of her drug) is entirely believable. Or she can save him and the story would end in a positive way. Or perhaps she could fail to notice him in time and unknowingly kill him and have his adventure end in failure to make for a classic end for an unaware story. If you do decide to have Brooke kill Spencer in whatever way, then I do believe that it would be appropriate for her to kill him using some part of her body (or bodily fluid if he ends up inside her body). I make this recommendation because you mention multiple times throughout multiple chapters (1 and 4) that Spencer has attraction towards her body and having her body be the instrument of his end would be a fitting fulfillment of these attraction references (a Chekov’s Gun situation if one could call it that). I make these recommendations not out of bias for Brooke’s character but out of genuine respect for the work that you have produced and provided (I would be honest to admit any bias if it did in fact play a role in my opinions in any way). Either way, I do believe that it would be appropriate for Brooke to be personally involved in Spencer’s resolution but this is your story and I am curious and eager to see what you ultimately decide to do with it. Also personally, I am typically not a fan of incest themed things and I did find certain parts of chapter two difficult to get through but I recognize what you were trying to accomplish and I can respect that. Though I am a bit worried about how chapter four ended and I (as a single reader who does not represent the general viewership of this site) hope that little sub-adventure is short lived.
Overall, I would consider this story to be within my top two favorite unaware stories on this site and I really hope that this story is continued and ultimately finished (not abandoned). Chapter Four is my current favorite chapter. The scenes with Spencer and Brooke in chapter four are the best and I really hope to see more of her (as I mentioned earlier).
Also, I noticed from your story collection that you do commissions. May I ask for your policy or rate (if you have one)? A flat fee for a max word limit of a story or a certain amount of money per certain amount of words? I might be interested in commissioning something from you depending on the price (and the completion of this story first of course since I can’t have you get distracted from finishing this story lol). Out of simple curiosity, might I ask how many chapters in total, counting the four already completed, you plan on writing for this story?
I hope you read this and I extend my thanks for your time and consideration if you choose to reply.
Cheers. 10/10 (so far)
Author's Response:
Wow, thanks for the hearty review! And to make an account just for my story is something truly special. I hope future installments do not disappoint.
I love the extreme size scales, and it would be boring if a dust sized person met their end instantly. I'm trying my best to have a sense of realism a dust sized person might expect when they are now the lowest on the food chain, and how the environment reacts around normal sized people. No what what he can do, it's no where near enough when a single passing of a foot and send him into a tailspin.
I do have a rough outline for the next two remaining chapters (and a special chapter) that should be a satisfying end for all readers. {And I think you'll appreciate that}
Please feel free to elaborate more on your love for Brooke and about the fan service, which if you have a Discord account, you can find my profile on the GiantessWorld server. And we can discuss your idea(s) on a commission there as well. (If not, you can email me on this site)