Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: September 05 2023 5:09 AM Title: Converging Paths; Jazmin's Conquest

I've been waiting for our heroes to come together and share their respective pieces of the puzzle for a few chapters now, and it didn't disappoint when they finally did. Seeing each one's reactions as they learned of what they others had gone through was satisfying, and I'm glad everyone is finally on the same page. The tension and action at Claire's misunderstanding was unexpected but welcome.

Justin's mental resiliency continues to be impressive. I like how he keeps a cool head when there's something to focus on. He had two near-death experiences in this chapter but kept on point throughout. Also, he was able to push past his feeling of inadequacy at being unable to comfort Brooke and Claire by focusing on planning their next move. That's a stark contrast to when he dwelled on how pathetic it was that he couldn't use Natasha's soap dispenser on his own, when he only had his own sorrow to keep him company. It's that engineer's mindset: Give them a task and that's where all their attention goes.

I also liked that Justin was the voice of reason here, shooting down Claire's short-sighted idea about going to the police with the recording. It makes his value to the trio a bit more evident. While he's able to keep a clear head, Claire's panicking and Brooke is struggling to keep track of everything (her boyfriend in particular).

That leads me to my one minor criticism for this chapter. I think Brooke forgetting that Justin was on the table when trying to console Claire makes perfect sense. He's hard to see and hear, and seeing Claire so paranoid would obviously be her focus in that moment. But I would have liked to have seen some brief recognition of how careless she was when she told Claire to put her feet up, maybe something as simple as going wide-eyed and saying "Oh shit" when Claire called attention to the resident on the table. This could have also been misinterpreted by Claire as Brooke being scared that she got caught stealing residents, adding even more motivation to her attacking her host. This isn't a huge thing, but I think Brooke having a moment of recognition for accidentally almost getting her boyfriend killed would have been a bit more in-character.

Now to follow that criticism with a bit of praise. You're doing an amazing job of playing with the range of Justin's headset. It was a good decision to keep the range relatively short (well, not short to Justin). It's fun to see that ranged play a part in the story, with Brooke and Claire not being able to hear him at times. That's also a minor thing, but such attention to detail is really, really appreciated.

I love seeing Claire take up that one-woman battle to see her co-workers recognize residents as people. She's so passionate about it, and I was surprised to see that even Alia seems to disagree with her. It's amazing how Claire can be so resolute about it, even though everyone else in the company seems to view the tinies as bugs or toys. Hell, even Brooke's initial reaction when Justin asked if she was a resident was "Ew." Yeah, she got over that feeling and probably didn't hold anything against residents before, but somewhere deep down she saw being that tiny as something gross at first, even if she didn't realize it at the time.

So it's pretty admirable that Claire can continue to see residents too small to really see very well or talk to as the people they are. She's been that way throughout the story, but this chapter illustrated it better than any of the previous ones. It makes her that much more likable.

Going back to Alia, I don't know if I would even label it as a missed opportunity, but after seeing her reaction to restocking Micropolis, I found myself wishing her trip to the city was detailed in this chapter. I can see why it wasn't, as I don't think that would have added anything plot wise, but from a fetish standpoint, it would have been awesome to see her try to deal with being around the "bug people" of the city.

Also, I really like how you're creating a shade of gray for minor characters like Alia and Alexis. For Alia, she seemed so nice in the early chapters, and she's a support of Rae instead of Hank, but her negative view of the citizens makes her come off as maybe not quite so nice after all. And Alexis seemed pure evil when talking to Justin, and her involvement in shrinking Natasha seems to confirm that that's the case. However, seeing her seem kind of sweet when interacting with Rae and Hank last chapter and Claire's shock at the HR rep's involvement in this whole ordeal makes me wonder if she's really all bad. Maybe she's going along with things because she's afraid that she'll be shrunk otherwise, or perhaps she's just really good at hiding her evil side when she needs to.

In any case, I like that even these two aren't just black and white characters. It shows a real attention to detail to make minor characters a bit complex.

Like I do in every review for this story, I've have to do a deep dive into Jazmin. First, I love how righteous she comes off when she confronts Claire. She has zero understand of how her threats put Claire in a position to feel desperate enough to record her fucking with the city or even that her fucking with the city is wrong. No, Claire betrayed her, made her feel like she wanted to be friends before turning on her, and that's all she cares about. And the way she talks about how Claire was going to be her "new had toy" (sorry Lana), like it was an honor she was going to bestow upon Claire and that now she was losing that honor as punishment, it really shows both how highly she thinks about herself and how much she cared about Claire, in her own super fucked up way.

Jazmin's hurt is palpable here, and that added a real intensity to the scene, even beyond my concern for Claire. Exceptionally done!

And then there's that last scene with Jazmin and poor, poor Tim. Seeing Tim's fate play out made me think back to Ally. With Claire, Jazmin shrank him to almost nothing on a whim just because he wouldn't eat her out, then gave her to her "toys," making him a "plaything for my toys." I don't think he can be smaller than Ally's size, and Ally is actually more of a stranger to Jazmin than Tim is, so why did Jazmin tell Lana to keep her safe? Why does she even care? It's not like Justin has something to exchange for her, and even if Justin were hiding somewhere, Jazmin could make sure he doesn't do so again in a number of ways that don't involve giving Ally back to him. So, again, I'm left asking why Jazmin wants Ally kept safe when it's clear that she doesn't give a fuck about strangers.

The answer I came up with is that Ally is tied to Justin in Jazmin's mind, and Jazmin feels a strange bond with Justin. When she kidnapped Ally, there was an implied promise that Ally would be returned if Justin is there next time (the opposite of Ally "getting it" if he isn't), so just adding Ally to her collection or letting her toys have her way with the Micropolis redhead would be like going back on her word to him.

I don't know if Jazmin has become endeared to Justin through her daily taunting or she felt that she was different when he was able to get her going a bit when working on her clit or maybe there's just a little bit of respect somewhere in that black heart of hers for Justin trying to stand against her by reporting her to HR, but I'm really starting to think that her obsession with bullying him is tied to some weird sense of connection she has with him (again, in her own fucked up way).

It may even be that, out of all the people in her life, Justin is the only one who has seen her as she truly is (technically, all of Micropolis has, but Justin is the only resident there that she actually knows). Yeah, Claire has seen her being a brat and teasing residents, and she seemed to hope that Brooke would come to her side after meeting Justin in person and (she assumed) being disappointed by the reality of their size difference, but Justin is the only person (that she acknowledges) that has seen her cut loose and be her true, evil self. I mean, her toys have clearly seen that side as well, but I'm guessing that once you're one of her toys, you no longer count in Jazmin's mind.

I still don't know quite what it is, but the dynamic between Jazmin and Justin in a uniquely tricky one, at least on Jazmin's end.

Anyway, this was another great chapter. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response:

Thanks again for your in-depth review! I'm still working on improving my writing, so these reviews help me build my skill and get better.

But I would have liked to have seen some brief recognition of how careless she was when she told Claire to put her feet up, maybe something as simple as going wide-eyed and saying "Oh shit" when Claire called attention to the resident on the table.

That's a really good point. I had initially just chalked it up to her not realizing he was in danger at the time. Truly though, it is more her character to recognize it in the moment as you described.

Going back to Alia, I don't know if I would even label it as a missed opportunity, but after seeing her reaction to restocking Micropolis, I found myself wishing her trip to the city was detailed in this chapter.

I had the outline to this scene written out, but it got cut because I couldn't find a place for it. :( I might revisit this in a one-shot offshoot.

I still don't know quite what it is, but the dynamic between Jazmin and Justin in a uniquely tricky one, at least on Jazmin's end.

I really like your take on their relationship. I think you make some excellent points here.

I like to think of Justin as 'forbidden fruit' for Jazmin. She's overheard her father talk about the new Microengineer and how important he was to the company's success. This made Justin basically 'untouchable', which didn't sit well with Jazmin who is used to getting what she wants.

Thanks again for your kind words!

Reviewer: bobbylaws1 Signed [Report This]
Date: September 01 2023 2:51 PM Title: Converging Paths; Jazmin's Conquest

I love that Jazmin is shrinking people against their will now! I hope she shrinks a whole city so small it becomes her foot toy and we all get the view from the streets! I also really hope that regrowth machine that Jazmin operates can make a regular sized person gigantic and she grows giant to find Brooke and Claire. Great work!!

Author's Response:

Given enough time and shrinking devices... I have no doubt that's the path she's going down.

Unfortunately the regrowth machine simply undoes the shrinkage.Dr. Perkins, though, has some ideas on how to make a proper growth process.

A giant Jazmin unleashed upon the normal-sized world would be truly terrifying!