Reviewer: It Was Me Signed [Report This]
Date: October 17 2023 8:03 AM Title: The Escape

This was a fitting ending (aside from the epilogue, of course) to a great story!

I mentioned in a couple of my previous reviews that I felt like Justin was being set up to actually play a role in the endgame here, and these last two chapters have definitely delivered on that. Given his size, that wasn't an easy task, but you found ways to make Justin into a vital part of both climactic scenes. I was glad to see him make use of his trusty knife once again, especially after he questioned if it would be of any use to him beforehand. And while I figured his engineering skills would come into play, I certainly didn't expect him to help figure out how to grow someone past their original height. That was pretty cleverly done.

The one other thing I'll say about growth factoring into the chapter is that it would have played better if the possibility had been hinted at during a previous point in the story. Maybe a quick mention about the collar's PCB during the scene where Rae was shrunk, as she was working on the collar at the time. Or a reason that prevents growth past one's original height could have been mentioned earlier, only for Rae to quickly explain why that reason didn't apply during the malfunction. As it reads now, it does seem a tad convenient that a method of growth was introduced at just the right time for our heroes to prevail. This didn't ruin the scene for me, but I do think the growth would have felt more organic to the story if there would have been some indirect clue about it beforehand.

That last introspective with Jazmin before the big finale was pretty interesting. I like how it seemed as though she was more annoyed at the fact that Claire put up a fight than the actual pain her former friend caused her. She was rationalizing her decision to shrink Claire, even after Claire "betrayed" her. I think this shows that, even after everything, she really views Claire as a friend. Unfortunately for Claire, she's alive and breathing, which means Jazmin expects her to bend to the spoiled heiress's whims.

Still, she thinks she was doing Claire a favor, or, at least, that's what she's trying to convince herself. For all we know, she did the same thing with Lana, going so far as to break her mentally in order to make her a more compliant "friend." Like I said in my last review, whether Jazmin ordered it or Lana did it on her own, they were starting to put Claire through a similar process, one that she thankfully won't have to complete now.

The contrast between Jazmin's view of all people being her playthings but wanting some semblance of companionship with one or two of them, Hank's view of all people as stepping stones or tools to bring him more profits, and Katie's ability to toggle between heartless bitch and charming socialite really caught my attention in this chapter, mostly because of Katie. The way she talks to her sex-toy-to-be like they're old friends sharing sex stories (especially as disturbing as hers would be to Brooke) seems to illustrate that she sees tinies that she plans to use as objects exactly the same as she sees someone her own size. But, like her husband and daughter, that equality isn't a good thing, as, again, the family's view of all people (even each other, as Jazmin demonstrates later on) is that they exist to be used.

But, unlike Hank and Jazmin, Katie actually holds a casual conversation with Brooke (you now, aside from the threatening and whatnot). She's such a social butterfly, given you've got something to say that interests her. I'm just blown away by how you've created a family that holds such a degrading, materialistic view on humanity, yet made each of them incredibly unique from one another. It's like a deep dive into the differing ways to wear sociopathy.

Oh, and I love how Brooke was able to use Katie's interest in her sex life to distract her and buy Rae and Justin time to save her (although I doubt she realized they were going to actually save her, given their respective sizes when she last saw them.).

I said it last chapter, but I really, really like Rae. She wasn't what I expected at all! She's logical, cool under pressure, a little flirty, REALLY horny all the time apparently, and, most importantly, decisive. She's a fun character to read but also one that I would buy pulling off some crazy plans (this may have helped me ease into that sudden introduction of growth issue I mentioned above). Seeing her paired with Justin here was really enjoyable, as their two characters play off one another very well: two geniuses, one a straight-laced engineer and the other a sexy, kind of goofy inventor who (thankfully for Justin's sake) doesn't swallow!

And it was very satisfying to see her be the one to take down Hank and Katie, given the dark turn the story took during the chapter detailing her kidnapping and new life under their "care."

And now for a little constructive criticism:

You had mentioned before that you had a lot to cover with this last chapter and the epilogue, and this climactic chapter did feel just a bit rushed to me. I think this chapter might have been better served if it had been broken up into two chapters, and I did have a couple thoughts on how they might have worked, if you'll indulge my armchair quarterbacking for a minute.

My first thought is that the final battle in Micropolis could have been explored a bit more from Justin's point of view. I like how it's noted that he helped the residents evacuate, but I think the battle could have benefitted from more details on this. Spending a few paragraphs detailing the chaos as our hero is directing panicked residents to the mixed size area amid all of the thunderous booms and devastating footsteps could have elevated the stakes for the reader, giving us a better idea of just how terrifying Brooke's struggle with Jazmin was to the residents. Also, describing part of the fight from the perspective of Justin glancing up during his evacuation efforts could have really sold how big of a struggle the catfight seemed at "ground level," and this, in turn, would have added to the parts of the fight described from titaness level, such as Brooke falling on the bar, as the reader's imagination would have likely incorporated Justin's perspective into them.

Second, and personally, I was hoping to see a bit more of life in Jazmin's dollhouse. I would have loved to have seen the psychological effects living under the rules instituted by Lana have had on some of its other unwilling tenants, and I think a little check-in with Claire and Ally would have made for some nice filler to give the story more room to breathe via an extra chapter. Have the other residents of the dollhouse just given in to their new reality? Are there still some stubborn tinies trying vainly to fight back? Would Ally need to rely on Claire to protect her from some of the other "big" tinies there?

It also would have been cool to see Claire and Ally bond a little, as they're two characters I previously never thought would interact directly because of the size difference between them for most of the story (I figured Justin would interact with Claire again eventually, but only because he's the main character). But I also think their personalities would mesh really well; I think they'd certainly become pretty tight if they hung out a few times, regardless of size (assuming they could communicate). So I was interested to see those two interact a bit more.

Granted, you may have something along these lines planned as part of the epilogue (a little pre-rescue scene or something), but I feel that, even if you go that route, any drama surrounding them in the dollhouse is gone now that we know for sure that help is on the way.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that this ending might have flowed a bit better if this chapter ended with Hank and Katie being captured and teasing the dramatic climax at Micropolis and another chapter either expanding on the battle, giving us a peak at Claire and Ally in the dollhouse maybe at the start to remind the reader of the stakes, and/or incorporating your epilogue (I haven't read it yet, obviously, so I don't know how well it would mesh with the Brooke/Jazmin fight).

All of that being said, I absolutely enjoyed the chapter as is, so don't take this as me trying to tear down what I think was a pretty well-written ending. I just wanted to throw that criticism out there in case you might find it useful when writing future stories.

Finally, if you don't mind me asking, is that next story that you're working on going to take place in the same universe as this one, or are we heading somewhere completely different next?

Author's Response:

Oops! The regrowth was supposed to be mentioned around the time I brought up Dr. Perkins as a rumor... I must have deleted that note from when I was writing that chapter. :( Maybe I'll go back and edit that chapter to add a comment about it in. Thank you for noticing that. It feels a bit dues ex machina as it is now, sorry.

I want to apologize for the lack of details around Jazmin's dollhouse. I had started this story as a way to learn what I did and didn't like writing about. Jazmin's Dollhouse was going to be a chapter that explored some of the crueler themes, but I just couldn't do it. I really didn't like anything I wrote. I tried to pivot to something else, but my brain just wouldn't let it go. I really like your take on what could've happened there, though!

In regards to my next story... I've got a few in mind. I think I'm going to take a short break from longer, complex stories and try to churn out a couple short stories. My next big project (the one I've been outlining off an on for the last few months while writing this one) will be my take on a "shrinking virus" story. I will probably revisit this world sometime in the future, though.

Anyways, I've put up the final epilogue. It's short, but hopefully closes up a few loose ends. (Other than Jazmin's Dollhouse, sorry!)