[Report This]Date: October 26 2023 9:01 PM Title: Guyen Station Pt 2
Another good chapter. It was neat focusing on Tenebris' perspective this time, and getting a closer look at how she interacts with her technology. I think Martin's POV might work better for the "fish outta water" effect, especially when entering new locations, as well as depicting differences in scale (whether that's to benefit the narrative or the smut), since everything looks way bigger for him, but it would be intriguing to flip between different perspectives for different chapters if that's what you're inclined to do.
I'm enjoying the dynamic between our protags: Tenebris growing attached to Martin while still adamant in selling him off, and Martin very much not wanting to be sold to someone for obvious and justified reasons. Her allowing him to veto on a sale leads to some fun interactions, and it'll be interesting to see the offers made to her in the future. I doubt Martin's going to find any potential buyer agreeable, and there's probably going to be an offer too good for Tenebris to refuse, so I'm looking forward to how this dynamic continues to play out.
As for the format, I prefer the wider spacing between paragraphs in the prior chapters. Here, it's near impossible to distinguish one paragraph from the next (I read with the text zoomed in a bunch, so that could be on me) and it all looks like a huge wall of text. If you want to keep the narrower spacing, I'd at least suggest indenting at the start of each paragraph, just so there's someway to tell when a new one starts (or when someone else starts speaking) beyond seeing the white space where the last sentence ended.
Excited to see Edo and whatever hijinks ensue there!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for all the advice, it really is phenomenal. I just went in and added indents to all the paragraphs so hopefully that'll help make it more readable. Thanks for the perspective stuff too, I will take that into great consideration.