[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 11:26 PM Title: Cold
@SpookyTaco (love your stories btw) The measure of a group in power isn't how they treat their favored class, but how they treat all of their subjects. Hussein was wonderfully beneficial to the Sunnites, who without him were being butchered by the Shiite. The Omegas have promise, but so does every tinpot dictator who pops their head up...right until they engender the next oppression scenario. A regime that helps the Betas at the cost of the Alphas isn't better on any utilitarian basis, it's just shuffling deck and handing out the same net amount of evil.
As it stands they seem to be taking the same tried and failed approach to crime as the United States currently does - put criminals through mental - and often physical - agony in the futile hope that it prevents recidivism (hint: it doesn't!). You can never hurt someone enough to cause a physical change in their negative third standard deviation brain (sociopaths, sadists, schizophrenics) without actually damaging their mind permanently, as was proven, oh, thirty years ago when electroconvulsive therapy was tossed out on its ass. Change needs to be internal, either via participant effort or chemical rebalance.
Come to think of it what we're looking at here is the same basic situation that fostered the practice of lobotomy: take a person who's completely under your control (institutionalized mental patient who is thought to be incurable crazy/Alpha who you think did wrong), put them in the hands of a 'proven expert' in the art of 'fixing' otherwise 'hopeless' cases who's given absolute authority without anyone there to stop them from abusing the system (Omegas/Nurse Ratchet), and then fucking hurt the subject until they comply with your preconceived notions of how they should exist in your world (entirely arbitrary torture sessions/removing entirely random chunks of brain).
You either wind up with a dead body (written off as your "freebie accidental" tortured-to-death Alpha case/a "hopeless" patient that would "just never have changed") or someone whose mind has been broken so badly that they're not even the same person anymore....congratulations, you've just created your own personal brain-damaged robot!
I've gotta say: anyone who thinks Marion (to say nothing of Ashley, who is completely without malice and committed the same amount of damage (bruising?really?) as some rough sex) - a child who obviously A) was raised her whole life to believe a certain class of people was not actually composed of people (i.e. her still-developing mind was trained to lack certain empathetic triggers and is thus in need of teaching/healing) and B) gets pleasure out of causing agony (i.e. HER MIND FUNCTIONALLY, LITERALLY LACKS EMPATHETIC TRIGGERS AND NEEDS TRAINING/MEDICATION/SOMETHING TO HELP HER) - deserves any of this madness may need to take a moment to put things in perspective. She's a little girl who's broken and lost, not Jim fucking Jones. On what planet does a regime take a child and actually attempt to cause irreversible psychological and/or physical damage to them for the sake of 'justice'? Oh right; Earth. Because doing things for the sake of' humanity' is just too naive to ever work.
I gotta say though this story is certainly stirring up a reaction in me, which definitely says something good about it - I'm hooked enough to want to see how (or even if!) all this gets resolved. A+
Author's Response:
This is gonna be another "as the author" type thing, but I'll say you aren't wrong in a lot of what you say. The US prison system actually utterly disgusts me, and I would by lying if I said it didn't serve as a basis for a lot of this. In my eyes, the only change I really made was in providing some desire for rehabilitation in the system compared to the strictly punitive philosophy our prisons work on. I'm glad the whole thing is invoking a certain reaction, because this world as presented is not meant to come off as some utopia by any means, nor the current way the Omegas handle things as ideal. In-universe, the current methods are basically out of date and could do with an overhaul. I've provided a couple of things in Consequences to kind of set that in motion. Because "right now" in Consequences, the Omegas are still very much viewing the whole matter as a war and their means reflect that. Their leaders are people who were granted their power at a time when someone like Marion could go up onto a stage, kill 12 betas in front of a crowded, normal audience, and literally nothing would happen to them nor would anyone expect it to. Things have changed since, but the Omegas kind of haven't, and that's an issue.
On Marion, I'm going to say something you're probably not gonna like but it's basically how I approach her: I legitimately view Marion as less of a character and more of a concept given a face and a name. She's an embodiment of all of that old cruelty and malice that believed the Betas were there to be subjugated, to be used and then thrown away. That's not to say she won't morph into a character, and if I can do that I have a much different ending on my mind for her than the one Claire proposed, but as it stand she's a basically an amalgam of all the concepts the Omegas have worked to squash, and she's that because of catharsis reasons.
To be even franker about that story (and believe me, I don't mean this to excuse any of the above within the universe), the concept of it originated from and still is a spin on more common story fare in this fetish. I thought it would be neat to introduce a world where the typical abusive behavior often directed at the smaller persons in a story earns the abuser a similar experience at the hands of someone even larger than them. Things have sort of snowballed from that original thought, but that concept does remain. As is, things are constructed so that I have a universe where I can be as dark as I want or as light as I want (and believe me (again), my personal preferences are much closer to the latter, I just like some domination at times). Things may get lighter in the universe as time passes, but the time period expressed between the two current stories gives me a place I can go to if I want the former.
Date: March 17 2014 10:14 PM Title: Cold
Xkcd0088 mentioned:
The day I see one of these 'giant dictatorship' situations turn out a better world for all involved is the day I find my new favorite author.
Honestly, I'd have to say that Omegas have made their world better so far. We saw how Betas were treated prior to Omega presence in the world. Are Omegas perfect? Not even close. But so far they've done nothing to harm a Beta, Claire even stopped herself from going to far to influence her brother.
Now I do agree with you that Omegas shouldn't just eat Alphas like they used to do, especially if they can read minds and potentially reform Alphas. I'm also a bit concerned about the evolving fire and whether it will make Omegas less benevolent. However so far, they've shown some promise of making the world better. I think that's one of the reasons you continue reading the story, the hope that the 'dictatorship' will work out in the end.
Date: March 17 2014 9:52 PM Title: Cold
Absolute power! Always makes things work out just fine.
The day I see one of these 'giant dictatorship' situations turn out a better world for all involved is the day I find my new favorite author. It's amazing how all the control in the world is forever tainted by our simple animal nature to fuck things up without thinking.
[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 9:09 PM Title: Explanation
Okay, things are becoming clearer now. I can see a little more of the why for all parties involved. And I can understand why what they're doing might be for the best in the end. But I still don't see why they think it's a good idea for Melody to be part of this little arrangement. With that kind of size difference, a lot of trust is necessary for there to be a comfortable sibling relationship there. I even think think that watching Ashley's humiliation could do a lot of damage, much less participating in it.
But hey that's just my opinion. And good job by the way. :)
[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 5:54 PM Title: Explanation
I love the fact in this story(well story arc as it counts for the parent story as well) that you can still enjoy the fetishy aspects of it but still get your heart jerked with investment into the characters.
Again great stuff.
Date: March 17 2014 4:19 PM Title: Cold
Your writing is so... unique, and I freaking love it. Didn't notice this story before, but it will be high on my priority list to keep checking for updates!
Right on!
Author's Response:
Thank you for the kind words, I hope it continues to be enjoyable.
Date: March 17 2014 3:45 PM Title: Cold
@Kusanagi I hadn't considered from that angle. That would at least make some sense. I was assuming the guy was into her.
Though if we put it into real world equivalent: Ashley decides to be forward and jump a guy she likes for an intense make out session. She tries copying something she heard her sister's friend do, maybe injures the guy a bit in the process. Afterwards asks the guy if he liked it and gets a yes.
A complaint is filed, but because they're minors, charges aren't pressed. Still, if she had been an adult, she might be a registered sex offender now.
Her sister and her friends, maybe police academy cadets, decide to do a scared straight on Ashley so that doesn't happen. Their method, tell the mom and get her grounded? Take her through the center's education program to teach her what she did was wrong and what the consequences would be in a professional sitting? No, their solution is to assault her. The session begins with Melody giving her sister a gut punch. Basically for the next 30 minutes they're going to wail on her so she learns.
It's an abuse of power with the best intentions, and a violation of sisterly trust. ( I can see why Ackbar says no one comes out smelling like a rose in this, and why the relationship is changed.)
And for the record, I am actually open to liking Jenna. It's just so far we haven't seen anything but the ugly side of her.
Author's Response:
Just to explain the perspective I am coming at this scenario from, and the one being applied by the girls, they are essentially treating Ashley's treatment of the Beta as kidnapping and assault
[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 2:59 PM Title: Explanation
I’m surprised so many people are siding with Ashley on this, I thought there was a very strong implication that she acted without the Beta’s consent. The entire time she describes the incident, it’s ‘I thought it would be fun for both of us’, ‘I knew he’d like it’, there’s no mention of his thoughts on it aside from a sputtering ‘yes’ after the fact.
Her whole rational behind his interest was pretty weak too. She admits she doesn’t know him that well, and they’ve only talked a few times, yet she takes him looking at her sandals a few times to mean ‘I want to be dropped into your shoe.’ I think Ashley may have been reading too much into those looks of his.
This view is hammered home when Ashley challenges Claire on it. What’s the difference between the two of them? Simple, Claire’s fun was consensual.
Ashley’s defense mirrors the old ‘it’s not my fault they wanted it’ which is a pretty dangerous mindset to have in the real world much less here given the size difference. Not sure if the girls are right or wrong about their methods (that will wait till next chapter) however I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re able to tell the difference between a real incident and an overprotective parent.
On a lighter note Claire’s a bit kinky isn’t she? Footplay, voreplay, and of course ‘sticking him in places.’ Wonder if she’s still with Sean and wonder if he’s an Alpha or Beta. Her mother probably wouldn’t approve of an Alpha, but not sure a Beta could do the things described no matter how gentle she is…then again I didn’t think they could have sex either so what do I know.
Author's Response:
You caught a lot of stuff, and that makes me happy.
And yes, I believe I said it in response to comments to "Work" over in Consequences, but Claire is fun.
Fun fact: Sean was originally going to be introduced in that chapter as Claire's assistant that she mentions. Buuuuut I looked over the sections with the expecting parents and Stephanie's mom and decided that a scene of Claire casually playing with and dominated an Alpha guy contrasted far too much with the mood of those to go through with it.
Date: March 17 2014 9:20 AM Title: Cold
I’m only cutting the girls some slack because from what we learned in the main story they’re pretty much spoon fed the worst of beta treatment since childhood so any beta mistreatment is probably taken very seriously and they wouldn’t expect Melody’s sister of all people to treat a beta poorly. The other thing is we don’t know if that beta boy even agreed to be put in Ashley’s shoe, and even if he did she wasn’t being too careful with him if he ended up with bruises. She could have killed him by accident. So Ashely was stupid for doing what she did and shouldn’t have taken it lightly or try to deflect what she did by accusing Claire.
I can see how both parties screwed up but Melody should have handled this better.
And I have to be the only one that isn't so negative about Jenna. I'm not going to make presumptions of her character until I know more about her.
Author's Response:
Thank you for all of this.
Date: March 17 2014 9:13 AM Title: Cold
@Sketch: I actually doubt Jenna ever considered Ashley to be a friend. I think she only treated her like one because of her friendship with Melody. I could easily see Jenna putting on an act like that to keep that friendship with Melody and Claire, especially since she managed to hide her sadistic side so well in the past. Abigail was surprised when Kayla told her that Jenna is a sadist.
Author's Response:
All this Jenna hate before she even does anything ;_;
Date: March 17 2014 9:06 AM Title: Explanation
Holy fast Chapter update! I didn't expect anouther chapter for a week! Awesome!
Anyway, I'm going to echo a lot of other reviwers when I say, I hope this ruins the relationship between these girls for all time. I mean I get what Ashley did wrong. I imagine what Claire was giong to say was the difference was consent, which is important. But, i think Jenna is making several mistakes here.
1. It is not the place of the big sister and her friends to decide on a punishment for a little sister, no matter what she did. jenna should have left this to their parents.
2. It sounds like Ashley is a good girl who made an innocent mistake, not like the girls from consequences who knew what they did was wrong. Jenna barely even gave her a chance to defend herself and then didn't even tell her why she was being punished. Isn't that punishment 101, telling the accused what their accused of?
3. The omegas seem to be way overreacting. this problem probably could have been resolved with a stern talking too and maybe a grounding. instead they apply a procedure designed for criminals? And before you defend that this is what would have happened in two years, theres a reason kids arn't charged as adults. Because as in this case, sometimes they really don't understand what they are doing is wrong. the law itself deemed this type of punishment inappropriate for ashley, who are they to decide that it is?
4. Finally, it sounds like this is partly Claires fault. Clearly Ashley was copying her to get a boy she might have been crushing on. Someone should have spoken to her about consent before, now their blaming her for not knowing?
These are just a few reasons Ashley would be well within her rights to hate her sister and her friends for all time (especially Jenna who looks way too into this fore someone whoose supposed to be the girls friend). I hope you have an epilougue in this story so we can see what happened to their relasionship afterwords. And unless the Omega girls can muster some pretty convincing arguments, I would be dissapointed to find out Ashley forgave them for this.
P.S I just realized that we don't know alot about the laws the Omegas set down. I mean it didn't matter in the other story because almost beating a man to death is obviously a crime anywhere. But what law did Ashley break exactly? Is this assault?
Author's Response:
This is kind of another case where I won't neccessarily disagree as the author. The characters themselves obviously feel differently, but that also doesn't really sway shit either way. When it comes down to it we're talking about three 18 year old girls that are still in school themselves and aren't quite done growing up yet in a situation where emotions are running high, and it's easily possible that they made a bad decision in going through with this, or that they could have accomplished the same thing without resorting to the current plan. They can make good decisions and they can make bad ones, even when it comes to impressing upon Ashley the constructive lessons they feel she needs to learn.
Though I will say that #4 is being a bit personally unfair to Claire. She did note that she isn't the one that let her personal activities slip, and that she wasn't keen on them being known.
Date: March 17 2014 8:16 AM Title: Explanation
Please keep in mind, this criticism of your characters is such only because you've written a well enough story for me to care about them.
So I'm guessing a parent saw the bruise, it wasn't a big deal to him but he had to explain it, and that's why there's a report. This may torpedo this young relationship.
I'm sorry, but my opinion of these three girls has fallen, and only Melody has a chance to recover right now. She has no idea the dam of sibling resentment she's about to crack. A dam kept up for her sake. If her sister hates her, it will be for more reasons than she can comprehend. At least she's showing the right emotions as she goes through with it. This feels like a failure on the King family's part more than anything. She shouldn't have fill Ashley's head with the wrong ideas to begin with, and as a member of an Omega household, Ashley should have extensive training in Beta handling and etiquette as well.
Claire is the most disappointing. I know this is two years in the past, but she's treating someone who's supposed to be like family with greater scorne than she did Naomi after only a day. And if the reason I'll be given is Naomi was remorseful, then Claire has a rather shallow emotional attachment to family. (Especially since her brother is the victim.) I'm interested to hear what the difference with Sean is as well.
And then there's Jenna. You know, Jenna hasn't had a lot of positive character development. She's introduced as someone who can't be trusted to respect boundaries in dealing with people, an antagonist to Naomi, and finally it's confirmed she's a genuine sadist. Her back story with her one-armed beta friend reads more like revenge fuel for her attitudes now, and it doesn't wash with her desire to control the action of betas like Correy for their own good. Ashley's description of her past together is the first loving depiction we've seen of Jenna. And in one chapter she's thrown it away by her eagerness to get on with the punishment.
Author's Response:
It's fine, it's honestly interesting to hear and spurs me to get this thing done so people can get a good idea of what happened, etc. Though seeing everyone assume the worst of my girls is ;_;
We'll have to see how things transpired on that report.
I won't fully disagree on Melody, or with the assertion that they certainly could have drilled some things in better. They ultimately could have assumed that some things were common sense and should be taken as a given. There were expectations attached to her behavior/
And those expectations certainly play a factor with Claire. She expected better from Ashley, while she expected the worst from Naomi. It's also imperative to remember that the girls (though not Ashley, and certainly not the reader) have seen the submitted report, and may have access to more objective details than what Ashley feels is correct.
Jenna...well, we'll have to see. Half the point of this story for me is Jenna Development, and I'm looking forward to reactions to her part.
Date: March 17 2014 7:51 AM Title: Cold
Very well done so far, very well done indeed. I hope we get to see some of Claire and Melody's thoughts on punishing Ashley. I think I can already read Jenna's thoughts easily enough, and how that girl managed to befriend an Alpha is beyond me. To be honest, Claire and Jenna seem a bit too...gung ho about all of this. Melody is too, but those two seem particularly malicious, which was a bit unexpected with Claire. I fully expected Jenna to be Jenna, but this Claire seems a lot more cruel and merciless then the Claire dealing with the girls who hurt her brother. Perhaps this is what helped to make her more merciful? =o
I know it sounds bad, but personally I really hope they overdo the punishment and Ashley's relationship with all three of the girls is ruined, or at least irreversibly changed to something less then what it was. Maybe her never being able to fully trust her sister again, always treating her with a bit of fear and hesitance. Just enough that Melody and Claire would be able to notice. I don't want Ashly to hate them or anything, I just want her to serve as a stark reminder to Melody and Claire as to what happens when you decide to take things too far. I doubt it'll happen though.
Author's Response:
We likely won't really see their thoughts on this, at least not from their perspective (though maybe in a separate work, we'll see). I will tell everyone straight up that they would not be wrong to picture Claire holding Melody's hand during this upcoming chapter.
There will be a change in how Ashley views Melody, at the very least. I won't speak to the volume of it, but it will be there.
[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 7:08 AM Title: Explanation
So wait, what is the big difference with Claire’s actions? I assume Claire means that Sean was being disciplined? Or maybe that Claire has a greater sense of Sean’s discomfort and can avoid harming him? Or both? Another thing, if this is Ashley’s first offense, surely the girls can sense some of the regret in her voice? Obviously she broke the law but I hope Melody is around to keep an eye on Jenna — I could see how the latter girl might invoke a punishment that exceeds the crime.
Author's Response:
Ashley kind of sort of fucked herself over and said Nothing But the Wrong Things. We'll get the insight on Sean and what the difference between the two is soon enough.
Everyone pickin' on Jenna ;_;
[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 4:41 AM Title: Explanation
Wow Claire, Jenna, and Melody don’t look good in this chapter at all. They don’t even try to lecture Ashely first; it’s simply straight to punishment. Ashley probably didn’t mean to hurt the beta boy but either he was too scared to tell her to stop or he really did like it but a family or friend made him report her. I wouldn’t be surprised if Ashley does hate them after this. She seems to harbor some resentment over not being an Omega like her sister and probably wanted to experience that feeling with the beta boy.
Author's Response:
No one is ultimately meant to come out of this smelling like roses. There's a lot of emotion involved for all of them and that has its drawbacks when it comes to rational thought.
Date: March 17 2014 2:02 AM Title: Explanation
Damn, this is painful to read. You really have a knack for this. I wouldn't begrudge her if she hated the three girls. It really seems like a misunderstanding on her part.
Author's Response:
It's...
Well, it's a lot of shit, honestly.
Thank you for commenting.
[Report This]Date: March 17 2014 1:31 AM Title: Cold
Did that boy agree or did he say "yes" AFTER she put Ashley put him in her shoe? Basically, did ashley ask him beforehand?
In my opinion, that makes all the difference in the world. Great update though, I can already tell this is gonna be painful to read.
Author's Response:
You've pretty much nailed the question that's at the heart of the matter. We'll have to find out.
[Report This]Date: March 16 2014 7:42 PM Title: Cold
Wow, intense. You do a really good job capturing Ashley's perspective and it's scary.
I wonder what she did that this is such a surprise. Unless it was really bad, I'm surprised that Melody would want to be a part of this; it seems like it is going to fuck up her relationship with her sister something fierce. I wonder if she's staying to keep Jenna in check.
[Report This]Date: March 16 2014 12:10 AM Title: Cold
Cool, a side story on the whole Ashley incident. The truth is coming out. It great how Ashley was acting all innocent.
[Report This]Date: March 15 2014 10:32 PM Title: Cold
Awesome, I appreciate you taking time to explore this backstory.