Date: October 25 2015 12:28 AM Title: the beginning
When is the next episode coming out? Are you not going to update anymore?
Date: October 25 2015 12:28 AM Title: the beginning
When is the next episode coming out? Are you not going to update anymore?
Date: October 25 2015 12:28 AM Title: the beginning
When is the next episode coming out? Are you not going to update anymore?
Date: April 03 2014 2:53 PM Title: the beginning
Obviously authors like yourself who contribute don't get payed, so I won't complain about grammar or proper paragraph structuring and so forth. But it definitely helps people stay interested when they can keep up(unless it's a smutty story, than I don't think we're as particular).
Also, I noticed you described her fingers as the size a tree trunks. A lot of people like to use this phrase, but I don't think it applies here considering Jack's size. Probably more like tractor trailer size. But I'm probably just overthinking it. Sorry.
I've enjoyed what I've read so far and will definitely keep reading.
Author's Response:
after i had read over it i notcied i messed up describing the sizes a little so ill work on that.
Date: April 02 2014 3:01 PM Title: the beginning
So far so good. I enjoyed the first chapter, and look forward to the continuation.
You asked for pointers, so I’ll give you some. Your grammar could use a bit of work, but it’s not horrible. The more important thing that I noticed was how you switched from third perspective to first about half way through. Consistency is key! Pick one and go with it. Also, you might want to slow down a bit. The first three or four sentences read like you rushed through them. It might be good to elaborate a bit more, or just eliminate wonky passages entirely. Whatever works. And that’s my two cents, hope it helped! And once again, good story so far.
Author's Response:
Thanks for the tips. i have decided to stick with a first person perspective and am now typing the story in MS word so the grammar should improve. i basically rushed the first few chapters because i guess i just wanted to write the actual story.
Date: April 02 2014 10:52 AM Title: the beginning
The story looks really promising, but really, your grammer needs to improve. It's the little things really like proper capitalization and paragraphs. Other than that good story.
Author's Response:
sorry i am using MS word to type the next chapter so it should be a little better.
[Report This]Date: April 02 2014 6:39 AM Title: the beginning
Hoping he'll be found. That'd make it interesting
Author's Response:
im planning on keeping it unaware for this story but maybe.