Reviewer: Nostory Signed [Report This]
Date: April 28 2014 6:03 AM Title: Chapter 4

Wow, a lot to take in. Ryan is well...I hope Jaden shrinks him with the pill, guess he knows why Alex is so terrible. Essentially they are living in a military camp. I am shocked. 

  Now we need to see how Jaden helps Alex. Only way he can be friends with her.

Reviewer: Stubbornstain Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 4:13 PM Title: Chapter 4

The interactions between the characters in this chapter seem really believable. You seem to have put some thought into it. Your dialouge is better than most and must be commended. I can sense a lot of different emotions between the characters. I definately felt a connection.

You say, or rather Ava says, a mega can only be killed by another mega or by being shrunk but I know this can't be true. I'm certain radiation would kill them because it would damage their cells permenantly. If they don't die from radiation poisoning (which has been used to murder people in the past) then they'd get cancer. A cure for cancer is close, and the effects are gradual, so death by radiation poisoning is much more plausable. If he's smart (and I'm already assuming he will be the one to kill Ryan) then he might be able to rustle something up using everyday objects. Like that Boy Scout who was building a nuclear reactor in his parent's backyard. He salvages radioactive materials from old Radium clocks (the radioactive Radium is glow in the dark) and old Smoke Detectors which contain Americium.

Radioactive materials would be hard to get, so if he wants a way to kill Ryan using household objects he could find a way to extract the cyanide from apple seeds. Alex could put a load of cyanide in his drink. Also, nothing should be able to survive a nuclear bomb. So there's certainly more ways then the two listed.

Secondly, although I really like the story, I think the justifications for giant people seems a little off. Surely it's much cheaper and more sensible to design robots. A robot will be able to travel through radiation in the case of a nuclear explosion. A sentient being would not as they'd die from radiation poisoning.

There may be more mistakes but I've picked out a few I saw:

Here:

He made sure he held onto a few strands of her hair as she walked just like she instructed. 

I think you mean: indicated

It's not an instruction.

Here:

She smiled as she her shoe covered foot landed on the pavement, 

You mean:

She smiled as her shoe covered foot landed on the pavement, 

I think the rest of that sentence could be made better but I'm not sure.

Here:

Pretty much so, everyone around here pretty much gets along,

You want the comma before "so".

Here:

Ava smirked at him for a moment and then lifted her head off her hand. 

You mean:

Hand off of her head

Here:

So even giantess likes Hello Kitty.”

You mean:

So even giantesses like Hello Kitty.”

Here:

and by the time anybody had notice, 

You mean: noticed

Author's Response:

Thanks for picking up the mistakes that I overlooked.  I'm not nearly as good as I would like to be , but I try to better myself as I write . As far as the killing part is concerned...There are still secrets, just Ava gave up what she knows...Doesn't mean that's all of it....Also, not everything is all that black and white...We should know that. 

Reviewer: frankstergirl Signed [Report This]
Date: April 27 2014 2:44 PM Title: Chapter 4

Another really good chaper, really easy to picture everything that's going on :)

Author's Response:

Thanks! I'm really trying hard to get you guys to see the overall picture of each chapter while the story moves along.