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Reviewer: julieshrink Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 01 2015 11:47 AM Title: Chapter 1: Begininnings

Interesting story.

Continue with Alvira hiding him, then let Alvira nervous about any comments (To punish him in some way)...

Staying cool

Author's Response:

Thank you for the reply and ideas! I hope to get a new chapter out soon!

Happy New Year!

Reviewer: deathshinigami Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: January 01 2015 10:19 AM Title: Chapter 1: Begininnings

You use 'she' to much, and this intro seems a bit rushed. it does, however have great potential. So just try making the next chapter more detailed, as i do look forward to it.

Author's Response:

Alright, yes, I'm getting the rushed things a lot, as it is my first story, so not surprised. Thank you for the reply, and I hope to get a better chapter out soon. Happy New Year!

Reviewer: tinyguy Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: December 31 2014 7:52 PM Title: Chapter 1: Begininnings

Great start so far for a first story! Only suggestion is give is to spread thibgs out/slow things down. The best advice I can give on how to do that, would be to simply read other authors on this site, and isee what they do.

Judging by the age of your characters, is imagine you're a pretty young writer, so this is a great first effort. At your age, even just paying attention to what you have to write in class should help develope your skills.


Author's Response:

Thank you for your response!  You are right, I am 16 as of August 2014. The story takes place two years ago. And thank you for the advice, it's hard to write, so I agree with paying attention and reading othe stories. Even having read these stories for about a year now, it's still prety tough. I'll be looking at your stories here shortly. Thank you again, and happy new year!

Reviewer: Flaming_Heart Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: December 31 2014 4:10 PM Title: Chapter 1: Begininnings

Seems like a good first chapter for a first story. It did seemed rushed. Even though people want things like the fetishes now. You should bring more anticipation to your storyline.

I have to ask and this is totally not related to the story. Are you a DMC fan?

Can't wait to see how your next chapter turns out. Also try looking at Jacksmith or lancealot501 writing styles for like reference or something.

Happy New Years.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the reply/ I have never played DMC. Dante is actually my legal first name, given to me at birth. I have wanted to play it though, I should soon. I understand the rushed thing, looking back at it 30 minutes later. I was writing, and am currently writing, the story and this reply on a road trip, so that will be the cause of the spelling errors, and maybe the rushed thing, probably not though. Thank you for the reference ideas, I will look at them soon. I'll try slowing things down in the future. Thank you again!

Happy New Years!

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