Date: August 17 2015 9:09 AM Title: Chapter 1
Wow!
:O
Author's Response:
[Report This]Date: March 09 2015 9:11 AM Title: Chapter 1
I was getting worried that Joy was starting to enjoy it. What sets this story apart from your other stories is the obvious, visibile affection this family has for each other. I hope to see more stories like this from time to time.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading. Yeah, this is probably the first family I've written about that don't enjoy tormenting one another at smaller sizes. It's a set-up I intend to bring back eventually.
[Report This]Date: March 04 2015 9:44 PM Title: Chapter 1
Great chapter, I already like the characters. As for Grammar/Spelling I found no mistakes. Keep up the great work. Seems you are creating even more interesting characters.
Author's Response:
Thanks! Glad you're liking it.
Date: March 04 2015 8:41 PM Title: Chapter 1
Hi. It´s me again.
Como ya sabras, yo leo la historia una vez finalizada. Solo leo los primeros dos o tres capítulos (o, como en este caso, solo el primero) para darme una idea más concreta del contenido. Así que esto no es algun comentario que se relacione con la historia. Es más como una clase de peticiones, pero nada que insinue que este exigiendo o algo por el estilo. Tomalas como simples preguntas de inofensiva curiosidad sobre tu punto de vista.
-¿Qué te parecería escribir una historia hacerca de un hombre que se encoge al oler los pies de las mujeres? La idea te parece ridicula, iverosomil, o simplemente no sería tu estilo tratar con una premisa como esta.
-¿Comó te suena una premisa donde un personaje de genero masculino es capturado por una organización donde las mujeres pagan por tener esclavos miniaturas para hacer con ellos todo lo que su imaginación retorsida pueda pensar? Algo así como la premisa de "Hostel" (en mi país esta escrito así, creo que en ingles esta escrito igual). Esa pelicula me creo un repelus tan indecible para describirlo, pero el pensamiento de que las torturas hubiesen sido implementadas por mujeres hacia hombres pequeños estuvo presente despues de terminar de ver el film.
Soy consiente que en mi último comentario dije que prefiero una trama bien estructurada e interesante a un concepto atractivo, y este tipo de sugerencias contrastan de manera ingente ese comentario, pero solo son preguntas que me surgieron de la nada (ecepto la dos que la vengo arastando de hace tiempo). Sencilla e inofensiva curiosidad sobre la opinion que tienes sobre esto.
Si mi comentario te ofendio de algun modo, de ante mano te ofrezco una disculca.
Sin nada más por añadir, me despido.
Bye :)
Author's Response:
The idea of someone shrinking to an odor isn't a bad one, but it is probably not something I would write myself. I have seen Hostel though and actually once wrote part of a story with a similar premise to what you're describing, where women could pay to play with shrunken people in a discreet location.
Date: March 03 2015 11:10 PM Title: Chapter 1
I love where this is going. I love the "I can do it" attitude of the sister. I would absolutely love to see some sock/shoe insertion! While I'm dreaming, I'll bet he'd be nice and safe between her cheeks! Just saying! Looking forward to the next update :)
Author's Response:
Thanks! This is a fairly short story, so there won't be any mouthplay, but there's still some fun foot stuff coming up.
[Report This]Date: March 03 2015 10:22 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really like these characters immensely. The mom seems genuinely kind and caring while his sister seems very loving and quite affectionate. Looking forward to see what happens next and what he did to be shrunken.(would be funny if it was a relatively benign offence like peeking in the girls locker room or something)
It's easier for me to see that his mom and sister do actually care for him but aren't against having some good natured fun at his expense. I liked that the reason for this was because one of Becky's classmates had an accident through their own negligence. Would like to see some one on one time with Joy(nice choice in name btw) and her son.
Since it's the same universe as Time-Out, I'm assuming it's after the shrink act was written into law. I guess what I'm saying is in theory you could be shrunk for just about anything, especially if you're a minor.
Anyways, great stuff and can't wait to see Joy's feet.
aaron
Author's Response:
Hehe. I figured these characters would be more up your alley than Julia. You're right that Joy and Becky do genuinely care for and love Mark, even if the lessons are at his expense. What he did to be shrunken isn't explained in detail, but it's implied that he helped graffiti his school's gym.
And yes, this takes place after the Shrink Act is in place. Technically, his mom can shrink him for anything for her own disciplinary purposes, but a crime still has to be committed for him to be legally shrunken for an extended period of time like he is here.
[Report This]Date: March 02 2015 7:33 AM Title: Chapter 1
Great stuff! I can feel that this family actually OPENLY cares for eachother. It might be nice to make this a longer series to help contrast with the Time Out series. Maybe have a girlfriend visit and see a little making out (but that's as far it goes, since these characters are younger then TO). It'd just show that this mother isn't as possessive as Judy and while believing her son should be punished for his crime, the punishment doesn't need to be too severe.
Keep going with this!
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading. You're right that this is a family that actually cares about each other. I don't have plans for a series currently, but I may bring these characters back again at some point if people like the rest of this shorter story.
[Report This]Date: March 02 2015 3:59 AM Title: Chapter 1
Jack by your stories can shoot movies!
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading/reviewing!
[Report This]Date: March 02 2015 12:54 AM Title: Chapter 1
Was kind of hoping for an sw but Jacksmith foot content is still top notch quality stuff and the gasp...loving dynamic between the siblings is pretty shocking in this world kind of like the stepsisters from the Files arc.
Anyways good stuff my good man
Author's Response:
Thanks. There is a bit of a similarity to that story in Files, except here the affection is a little more one-sided, since this guy would much rather spend time trying avoid Becky. I have another story coming up that will include some SW stuff.
[Report This]Date: March 01 2015 10:04 PM Title: Chapter 1
Joy seems nicer than Judy at least. The mothers in this universe confuse me though, when it comes to weather they care for their kids i mean.
Joy does seem more loving so far though.
Author's Response:
Joy actually does care for her kids and genuinely puts them first, so there is a definite difference from Judy, even if her methods are unorthodox.
Date: March 01 2015 9:09 PM Title: Chapter 1
This is great so far! Not too slow of pace, and not too fast! Really easy to follow as well. Would love to see more.
Author's Response:
Thanks! There will be more soon.
[Report This]Date: March 01 2015 8:09 PM Title: Chapter 1
I really do miss chatting with you Jacksmith, do you guys still hold the sunday writers meetings?
As for the story, it feels very raw. Which is admirable, since most experienced authors loose that that liberated sexual element as their stories grow more complex. Or maybe I'm full of shit, who knows. :)
To summarize in a way that leaves no room for misinterpretation, you’ve managed to capture something here. Excellent work Jacksmith, very enjoyable.
Author's Response:
I don't think there's been a meeting for a long time. People just got busy, I guess.
I know what you're saying about the relationship of the sexuality in these stories compared with the complexity. My writing is definitely changed from what it was when I started on the site almost 4 years ago, though I like to think I can still deliver that rawness when it's needed.
Date: March 01 2015 5:27 PM Title: Chapter 1
Good stuff! I hope this is updated frequently!
Author's Response:
Thanks! There will be another chapter posted in a few days.
Date: March 01 2015 4:27 PM Title: Chapter 1
Great detail
Author's Response:
Thanks!
Date: March 01 2015 1:12 PM Title: Chapter 1
It´s me again.
Wow :o
No hay palabras para describir el primer capítulo; o al menos ninguna que mi limitada capacidad linguistica conozca (si es que capacidad linguistica significa el saber de palabras y no la pronunciación de ellas).
Hace mucho que extrañaba este tipo de tramas en tus escritos. No porque las historias que has escrito aburran o sean tediosas o sinonimos parecidos. Si tuviera que elegir entre una trama bien elaborada y entretenida, como casarecompesas espaciales en busca de un criminal intergalactico porque la federación les ha prometido el pedón completo de todos sus crimines, solo para enterarse que hay más de lo que ellos insinuaban en los motivos que esta tiene en la captura de dicho individuo; a un concepto atractivo, como la tortura, sadismo, sexo, violencia, 50 sombras de Grey, etc..., seguramente le daría una que otra vueta a la decisión en mi cabeza pero siempre escogeria la trama. Pero mentiria si no dijiera que disfruto de las historias con conceptos atractivos y tramas sencillas.
Además de que colocas la trama en un escenario que ya has elaborado, y nutrido más que suficiente con "La Ley de los Archivos Shinks", en el universo de "Time-Out". Lo unico que hace la historia es introducir una de las centenares de situaciones que alberga dicho univeso y seguir expandiendolo de forma fisica.
Aprovecho para comentar acerca de "Time-Out". En ella basicamente era a primera impresión una escusa para quemar leña, con un aparato que encoge a las personas sin algun tipo de origen y un castigo implementado sin cierta justificación, todo para mantener a un chico a la merced de los pies de su madre. Un mundo algo cerrado. Pero en mis más grandes especulaciones jamás habra pensado que esa pequeña historia llegaria a ser el primer ladrillo de algo mucho más grande.
Con "Time-Out 2" nos das una perspectiva un poco más amplia del mundo. Ahorra conocemos a personas más involucradas con el asunto del castigo y una ampliación del dichoso aparato de encogimento cuando algunas mujeres empiezan a hablar de sus experiencias con el.
En "Time-Out 3" es donde literalmente nos das la introducción del aparato (se que llevo diciendo aparato todo este timpo pero en este momento no recuerdo su nombre) en el mundo cotidiano, un origen del castigo implementado por Judy para el pobre Scott y la introducción de Maggie con una pequeña aparición. Y siendo esta una prucula, deja a "Time-Out 1" como una pequeña situación sin mucha tracendensia e importancia en la saga más que la primera aparición de los personajes principales al lector.
"Time-Out 4" es más como una introducción completa para Maggie como uno de los antagonistas principales en la saga y en la vida de Scott.
Pero no es hasta "Time-Out 5" donde su universo empieza a dar señales de verdadera relevancia en la saga.
Con todo esto, "Like Mother, Like Daugther" queda como otra pequeña adicción del universo. Icreíble, ¿no?.
Lo que más me ha gustado de la historia hasta ahorra (además de los pies y del extenso argunmento anterior) es como justificas la interacción del personaje con los pies, con Joy argumentando tal experiencia es para mantenerlo asalvo y con la trama asiendo uso superficial de la frase No hagas cosas buenas que parescan malas. También me gusta la razón de la acción, que es prevenir el posible aplastamiento de Mark poniendo a Becky en una situación similar para que aprenda de ello. Además de mantener a la familia descalza para sentir con cada paso que dan lo que haiga en el suelo y preveer un posible accidente con Mark, implementación que veo muy poco en las historias con premisas similares, un familiar/amigo/conocido/etc encogido y siendo cuidado en la casa.
Aprovecho para reiterar que basicamente, con el pasar de los meses y de cada historia escrita tuya, he estado guardando todos mis argumentos sin comentarlos; así que lo siento si el comentario parece muy fuera de lugar de la historia o de la situación. Practicamente estoy liberando tención acumulada.
Con todo esto, me entriztese un poco el hecho de que la historia llege a durar muy poco. Aunque lo entiendo perfentamente. Siendo esta la perspectiva de una familia en un mundo que tiene como trama principal otro escrito, la historia no parece dar para mucho. De todos modo, no tengo duda que la leeré con suma satisfacción una vez finalizada,
Si mi comentario te ofendio de algun modo, de antemano te ofrezco una disculpa.
Sin nada más que añadir, me despido.
Bye :)
PS: Si no he agregado nada de "Time-Out 6" es porque sigo leyendola. No porque la historia no me haya atrapado, sino porque la vida cotidiana me ha exgido que le ponga su respectiva atención.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review. Once again, I appreciate the detail of your commentary. You're right that Time-out 5 is where much more of the universe itself is shown to open up, especially since the first four of the series are much shorter and more focused on one small aspect. Time-out 6 continues on from 5 in that way, so I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for what you say about this story and the justification for the characters. I always hope the actions of my characters are believable, even if the circumstances are not.
Date: March 01 2015 12:01 PM Title: Chapter 1
Oh I forgot to ask you if you can explain this dialogue line (specially in bold) by Joy in simple word :
I don’t want to see anything like what happened with your classmate. That was easily preventable, if he’d been holding his sister upright instead of upside down.”
Thanks.
Author's Response:
She's saying how a boy Becky knows was holding his shrunken sister upside down, so like her head was pointed toward the floor, and it led to some kind of accident.
[Report This]Date: March 01 2015 11:50 AM Title: Chapter 1
I love the corruption process of the sister.
This will be a hell of a story! 10/10
Author's Response:
Thanks for reviewing!
[Report This]Date: March 01 2015 10:18 AM Title: Chapter 1
Well I like Becky and Joy so far. Gentle and loving is a nice change of pace for stories from that universe.
While I doubt that Becky would ever not be looking out for her brother while not already in her posession, I suppose knowing what he felt like underfoot would be a good thing, just in case.
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading. Gentle is definitely not something that happens often in this universe. The attitude here is "better safe than sorry."
Date: March 01 2015 9:21 AM Title: Chapter 1
nice start but it looks like TO stories. Becky seems more gentle than Maggie (before Nancy abused Scott) Joy as mother seems 'normal' but let's see next. PS: is it a short story (under 10 chapters)?
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading. It is similar to TO in that it deals with a mother and her son and daughter, but the relationships are very different. It will be under 10 chapters.