Date: May 02 2012 2:02 PM Title: Chapter 2
I have an idea where you could take your story. So the men want Jake yes? Well wouldn't Alexis be a much bigger prize? Giant women are surely rare and this mean old 'boss' could maybe do with one for things like heavy lifting and other odd job, perhaps turn her into a cirus act and Jake is then force to return the favour and save her, in a somewhat ironic chain of events - a damsel in distress, but not as we know it.
Or maybe they do capture Jake and Alexis returns him a favour because he saved Aly's life. So now she plays the role of the knight in shining armour. Which is again ironic, like the last scenerio. If you want I can help you come up with some other ideas. I'm one of the top reviewers on here so maybe there's a story I can point you to for insperation.
Date: May 02 2012 1:50 PM Title: Chapter 1
I wonder what the men wanted from him...
You know, if you feel you want to include lots of thoughts of Jake, who I assume is the main character, like you have in italics, then maybe first person perspective is better.
Third person is pretty standard and we feel like we're being told the story, second person is good for making the reader feel more involved in the story but is the hardest, whereas first person ls more personal. I feel it might suit your story. So what you have is Jake's thoughts as he's running and out of breath then suddenly he meets these fine ladies and his emotion quickly changes.
Anyway I'm movin on to the next chapter because I'm liking the story so far.
Date: June 14 2008 11:16 AM Title: Chapter 2
I like what is going on so far and hope to read more very soon. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: thanks, i'm working on the second chap now. it's going to be a long haul to really get this good. i can't believe how absolutely corny it was... thanks for reading and reviewing!