"My Little Friend"
-by Sonicfan287
Chapter 5: Doubts and denial
No way, I told myself, as I woke up the next morning in a state of flux. No way, I said to myself as I showered, and got dressed. I couldn't believe this, but it was infinitely true.
I sat down to my quick breakfast, as usual, of a rice krispie treat and Pepsi (orange juice was in short supply these days) and I couldn't stop thinking about Jen. Sure, I had some paper due today or something, but I had just kept putting it off in my mind, and hadn't gotten more than a paragraph done.
"I can't be in love with her" I found myself saying in my head, "if I was in love with her, I would know... I can't be in love with her... I mean, I just met her"
Just then I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and panicked. I quickly yanked out and checked the caller ID for her name, but no... it was the OTHER one... Kim.
I groaned and left my phone on the table... not that it mattered. I didn't care if Jen called... no big deal. It's not like I was in love with her or anything. That would just be weird... not to mention impossible.
As I drove myself to school, I kept thinking about the possibility, of asking Jen out. At the beginning of the week, I had no clue she even existed, and now 4 days later, I was thinking of asking her out? I didn't even ask Kim out until I knew her for 2 years, and what a mistake that turned out to be.
Ugh... this was no time to think about Kim... OR Jen for that matter. I loved the change of pace of seeing her, and I loved the surprise I got. She was such a pleasant addition to my life, but I'd have to stay friends with her. There's no way she'd go out with me.
On the other hand, our friendship had all the things a great relationship should have... a mutual understanding of one another, trust... well, actually, I didn't understand Jen that well at all. There were many factors about her that were still cloudy... many things about her past she refused to share, but she had the right to do that.
I realized I was almost at school and had spent most of my 30 minute drive thinking about this. I decided maybe some time away from Jen would be best, to give my brain a rest. Of course, if Jen wanted to see me, I'd be more than happy to oblige.
I only had 1 class today, but of course, I had work right after that, and that frustrated me terribly.
I walked to the student center and saw Sarah watching Tv, the pool table left vacant. John wasn't there, and in fact, noone was there, except for Sarah and I.
"Hi, Bobby" she said, flipping through several dozen channels in a matter of seconds.
"Hey Sarah" I said, making a genuine effort to pay attention to the situation at hand. "Uh... wanna play pool?"
"You're ASKING to play pool?" Sarah laughed, but she had already gotten up and walked towards the pool table, "well okay, I guess..."
So Sarah and I drifted over to the pool table and she set up the rack. I always liked playing pool when the room was abandoned because then noone would see how badly I sucked at this game, except for Sarah of course, but she already knew that.
"So Bobby" Sarah said, setting up to break, "is there anything you want to talk about?"
I waited for her to break before responding, "What do you mean?"
"Well, John tells me you've been very evasive" Sarah said, after sinking the 3 ball off the break and taking another shot "and Ive noticed it too..."
"Yeah...sorry" I said, and without even noticing, I had taken out my cell phone and was staring at it.
"Hey, it's your turn, y'know" Sarah said. "You can stop gazing into your cell phone..."
"Oh, right"I said, leaving my phone on the table instead, as I took a pool cue and made one of my trademark horrible shots.
"Anyway..." Sarah said, able to focus on conversation and pool at the same time. I wish I could focus on 2 simultaneous things. "...if there's something up, you can tell us... or me, at least, I won't make fun of you"
"No, there's nothing wrong" I said, grabbing at my cell phone quickly and scrolling through text messages to see if I had any new ones. I did not.
"It's a girl" Sarah sighed, handing me the pool cue.
"Uh what?" I asked.
"It's a girl... you like a girl" Sarah said.
"No... no of course not" I said nervously, "I mean girls are cool and all, but..."
"I can tell, Bobby" Sarah said, "I've known you long enough to tell when you're 'in love'"
"I'm not in love!!" I yelled, and took a pool shot in which I didn't even attempt to aim at the ball.
"If you say so..." Sarah said, and there was a long awkrard pause before she took another shot and asked, "...so what's her name?"
"There is no name, there is no girl" I sighed, "Please stop asking"
"Okay okay" Sarah said, and then I felt bad for snapping at her at all. She was just trying to help, and I could use much help.
"But uh.. if there WAS a girl..." I sighed, feeling nervous about talking about this, "...just hypothetically speaking... how would I go about... uh... asking 'this girl' out... if there was one... which there isnt"
"I knew it" Sarah smiled, and I didn't have to say anything else for her to know I was indeed troubled by a woman. "Well, Bobby, you just gotta be yourself... and, well for one thing, do you know this girl well already?"
"Well, I only met her a few days ago, but we've really hit it off" I said, "Or I guess you could say..."
"Well that explains where you were with the tea-bags" Sarah laughed. "Oh by the way, I won the game of pool 10 minutes ago"
"Yeah yeah whatever" I said.
"So what about her do you like?" Sarah asked.
"Well, she's pretty, she's awesome, she always knows just what to say... I don't know what else" I sighed, bringing back distinct memories of Jen, as we walked around campus the other day, "she makes everything feel great... I don't even think of other things when I'm with her... I just think about her"
"Aw, that's sweet" Sarah said, "Why don't you tell her that?"
"I guess I could..." I sighed, "I don't know"
"Does she go to school here?" Sarah asked.
"I guess you could say that" I sighed, starting to think I was giving away too much.
"Well, if you want my opinion" Sarah said, and started walking back to the TV, "I think you should ask her out"
"Thanks, Sarah... oh, I uh gotta go" I said.
"You got class?"
"Not quite" I said, and walked out the door without saying another word.
Perhaps Sarah was right, I should just tell Jen how I feel. That's what she'd want after all. Maybe opening up my feelings to her will help her open up to me more, and then we can... oh I don't know... who was I kidding? Still, I had to try.
I walk to the branford house, contemplating whether or not to call my little friend, or let her find me instead. After all, I was pretty easy to find from her perspective.
Still, I didn't see her anywhere, and this got me worried. It was just an ordinary thursday, I wonder where she could be. What if she got locked in the basement or something? I decide at last that I should call her. I quickly dial her number, and after a couple rings, she picks up.
"Hello?" Jen said.
"Hey, Jen!" I said, trying to hide the panic in my voice "Uh, what's up? Where you at?"
"I am...down by the water" Jen said, much more calmly than I had been speaking.
"Down by the water?" I asked, "I'll be right down there"
"Okay, I'm sitting by the stone bench" she replied, and I quickly hustled over there.
Sure enough she was lying under the bench, laying down in the grass, and looking out at the massive sea before us.
"Hey" I said, kneeling down next to her.
"Hey" she said, slowly getting up and she walked into my hand that I had set down for her. I pick her up and we sit on top of the bench now, so she can get a better view of things. "What's up?"
"Oh, y'know..." I sighed, feeling panicked now, "just stuff... why'd you come down here by yourself? I could've helped you out"
"I don't always need help y'know" Jen said, brushing herself off from laying in the grass, "I like taking long walks now and then"
"Ah, yes" I said, not knowing exactly what to add to that, "long walks... they're nice"
"Yeah... yeah they are" Jen said, and then looked up at me curiously, "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" I said, "I just got class in a little while, and I thought I'd see how you were doing, I missed you, yknow"
"Well, I missed you too" Jen said, and I returned the smile that she gave me, "but I figured you had class, so I didn't want to bother you"
"You never bother me, Jen" I said, "in fact I... well... yeah..."
"You, well yeah?" Jen asked, with a look of confusion.
"It's nothing" I sighed, "just getting tongue tied"
"Okay..." Jen said, and even though she didn't seem too displeased, I felt like this conversation was not going so well.
"Um, well I gotta go, for now" I said, looking down at my watch in frustration. I don't know where the time went anymore. "You want me to walk you back to the Branford house?"
"Uh, no, that's okay" Jen said, "I'm just going to look at the ocean some more, just leave me under the bench"
"Okay" I said, and set her down, "I will see you later"
"Yeah you will" she said, with a wink, and I walked away feeling more confused than ever. Jen hadn't done anything wrong, but I felt so weird around her now. Maybe I wasn't in love with her... who knows anymore?
Just then I notice Sarah who walks up to me with a puzzled look on her face.
"Uh hi, Sarah" I said, nervously.
"Where'd you go?" she asked.
Without thinking I said, "I took your advice... well I tried to, y'know with the girl I liked"
"But there's noone there" Sarah said, pointing down by the sea where I had been. Of course she couldn't see Jen laying in the grass from where she was standing. "I just watched you talk to noone"
"Uh... did I now?" I asked, feeling nervous that she might somehow stumble upon Jen's existence. "Well yeah, I was talking to noone, see I was rehearsing... because I was nervous"
"That's not healthy" Sarah said.
"Yeah, tell me about it" I sighed.
"You need to just go up to her and tell her how you feel" Sarah said.
"Thanks, I'll try to remember that"I said, and slunk off to class.
I won't bore you any further with the details of my "in-class" exploits. Basically just know that I spent a lot of time thinking about Jen and my strange but real feelings for her, before I headed off to work. A lot of my day becomes a blur from there.
"Bobby!!" I heard a shrill female voice scream. It was then I realize it was the voice of my boss Kathy. "Bobby, I've called you to furniture like 8 times!"
"Oh." I said, feeling indifferent to her pleas, as I stood on top of the silver ladder. "Well uh... sorry"
"Just go!!" she said, and I hurried down the ladder towards an elderly couple looking to buy a chair.
"Which one of these is good for lumbar support?" the old lady asked me, showing me a few of our chairs.
"Well uh... this one is okay" I said, not really knowing what I was talking about. "It's uh... got good height adjustment"
"They all have height adjustment" the old man with her said, "we want lumbar support"
"Oh, right... support... for the lumbar" I said, and browsed some more chairs. I only knew anything about them, by reading the information sheets on them, something that anyone could do. I could tell the older couple was getting impatient as I tediously read all the information sheets on the chairs, before finally finding a chair with lumbar support. "Here's one"
"That chair's leather!" the old man said. I gave him a vacant stare back, having no idea what the problem with leather was. "We have dogs... they chew leather"
"OH JUST FORGET IT!" the old lady sighed and started to walk away with her husband "this guy obviously has no idea what he's talking about"
"Have a nice day!" I shouted after them, but they just walked out the door. I hoped Kathy hadn't seen that.
Thank the lord my shift ended when it did. It was 9 o clock, when I was allowed the honor of escaping the hellhole I called a job, even though I had already torn off my red shirt of oppression at 8:50, not being able to take it any further.
I got into my car, and put some music on at a low volume. I needed to relax. I always liked the feeling of just getting out of work. It made me see the best of life. It made me think, for a few brief minutes before I got home, that if I could handle those hours at work, I could handle other things too, and maybe I wasn't so inadequate. It also helped me because I could think about the mistakes I had made at work that day and how I could not make them later... if I felt like it of course. I was better at my job than I let on, but I never got a raise, even if I sold everything in the store, so why bother?
Of course over time, my focus shifted on Jen, and how possibly I could ask her out. I mean, she seemed impressed with me for some reason, either because she could trust me, or she thought it was adorable how hard I tried... I don't know. But then again, she might've just thought of me as a friend.
How would I even go out with her? I'd be too afraid of other people crushing her. I could never introduce her to my parents... I could only imagine what they'd say. I couldn't even tell my friends about her, and if I did go out with her, there'd still be so much I would be wondering.
I couldn't tell if Jen was happy with her life. She seemed like a pretty calm person about a lot of stuff but there had been times when she would get unsettled by something or another. It seemed to me she had a dark past. But that was okay, I could help her through it... I could take care of her... I could...
Oh, who the hell was I kidding? I couldn't even do a 3 page paper... I couldn't even deal with my prior relationship which ended in a torrent of hell. What if the same thing happened with Jen? What if we got into a fight and I did something horrible to her by mistake? She was so fragile... and I was so irresponsible in general... how could I be trusted to care for another human being? Especially one so small... but still I had cared for her, I was always gentle, never harsh and never forced her into anything. She was willing to let me hold her... but would she be willing to let me love her?
I then realized that I wasn't emotionally stable enough to drive, as I had been swerving a little bit. I pull off the main road and bury my head in the steering wheel, quietly sobbing to myself.
Giantess World
