"Did you hear about Steve?" Alanna asked, hopping up on Bill's desk.

"No, some of us actually work around here." Bill responded. "And don't sit there, it's not load-rated."

"Haha, smart ass, if anyone browsed the internet more than you at work, they'd have to be promoted to social media director." Alanna shot back. "Anyway, Steve's gone. The police say he may have caught the virus!"

Bill stopped clicking through his highschool crush's latest vacation photos.

"You don't know that." He said, more defensively than he meant to.

"Oh, sure." Alanna conceded. "But, no one's seen him in days, apparently the police told Janice that he'd filed through one of those private placement companies, you know, the ones that come and take you to a shrinkee-only colony?"

"So that's it then." Bill said, already wanting to be done with the topic. "He's reclining in a hammock made of a factory reject bandana and sipping the world's tiniest painkiller."

“Except, even his wife doesn’t know where he is, she hasn’t seen him since Friday morning, and she’s the one that filed the police report and told them about the placement company.” Alanna leaned in with a conspiratorial air. “And besides, you wanna know what I think?"

“No” Bill said, knowing his answer wouldn’t affect Alanna.

“I think it was his secretary, Michelle.” Alanna whispered.

“You think that Michelle, the recent college grad, the one who is so meek she can barely say ‘good morning’ to anyone, the one who apologizes to furniture when she accidentally bumps into them, five foot nothing, one-hundred pounds after a buffet, that Michelle,” Bill outlined. “murdered our former line-backer boss?”

“Not murdered.” Alanda conceded. “At least, not immediately. But she definitely found him after he shrunk, and kidnapped him.”

For a brief moment, Bill had a horrifying flashback to his monthly review of the company’s work browser history, specifically Alanna’s. The images of women doing unspeakable things to shrunken people, the stories and blog posts detailing those women’s plans and schemes once they were alone with a shrinkee.

“I think you’re projecting.” Bill said. “What proof do you have that she kidnapped him?”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Alanna beamed.

“I’m so sorry I asked.” Bill soured.

“So, Friday, the last day that anyone saw him, she left early, before lunch. And, the security cameras saw her leaving the main door, with a bag she didn’t normally carry.” Alanna was almost too excited. “I think she was bringing him the weekly report, found him shrunk in his office, stuffed all his clothes into a bag, stuffed him…somewhere, and then took off for an early weekend to enjoy her new shrinkee-slave. Beside, you saw how he treated her, she fucking hated him, even if she needed the job.”

Bill must have shown more of his own dread in his face than intended, because Alanna’s grin only widened.

“Besides,” She said. “It’s what I’d do.”

“What?” Bill said, jolted out of his dead reverie.

“Oh totally,” Alanna continued. “I can’t think of a better weekend than finding one of the account analysts, or Sarah, or even… you.”

“Don’t kid about that shit.” Bill said.

“I’m not kidding.” Alanna said, finally leaning away. “It’d depend on just how small you shrunk, but I’d first find a way to stop you from running. Maybe just pocket you, if you were small enough…”

“Stop it.” Bill said.

“Then I’d clean up your clothes, it wouldn’t take much effort to put them all into a bag and take them to the furnace in the basement…” She continued unabated.

“Okay, I get it, that’s enough.” Bill tried.

“But then I’d have to keep you quiet while I made my way out of the building.” Alanna mused. “Again, it’s dependant on size, but I think for you Billy, since I know you’ve got a thing for nice asses, I’d have to keep you clenched between my cheeks. A nice, tight squeeze all the way to my car, and then home to be my little toy forever, or at least until I get bored with you.”

“I said that’s enough!” Bill said.

“Okay, okay.” Alanna said, finally unseating herself from Bill’s desk.

Alanna made her way back to the walkway between the cubes, turning back to lean on the half-wall as she did.

“You know that would probably be better than Steve’s getting, right?” She said.

“What do you mean?” Bill asked, unable to stop himself from taking the bait.

“She may not talk to you that much, but Michelle could occasionally open up after work.” Alanna said. “After a few beers.”

“So?” Bill asked.

“Steve would be lucky to be picked up by someone so cute.” Alanna mused. “But Michelle hates him. If she did get him, he’d be begging to simply stuck between someone’s asscheeks by the end of Friday night, that girl has some demented ideas. Sexy ideas, but still demented.”

With that, Alanna was gone, back to gossip with someone else. Bill was left alone in his cube, and feeling like he could breathe easily for the first time in minutes. As he tried to resume his idle browsing of people he once knew, he found his hand shaking on the mouse.

“Fuck this.” Bill said to himself. “I need a break.”

Bill got up from the grueling tasks in front of him, and made his way to the break room on his floor. With almost all of the staff out, for a variety of reasons, and the upcoming holiday, the building was almost empty, save for a few under-paid souls like Bill. So when Bill turned the corner into the break room, and almost ran into Michelle exiting the break room, he stopped in the doorway.

“Oh, sorry, and good morning.” Bill said.

“Don’t worry about it, and good morning, uh, Bill, right?” Michelle asked.

Bill almost didn’t know how to respond, in the span of a second, he’d heard more words from Michelle than in the four months since she’d been hired.

“Yeah, it’s Bill.” He said. “How was your weekend?”

“It was wonderful, I had a great time staying inside for the weekend.” She responded.

It was almost alien to see Michelle making eye contact, speaking cheerfully, and in general, being engaging.

“That’s good to hear.” Bill said.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to work.” She said. “Steve may be gone, but all of his appointments still need to be told he’s gone.”

“Sure thing.” Bill said, stepping aside. “It’s a shame, that Steve’s missing.”

Michelle chuckled as she walked passed Bill.

“Yeah, a real shame.” She said still chuckling. She waved as she walked away. “Take care, Bill.”

A shiver ran down Bill’s spine as he stood alone in the break room, he couldn’t tell if it was from the wholly uncomfortable shift in Michelle’s tone and attitude, or from the way she brushed off any concern. At least, Bill told himself, she looked happy.

Bill shook off the building dread, literally, and made his way to the sink and cabinet for a drink of water to alleviate an uncomfortable heat in his collar. Bill turned on the water and reached above the sink to the cabinet. His hand missed. Bill looked up, confused, only to be more confused as his hand, extended up to the cabinet handle, wouldn’t reach. He tried to push himself up on the sink, for the few extra inches, only to realize the lip of the sink was too high to get a good purchase on. By the time Bill realized what was happening, before he could even panic, or call out for help. The world began to spin as it rose around him. The vertigo and nausea took him almost immediately, and Bill collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

Waking up was a mix of confusion and bliss. Bill felt as though he’d just had the best rest he’d ever had in a place he couldn’t remember falling asleep in. It took him several minutes just to fight his way out of the massive amount of bedding that surrounded him. Finally climbing free of the heavy cloth, he could take in his surroundings. The world was an alien landscape of beige tile, and mountainous white laminate cabinetry, he recognized all the elements of his company’s break room, but couldn’t tie them back to the image in his mind.

Bill hadn’t even figured out where he was when he heard a familiar voice come from behind him.

“Oh my god, Bill!” Alanna exclaimed with equal shock and joy.