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The Shrunk Virus: Ten Years Later
By Cargo Weasel
OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT C2C 6/1/23
PROPERTY OF CTN NEWS ATLANTA — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
[Graphic: CTN Logo on black background]
[Opening theme music, montage featuring time lapses of cities at night, doctors, radio telescopes, military deployments, protestors, a very short person getting their height marked against a growth chart with a row of markings well above their head, test tubes, data centers, quadcopter drones taking off, a small person being scanned by large medical equipment, and a tiny person about 4 inches tall standing on the gloved hand of a doctor in a surgical mask]
[Animated title graphics: COVER to COVER with Jeanne Wilkinson]
[Jeanne Wilkinson, 44-year-old black woman, journalist and interviewer, flagship anchor personality of the CTN network, known for her poise and gravitas, interviewer of countless presidents, movie stars and business magnates, is walking slowly through a vast dark set, illuminated by spotlights illuminating large objects such as a model of a virus, a latex glove, and a calendar showing June 2013. She is wearing a business-like gray tweed pantsuit and light blue blouse.]
Welcome to Cover to Cover. I’m your host Jeanne Wilkinson. Today is June 12, 2023. Our topic tonight is the ten year anniversary of the Shrunk virus.
It seems everyone has a story about where they were in the summer of 2013 when the Special Human Retrovirus (Unique) began its incredible spread. From its origins traced to a farmers market in New York's Hudson Valley, SHRu-13 spread by touch and contaminated surfaces, and caused anyone who touched items, sat in a bus or plane seat, grasped a handrail or handled cash from an infected person to acquire the virus. Over the course of the infection, which could be anywhere from 10 days to a year or more, any person would slowly shrink to an unpredictable size. It happened in fits and starts, and many of us would wake up each morning smaller than the night before. Especially in those early days before we knew what Shrunk was capable of, it was a scary time. And the next few years changed our entire society beyond recognition.
[ Interview: Dr. James Krutsz, Epidemiologist, Chair of Special Department of SHRu-13 Studies, Harvard University. Age: 56, Height: 1.2 mm]
[Krutsz is a middle aged male doctor with short graying hair, he is sitting at a desk and chair, but is on a much larger surface that blurs into the distance. He is wearing a loose fitting tunic style garment in dark blue, almost like a slightly big T-shirt with a belt to hold items]
“No single event has changed human society and culture at all levels more than Shrunk. It’s indirectly killed an untold number of people, and affected the entire world’s population. Shrunk reorganized how we all live based on physical size. It forced accommodations to be made for people as small as ants to live productive, valuable lives. The changes it has brought to the world we once knew are incalculable, and yet its benefits to the earth’s climate and ecosystem are undeniable. I myself was Shrunk voluntarily five years ago to the smallest possible size of 1.2 mm as part of my research. I am a “nano”. It’s led to some significant adjustments, but I am able to continue my work.”
[Footage of a human-sized bipedal robot vehicle with a round glass head, a tiny figure only barely visible inside, receiving the Presidential Medal of Honor]
[Jeanne Wilkinson, with a map behind her showing a spread of red lines and expanding dots moving across the globe, from North America to Europe and Asia, Africa and South America]
The Shrunk virus spread rapidly, but its long incubation period made it difficult to track. Its resilience meant that even surfaces that had been cleaned remained infectious, and many cleaning crews found themselves shrinking even when using hazmat suits and PPE. The delay between exposure and symptoms made Shrunk far more dangerous, as unknowing carriers would hand cash to a store clerk or shake hands or breathe on someone and infect them without knowing it. This way they could spread the virus for weeks. The Shrunk virus had permeated all levels of society before its true effects were even seen.
[Dr. James Krutsz]
The first symptoms were headaches, and a certain clumsiness. Fingers missing the elevator buttons, grabbing the doorknob and missing, that kind of thing. Phone fingerprint sensors would fail to work as the shrinking of the victim would change their fingerprints very slightly. Shoes would not fit properly and need to be re-tied. The human brain has a very strong sense of bodily awareness and size perception, and we thought it was the so-called “Alice in Wonderland” syndrome at first. Initially when patients sought treatment for Shrunk, they were referred to neuropathy departments and scanned for brain tumors and other factors that may have caused perception issues. But the real cause was external, and as we all know now the patients really were shrinking. We should have had a lockdown but everyone thought it was psychological. We didn’t think it was a contagion. That delay cost us dearly. We didn’t even figure out it was a virus for two months.
[Interview: Dr. Tania Khatun, Frontline Medical Responder. Age: 35, Height: 28 inches]
[Dr. Khatun is a South Asian woman, her hair tied back with a head scarf, wearing scrubs and a large stethoscope. She is sitting in a doctor’s office on an oversized chair with a plastic step stool nearby. Her feet, in white Crocs, dangle off the front of the chair]
"Those first few weeks of Shrunk were a crazy time. Every day in our emergency room we would encounter people who said they were shrinking. They’d bring photographs, growth charts, clothes that were too big. If it happens once, it’s gotta be some nut. But it happens two, three times an hour, and then the people coming in are four and five feet tall, and we start wondering, what the heck’s going on here? Then half the hospital staff started shrinking too. It doesn’t feel like you’re shrinking, though. It feels like everything else around you is getting bigger. Your brain assumes you are the ‘default’ size. Even now I feel like I am still five foot nine and its just everything else that's huge."
[Jeanne Wilkinson]
By late summer, Shrunk’s impact was becoming undeniable. Several celebrities and public figures had begun to shrink, including Salma Hayek, Tom Hanks, Taylor Swift, Boris Johnson, the comedian Patton Oswalt, and Senator Ted Cruz. The shrinking was slow at first, and even people with the virus didn’t seem to mind too much, apart from the headaches. It was more funny than frightening, but as the shrinking continued and spread, calls for action became louder and louder.
[Dr. James Krutsz]
“In 2013 I was a research fellow at Harvard, studying epidemiology. When I saw Shrunk start to dominate the news I turned all our department’s attentions towards it. My team and I began to trace contacts with Shrunk patients and sequence the virus, which had properties utterly unlike anything we’d ever seen before. Our working theory is that the virus has a quantum effect on the mass of and space between particles, through a mechanism that we still don’t fully understand. As a retrovirus it affects the DNA of human cells and as our cells reproduce they do so at the smaller size even past the viral infection period. It only works on living tissue, and the virus only infects human DNA. Certain animals have been shrunk in lab conditions as we can duplicate the mechanism the virus uses, even if we don’t know precisely how it works. SHRu-13 is the most studied virus in human history. We know it down to the subatomic level, but many parts of it are still a mystery. We don’t even know if it’s terrestrial in origin, it’s so weird.”
[Wilkinson]
Many amateur theorists began to speculate in the early days of Shrunk about whether the virus was a government plot, a bioweapon, an alien invasion, or other wild theories. The internet was rife with cures and causes for shrinking, including garlic, dandelion root, shrinking violets and maple syrup. There were runs on growth hormones and certain cat medication. The CDC and WHO issued guidelines about cleaning surfaces and social distancing, and many events and public performances were cancelled, along with the acceptance of cash at retail stores. Wearing latex gloves in public began to be commonplace, both as protection from and an indicator of shrinking when they started to feel loose. While funny at first, as the shrinking continued it started to make life difficult for the virus’ victims, who began to be known as “shrinkees” - originally a mean joke but later adopted as the standard term. And where there are shrinkees, the term "Big" was adopted to refer to the fully-sized.
[footage of Patton Oswalt performing standup on stage, shrunk to 3 feet tall, the microphone bigger than his head]: “That's me, one of the shrinkees! I always wanted to lose weight but not like this.. not like this! My daughter is five and she’s the same height as me. She’s stopped seeing me as her dad and more like “fun-size toy daddy!” I dunno what i’m gonna do here, you know? I had to start shopping at Gymboree. I know this sounds cute and everything but I can’t recommend it! Other people get tragic, romantic diseases and I get to be pushed around by kindergarteners. If I get any smaller i’m going to have to live in someone’s pocket. I just played a cartoon rat. I can’t be the size of a rat in real life.”
[Wilkinson]
Mr. Oswalt eventually shrank to the height of 7.75 inches. He played Remy in the Broadway stage version of Ratatouille in 2019.
[shot of a tiny Patton Oswalt dressed as a rat atop a Big actor playing Linguini]
As summer turned to fall in 2013, the Shrunk virus had affected over two million people worldwide. Some countries, like France, China, South Korea and India, instituted strict lockdowns and social distancing requirements as well as surface cleaning policies. In the United States, rules varied from state to state. Regardless of policies Shrunk was widespread. It seemed like everyone knew someone who was shrinking, a family member or coworker or friend. There was a worldwide shortage of bleach and antibacterial soap, and support groups for shrinkees popped up on Facebook and Reddit and Twitter with advice on step stools and reacher/grabbers.
The virus itself was non-lethal, and didn’t seem to have any symptoms beyond shrinking and headaches. However, at unfamiliar reduced sizes, accidents and injuries for shrinkees became commonplace and safety equipment became crucial, including stepladders and ropes. It became quite hard for shrinkees to live daily life unassisted. As people shrink, they become more vulnerable and crime and attacks from both humans and animals became more of a risk factor.
[Interview: Jean Lawler, Animal Rescue Society]
[footage of huge dogs looming over their shrunken owners, struggling with food cans and leashes and kibble, etc]
“Shrunk was hard on pets. Many dogs had to be given up or euthanized when shrinkee owners were no longer able to control them. Dogs would find themselves in a dominant position over a human smaller than they were and assume they were now pack leaders, or their owners were now their pups. As time went on and shrinkees became smaller and smaller, domestic pet ownership became considerably more difficult for most. Cats are illegal in many districts with a lot of smaller shrinkees. Some shrinkees keep insects or tiny lizards as pets. It’s not all bad news though. Some shrinkees are able to handle smaller dogs and use them as riding animals.”
[Dr. Krutsz]
“We thanked our lucky stars every day that the virus wasn’t killing people directly and didn’t usually require hospitalization. At six months in, the smallest patient was 22 inches tall, quite small in those days, but able to function with assistance. We thought the virus had mostly run its course at this point. We were, in retrospect, deeply naive.”
[Wilkinson]
The first wave of the Shrunk pandemic was tapering off in the fall of 2013. The critical question facing local and national governments was what to do with an estimated ten million shrinkees, most of whom seemed to be between 2 and 4 feet tall - roughly the size of small children. It wasn’t known if they would ever grow back or if they would shrink again.
Carseats, stepladders, safety bars, and many items made for people with dwarfism were installed in thousands of homes, and shrinkees began to adapt to their new size. Offices either allowed shrinkees to work from home or installed new smaller desks and chairs for their use, and standing on tables during meetings became more commonplace.
[ Interview: Vernon Chiang, Little Persons Advocacy Organization representative. Age: 27. Height: 3 foot 2 inches]
“As a dwarf long before Shrunk came along, I was happy that finally the powers that be would be forced to cater to our needs. And it was great. At last we had products and policies that were size-inclusive. I can’t tell you what a great time it was to hold hands with the shrinkees and see real, lasting social change. It was very exciting for awhile. We were able to get traction on things we'd asked for for decades. Then, later, many of us found ourselves far bigger than most shrinkees, and when you've been used to being the smallest person in the room for years, that takes some adjustment (laughs).”
[Dr Krutsz]
“The shrinkees in the first wave of Shrunk were around 2-4 feet in height, usually. Most were still able to more or less function in the Big world with certain adaptations. We weren’t yet at the point of having to develop entire new housing and transport solutions for shrinkees. We didn’t know then if the shrinking process could reverse or if it was stopped permanently or just temporarily. Of course we now know that it’s irreversible - when you've shrunk you’re not getting big again, no matter what hormones or procedures we try. But you can usually shrink smaller. Shrinking is a one way trip.”
[Wilkinson]
After these commercial messages, we will continue with our retrospective: Shrunk, Ten Years Later. You’re watching Cover to Cover, here on CTN.
[COMMERCIAL] Attention: If you are Shrunk to any size and you purchased or were prescribed GrowX pills or treatments in the states of California, Nevada, Oregon, or Washington, or you booked sessions in any GrowX Treatment Center, you may be entited to a large cash settlement. Contact the law offices of Hamlin Hamlin McGill at 1-800-GOTSHRUNK
[COMMERCIAL] “When I got Shrunk I thought my life was over. But then I came to Bonsai Gardens, right here in Sacramento. With rental and purchase packages as low as a few hundred dollars, my 4 foot square condominium is spacious and luxurious, and all the amenities are right at my doorstep. There’s high speed internet, restaurants and bars, social events, a drone stop, and plenty of neighbors around my size to make new friends and who knows - maybe more.”
Narrator: “Bonsai Gardens is for shrinkees between 1 to 4 inches in size. Book a free consultation to see if Bonsai Gardens is right for you. All shrinkees are welcome to tour any of our Mini Properties locations. Mini Properties: Welcome to your new life.”
[Logo: CTN Original Programming. Baritone voice-over and fanfare: “Youre watching CTN.”]