“Fucking hell. You need to be in prison.” Jack said, pulling his bag from the back seat of the car. He couldn’t believe that Maddie had managed to make it all the way back to the apartment without managing to get pulled over. Despite her repeatedly reassuring him that she was cute enough to get out of a ticket, Jack had to believe that any self respecting cop would’ve taken her license on the spot. 

“Shut up, you didn’t even die. Hey, be useful and grab the bags out of the back.” Maddie ordered more than requested, walking straight towards the apartment. Jack sighed and lifted the rear hatch to retrieve a single black duffel bag from the trunk. It was remarkably light and certainly wouldn’t have been a hassle for Maddie to get herself, but Jack figured she was just getting the most out of bossing him around. Jack was in town for a surprise party being thrown by his sister’s roommates and already he was having second thoughts after only having spent twenty minutes with Maddie on the drive here from the airport. 

He walked up the path as Maddie fumbled with her keys at the front door. The entire time that he walked down the sidewalk, Jack was faced with an incredible view of Maddie’s butt as it tried its best to consume her shorts. He did everything that he could to avert his gaze, less out of respect and more out of a fear of embarrassment, but by the time he reached the bottom step, Maddie was still posted up in front of him. 

“First time opening a door?” He mocked, trying to encourage her to speed things up, but Maddie quickly let out a hurried and nervous shush.

“Shhh. Shut up. Do you hear that?” She asked, incredibly seriously, leaning forward to get her ear closer to the door. Jack immediately obliged, listening carefully to see what she was referencing. A few tense moments passed as Jack waited to see if some surprise burglar was going to pop out of the apartment suddenly. But the real surprise was much worse.

Pppppffffffftttttttttttt

A loud boisterous fart blasted out of Maddie’s large round ass, directly into Jack’s headspace. Immediately the shorter man recoiled in disgust, trying to move his face out of the cloud of rancid gas. By the time that Maddie stopped laughing, Jack was standing in the middle of their lawn, trying not to acknowledge the scent that had already pervaded his nostrils.

“Jesus Christ, that’s fucking disgusting.” He shouted, snorting a couple of times in an attempt to get the smelly particles out of his sinuses.

“Oh come on. How can you say that, you didn’t even smell it. If you want to complain you at least need to come take a lil sniff.” She taunted, pushing her ass out toward him. 

“I did fucking too smell it.” He retorted in a growing rage.

“Ewwwww, you smelled my fart? What a little pervert.” Maddie laughed as she pushed open the front door, leaving it open behind her. Jack gritted his teeth, wondering if this trip was a fucking mistake. However he also quickly realized that he didn’t even have a vehicle with him, and so he was stuck at the mercy of Sophie’s obnoxious friends. 

“Goddamnit.” He muttered to himself as he begrudgingly walked inside the apartment. No sooner did he walk through the threshold into the house, did Jack hear Maddie shout at the top of her lungs. 

“Jack smelled my fart like a little freak.” 

He let out a heavy sigh and carried both his and Maddie’s bags farther into the apartment. As soon as he reached the living room, Jack found Emma in the living room trying to hang a “congratulations” banner behind the couch.

“Not like you gave me much choice. My face was practically up your ass.” He replied, not wanting it to sound like he had voluntarily sought out Maddie’s flatulence.

“Well if you put your face up her butt, you’ve gotta be ready to get farted on.” Emma said with a coy smile. Jack just groaned, dropping the bags onto the couch. 

“I think you know that’s not what I meant.” He replied flatly. He watched as Emma struggled to get the middle pin on the banner secured to the wall. She stood on a rickety looking folding chair on her top toes, lacking the precious few inches of height that she needed to finish her job. Jack let out a heavy sigh and walked over to help. “Here, let me help.” 

Emma looked down as Jack approached and let out a short chuckle. “You’re going to help? You’re shorter than I am, pipsqueak.” Jack gritted his teeth. It was true, at 5’8” Jack was a single inch shorter than Emma was. Honestly, being that she was over six feet tall, Maddie should’ve been the one in here hanging banners, not Jack or Emma. 

“Fucking hell, really? Are the two of you just flat out incapable of being bitches for a single minute?” Jack asked, wrapping his arms around Emma’s waist and hoisting her up just a bit higher. The dark haired woman let out a sharp squeal as she was hoisted off of her chair. Once she realized that she wasn’t going to fall, Emma gave Jack a quick glare before reaching up to finish securing the banner. 

“Okay, you can quit groping me now.” Emma said. Jack grumbled again before setting her down on the floor. 

“Really, not even a thank you?” Jack was quickly growing tired of the combined bullshit of these two women. It had been years since he had last interacted with either of them and evidently he had forgotten just how snotty they could be. There was a part of him that considered simply grabbing his things, calling a cab and getting back on a bus home. He would have to hope that Sophie would understand that her friends are just a bit too much.

“A thank you, huh? Okay, let me show you a little gratitude.” Emma had quickly stepped forward, placing her hands on either side of his face. Jack was stunned by this sudden shift in her demeanor. He felt her gentle breath wash over him as she leaned in close and began to whisper. Jack started to speak, but was instantly silenced as Emma pressed her lips against his. 

Jack stood frozen in the living room, eyes stuck open as he tried to parse this strange turn of events. His train of thought was so interrupted however, when he felt a sharp stinging sensation in his tricep.

“Owwwwwhat the fuck.” He asked, pushing Emma back a mf lifting his arm to find a single drop of blood beginning to form. He looked back over his shoulder to find Maddie standing behind him with a strange looking syringe in hand and a wicked smile on her face.