There are many pivotal events historians argue changed the course of human species. A few that come to mind are the fall of Rome, the Black Plague, the Renaissance, and Columbus’ 1492 voyage to the Americas.

Watchers of history, expert and amateur, eventually came to a unanimous agreement that those occurrences — previously thought of as momentous evolutions in our existence — were practically blips compared to what happened in the 2020s.

When the COVID-19 pandemic faded from the world’s collective consciousness — several years after the initial lockdowns — those still paying attention noticed something rather strange.

A substantial percentage of men across the world were losing weight. And a lot of it. It wasn’t uncommon for overweight adult males to shed dozens of pounds and have their beer bellies entirely melt away.

At first, nobody panicked. In fact, people were overjoyed during the first few months. Previously obese men were taking to social media to show before and after pictures. Even men who were in shape were dropping mass faster than they could put it on in the gym. And the only thing women seemed to talk about was how their men were finally, miraculously becoming trimmer, healthier and more attractive.

The dialogue shifted dramatically when enough men dwindled beyond merely being forced to tighten their belts. Some guys found themselves needing to shop in the boys’ section. Step stool sales skyrocketed around this time.

By this time, the most serious cases of what was then being called “male shrinkage” were being broadcast to the world. If someone didn’t know a man who was shrinking, they had at least seen one on TV or on their phone.

Major countries together with the UN convened a consortium of all-female scientists to get to the bottom of what was happening to men. They eventually found a similarity in all the men who were shrinking the fastest. They had all either contracted COVID-19 one or multiple times. Additionally, most of them had gotten the disease early in the pandemic, which suggested the symptom of shrinking had a latency period of three or so years.

A study commenced in December 2023. The sample size was 1000 people infected with COVID sometime in 2020. There were 500 rapidly shrinking men, none of whom were even four feet tall at the start of the study, and 500 women, all of whom stayed exactly the same size throughout.

The men were subjected to daily blood tests, invasive physicals and measuring sessions. This was downright humiliating for most of them: seeing their female nurses and doctors, who were becoming bigger and more intimidating by the day, poke and prod them like they were cattle. To reassure them, they were often told things like: “You’re making a great sacrifice to help us cure your fellow men.”

Regrettably, after eight months of constant observation of the male and female subjects, the scientists were no closer to an explanation of how men were shrinking, let alone an antidote for the never-before seen ailment. And following those eight months, the average height of the male subjects had descended to a frightening four inches.

The rest of the male population would soon follow. By the end of 2025, most adult men were two feet tall or shorter.

The mystery that continued to confound everyone was the fact that women infected with COVID simply did not shrink. There wasn’t a single documented case of a woman shrinking. Nor would there ever be.