Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to eat me, but I think I would rather spend some time getting to know you first. Do you want to go out with me?”
This takes Tilda by surprise. “Interesting question dude. So you want me to eat you but you want to date me first?”
“That’s about right? What do you say?” you ask.
“Depends,” says Tilda. She reaches down below the bar and extracts a tiny man from somewhere, placing him on the bar between you.
“I could use a drink with this. Buy me one?” she asks.
“Name it,” you say.
The little man stands up and grins at Tilda. He’s clearly pretty excited about this. You can’t say you blame him.
“Jack Daniels,” says Tilda. To the tiny man she adds, “You, don’t go anywhere.”
Turning, you and the tiny man admire Tilda’s backside as she grabs the Jack and returns with two shot glasses.
“Okay boys. One Jack Daniels for you,” she slides a shot glass your way. “And one for us to share,” she says, picking up the tiny man and slipping him a wink.
“So long man,” she tells the tiny guy, then leans her head back and lowers the man into her open mouth. He doesn’t even struggle as he is lowered in. When her lips seal behind him, she gulps and a slight bulge moves down her neck. She tosses back the shot of Jack Daniels and licks her lips. She moves from side to side briefly.
“Whoa,” she smiles. “That’s the best. A wiggling guy and a shot of fire right down the gullet. I don’t know what whiskey feels like when you’re bathed in it but the combo of a shrunken guy and whiskey always feels amazing to me.”
She pats her bare belly. Your attention is drawn to the sun tattoo around her belly button. “Ring of Fire,” by Social Distortion, a remake of the original by Johnny Cash, is playing on the radio. You can’t help but feel how appropriate the song is for the tiny man in her belly, given that he is being burned by hydrochloric acid and Jack Daniels. Not to mention the “ring of fire” around Tilda’s belly button.
“So you would rather be my boy friend than my snack,” says Tilda. “Well I’m not promising commitment here but you can take me out for dinner tomorrow night rather than be my dinner tonight.”
Grabbing a napkin from a stand, she pulls the top off a pen with her teeth and scribbles down her number. Kissing the napkin, she slides it over to you. It says Tilda, and gives her number below the lipstick print of her kiss.
The next evening you pick her up. She is wearing a great looking blue dress and has done up her hair. You take her out for dinner where you both drink wine, she orders a salad and you get a nice thick steak and a baked potato. The whole time, you and she are getting along great.
Five dates later you’re seeing her exclusively. The date ends in bed where you both have the best sex of your lives.
You awaken to the smell of lavender and the sound of College playing “Real Human Being,” on her nightstand radio. Tilda rolls out of bed and walks naked over to the dresser. You watch her naked form, your eye on the tiny green shamrock tattooed on the upper side of her left buttock. In the reflection of the mirror, Tilda sees you watching her. She smiles.
“You’re the first guy in a while to see that tattoo that didn’t end up in my belly,” she tells you as she gets dressed for work at her firm.
“ Lucky me,” you grin at her. You don’t get up. You don’t have to be at work today but Tilda has a special project she is working on at her law firm and has to go in.
“Lock the doors on the way out. See you tomorrow sweetie.” she winks at you as she leaves, leaving you to roll over and go to sleep.
Congratulations: you’ve reached one of the best possible endings… sort of.
THE END