TIMG: CHAPTER 10
"UM...T-THIS ISN'T W-WHAT IT L-LOOKS LIKE, WE SWEAR!" Alphys and Undyne stammered and shook in fear, letting go of Mettaton's hands and gasping in surprise as they flew right out of the house through one of the dining room's back hallways, leaving a massive gaping hole in the wall while Asriel finally got out of the bathroom and came walking down the staircase behind Toriel, winking and smirking with delight at his pitifully helpless adversaries.
"So I guess a pair of giant freaking robot hands apparently DIDN'T just basically tear apart frightfully large portions of the kitchen and dining room, causing God-knows-how-much gold's worth of property damage to my f&$%ing HOUSE?!" Toriel growled in frustration, gritting her teeth and yanking several of the white fluffy hairs right out of her own head.
"Oh, that's weird; I thought you were going to, like, put all of the blame for this occurrence on US or something!" Undyne laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of her head in confusion.
"Oh, COME ON, how freaking stupid do you think I AM?! I'll have you KNOW that back when I was YOUR age, we didn't even have MonsterNet; there was literally no such thing as summer, autumn and spring here in Snowdin, the grass was brown and the girls were ugly, and we didn't even HAVE these newfangled things you call VIDEO GAMES to play...and worst of all, ASGORE THE FREAKING CHILD MURDERER of all people was actually viewed by society as an acceptable romantic partner!" Toriel ranted furiously, sitting down on her rocking chair and angrily shaking her fist at Alphys and Undyne like the old geezer she was while Asriel pushed her.
"Oh, sweet Jesus, you're just getting STARTED, aren't you?" Alphys groaned, sighed and facepalmed (while Undyne did the same, of course) as Toriel continued rambling on and on and on about how disappointed she was in both them and modern-day society in general.
Meanwhile in the junkyard, while Toriel was busy chewing Alphys and Undyne out like bubblegum, Burgerpants was busy giving a very important lecture to Mettaton, who had just regained his incredibly mischievous hands and started eating all of Burgerpants' prized and dearly treasured naked metal sculptures of classic Undertale characters (that probably shouldn't have been sexualized in the first place) like Sans, Papyrus, Alphys, Undyne, Nice Cream Guy, Toriel, Adult Asriel, Asgore, Frisk, Chara, Temmie, and even Bratty and Catty!
"Listen up, pal; there are TWO kinds of metal in this yard! Scrap, and art!" Burgerpants explained, gesturing toward each pile with his arms as he introduced them to him.
"If you GOTTA eat one of them, PLEASE eat the scrap!" Burgerpants shrugged and sighed.
"After all, what you currently have IN YOUR F%#&ING MOUTH(!) IS ART!" Burgerpants suddenly threw his head back, clenched his hands into fierce claws and yelled so loudly that his voice somehow managed to echo its way across a good distance of the surrounding forest, scaring away numerous birds and leaving several nearby hikers wondering what the hell that noise was.
"ART?" Mettaton asked him curiously, briefly removing the teats of Burgerpants' now-horribly-mangled statue of Catty from his mouth and waving the (un)fortunately ruined work of typical Undertale fanart like a baby's rattle while Burgerpants crossed his arms over his chest and glared sternly at him, his fur standing straight up with suppressed anger as he waited patiently.
"METTATON CAN FIX ART!" Mettaton chuckled as he took the fat and ugly porn statue of Catty and used his ridiculously powerful hands to almost instantly remold it into a skinny and handsome porn statue of Burgerpants, complete with giant muscular titties and a six-pack!
"Oh, forget it, FORGET IT, it's hopeless!" Burgerpants sighed and shrugged as he turned around and began dejectedly trudging his way back to his house...right at the exact moment that Mettaton finished remaking the sculpture and dropped it upright onto the ground right behind Burgerpants, making an incredibly loud clanging noise and causing the poor cat to jump in surprise!
"No, wait a minute, on second thought, it's- IT'S-" Burgerpants stammered dumbfoundedly as he turned around and gazed upon the absolutely riveting work of cigarette-smoking art that Mettaton had just produced, his jaw going completely limp and falling straight to the ground in response.
"It's not BAD!" Burgerpants reluctantly agreed, looking up at Mettaton and nodding his head in approval.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Toriel was busy trying to get Alphys and Undyne to fess up and spill the beans about where the hands had came from as she fervently cleaned the kitchen as the two of them sat directly across from Asriel, who was STILL smirking at them, at the table.
"Alphys Höek and Undyne Watterson, don't you DARE make me end up having to freaking TICKLE the answers out of you again!" Toriel threatened her adoptive daughters, pulling her feather duster out of the cabinet and brandishing it teasingly while the girls wiggled in fear.
"Ah...good times, good times!" Asriel snickered and winked teasingly at Alphys, who then immediately slapped him across the face, causing him to whine and cry loudly and obnoxiously like a baby while Alphys turned around, took a deep breath and let all of her inner feelings pour out through her mouth in a glorious halitosic cavalcade of verbal diarrhea.
"OKAY, OKAY, LOOK; I JUST WANTED TO MAKE A FREAKING REAL-LIFE VERSION OF MASTER HAND AND CRAZY HAND, OKAY?! BUT, AS ONE WOULD PROBABLY EXPECT, IT ENDED UP RAMPAGING ALL OVER THE GODDAMNED PLACE AND VIOLENTLY DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, OKAY?! GOD, WOMAN; SERIOUSLY, GIVE ME SOME FREAKING SPACE, WOULD YOU?!" Alphys flailed her arms up and down like a human hummingbird and ranted desperately in all caps at Toriel, crawling frantically over to her on all fours like a rabid dog and rubbing and licking her sore, aching, bleeding feet (and picking out several broken shards of glass from her paw-pads) while the poor woman kneeled down onto her knees with her soles facing straight up and meticulously removed every last remaining piece of broken glass from the dishwasher and wondered where half of the silverware that was formerly inside had gone.
"I WILL when you stop raising your damned VOICE at me, kid! Also, PARDON MY F%#&ING LANGUAGE, WILL YOU?!" Toriel yelled frustratedly at Alphys, turning her head around and glaring annoyedly at her as the poor lizard lass continued licking her feet like lollipops.
"OOH, OOH, PLEASE LET ME JOIN, PLEASE LET ME JOIN!" Undyne squealed with excitement, crawling over to Alphys on all fours and licking her girlfriend's feet while her girlfriend licked Toriel's.
"Oh, dear, I knew I should have worn SOCKS when raising you two...not that that would have particularly made you any less likely to develop podophilia and various other things of that nature, but STILL!" Toriel blushed in embarrassment while Asriel summoned a lawnchair in the kitchen, kicked back on it, crossed his legs and tried not to laugh while Toriel, serving as the head of the monster centipede, crawled over to the goat boy's feet and began licking them lovingly.
"PERFECT..." Asriel whispered evilly to himself, biting his jaw and trying not to laugh from how utterly ridiculous (not to mention incredibly ticklish) the whole situation was as he whipped out his...ahem...iPhone, recorded the absolute depravity on it and sent the video straight to Tumblr.
OVER 100,000 NOTES (ABOUT TWO MINUTES) LATER...
"You know what? I'm not sure if I even have the appetite to EAT lunch right now after what just happened between us...good lord, just ICK!" Toriel winced and stuck her tongue out in disgust, scooping up all of the Thanksgiving food items on the table into tupperware containers and setting all of the rest of the disorganized items in the pantry back into place while Alphys pulled out her size-alteration ray from her pockets, shrunk all of said containers and stuffed them all into the fridge in neatly arranged Tetris format...well, except for the cranberry sauce, that is!
"AHH..." Undyne moaned with delight, licking her lips as she pulled her cranberry-sauce-dripping face out of the last remaining tupperware container on the table while Asriel facepalmed himself and held his breath in an attempt to stop himself from bursting out into a manic fit of laughter.
"Wow, and I thought ASRIEL was a freaking brat..." Alphys sighed and scolded her snidely, putting her hands over her hips and glaring disappointedly at her as she sucked her fingers.
"Oh, believe me, he still IS..." Undyne whispered into Alphys' ear and glanced behind herself while Asriel rolled on the floor and cried with laughter, leaving a huge stinky crap in his luckily magically self-cleaning diaper while Toriel went downstairs, changed back into her work uniform, furiously stormed out the front door of the house and slammed it behind her without saying another word...oh, and also, she called up Burgerpants on the phone, so there's that too.
"Burgerpants, I'm getting seriously sick of dealing with both these freaking mentally unsound maniacs of kids that I have AND dealing with all of this Mettaton horsesh*t!" Toriel explained frantically to Burgerpants over the phone as she walked angrily through the forest, clenching her free hand into a fist and punching a nearby tree in frustration.
"So? As long as it's not MY problem, then I ultimately shouldn't have to deal with it, am I RIGHT?" Burgerpants snickered teasingly as he lazily, intoxicatedly laid on his sofa and watched Season 1 of Rocko's Modern Life with bloodshot eyes while Mettaton peed out highly toxic and corrosive chemical waste all over his weed garden and ate half of his spare Cadillac outside.
"You know what? Forget it, I'm just going to call someone else..." Toriel sighed and shrugged as she hung up the phone, ending her call with Burgerpants and dialing up Sans' number.
"So, what've you been up to lately?" Toriel sighed as Sans suddenly teleported right next to her while they were both on her way to work, completely defeating the purpose of the phones!
(Of course, since they were both complete dorks just like Undyne and Alphys, they still decided to use their phones to talk to each other anyway, despite the fact that it was a total waste of batteries.)
"Oh, nothing much...you know, just a skele-TON (OWWWW!) of dishwashing!" Sans laughed, shrugging his shoulders and winking at the audience as his shock collar suddenly went off on him without warning!
"God, what an UDDERLY (GAAAH!) SHOCKING (URRRK!) EXPERIENCE IN THE ART OF LOVE (ARRGH!)" Sans yelped in pain as the device karmically shocked him with each awful joke he made.
"Now, not to aim at low-hanging FRUIT or anything..." Toriel teased Sans, slyly winking and smirking at him as she reached straight up, grabbed a fresh apple off of a nearby tree branch, and handed it to Sans, "but tell me, Sans; what's the ONE thing better than Toriel?"
"OOH, I KNOW; TWO TORIELS (YEOWW!)" Sans screamed in pain, facepalming himself as he realized how embarrassingly easy it would have been for him to just restrain himself from saying such a thing.
"Aw, you're so obnoxiously CUTE!" Toriel squealed with delight as she summoned an adorably chubby little plush doll of herself, scooped him up into her arms and smooched him lovingly.
TEN SECONDS LATER...
"Soft skelly, warm skelly, little ball of puns!" Toriel sang teasingly, pushing Sans along the rest of the way to the Silver Sleet in a stroller while he desperately shook out SOS signals with his rattle.
"LET'S BE PACIFISTS AND LEISURELY STROLL THE WORLD TOGETHER, BABY!" Toriel laughed dementedly as even the birds in the nearby trees began giving the two of them weird looks.
"RATTLE (GAWWK!) ME BIB-LICAL (GRRRK!), BECAUSE THIS SH*T RIGHT HERE IS NOTHING SHORT (OH MY GAWWD!) (DAMN IT!) (YOWWW!) OF ABSOLUTE FROZEN-OVER HELL ON EARTH (WAUGH!) IN A HANDBASKET ON WHEELS (GAAAH!)" Sans cried and screamed in pain as the shock collar fried him into a charred, bony and gently weeping crisp while Toriel sang merrily with delight.
Giantess World
