TIMG: CHAPTER 11
Meanwhile, back at Toriel's house, Alphys and Undyne were busy getting ready for their milkshake date at the Silver Sleet...but alas, Asriel was constantly harassing them the whole time that they were doing so, poking and prodding and asking them all kinds of stupid questions about Mettaton and various largely-to-vaguely related things of the sort.
"Hey, buckaroni; why do you always keep trying to avoid talking to your mother about giant robots and anime cat-people of all things?" Flowey suddenly popped right out of Alphys' ear and asked her teasingly while she was busy rummaging through the pantry for a cup of instant noodles and a bottle of soda, causing her to reflexively clench her razor-sharp-clawed hands into both the soda bottle and the instant noodle cup (spilling their contents all over the place), scream at the top of her lungs and jump so high that she accidentally hit the top of her head against the doorway!
"Greetings, alligator; how has your recent underaged sex life been coming along?" Flowey popped right out of Undyne's nose and asked her while she was busy brushing her teeth in the guest bathroom that Asriel had previously used, causing her to shriek in terror and spit out her toothpaste all over the mirror in the shape of Alphys' face!
"Yo there, buckaroo; you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? AEEEEEURRRRRGH!" Flowey popped out of the kitchen floor, divided himself at the stem into two separate Floweys and loudly, obnoxiously high-pitchedly warbled directly into both of Alphys' ears at the same time while she was busy scrubbing the tiles and trying rigorously not to punch him in the face.
"So, alley cat; what's Burgerpants been keeping around his house lately? I mean, besides beer and crack and hookers and a guilty conscience, that is?" Flowey popped out of Undyne's cleavage and asked her while she was busy taking a shower, causing her to scream and curse like a sailor as she frantically fumbled with her breasts to try and yank the little bastard out from in-between them, splashing metric craploads of water all over the place in the process.
"Greetings and salutations, my beautiful creator, and welcome to the Flowdickarus show, where I always have to do the dirty deed of asking you whether Mettaton deserves to slaughtered or salvaged!" Flowey popped out of the bottom-right burner on the stove while Alphys was busy heating up a plate of Toriel's leftover turkey in the microwave, prompting her to turn said burner up to nearly maximum power and devilishly smirk at him while he shrieked in agonizing pain.
"Hey, fishy-poo; where are you going?" Flowey popped out of Undyne's bedroom doorknob and asked her while she was busy changing into her motorcycle jacket and walking out the door.
"Hey there, kangaroo; any GIANTS you'd like to be hanging out with tonight, by any chance?" Flowey popped out of the flowerpot on Toriel's dining table (literally the ONE place that had actually made sense so far) and asked Alphys teasingly while she gluttonously scarfed down her meal like a vicious, homeless wild animal and licked the sauce-covered plate clean.
"Hey, where are you going, fishy fish?" Flowey popped out of the ceiling lamp at the house's entrance as Undyne went down the stairs onto the first floor and eagerly waited for Alphys at the front door.
"Where are YOU going, little miss Wonder Bread?" Flowey popped out of the woodwork in the attic and asked Alphys while she was busy changing into her almost embarrassingly adorable polka-dotted dress.
"Hey, where are you going? Where are you going? WHERE ARE YOU F%#&ING GOING?!" Flowey popped out of the wall, ceiling and floor and repeatedly asked the two of them while they covered their ears in annoyance.
"WE'RE GOING THE F%#& OUT!" Alphys and Undyne yelled furiously at Flowey as the former grabbed Toriel's doorside gardening rake and ballistically beat him over the head with it.
"Who is the master who makes the grass green?" Flowey rambled dizzily, collapsing unconsciously onto the floor and transforming back into his adult-Asriel form.
"Ah, whatever, just leave him; he probably didn't even WANT to go to the Silver Sleet with us anyway, am I right?!" Undyne chuckled, patting Alphys on the back as the two of them held hands lovingly and walked out the front door side-by-side together.
"Yeah, and that's exactly what WORRIES me!" Alphys shuddered nervously as the somehow increasingly un-stalwart Asriel woke up from his fifteen-second nap and snuck up behind the two of them while they happily skipped and hopped along the path to the Silver Sleet together.
"Say...Alphys, do you ever feel like there might be someone creeping up behind us whenever we decide to do this alone?" Undyne glanced over at Alphys and asked her inquiringly while Asriel snuck up behind them, turned himself into his Flowey form and slipped undetected into the poor lizard lass' ear canal yet again, immediately making his way straight for her brain!
"Oh yeah, totally; like right now, for instance, I thought I just felt something slip into my ear while I wasn't looking, and something tells me that that THING is actually none other than DURR, PLANT!" Alphys suddenly went cross-eyed and yodeled as Flowey seized total control over her and immediately began racking her genius brain for clues on how to deal with Mettaton.
"Um...Alphys, are you okay?" Undyne stammered nervously while Alphys stuck her thumbs in her ears and stuck her tongue out for the whole world to see...probably in typical batsh*t-insane-weeaboo fashion, now that I think about it.
"OKAY?! Are you freaking KIDDING me?! Why, I've never been happier in my entire goddamned miserable, godforsaken LIFE!" Alphys moaned and drooled in ecstasy as she twirled around on her tippy-toes and jumped for joy while Undyne just backed away from her uncomfortably and did the jazz hands.
"Alphys, seriously, what in the actual hell are you doing right now?!" Undyne yelled frustratedly at Alphys, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her violently to try and snap her out of it...but to no avail, sadly enough.
"Oh, nothing really...only MILKING ALPHYS' DELICIOUS MEMORY BANKS FOR ALL THAT THEY'RE WORTH! FEEDING OFF HER BRAIN, FEEDING OFF HER BRAIN! GWAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NWEHEHEHEHEHE!" Flowey laughed and screamed and cried maniacally while Undyne cringed and went quite literally green around her gills in disgust.
"Flowey, for crying out loud, seriously; what in the hell is this, BATMAN FREAKING FOREVER?!" Undyne growled angrily at Flowey, grabbing Alphys by the shoulders and looking sternly into her eyes.
"PEEKABOO!" Flowey giggled as he suddenly popped right out of Alphys' right eyesocket and broke right through the corresponding lens of her glasses, causing Undyne to jump back and scream in dreadful horror at what her poor, poor girlfriend had just become thanks to him!
"UH-UH! NO WAY! ABSOLUTELY NOT! F%#& THIS SH*T, I'M OUT!" Undyne firmly stated in absolute disgust as she turned tail, held her arms straight up above her as if she was being arrested and ran screaming like a banshee while Alphys held her arms out like a zombie and chased frantically after her, licking her drooling lizard lips with cannibalistic excitement!
"HAAH...HAAH...HAAAAH..." Undyne breathed deeply, panting and moaning exhaustedly as she immediately ran straight into the Silver Sleet and pressed the glass door shut behind her with her own body weight...but to no avail, since Alphys came crashing right through almost immediately afterward!
"OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!" Alphys roared ferociously as she harmlessly nibbled on Undyne's pointy little ears and her chubby little fish cheeks while Undyne nuzzled her pudgy snout lovingly in delight, causing everyone in the restaurant to immediately go "AWWWWW!"
"HA! You REALLY thought that I, of all people, was going to make poor little Alphys eat her own beloved girlfriend alive?!" Flowey hopped right back out of Alphys' ear and laughed hysterically, wiping the tears from his eyes with his leaves as he turned back into his Asriel form and brushed her gooey, hairy and ever-so-slimy-and-sticky earwax off of his robe.
"Uh, YEAH?!" literally everyone in the restaurant immediately glared and sneered angrily at him while Alphys and Undyne stared him down especially coldly, crossing their arms over their chests and tapping their feet impatiently on the floor in eager desire of a much-needed apology.
"Come on, guys, you KNOW I was just kidding, right?" Asriel chuckled, patting both of them on their cute little noggins as he followed them onto the bar stools and sat down right in-between the two of them.
"Hey, Asriel, why don't you just go and decorate your grandma's grave (GAAAH!) or some sh*t?" Sans asked Asriel smugly, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his foot impatiently as well while he washed out one of the #1 MR. DAD GUY coffee mugs with his mind.
"SANS!" Toriel yelled disgustedly at Sans, turning around and attempting to slap him upside the face...only he suddenly teleported underneath the attack literally JUST in time.
"Now, now, I really hate to talk SMACK (GRAGH!) here, but do you seriously think that I, being the proud and honorable and heroic and respectable citizen of the Underground that I am, am going to literally just STAND here and- GWAAAGH!" Sans yelped in pain as Toriel slyly caught him off guard and backhandedly slapped him across the face.
"Wow, are you freaking DONE yet?!" Asriel sighed and groaned, tiredly resting his head on his left arm and tapping the fingers of his right hand against his head while Alphys and Undyne did the same.
"You betcha! Why, hell; in fact, we'd wager that we're quite possibly even more done than Papyrus claimed that he was with LIFE after witnessing the two of us having full-fledged, pornographic interspecies sexual intercourse with each other! (OWWCH!)" Toriel and Sans giggled and snickered while Asriel, Alphys and Undyne merely groaned and rolled their eyes.
"Alright, everybody, here you go; these babies oughta really SHAKE (GAAAH!) things up and perhaps even break the ICE (RAAGH!) between you three if I do say so myself!" Sans chuckled smarmily to himself, winking at the highly unamused, evilly glaring trio of customers as he pulled out a set of pre-prepared, ice-cold milkshakes from underneath the counter and handed them out to each of them with his mind.
"Don't MIND if I do!" Asriel winked snarkily at Sans and moaned with delight as he took the first sip of melted cookies-and-cream goodness through his big...long...straw...while Alphys and Undyne did the same.
"Wait, WAIT, you're doing it all WRONG!" Alphys scolded him as she grabbed the complimentary bottled chocolate syrup and canned sprinkles off of the countertop of the bar, added them both into her already-delicious milkshake, stirred it all together in her cup, then passed both additives over to Undyne, who then proceeded to immediately follow suit.
"When it comes to stuff like this, you should always completely and utterly indulge in yourself! ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, AT MAXIMUM POWER!" Undyne laughed maniacally, sloppily pouring and squeezing a downright ridiculously and self-awarely excessive amount of both additives into her milkshake, stirred it hard enough to give even washing machines a run for their money (splattering a copious amount of it all over the countertop as well as hers and Asriel's faces), then finally and somewhat reluctantly handed the additives over to Asriel.
"WAIT! BEFORE YOU START! I JUST REALIZED! I FORGOT SOMETHING! MASSIVELY IMPORTANT!" Alphys gasped and stammered loudly in clearly fake surprise that Asriel was somehow stupid enough to actually believe was sincere as she pulled a MOMMY'S FAVORITE AUTISTIC MANCHILD VIRGIN WEEABOO ASSHOLE bib out of her pockets and tied it around the poor spoiled-rotten goat bastard's neck.
"Never underestimate the power of THE SAUCE!" Undyne yelled right into Asriel's ear so loudly that it nearly busted open his eardrum while Alphys pulled out a very-thinly-disguised bottle of liquid sleeping medicine (labeled as FRUIT PUNCH) and poured it right into his milkshake.
"There, there, precious little MAN-baby, go ahead and F%#&ING DRINK UP, WILL YOU?!" Alphys yelled lividly at Asriel, rolling up her sleeve and threatening to knock his lights out as he brattishly guzzled the entire thing right down in literally one freaking MINUTE, causing both Alphys' and Undyne's jaws to drop while Asriel clutched his head and screamed in pain from the sudden consequential aching feeling he had gotten in his central nervous system!
"BRAIN(!) FREEZE!" Asriel screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice cracking into such an obnoxiously high pitch that it violently shattered every single window in the restaurant as he jumped out of his seat and frantically ran all over the place, leaving his unwashed and extremely dirty footprints (as he had just recently stepped in a puddle of worm-infested mud in his stalkerish pursuit of Alphys and Undyne on his way to the Silver Sleet) all over the tiled floor!
"MY EYES!" several of the customers clutched their noggins and shrieked loudly in agonizing pain, stumbling around blindly and getting pieces of broken glass in their resultingly bleeding feet (which, of course, ended up leaving BLOODY footprints all over the floor in addition to Asriel's muddy ones, forming a combination that even in a million years would never be able to make it through the Hogwarts admission process) as blood sprayed violently from their glass-cut eyeballs...only it wasn't really blood; in fact, it was actually more like blood-red liquid dust.
"Good night, Mommy..." Asriel moaned exhaustedly and stumbled back over to his stool, charging up a huge magic fireball in his hand and throwing it at Toriel's highly flammable gas-powered oven as he collapsed onto the floor and fell fast-asleep as could be while everyone still in the place besides Alphys and Undyne ran out screaming.
"COME ON, YOU TAKE THAT SIDE, I'LL TAKE THIS SIDE!" Undyne urgently commanded Alphys, picking Asriel up by the legs while Alphys picked him up by the shoulders.
"NOW RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!" Undyne screamed in a fit of panic as the two of them charged straight out of the restaurant, using Asriel as a battering ram to slam right through what little was left of the front door in one graceful lunge as the entire place exploded into smithereens!
"Well, THAT was certainly something..." Alphys and Undyne sighed, burying their heads in their hands and crying as Burgerpants drove by in his Cadillac, picked them up and drove them over to his place.
Giantess World
