TIMG: CHAPTER 14
Immediately the next morning in Toriel's dining room, at literally 7:00 AM in the morning in fact, Alphys and Undyne were already unable to actually eat their cereal because they were far too busy overexcitedly telling Toriel about all of the weird and crazy and off-the-wall things that had just happened to them, doing all kinds of goofy hand gestures as they did so!
"And then the entire restaurant went KA-BLOOIE!" Alphys yelled and laughed joyfully, throwing her hands up into the air and slinging her mug of coca-coffee right into the wall behind her to symbolize how she and Undyne had felt when the event had happened while Toriel irritatedly swept the resulting shards of broken glass off of the carpet and scraped them into the trash can.
"I KNOW..." Toriel groaned and rolled her eyes dejectedly as she wrote a frightfully massive check to the local house repairmen and angrily threw her crumpled-up uniform into the trash can.
"No, wait, it gets even better!" Undyne piped up. "When Asriel woke up, the two of us were INSIDE HIS BRAIN, and there was, like, literally nothing that he could do about it and stuff, and so we, yes, WE, whipped out our freaking...WEE-WEES, so to speak, and DROVE them like a mad Snowdin buffalo STRAIGHT into his wrinkly, fleshy neural network, and then we-"
"HOLD ON a second!" Toriel interrupted them, wrinkling her nose and twitching her eyes in absolute moral AND physical disgust. "WHO IN THE ACTUAL F#%& have you guys been hanging around with lately that would inspire you to do such absolutely depraved and disgusting sh*t as-"
"I'll give you a hint; his name starts with a B!" Alphys teasingly informed Toriel, whose eyes immediately began to twitch and boil and crack bloodshot with rage as she furiously yanked her phone from her purse, storming down the stairs and ranting her ever-loving head off at Burgerpants as she went out the front door and closed it tightly behind her so that her kids hopefully wouldn't be able to hear her (considering that she had also closed all of the windows).
(HINT: Thanks to the nearby gaping hole in the wall, in addition to how incredibly loud Toriel could get at times when someone made her angry enough, Alphys and Undyne could still very clearly hear her; in fact, they both eagerly set up their chairs right next to said hole in the wall, put a miniature table between themselves, set their bowls down firmly onto it, and reluctantly began eating their now-slightly-soggy Peanut Brittle Crunch while Toriel screamed her lungs out with rage and paced around and around in massive circles in the front yard outside.)
"BURGERPANTS, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY HAD IT WITH YOUR SH*T! I SWEAR TO F%#&ING GONORRHEA CHRIST, IF YOU LET MY GODDAMNED 12-YEAR-OLD ADOPTIVE DAUGHTERS SLAP THEIR F#&%ING SH*T PICKLES AGAINST MY BIOLOGICAL SON'S C*NT-SUCKING, SH*T-EATING BRAIN ONE MORE GODDAMNED MOTHERF#%&ING TIME, I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR F%#&ING NUTSACK INSIDE OUT AND SHOVE YOUR TESTICLES SO GODDAMNED FAR UP MY VAGINA THAT WHEN I QUEEF, I'LL SING FUCKING MUSE! OH, AND ALSO, DID I MENTION THAT YOU ARE GOING TO F#%&ING LIKE IT?!" Toriel ranted unbelievably furiously at Burgerpants (who meanwhile just blankly stood in his room, utterly speechless) over the phone while Alphys and Undyne laughed so hard that milk shot out from both of their noses.
"AND YOU ACTUALLY F#%&ING SERIOUSLY WONDER WHY I'VE BEEN F#%&ING THINKING LATELY ABOUT BREAKING THE F%#& UP WITH YOU! FIRST, IT WAS ME FINDING ALL OF THE GODDAMNED CHILD PORN IN YOUR F#%&ING REVOLTING WHORE-STY OF A HOUSE, THEN IT WAS YOU F%#&ING SHIPPING ALPHYS AND SOMEONE OTHER THAN UNDYNE TOGETHER, THEN IT WAS YOU PUTTING F&#%ING CRACK IN UNDERAGED PEOPLE'S COFFEE AND SNORTING IT OFF OF THEIR PENISES, THEN IT WAS YOU ATTEMPTING TO MARRY NICE BURGER GUY BY CROSSDRESSING YOURSELF AS HARLEY QUINN, TYING HIM UP LIKE A F&%#ING MOUTH-TAPED PIŃATA AND BEATING THE LIVING SH*T-F#&% OUT OF HIM WITH A PURPLE DILDO BAT UNTIL HE EVENTUALLY PROPOSED TO THE F%#&ING POLICE, THEN IT WAS YOU BEING A TOTAL F%#&ING CESSPOOL-SCRAPING DICKBAG TO THE LOYAL SH*T-EATING CUSTOMERS AT YOUR SH*T-SUCKING RESTAURANT, THEN IT WAS YOU CROSSING THE GODDAMNED STREET WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING, THEN IT WAS YOU LETTING LOOSE A F#%&ING WILD DICK-EATING SQUIRREL INTO MY RESTAURANT, AND NOW IT'S THIS F&#%ING BURNING-DOWN-HALF-OF-THE-ENTIRE-FOREST-AND-NEARLY-GIVING-MY-GODDAMNED-SON-AN-EAR-INFECTION BULLSH*T! SERIOUSLY, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN'T F#%&ING MANAGE TO F&%# UP?!" Toriel literally ranted her head off at Burgerpants, briefly leaning forward and pausing to pick it back up and screw it back on.
"OH MY GOD, I can't freaking BREATHE!" Alphys laughed and cried hysterically, rolling on the floor and pounding it with her fists and feet while Undyne did the exact same.
"Wow, I wonder if she kissed her HUSBAND with that mouth!" Undyne bit her jaw, clutched her chest tightly, held in her tears and joked, causing the two of them to burst out into an even wilder fit of laughter and almost die in the process while Burgerpants and Toriel continued arguing over the phone.
"Oh, for CRYING out loud, WOULD YOU SHUT THE EVER-LOVING F%#& UP, WOMAN! THANK YOU! GOD! Anyway, look; that's not even really the f&#%ing PROBLEM right now anyway! Asriel went to the ear doctor at the local hospital and came out as a WAY better person than before (in other words, he actually managed to develop a freaking CONSCIENCE somehow, believe it or not), the forest is already recovering pretty rapidly, the builders of Silver Sleet are planning to build a new restaurant named after some f#%&ing fire dude that I honestly can't even be BOTHERED to remember the freaking NAME of right now, and...well...anyway, look, Mettaton's fine, okay? Nothing's happened to him...nor to anyone else, really...so can you PLEASE just calm the f%&# down and at least TRY to be a bit REASONABLE here?!" Burgerpants ranted back angrily at Toriel, pacing around his bedroom in circles and admiring all of its fabulously, wonderfully slutty decorations as he smugly cleared his throat and continued speaking.
"You see, here's what the freaking PROBLEM right NOW is; unless I'm horribly freaking mistaken here, I'm pretty damned sure that I SPECIFICALLY told Mettaton that he could stay for only the WEEKEND and nothing more! Guess what, it's freaking MONDAY MORNING now!" Burgerpants explained as he glanced out the nearest window only to find Mettaton's smug-ass face glaring back at him.
"Goddamnit, it's freaking SUNDAY, you blithering idiot!" Toriel groaned, rolled her eyes, facepalmed and shook her head. "You see, THIS right here is EXACTLY why you need to stop smoking the f#%&ing WEED!"
"Well, you know what? I just figured; since those f%&#ing crazy-ass Alphys and Undyne motherf#%&ers apparently love Mettaton so goddamned much, how about I just let them f&%#ing RIDE him for a change or some sh*t?" Burgerpants explained, shrugging his shoulders as he sent Mettaton off on his merry, flying-around-with-his-rocket-propelled-stilettos way.
"Hmm...you know what, that actually sounds like a pretty f%#&ing HORRIBLE idea, ESPECIALLY comsidering how much trouble the little rascals have managed to get themselves into even WITHOUT Mettaton's help...but I mean, hey, I've only lived in this world for something like 10,000 f#%&ing years and I still literally look like I'm in my mid-thirties or perhaps even twenties; who am I to judge, am I right?" Toriel agreed sarcastically, jumping several feet into the air and having a temporary heart attack that caused her to collapse head-over-heels onto the ground unconscious as Mettaton finally arrived in the yard and landed right behind her!
"See what I mean? THAT right there is what I call a logical viewpoint on the world if I do say so myself...wait a minute, Toriel? TORIEL? TORIEL?! TORRRRRRIELLLLLL!" Burgerpants screamed obnoxiously through the phone while Alphys and Undyne took the opportunity to climb onto Mettaton's back and fly themselves high up into the beautiful Snowdin sky on a grand adventure!
"Hey, Mettaton; while we're up here riding on your back, do you think that maybe, just MAYBE, you could perhaps show us the world, so to speak?" Alphys asked Mettaton nervously as she looked down at the snow-speckled, tree-dotted, autumn-leaved ground down below and tried not to throw up and/or have a nervous breakdown from her crippling fear of heights.
"YES!" Mettaton agreed as he flew Alphys and Undyne all over Snowdin, allowing them to take in all of the wonderfully entertaining and beautiful sights that the area provided.
"Oh, look, there's a tree...and a slightly less burnt tree...and another tree...and a bunch of rocks...and another slightly less eroded bunch of rocks..." Undyne mumbled, resting her cheek against her hand in boredom and trying not to fall asleep in she and Undyne soared over the seemingly incalculably vast area of dense, wintry forest surrounding Toriel's and Burgerpants' houses.
"Oh, look, it's a bunch of houses...and tacky Christmas decorations littered all over the place even though Thanksgiving's barely even ended yet...and even more freaking snow...and a library with its entrance sign horribly misspelled as LIBRARBY...you know what? This place f%#&ing SUCKS!" Alphys FINALLY realized after having lived there for literally over ten YEARS.
"THIS PLACE CONFIRMED AS BAD! METTATON MUST EXTERMINATE!" Mettaton suddenly yelled like a Dalek straight out of Doctor Who, transforming into his original, proper NEO form (you know, before Alphys horrendously f%#&ed it up in the Genocide Run several years later) and becoming a terrifying, owl-like menace, armed to the teeth with shoulder missiles, eye lasers, Doctor Octopus tentacles growing from his back, quadruple-A-class Wave Motion arm cannons on both arms, razor-sharp Sephiroth wings, and even animal-crushing stilleto heels!
"NO, WAIT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE F%#& YOU'RE DOING, STOP IT!" Alphys and Undyne screamed at him as he immediately flew straight down to the ground and slammed his feet into it so hard that he ended up creating a massive earthquake across the entire city!
Meanwhile, at the nearby Snowdin Air Force base, the area's entire military squadron had already taken to their vehicles (helicopters, tanks and fighter jets), gotten into neat and tidy formation and nervously, rather hopelessly readied itself to strike back on the horrifically imposing new robotic threat that Mettaton had suddenly (predictably) become to society while Asriel and his father General Asgore argued heatedly with each other right at the very head of the fleet!
"You f%#&ing SEE, Asriel?! THIS right here is actually what I was f#%&ing warning you about!" Asgore roared furiously at Asriel, grabbing him by the neck and punching him halfway across the school's entrance.
"You don't freaking UNDERSTAND, father!" Asriel growled angrily at Asgore, getting back up onto his feet and wiping the blood off of his snout. "This guy isn't just any old stereotypical warmonger of death like you usually see in movies and sh*t; he actually has a damned HEART for a change! The only reason he's even attacking you in the first place is because you're freaking PROVOKING him! God damn it, HOW FREAKING HARD IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!"
"HA! Provocation, my wrinkled and hairy and blistering and fat and ugly old ASS!" Asgore laughed heartily, clutching his chest and smirking coldly at him. "That son of a bitch didn't even NEED any goddamned provocation, he just IMMEDIATELY started attacking out of NOWHERE for literally NO apparent reason whatsoever! HOW DO YOU F&%#ING EXPLAIN THAT?! TELL ME, YOU GODDAMNED SPOILED-ROTTEN PIECE OF SH*T!" Asgore roared like a wild animal at Asriel, kneeing him right in the jaw and then kicking him against a nearby curb while he was down.
"HA! THAT'S what you get for trying to f%#&ing STOP your goddamned FATHER from doing what his bloody heart DESIRES!" Asgore laughed, spitting on Asriel's beaten and battered body and kicking it one more time just to ensure that the poor boy was groveling and crying and sucking his thumb on the ground like the pathetic and useless piece of sh*t that he was.
"ATTACK!" Asgore commanded his fleet as a whole cavalcade of vicious war machines immediately deployed themselves straight into battle against a literally unbeatable opponent!
Giantess World
