TIMG: CHAPTER 16
"Alright, come on, Undyne, get over here!" Alphys whispered and hissed at Undyne, who then slowly and carefully straddled and sidled her way along the back of the currently distracted and confused Mettaton's neck and onto his right shoulder, where Alphys was currently standing.
"Alright, so what's the plan here?" Undyne curiously asked Alphys, cocking an eyebrow in confusion as Alphys got on her tiptoes and nervously whispered her plan into the fish lady's ear-fin.
"Are...are you really SERIOUS right now? You've GOT to be freaking kidding me!" Undyne groaned and rolled her eyes, knowing how incredibly implausible Alphys' plan was even despite her profound dull-wittedness and ignorance in comparison to the adorable little lizard cupcake.
"Does THIS face look unsure to you?" Alphys chuckled as she seductively glared at Undyne, lowering her upper eyelids and smirking as cockily, teasingly and buck-toothedly as could be while she pulled out a screwdriver from her pocket, used her size-alteration ray to grow the otherwise rather typical and mundane (outside of Doctor Who) tool to an unusually massive size and then finally used it to twist out the protective screw in Mettaton's right earhole.
"Okay, FINE! Just don't blame me if you end up getting SQUASHED and/or falling a ridiculously long distance to your death in the process!" Undyne groaned and rolled her eyes as Alphys pulled out her size-alteration ray from her pockets, set it to SHRINK and handed it to her.
"ONE SMALL STEP, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR LIZARDKIND! WOOOOOO!" Alphys thought excitedly and proudly to herself as Undyne aimed the ray directly at her face and fired it.
"Where...where ARE you?" Undyne wondered while Alphys hopped up and down and flailed her arms like a teeny-tiny little hummingbird and squeaked like a little baby mouse to get her attention.
"Oh, THERE you are! AWWWWW!" Undyne purred and giggled and blushed with delight from how incredibly adorable Alphys was as she picked her up by the back of her collar (causing her to violently wiggle and squeak and fidget about in terror, of course) and jammed her right into Mettaton's ear vent, marking the official FOURTH time that this type of thing had happened in this story!
"Alright, I'm in...if my calculations are correct, which they ALWAYS are, by the way, this should lead directly to his CPU!" Alphys snickered smugly to the audience as she wormed her way through the cold, dimly-lit metal duct while Mettaton noticed Undyne clinging onto his shoulder scraped her right off onto the ground and aimed directly at her with his arm cannon!
"PWEASE don't kiww me...I'm just a sweet, hewpwess widdle fishy BABY..." Undyne kneeled down onto her knees, put her hands together in prayer position, poofed out her cat lips, puffed out her chubby, rosy-pink fish cheeks, and opened up her sparkly, glimmering eyes super-duper wide while everyone around glared at Mettaton evilly in disgust as the giant charged up his laser and prepared to fire it...when suddenly, out of nowhere, he then proceeded to punch himself in the face!
"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Alphys laughed triumphantly as she took control over Mettaton's central processing unit, reverted him back into his regular form and began an incredibly not-long monologue about the true moral that had secretly been lying behind this story's over-the-top wackiness so far as she hit the BLASTOFF button on Mettaton's control panels and took to the skies, very rapidly approaching the previously mentioned giant hole in Snowdin's ceiling as the aforementioned nuclear missile that had just been launched finally completed its outer space U-turn and began slowly but surely hurtling its way back toward the Earth's atmosphere!
"It's bad to suck dick. Douchebag sh*theads like Burgerpants suck dick. And you don't have to be a douchebag sh*thead like Burgerpants. You are what you choose to be. You choose. CHOOSE. GODDAMNIT, F%#&ING CHOOSE ALREADY, WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!" Alphys explained very calmly and patiently to Mettaton, effectively serving as his inner voice as he finally reached the Snowdin ceiling opening directly above Toriel's house and made his way right through into the actual autumn sky while all of her monster friends down below (despite not actually being able to hear Alphys' possibly last words) glared smarmily at Burgerpants, who leaned forward depressedly and trudged his way back to his house in emotional shambles in response; all the while, he was clutching his head and cursing frustratedly under his breath and growling with pent-up anger while everyone laughed wholeheartedly at both his adorable nakedness and just how utterly ridiculous and pathetic he was in general.
"God, what a f%#&ing douche...seriously, he's literally like if my dead-from-drug-overdose-and-resulting-fatal-car-crash-with-his-wife father was a cat instead of a fish...WAIT A MINUTE...CAT...FISH...OH MY F%#&ING NEPTUNE, HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE SO BLIND?!" Undyne yelled frustratedly at herself, smacking herself in the face for not getting the joke sooner while Asgore suddenly got an idea...a horrible, wonderful, AWFUL idea!
"Toriel?" Asgore reluctantly asked Toriel as Burgerpants disappeared meekly into the forest.
"What is it, my dear?" Toriel asked him, smooching him on the cheek and then smacking him across the face to symbolize how awkwardly bittersweet their reunion with each other had been so far.
"Just in case Alphys somehow DOES find a way to come back down from this, could you please go around behind your house and pull out the massive family reunion cake that Asriel and I made for you into the front yard so that she can land in it safely?" Asgore put his hands on Toriel's shoulders and urgently (but surprisingly politely) asked her while Asriel did the job for her.
"Sure, if you want filthy nasty weeaboo lizard sweat in your freaking DESSERT!" Toriel teasingly laughed and giggled at her adorable husband, booping and nuzzling his nose and smooching him right on the big, chubby and fluffy cheek while he blushed in public embarrassment.
Meanwhile, while Undyne was busy hypocritically singing "Toriel and Asgore sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" in a truly sad attempt to hide how devastatingly worried she actually was about her beloved girlfriend's well-being at the moment, there Alphys was; bravely manning the cockpit deep inside Mettaton's head, clinging desperately for dear life to his flightstick and beginning to feel somewhat lightheaded as the two of them flew straight up into the stratosphere, high above the adorably foggy clouds, beautifully autumn-colored trees, gorgeously sparkling water and elegantly smooth rolling hills of northern Maine!
"I know you probably feel bad about all of those poor souls down there in Snowdin, don't you?" Alphys sighed as she and Mettaton slowly but surely approached the Earth's mesosphere, slowing down for a minute so that they could properly take in the moment by having just one last friendly chat with each other, if nothing else, before finally saying goodbye to each other.
"YES; INDEED, I DO!" Mettaton cried, his eyes welling up with oily robot tears while Alphys broke out into a lovingly tearful smile from the poor future douchebag sh*thead cock-sucker's absolute adorableness and used his internal windshield wipers to wipe off the jet-black layer of liquid that ended up covering half of the entire top-to-bottom area of her front cockpit windows as a result.
"Well, don't, because Snowdin is f%#&ing LAME!" Alphys explained trollishly to Mettaton, smirking evilly as she closed her eyes, put her hand over her chest snootily if she was singing the United States pledge of allegiance, and delivered the next few lines as obnoxiously smugly as she could possibly manage, clearly serving as a big inspiration for the poor robot's in-game personality.
"Personally, being the absolutely, like, utterly GENIUS, like, mad scientist that I, like, AM, I, like, really don't have, like, the crude and pathetic, like, ignorance to, like, waste my, like, time with such, like, utterly BORING and, like, MENIAL tasks as TAKING, LIKE, SHOWERS and BRUSHING MY, LIKE, STUPID F%#&ING TEETH; I mean, like, honestly, what is the, like, DEAL with that? Honestly, why would you EVER want to, like, have to do something like that, like, yourself when you can just, like, invent, like, some kind of machine that, like, does it all completely, like, FOR you? I mean, like, HONESTLY, why are the, like, people in Snowdin, like, so goddamned, like, primitive and, like, totally, like, stupid and, like, stuff? Honestly, if I, like, had a, like, choice, I'd, like, choose to, like, live, like, somewhere, like, where everyone is, like, HOT and, like, super-duper, like, CRAZY like me!" Alphys mockingly and sarcastically explained in almost the exact voice of Burgerpants' most recent former girlfriend Catty, blissfully unaware of how blatantly heavily she was very clearly foreshadowing her own not-so-distant future as she spoke.
"MESSAGE DOES NOT, LIKE, COMPUTE; TOO MANY, LIKE, USAGES OF THE WORD LIKE!" Mettaton explained in confusion as his head swayed back and forth gently, causing Alphys to worriedly rock back and forth in her chair as she and Mettaton finally reached the mesosphere!
"Before we die together, just remember this; you are what you choose to be! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT!" Alphys begged Mettaton as the two of them rapidly approached outer space.
"TRUST ME, I WILL! GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK, ALPHYS!" Mettaton promised and encouraged Alphys as he activated his internal security systems, opening up a conveniently-placed hatch on the top of his head as the spring-loaded chair that Alphys had been sitting on the whole time suddenly activated out of nowhere, sending the poor girl careening straight back down toward the Earth at terminal velocity for a distance of literally 42 solid miles!
"I must not fear; fear is the mind killer, fear is the little death that brings total oblivion!" Alphys repeatedly whispered to herself as she pulled a regrowth pill out from her pockets and swallowed it, restoring herself to normal and regular size as she curled up into a ball and tried her absolute hardest not to scream and/or pass out from how unbelievably scared she was.
"Wait a minute...now that I think about it, not ALL hope is lost here; after all, at least I've still got my trusty...OH...RIGHT!" Alphys gasped in shock and dismay as she reached out into her pocket and pulled out her jetpack-phone...only to find out that the damned thing was out of battery power.
Meanwhile, up in outer space, Mettaton was rapidly approaching his destination (a headfirst collision with a deadly nuclear missile, of course) as Alphys' presumably last words ran through his mind, causing him to feel guilty for not having picked the quick and painless method of killing her.
"You are what you choose to be!" Alphys' adorably dorky and squeaky and nasally voice, which had just recently been literally inside his head, echoed through his mind as the missile approached.
"MOUMOU..." Mettaton whispered internally to himself with the emotional weight of about five hundred thousand cows, closing his eyes and shedding a regretful tear as the missile finally made its impact, causing an explosion far bigger and more awesome than any firework could ever hope to be as Mettaton's entire body was dismantled into god-knows-how-many pieces!
"ATTENTION, EVERYONE; THE BOMB HAS BEEN DISABLED! I REPEAT, THE BOMB HAS BEEN DISARMED!" Doggo informed everyone in Snowdin over the intercom, causing them to cheer loudly and ecstatically in wonderfully harmonic unison and jump for joy immediately after hearing the news.
Meanwhile, back in the front yard of Toriel's house down below in Snowdin, Asriel and Asgore had just finished pushing their Dreemurr family cake out into the front yard, dusting off their hands and admiring how beautifully decorated the culinary work of art indeed was.
Just like a typical wedding cake (if typical wedding cakes were fifteen feet tall, that is), the cake was made up of several relatively short vanilla-frosted and chocolate-crusted cylindrical layers (five, to be exact) stacked together into one big whole, with each one being smaller than the last. Adorably drawn and intensely colorful icing flowers of various shapes and sizes, as well as green squiggly lines on both the top AND the bottom, lined the outer rim of each layer.
Best of all, on the very top of the cake, Asriel and Asgore had placed exactly three adorable little candle statues of themselves and Toriel, arranging them into a triangle shape on the outer rim of the cake with each one of them facing outward to symbolize the family's truly immense desire to know more about the world around them...however, lo and behold, there was also a giant, firmly erect whipped-cream dick right on the very top-center of the cake, which Asriel and Asgore had literally JUST noticed despite how long of a distance they had just pushed the cake.
"Who on Earth would even DARE to defile such an utterly SACRED family tradition as THIS?!" Asgore roared in a fit of rage, jumping up and down like a spoiled-rotten five-year-old.
"Boy, I sure freaking wonder..." Asriel shrugged, groaned, rolled his eyes and facepalmed.
"BURGERPANTS!" Toriel yelled at the top of her lungs, her voice echoing across the entire forest as she ran straight into said forest in hot pursuit of the annoying little cat-bastard.
Meanwhile, about 36 miles above Snowdin, Alphys was slowly but surely going insane as she laid flat in the air, faced herself straight down and outstretched her arms and legs into a star shape, with Maine's absolute natural beauty being literally the only thing keeping her even remotely sane as she plummeted closer and closer to her clearly and undeniably imminent death with each passing second.
"You know what? I'm rather enjoying this conclusion to my grand and epic adventure so far; it's like a good Chinese dinner, you know? With the sweet, and the sour?" Alphys monologued to herself (or actually, more likely the audience) as several birds briefly began nibbling on her tail.
"Of course, I was smiling with delight as I bravely snuck inside Mettaton's head and used my newfound control over his body to singlehandedly save my sh*tty and boring hometown of Snowdin from interesting and exciting certain doom, thinking that I would be able to heroically sacrifice my sad and pathetic autistic-weeaboo self for the greater good of society; you see, that right there? That's DEFINITELY the sweet!" Alphys sighed, wagging her tail to shoo the birds away as she continued speaking with a rather disturbingly calm and happy expression on her face, temporarily ditching her star pose and diving straight down and headfirst toward the ground.
"But as I am currently...well, you know, internally screaming and crying from a combination of my innate fear of heights and the knowledge that I'm pretty much invariably going to die here no matter what I do...needless to say, that's the sour!" Alphys shrugged and sighed, wiping several tears from her eyes as the Snowdin entrance hole slowly but surely drew closer and closer.
"I was...I was so NICE these past few days...so ingratiatingly NICE to that insipid giant metal MONKEY! Answering to his every STUPID word..." Alphys groaned and sighed, shaking her head regretfully.
"HERO...what a JOKE! HERO...hero of WHAT?!" Alphys growled angrily as she sadly and jealously looked around and gazed upon Maine's expansive and beautifully gorgeous landscape.
"THIS boring f%#&ing HOLE in the ground!" Alphys hissed and sneered, pointing her finger sternly at the Snowdin entrance hole as she winced and shook her head in absolute disgust.
"LOOK AT ME...lying here in f#%& FREEFALL! The IDOL of HUNDREDS...I'm a FOOL! Nothing but a BLIND, SILLY LITTLE FOOL..." Alphys laughed dementedly to herself as several literal screws in her brain came loose from the sheer amount of craziness that she had been through over the past few days while numerous human spectators down below began to notice her falling!
"Wow, what the heck is THAT thing, honey?" the wife of the captain on a local Maine cruise ship asked him as the two of them cruised around on top of a massive lake that was precariously situated right next to the Snowdin entrance hole.
"Seems to be some kind of anthropomorphic dinosaur or some sh*t!" the captain replied as he zoomed in on the adorable little creature with his binoculars and examined it meticulously.
"So, is it a boy or girl?" the captain's wife asked him eagerly.
"You know, I'm not really sure, but what I do know is that it's falling to its f%#&ing DEATH!" the captain suddenly yelled furiously at her, throwing his binoculars onto the deck in frustration. "Honestly, and you f&%#ing WONDER why I keep telling you to get the f#%& off of Tumblr!"
Giantess World
