“Goodnight.” I say solemnly to the computer screen.
“Good morning.” Is the slightly sarcastic reply.
I had been talking to my long-distance boyfriend. I always felt bad that he would stay up all night, even though it was barely 10pm for me. He was sweet about it and would always let me know that it didn’t bother him. Things were about to change, though. Everything would be better in the morning.
“Wake up, Ellie!” My roommate is shouting excitedly. I have slept in again, like always. “We finally get to test it today! We are going to be rich!”
“Stop shouting. I need coffee and a shower before we test anything…”
A cup of coffee, a bagel, and a long hot shower later….
“Using the internet as a teleport. Some said it couldn’t be done. Some people think I’m crazy. But the internet is a massive connected universe for storing and sharing data. If we can simply convert ourselves into data, then we can travel on the same network that you use to watch porn.” My roommate is waving his hands excitedly in front of a whiteboard filled with equations. Sitting next to him is something not unlike a stargate, plugged into his computer through every cable he could attach.
My job is to film his exciting science project, edit it, and send it in to every news station and clickbait website I can think of. I also have my own interests in this project, as should be clear by now.
He pushes a few keys on the computer, and the portal slowly builds itself. It looks like a purple fog settling in place behind the frame. We wait in suspense until the fog is so dense that we can not see the other side. My roommate picks up the object we agreed should be our first test subject. (A pop vinyl of Eleven from Stranger Things) He tosses in into the portal, and then we run.
In my own bedroom a portal manifests itself right next to my computer. We arrive just in time to film the pop vinyl fall onto my bed, and the portal snap shut. We cheer for our victory, and I turn off the camera.
“Something is a little bit off about this…” My roommate says to me. He is holding up the Eleven pop right next to another one in his collection. It is ever so slightly bigger. “0.06 percent size increase.” he informs me. “I will have to make the appropriate size adjustment before the next test.
0.06 percent. I mark that number in my head. I will not be waiting for his next test. I need that portal to work for me tonight.
Our apartment is now quiet. My roommate went to sleep hours ago with the excitement of testing his new teleport again in the morning. I very quietly sneak into his room in my pajamas. I have dressed up for the occasion; wearing only a short skirt, skin tight top, and very sexy lingerie underneath.
I power up his computer and I am relieved to see that he has left the program running in the background. I dig through the code until I find what I think is related to portal size, and I punch in the 0.06 percent. Everything should be set now for my journey. Since we use the internet as our way of travel, I only need to connect to my boyfriend’s computer, and I should be able to teleport myself right into his bedroom as a surprise.
I watch the purple fog start to gather again inside the round frame. I know better than to try and risk it before all the data is complete. But once it looks thick enough, I make my jump into the portal.
Michael is your average 22 year old geek. He doesn’t partake in any sports, and he often has issues talking to girls. However, this does not mean that he is unattractive. He is tall, thin, and has nice sandy blonde hair. His skin might be a bit pale from lack of vitamin D, and his glasses as thick rimmed as the stereotypes would have you believe. His bedroom is covered from wall to wall in movie posters, figurines, and other collectables. One very significant thing about Michael.
He is not my boyfriend!
He is enjoying himself on this particular night sitting in front of his computer screen. He has one hand resting somewhere in between a bottle of lotion and his computer mouse, his other hand is wrapped around his dick. He was having trouble sleeping, and he turned to his favorite video for some entertainment.
It is at this moment, a small purple portal opens itself right above his desk.