I stood atop a broad, dark brown mesa, its surface clean but pitted seemingly at random by the wood’s grain. It was bare aside from the monolithic Macintosh computer that towered above me, its black screen centered by the white frame. In the middle a white plastic keyboard came up to about my waist, and on the far edge a smooth, white computer mouse stood, taller than me even without its soft black pad. From atop the mesa I could see we were surrounded by stark white walls, the only splash of color the meticulously organized closet with its door open.
There were other people here, but over the past several weeks we simply no longer had anything to say to each other. Men and women both had fallen victim to the cruel trick, but once they got oriented to their new surroundings they too fell silent. They were scattered around the desk, sitting on the keyboard picking at their fingernails or doing laps around the computer’s base, occasionally glancing at one another and then looking away again. The desk was so damn clean we were starved for any sort of stimulation, and aside from the weekly visit from our owner to deliver us food and water we never even saw her.
The clattering of a doorknob drew my attention, and simultaneously every person on the desk snapped their head toward it. She had brought supplies for us only a couple days ago, and no one expected to see her again so soon. Something else must be up – either she had found another unfortunate victim, or she finally decided to play with us.
The door swung inward, revealing an ostensibly petite Japanese woman in the doorway. Straight, jet black hair came down to her shoulders, spilling onto the pink cardigan with rolled-up sleeves, unbuttoned to show the cream shirt underneath. A bright white skirt came down to her knees, and coal black stockings covered her skinny legs, with flats the same color on her feet. Her narrow fingers cradled a small brown box in her palm, and her immensely dark eyes were locked onto it.
Quietly she stepped into the room, keeping her prize expertly balanced while she walked. I never figured someone hundreds of feet tall would walk so silently, but there was not even the sound of carpet being crunched beneath her feet. She seemed to glide toward us, looming larger as she approached, and I had to crane my neck back to remain focused on the object she was holding.
She stopped just short of bumping her thighs against the desk and plucked the box out of her palm with her free hand. Slowly she lowered it toward the desk, and the normally bored denizens of her room gathered around to watch. It settled on a corner and she released it, but before drawing her hand away she used her index finger to pull down one of the walls. Inside was a man about my size, standing confused amid a dirty and cluttered apartment. The apartment reminded me of where I lived before this became my home, as was the case with the others trapped here; he had just learned, as we had, that there is a limit even to Marie Kondo’s patience.
The newcomer staggered out, bewildered by his new surroundings. He looked at us with wild eyes, speechless, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Once he was clear Marie picked his apartment back up, carelessly this time, so that we could hear the furniture inside shifting against the walls. Her tremendous hand raised it to the white filing cabinet in the corner, where she set it down beside all the other rooms she had taken us out of.
Normally when she brought someone new that was it, but for some reason she lingered this time. I looked up her looming form and found that, for once, she was looking at the crowd that had assembled. In a flash she brought her hands together, and a loud crack rang out. Her thin lips were curled up in a smile, and I eagerly watcher to see what she was going to do.
Marie kept her hands clasped, lowering them to her waist. “You are clutter,” she declared in heavily-accented English. It had been so long since I heard her speak that I had forgotten the booming, powerful quality of her voice, no longer the soft near-whisper like when she had tried to help me. That statement alone made me nervous, then she followed it up with, “Some of you do not spark joy.”
Before we could react her hand shot forward, snatching the pair nearest to her on the desk. Marie enclosed them in her fist and rapidly drew it up to her face, where her fingers parted so she could look closely at the tiny people quivering with fear in her palm. With her other hand she pinched one of them up, holding him before her dark eyes. She considered him for a moment until her mouth spread in a toothy, pearly white smile, and decreed, “You spark joy.” Gingerly she carried him over to the filing cabinet and set him down on the edge, then turned her attention to the woman still in her palm. Her expression returned to neutral and she said, matter-of-factly, “You do not spark joy.” Marie’s fingers swiftly curled inward, and a light pop accompanied a quick squeeze.
While Marie rubbed her hands together to clean them the crowd scattered, seeking the sparse cover available on the desk. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the newcomer get plucked from where he stood, still stunned by his predicament. As I passed the forward edge of her keyboard, I heard a ponderous rumble come from her throat, drowning out all other sounds. “You displease me, but you are new,” she decided. “I will give you a chance.” With no accompanying pop I figured she would keep him for now.
I rounded the far corner of the keyboard and ducked behind it, just enough to conceal my body. Several others had the same idea and were also cowering behind the hard, white plastic, hoping to avoid her notice. Carefully I peeked my head up so I could see what was going on, and noticed a couple people still scurrying for somewhere to hide. Marie noticed them too and wasted no time, and in an instant they had disappeared inside her hand. “I feel no spark from either of you,” she determined, and slammed her hand back onto the desk with a devastating rumble, smashing the pair beneath it.
With the easy targets gone, Marie began looking around the desk for the rest of us. The keyboard was obvious, and her gaze passed over me right when I ducked back down. A moment later her light fingertips curled around the keyboard’s edge, and with a grating scrape she pulled it away. I looked up to see her towering body blocking out the light, and she gave another toothy grin upon spotting us. “You are like dirt!” she boomed, and as one we scampered for somewhere else to hide.
With her immense size Marie was faster than us, and she snatched at the people fleeing her. Multiple people on the far side were swept up by her long fingers, and I narrowly ducked beneath her ring finger as the person beside me was captured. I made a mad dash for the computer mouse: even though it would clearly be next, I needed some time to think. Fortunately, she was satisfied with her current bounty, and left me alone as I scurried across the desk.
By the time I settled in behind the rounded surface Marie had already passed judgment on one, her hand pulling back from atop the cabinet. While I panted she inspected the others, pinching each of them up with her fingers and looking them over. Apparently two of them sparked joy in her, but the third was not so lucky. She simply brought her thumb and forefinger together, pulverizing him instantly before rubbing her fingers clean.
Two others were taking shelter behind the mouse as well, as I learned when they let out quiet gasps. The white boulder blocked our view of Marie, but it did not block her view of us. She lightly rested a hand on it and effortlessly lifted it off the mousepad, immediately destroying our admittedly poor hiding spot. “Why are you hiding from me?” she asked, her voice rumbling over us. “Are you worried that you will not spark joy for me?” We were not interested in listening to her taunts and began to run again.
The ground shook when Marie dropped the mouse, causing me to stumble under her swipe, but the others were not as lucky. While I continued toward the back of the desk she closed her fist around them, then dragged her hand along the surface. I did not look back while she studied her quarry, trying to put as many inches between the two of us while she was busy. With nowhere else to go I ran for the actual computer: if nothing else, I could use the power cord to climb to the floor and continue hiding.
As I grabbed hold of the thick white wire Marie’s voice rang out with a terrifyingly chipper, “You had nothing to worry about!” I shimmied down the immense cable toward the floor hundreds of feet below, hoping that she would lose track of me before long. Just before my head disappeared below the desk’s level she made her next judgment. “You were right to worry,” she boomed before effortlessly crushing him with a finger.
Two loud thuds came from above and the desk rattled, shaking the cord I clung to. Moments later a peak of black hair soared over the monitor, continuing forward until it formed two curtains framing the sharp features of Marie’s face. My heart sank when she grinned down at me trapped on my way to the floor. “You are like a bug!” she boomed, reaching over the monitor for me. Fervently I resumed my climb down, not feeling secure enough to simply slide the rest of the way.
The tip of one of Marie’s enormous fingers struck my head, shoving me backward. The blow caused me to lose my grip, and my descent toward the floor was greatly accelerated. She moved to snatch me out of the air but by the time her fingers snapped shut I was beyond even her reach as I plummeted downward. Impassively she watched me fall, keeping her gaze on me all the way until I landed on the soft carpet.
The carpet’s softness was all that kept me from being killed on impact, and I felt the impact all over my tiny body. A pair of tremors ran through the floor, jostling my already sensitive body as I tried to gather my strength. Another pair, lighter than before, came shortly after, and I resolved to get up and move. I took a deep breath and stood, grimacing through the pain, then looked around to get my bearings. Immediately I saw Marie on her hands and knees, looming over me beneath the desk, her eyes right on me. This was the end of the line.
Marie leaned forward and extended a hand toward me, fingers outstretched. No matter how fast I ran I would not be able to escape her tremendous reach so I simply stood still, hoping she would not harm me when she picked me up. Sure enough, her thumb and forefinger settled down on either side of me, and with a light pinch she plucked me out of the carpet. My insides bounced around while she drew me toward herself, and in a split second all I could see was her face.
Minute lines appeared in Marie’s smooth, light skin while she studied me, and her nose lightly crinkled. “You act like a bug, and you are the size of one,” she declared. This close I felt the full power of her voice, and my sensitive bones rattled from the vibration. “Bugs do not bring me joy, and neither do you.” I knew it was coming, but my mouth still went dry at the proclamation.
Instead of pinching me between her fingers Marie let me go, dropping me back to the floor. It was a much shorter distance this time, but I still felt the impact on my weakened body, and my bones briefly felt like they were full of noodles. While I recovered Marie stood to her full height, and I found myself gaping up at her. Objectively I knew she was very short, but to me she was enormous.
Marie looked down and spotted me beside her shoe, and adrenaline flushed through my body. Fight for flight kicked in, and there was no way I could fight a behemoth like her. I shot to my feet and began running to the side, only to run into the wall of a surprisingly long shoe. In dismay I looked up and found that even the flat’s opening for her foot was above me. She continued staring down at me, and I thought I saw a tug at the corner of her mouth while she suppressed a smile.
The shoe swung upward, and Marie rotated her foot slightly so that its sole hung over me. For a brief moment everything was the dull gray of her shoe’s sole, then she brought it back down. In an instant I was pressed beneath it, and unspeakable pain surged through my body as it was squeezed. A flash of white light shot across my vision, and then there was nothing when my body finally gave way under her weight.
Marie immediately removed her foot from the smashed person and looked at the small red splotch left behind. She quickly reached into her pocket and withdrew a handkerchief and knelt down, then wiped up the tiny corpse before it could set into the carpet. Carefully she wrapped it into a ball and placed it back into her pocket, then turned her attention to the few that remained. Knowing that these made her happy, she might actually stop by to play with them now and again.