COCO’S INSIDE STORY
(PLEASE NOTE: This story takes place in a slightly modified version of the world of Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time and therefore basically uses said game’s character designs.)
The night during which this story began (at roughly 2:45 AM, to be more precise) was rather-unimpressively one of the most quiet and peaceful ones that N. Sanity Island and its residents had ever been treated to. As Crash and Coco respectively (and fully-clothedly) slept on the floor and main television-watching couch of their house’s living room in the midst of said tropical “paradise”, how sweet their resulting dreams must have been was blatantly visible on their carefreely smiling faces; as for Aku-Aku, he was just-as-merrily sleeping in midair right next to Crash’s television (knowing him, however, he probably was doing so as a form of meditation).
Naturally enough, however, said peace was actually rather short-lived; as the latest addition to the surprisingly large trophy collection in Crash’s basement clearly proved, Coco had far-too-recently beaten Nitros Oxide in a kart-racing tournament. While most of the other villains in the Crash Bandicoot franchise probably would have reacted to such a loss in an at-least-slightly reasonable way, Nitros was (considerably) even more of a petty jerk than most of the other Crash Bandicoot villains when it came to always needing to be a better racer than everyone else.
“HMPH...I’m MORE than willing to bet that Coco is already peacefully and ‘innocently’ dreaming about how much she has utterly humiliated and defamed me as we SPEAK! Let me TELL you something, my DELICIOUSLY evil little friend; the mere EXISTENCE of someone with such utterly APPALLING audacity makes me absolutely SICK...which is EXACTLY what you and I are ALREADY about to LITERALLY make HER become as we SPEAK!” Nitros indignantly and ridiculously-theatrically whined into the main communication microphone in the main cockpit of the incredibly stereotypical UFO that he was flying directly toward Crash’s home planet (Earth) as he spoke. Although Nitros rather-clearly appeared to be the only completely alive thing (let alone the only person) in the rather-disturbingly alien-blood-stained interior of said UFO, the “person” that said microphone somehow was directly connected to the brain of (while her mouth was just-as-directly connected to his UFO’s main cockpit’s main communication speaker) was none other than Corona-Chan...I mean, Verona Chong, a rather sexy-looking but downright-repulsively sadistic normal-human-woman-shaped virus whose deadliness as a disease was rivaled by practically nothing other than how incredibly cool-looking and useful her flight-enabling bat wings were, how shamelessly extravagant her clothing was, and how downright-insultingly blatant of an “Asian Alpha Bitch” stereotype caricature she was (not to mention how small she was; in fact, she quite-literally was microscopic).
“Oh, for CRYING out loud, WHY is this such a big freaking deal to you? You’ve gone from getting to call yourself ‘the best racer in the galaxy’ to having to call yourself ‘the second best racer in the galaxy’, Oxide; it’s basically like me going from getting to spend thousands of dollars on my clothes to having to spend hundreds of dollars on them because my parents are stingy old meanies who think that donating to charities is somehow ‘IMPORTANT’ and ‘MEANINGFUL’!” Verona incredibly-brattishly explained to Nitros, making several completely un-subtle sarcasm gestures with her fingers (despite the fact that she quite-literally was “just a voice that was coming out of one of his UFO’s main cockpit’s speakers” from said alien’s point of view) as she did so.
“Oh, I’ll freaking TELL you what is IMPORTANT and MEANINGFUL, you SICKENINGLY revolting WENCH; me utterly DELETING every last living creature that even DARES to call itself a better racer than THE GREAT NITROS OXIDE from EXISTENCE! Well, um...with help from YOU, of course! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA- (cough, cough, gasp) -AAAH!” Nitros maniacally and diabolically laughed, surprisingly-smartly remembering to invisibility-cloak his UFO in the process as said UFO (which had already reached Earth as he spoke) far-too-rapidly approached Crash’s/Coco’s aforementioned house. Meanwhile, inside the seemingly empty medicine bottle in which Nitros had imprisoned her within the almost-infinitely “bigger on the inside” front (Hammerspace) pocket of his shirt, Verona exasperatedly rolled her eyes and whispered “WHEN will this freaking guy change” to herself (while also just-as-exasperatedly flying around the inside of said bottle with her arms crossed over her chest) in response to said gloating.
“Well, as long as I get to viciously slaughter a filthy sub-human AMERICAN- I mean, ANIMAL from within his/her own PRECIOUS little internal organs in at least one of the most BEAUTIFULLY sadistic ways that I am capable of in the process, you’d better freaking BELIEVE that I’m going to make Coco CROAK-o, ya FOOL! OOHOOAHHHEHEHEHEEH!” Verona blushingly, droolingly and increasingly-excitedly laughed with utterly depraved delight as Nitros’s UFO finally (and impossibly-silently) reached its destination...Crash’s front yard, of course!
“You know, I usually am MORE than willing to forgive other people and whatnot for doing and/or saying some SERIOUSLY heinous things, but that LAST thing that you just said is UNQUESTIONABLY one of THE worst puns that I have EVER heard in my ENTIRE freaking life! You should be utterly ASHAMED of yourself!” Nitros threw his arms out beside himself, rolled his eyes and aggravatedly yelled at Verona, disappointedly shaking his head back and forth as he did so.
“HMPH! You’ll have PLENTY of time to criticize MY jokes after I’ve killed YOU from within, Mr. Here’s A Little Surprise! As long as you don’t mind rotting in HELL, go ahead and mock me to your heart’s content!” Verona arrogantly sneered at Nitros, who understandably-fearfully shivered in response.
“Um...actually, I don’t exactly HAVE a heart, you see; instead, my, uh, species has-” Nitros pointed his left index finger straight up into the air and rather-meekly began pointing out, causing Verona to very-annoyedly roll her eyes and mutter “oh, for crying out loud” to herself in response.
“Would you like to know what I do NOT have right now, Oxide? Any interest in what you are talking about right now! Now PLEASE hurry up and send me into Coco’s body before it’s too late!” Verona placed her hands onto her hips and increasingly-impatiently told Nitros, causing said alien to rather-reluctantly nod his head and say “at ONCE, your foulness” in response.
“Alright, now LET’S see where that insipid little ‘angel’ is sleeping...OH, OF COURSE! HERE!” Nitros nervously thought to himself as he invisibility-cloakedly teleported himself into Crash’s/Coco’s house and then just-as-nervously-and-invisibly looked around said house’s living room, in which Coco indeed was soundly sleeping on the main television-watching couch while Crash was just-as-soundly sleeping on the floor (and Aku-Aku was fast-asleeply floating right next to Crash’s television).
“As for YOU, Verona, here’s your chance to deal some SERIOUSLY major damage to Coco’s insides! Do NOT disappoint me, you nasty little SKANK!” Nitros smugly thought to himself as he pulled out the aforementioned medicine bottle in which Verona was being kept from his shirt’s also-aforementioned front (Hammerspace) pocket and then incredibly-quietly opened said bottle using his hands.
“YES! FREE AT LAST! HEEYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!” Verona overjoyedly laughed with blatantly sadistic delight as she immediately flew straight out of said bottle and then flew straight into Coco’s remarkably cute little nose from there while Nitros impressively-carefully pointed said bottle directly toward said nose.
“WOW… judging by what I’ve seen so far, this cuddly and blonde-haired hottie actually IS quite-literally almost as perfect on the inside as she is on the outside…” Verona gaspingly and amazedly thought to herself as she incredibly-rapidly flew all the way through Coco’s shockingly clean left nostril and almost-instantly reached the fleshy, bony and rather-ironically humble abode of said bandicoot’s precious award-winning brain as a result.
“Go ahead and stay asleep, you adorable little big-brained angel…” Verona lovingly whispered as she lecherously stared at Coco’s wrinkly, juicy and extremely powerful-looking brain for at least ten entire seconds before then playfully-gigglingly flying over to her eye sockets and finding a relievingly-tightly closed pair of eye-shaped windows in said eye sockets.
“I sure do hope that you enjoy becoming fatally ill as you do so, sweetness…” Verona increasingly-arousedly thought to herself as she flew back into Coco’s nose and then flew straight down her nasopharynx (followed by the rest of her delightfully moist and tender-looking throat) from there.
“MAN, this girl’s body is such a nice place...despite the fact that I absolutely cannot believe that I’m saying this, I almost DON’T want to have to destroy it from within…” Verona regretfully thought to herself as she flew into Coco’s right lung and therefore realized how refreshingly clean (most of) the air that Coco breathed actually was. Unfortunately, however, Verona’s sadism fetish was so horrifically extreme that it basically caused her to have an alternate personality that absolutely NEEDED to kill everyone and everything in sight, so she stopped being/acting calm and merciful pretty quickly to say the least.
“Oh, WHO am I kidding? NONE of this ‘look at how pretty this girl’s insides are’ JUNK is arousing enough to sate my REAL desires!” Verona irritatedly admitted to herself as she increasingly-excitedly flew around in Coco’s aforementioned right lung and droolingly gazed at all of the lovely-looking and rather-extremely literal “breathing branches” that said lung contained.
“Destruction...DESTRUCTION is what REALLY makes the LIFE of a miniscule and miserable CREATURE such as ME worth LIVING! Destroy...destroy...DESTROY...LET’S DESTROY EVERYTHING!” Verona suddenly began maniacally and bloodshot-eyedly yelling and screaming as she rather-disturbingly-passionately rubbed her gorgeous red-fingernailed hands against the inner workings (in other words, the branches and inner walls) of Coco’s lungs while superhumanly-rapidly flying around in said lungs.
“HEE-YAAAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!” Verona overjoyedly laughed as she flew back down onto the floor of Coco’s right lung and then sadistically-smilingly began falling asleep in a cross-legged and incredibly smug-looking face-up position as her germs alarmingly-quickly began spreading all over Coco’s lungs while she (Verona) ever-so-seductively unbuckled and removed her high heels and then began surprisingly-gently pressing her mesmerizingly beautiful but extremely stinky red-toenailed bare feet against said remarkably-comfortingly soft and squishy floor just to spread even more germs onto it (and, of course, give said feet the rest that they deserved).
MEANWHILE, BACK IN OUTER SPACE, SLIGHTLY ABOVE EARTH...
“Well, at least she clearly HAS reached her destination, I suppose…YEESH...” Nitros (who had basically-immediately re-closed the medicine bottle that he had been keeping Verona in and then very-gently inserted said bottle back into his shirt’s front/Hammerspace pocket before then totally-immediately teleporting himself back into the main cockpit of his UFO for a good old-fashioned take-off while Verona was busy very-unwelcomely exploring Coco’s nervous and respiratory systems) rather-nervously and downright-uncomfortable-lookingly sighed as Verona’s words rather-unfortunately continued to automatically get relayed to him through his UFO’s main cockpit’s main communication speaker.
EIGHT-AND-A-HALF HOURS LATER, AT ROUGHLY 11:30 AM…
“HMPH! Let’s see how effectively these precious little LUNGS of yours are able to defend themselves against my MORNING breath, SHALL we?” Verona suddenly woke up from the rather-adorably long and comforting nap that she had just treated herself to inside Coco’s right lung (due to Nitros using his UFO’s communication link to her to extremely-angrily yell “WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT” directly into her brain as his way of functioning as an alarm clock) and then immediately began ever-so-spitefully jeering as she quickly placed her high heels back onto her feet and then rather-disturbingly-merrily flew around in Coco’s already-rather-thoroughly-infected lungs while forcefully blowing an almost-uncontainably massive amount of horribly rancid and toxic “germ gas” into said lungs using her weirdly clean-looking mouth. Needless to say, the effect that said completely-harmless-to-Verona action had on Coco herself was rather unpleasant to say the least.
“CRASH! PLEASE WAKE UP, YOU CRAZY FOOL!” Aku-Aku frustratedly yelled at Crash while Coco was busy chokingly, coughingly and gaspingly rolling and writhing on the floor of her own house’s living room due to how devastatingly-majorly Verona had just impaired her ability to breathe.
“Whaddayahowa?” Crash incoherently mumbled and slurred as he finally DID wake up, somehow still not noticing how much utterly agonizing pain his dearly beloved sister was experiencing as he did so. Luckily, however, Aku-Aku did not hesitate to make him notice said problem.
“For crying out LOUD, Crash, your sister is about to DIE!” Aku-Aku disbelievingly scolded Crash as said bandicoot scratched his head using his left index finger and confusedly said “HUH? Why?” while just-as-confusedly looking at his clearly-about-to-suffocate sister in response.
“MY (choke) LUNGS, CRASH! MY FREAKING (cough) LUNGS HAVE BECOME (gasp) LETHALLY INFECTED! CALL THE NEAREST (choke) DOCTOR! CALL THE NEAREST (wheeze) DOCTOR RIGHT FREAKING (cough) NOW, PLEE-HEE-HEE-HEEEASE!” Coco extremely-horrifiedly screamed and cried, helplessly squirming on the aforementioned floor of her own house’s living room and rather-tightly clutching her neck using both of her hands as she did so.
“Well, to be fair, you DO seem to actually be choking to death rather slowly right now, but I still very-sincerely doubt that we even have enough time for what you’re suggesting right now...also, whatever the thing that you’ve been infected by actually is, saying that it definitely seems to be far too powerful for normal doctors to even be able to defeat would be QUITE an understatement.” Aku-Aku very-regretfully explained to Coco, who suddenly began to look even more scared in response.
“Also, the Quantum Masks presumably are out for lunch right now, and I REALLY do not want to bring them into a situation like this one…” Aku-Aku blatantly lied, causing Coco to exasperatedly roll her eyes (while Crash agreeingly nodded his head and said “I sure don’t”) in response to said utterly bald-faced lie.
“Therefore, since we clearly do not have any medicine that is powerful enough for something like this, and my healing powers sadly cannot actually cure extremely advanced and deadly illnesses such as whatever this one is yet…” Aku-Aku dejectedly began explaining, causing Coco to rather-snarkily think “explains a LOT” to herself due to Crash’s ongoing mental retardation.
“...I’m QUITE afraid that the only thing that we really CAN do at this point is send Crash directly into your body and then blindly hope that he doesn’t accidentally kill you in the process of literally fighting this new disease of yours!” Aku-Aku very-nervously explained to Coco, causing said (poor) girl to horrifiedly scream “WHAT?!” in response while Crash immediately began running straight into his basement in order to dig his magical flying space suit out of said basement for hopefully obvious reasons.
“Now, now, don’t worry; I’m sure that Crash will handle your internal organs VERY gently and carefully, Coco! You have absolutely NOTHING to worry about, I PROMISE!” Aku-Aku very-sarcastically explained to the extremely frightened-and-exhausted-looking Coco as he used his “invisible hands” (which were also known as telekinesis) to firmly press her body against a nearby very-conveniently decoration-lacking wall (that Crash’s jetboard had rather-recently been taken off of and then moved into his house’s basement) before then using his “imprisonment” powers to fasten magical “energy chains” (that somehow were connected to said wall) around her wrists, ankles and waist so that her body would become totally stuck to said wall in what basically was a perfectly upright “X” shape.
“READY!” Crash far-too-excitedly informed Aku-Aku after finally (and space-suit-wearingly) running back out of his basement and into his living room, causing Coco to become even more visibly horrified in response while Aku-Aku used his magical eye beams to shrink Crash to what could only be described as “a microscopic size” so that said bandicoot would become able to properly fit into her body.
“D’OH!” Crash yelled in pain as he flew straight into Coco’s lips but rather-amusingly ended up bouncing off of said lips as a result due to how absurdly-tightly she had closed her mouth in order to prevent him from entering it.
“Coco, COME ON; you KNOW that you’re even-MORE-probably going to die if you DON’T allow Crash to enter your body at some point in the next five minutes that this clearly devastating new disease of yours spends inside it! What else could you possibly be WAITING for right now, huh?!” Aku-Aku increasingly-frustratedly scolded Coco, causing said girl to exasperatedly roll her eyes and exhaustedly groan “FINE” in response before then proceeding to very-widely open her mouth and quite-literally say “AHH” so that Crash would become able to enter her body through said mouth.
“WHEE!” Crash far-too-excitedly yelled with joy as he flew straight into Coco’s widely open mouth and then flew straight down her throat from there while the poor, POOR girl rather-loudly said “GULP” out loud in response.
“So tell me, Coco; on a 1-10 scale, how would you rate how ‘stressed out’ you are right now?” Aku-Aku curiously asked Coco as said girl audibly trembled in her restraints while having a facial expression that was quite-easily one of THE most traumatized-looking ones that he had ever seen.
“25.” Coco chokingly-but-flatly said while having eyes of which the pupils were quite-nearly microscopic themselves as Crash flew into her right lung and then immediately thanked the heavens for the fact that his space suit’s helmet worked so incredibly well as a gas mask when its visor was closed.
“Greetings, my filthy and flea-ridden friend; tell me, what is your opinion about this lovely new HOME of mine?” Verona incredibly-loudly-and-smugly greeted and asked the utterly disgusted Crash while lazily (yet very-attractively) sitting atop one of Coco’s numerous “breathing branches” (which rather-clearly were already beginning to extremely-rapidly wither and rot as said virus spoke).
“BLEAUGH!” Crash stuck his tongue out and revoltedly told Verona as he immediately flew straight up to where said virus was sitting and then just-as-immediately began hatefully glaring at her while also firmly and surprisingly-sassily placing his hands onto his hips in order to express how much her existence frustrated and disappointed him even more thoroughly.
“HMPH! You know, I could just-as-easily say the exact same thing about YOU, you stupid and gluttonous little SKUNK! Do you even know what being cultured and sophisticated IS?” Verona increasingly-angrily mocked and asked Crash, already knowing that he probably wouldn’t even be able to answer said question as she did so.
“Redundant?” Crash shrugged his shoulders and rather-annoyedly asked Verona while Coco loudly choked and coughed and increasingly-nervously thought “WHAT IS CRASH WAITING FOR?!” to herself.
“Well, yeah...pretty much…” Verona shrugged her own shoulders and reluctantly admitted.
“...but PLEASE allow me to explain it to you in greater detail! You see, I was raised by an extremely rich royal family in a huge-to-me-but-ridiculously-tiny-to-you alien country that is known as Xyna and is populated by micro-organisms such as myself, and thanks to the aforementioned wealth of my parents, I’ve had access to both an S-class education and practically everything else that anyone could ever want to buy for pretty much my entire lifespan so far.” Verona disgustingly-smugly began explaining while Crash blatantly pretended to actually be interested in what she was talking about.
“Because of how utterly spoiled I was and quite-frankly still am, I eventually began to develop an alternate personality in which I whole-heartedly believe that if other people in/from larger worlds such as yours aren’t at least halfway as fortunate and beautiful as I am, then I might as well KILL said people and therefore save them the trouble of having to spend year after year putting up with their own unbearably pathetic mediocrity! And now, as a result of said belief, I’m about to kill this disgusting, putrid, jungle-dwelling RAT that you call your sister! Go ahead and TELL me, Mr. HERO; how could I POSSIBLY have picked a more BEAUTIFULLY fitting victim for such an arousingly cruel and lethal delivery of poetic justice, HMM?” Verona incredibly-arrogantly-and-mockingly explained to Crash, causing Crash to become increasingly-visibly furious as she did so.
“How about ‘by picking someone who ISN’T MY FREAKING SISTER’, you sadistic TART?!” Crash enragedly yelled at Verona as he suddenly pulled out a comically large can of extremely chemical-loaded anti-virus air freshener from his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets and then immediately began wildly spraying the rather-highly toxic contents of said can all over the extremely delicate inner workings of Coco’s lungs using the flight ability that said suit gave him. Naturally enough, Verona immediately began fleeing/flying into Coco’s Wumpa-fruit-digesting stomach while incredibly-loudly yelling “COCO’S STOMACH, HERE I COME” in response.
“PHEW!” Crash shoved his aforementioned giant can of air freshener back into his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets and relievedly thought to himself as he finally finished filling Coco’s lungs with said can’s aforementioned “deadly gas” contents, thankfully cleaning Verona’s “germ gas” out of said lungs in the process...but also causing Coco to quite-nearly finish choking to death in said process!
“Oh, dear...I think that I really have made a GRAVE mistake by sending Crash into this poor girl’s body…” Aku-Aku extremely-worriedly thought to himself as Coco extremely-loudly-and-frantically-and-blue-facedly began coughing out a rather-disturbingly large amount of air freshener gas. Luckily, said gas actually did NOT absurdly-persistently “linger” in Coco’s poor little lungs, unlike the aforementioned “germ gas” that it had just cleaned out of said lungs.
“NOPE! I’M TOTALLY FINE, I SWEAR!” Coco eye-twitchingly and increasingly-mentally-unstably laughed as Crash immediately flew straight into her aforementioned (delightfully soft and spacious) stomach, in which Verona already was remarkably busy spreading her germs into the incredibly numerous Wumpa fruits that Coco had extremely-recently eaten in order to help herself overcome the illness that said virus had given her by rather-weirdly-erotically licking the chewed-up remains of said fruits while said remains were being broken down by Coco’s stomach acid.
“OH, no you don’t!” Crash impressively-smugly teased Verona, causing the literal cartoon episode that he was in to suddenly begin fast-forwarding itself as he pulled out (comically large) bag after (comically large) bag of laxative-and-ghost-pepper-laced dietary fiber from his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets, pouring quite-literally all of the contents of every single one of said (roughly thirty) bags directly into Coco’s aforementioned stomach acid pool and then throwing said bags themselves into said pool as he did so. Meanwhile, Verona just hovered above him and disbelievingly (not to mention head-shakingly and actually somewhat sympathy-for-Coco-feelingly) watched as he utterly tormented the digestive system of his own sister. Once Crash had FINALLY finished said process, “Coco’s Inside Story” itself also-finally returned to its normal speed.
“Oh, puh-LEEZE; do you seriously think that you causing this lovely new host of mine to prematurely DEFECATE is going to stop ME? Give me a freaking BREAK before I cause this lovely new host of mine to prematurely stop being a LIVER!” Verona ever-so-arrogantly laughed as she rather-predictably flew/fled into Coco’s liver while Crash immediately began chasing/flying after her in response. Meanwhile, Coco’s stomach was agonizingly-intensely throbbing and cramping due to what Crash had just done to it...and as for her face, let’s just say that quite a few tears came out of it.
“OOOOOOGH...let me tell you something right here and right now, Aku-Aku; whatever has just happened to my stomach is somehow making it hurt even more than some of the food I’ve eaten at Dingodile’s Diner does...CONSIDERABLY more, in fact…OH, SWEET MERCIFUL JESUS, THE FREAKING STOMACH PAIN THAT I AM EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW IS ABSOLUTELY UNBEARABLE!” Coco meekly whimpered in pain and then suddenly very-loudly screamed in agony (startling Aku-Aku quite a bit in the process) as her aforementioned digestive system suddenly began working massively faster and harder than it was supposed to. Meanwhile, inside Coco’s thankfully clean and healthy-looking liver, Verona was continuing to prove that absolutely nothing was safe from her wrath...or Rule 34’s all-encompassing-ness, for that matter.
“Alright, listen up, PAL; if you don’t IMMEDIATELY strip yourself down to your underwear and then join me in this poor little girl’s liver blood for a good old-fashioned viral selfie, I’m going to start filling this adorable little liver of hers with the contents of SO many freaking bottles of poison that even if you somehow DO manage to count all of said bottles, she basically will already be dead by the time you finish doing so. Do you understand what I’m saying right now, ya fool?” Verona surprisingly-sternly explained to Crash (while the two of them rather-reluctantly stood right next to each other on the flesh/blood border of Coco’s “liver beach”) as she far-too-eagerly readied herself to pour the extremely purple contents of a rather-intimidatingly large and very-cartoonishly skull-and-crossbones-labeled “wine” bottle that she somehow had just “cellularly constructed” into her hands (which would then be followed by the basically identical contents of copy after copy OF said bottle) into the built-in and bloodstream-fed giant swimming pool of blood that Coco’s liver rather-interestingly contained. Due to basically having no other choices that were as inanely “fun” as he seemed to always need absolutely everything that he did to be (and also not actually being allowed to kill Verona until his upcoming “boss” fight against said virus began, due to said virus’s plot armor), Crash rather-humiliatingly decided to comply with Verona’s clothing-removing order.
“WOW, Crash...I must say, you really are managing our affairs with SUCH poise!” Verona rather-surprisingly complimented Crash, “cellularly deconstructing” her aforementioned bottle of poison out of existence in the process as said bandicoot pulled out a pair of comically large water hammocks from his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets and then immediately tossed said water hammocks into Coco’s “liver pool” while said virus ever-so-teasingly stripped herself down to her bikini (throwing the clothes that she had removed from herself onto the “solid ground” portion of Coco’s aforementioned “liver beach” in the process, of course).
“Naturally; after all, so are YOU!” Crash even-more-surprisingly complimented Verona as he pulled out his thankfully indestructible super-tablet from “the future” from his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets and then weirdly-trustingly handed it to Verona so that his own hands would be able to more-easily remove said space suit (before then throwing it into the exact same place that Verona had just thrown her own freshly removed clothes into) and therefore reveal the fact that he actually WAS naked (not counting his underwear) underneath it; presumably, said almost-naked-ness was a result of Crash having played far too much Ghosts ‘N Goblins / Ghouls ‘N Ghosts during his lifetime.
“OOH!” Verona lovingly(?) grinned and flirtingly teased Crash as the two of them began sexily lying right next to each other using the aforementioned water hammocks that Crash had just tossed into Coco’s also-aforementioned “liver pool”. Thank God that Coco wasn’t able to see the two of them doing this (yet, at least)…
MEANWHILE, IN OUTER SPACE…
“UMM…” Nitros extremely-uncomfortably-and-embarrassedly said to himself as his UFO’s main cockpit’s main communication speaker incredibly-unsettlingly relayed the audible portion of all of the unbelievably awkward and gross flirting that Verona was doing with Crash inside Coco’s liver to him.
MEANWHILE, INSIDE COCO’S LIVER…
“Rawr…” Crash also-flirtingly “growled” at Verona as said virus handed his aforementioned super-tablet back to him so that he could unlock said super-tablet using its very long password that he extremely-surprisingly hadn’t forgotten.
“Alright, now say CHEESE!” Verona merrily laughed as she very-abruptly snatched Crash’s super-tablet right out of his hands using the incredibly strong and extendable tentacles that her hair somehow was able to transform itself into before then using said tentacles to hold said super-tablet a rather-impressively large distance away from said bandicoot and herself while also aiming its front camera directly at the rather-disgustingly-scantily clothed two of them.
“CHEESE!” Crash playfully laughed, rather-disturbingly-eagerly joining Verona in the act of “posing for the camera” in the process as said virus far-too-proudly took a “selfie” photo of said bandicoot and herself almost-nakedly lying together on a pool of said bandicoot’s own sister’s liver blood while literally being inside said sister’s liver. Sadly enough, Crash then immediately posted said photo onto his versions of Facebook and Instagram so that Verona wouldn’t try to kill him and/or Coco.
“Oh, dear...it would appear that a photograph that is rather-extremely disturbing and gross has just been posted onto two of Crash’s favorite social media websites.” Aku-Aku very-worriedly sighed as he finally finished checking Crash’s Foolnook and Instagrat pages using Coco’s own thankfully indestructible super-tablet that she had somehow managed to build in “the present” and then used the exact same “invisible hands” that he had been using in order to do so to turn the screen of said super-tablet directly toward Coco’s face and therefore show her the utterly freakish horror that Crash and Verona had just caused to appear on said screen.
“OHHHUOHHH...UGGGH!” Coco quite-loudly and utterly-revolted-lookingly retched, sticking her tongue out and quite-nearly actually vomiting in the process while Aku-Aku very-agreeingly groaned and shook his head in response (not to mention abject shame). Meanwhile, Crash and Verona were already re-dressing themselves back into their previous outfits and re-pocketing Crash’s loose belongings back into his space suit as Coco desperately and extremely-humiliated-lookingly tried to pretend that what she had just seen did NOT, in fact, exist.
“Ugh. Barf.” Aku-Aku incredibly-flatly said as Verona flew/fled straight into Coco’s rather-unsurprisingly large and understandably-intensely-and-rapidly beating heart while Crash oh-so-predictably chased/flew after her.
“Now that we’re inside it, let’s see how much abuse this poor little girl’s poor little HEART actually CAN endure, shall we?” Verona (who somehow was able to breathe underwater) incredibly-sadistically thought to herself as she extremely-rapidly flew/swam straight over to the rather-impressively huge heart rate adjustment dial that Coco’s heart rather-weirdly contained while the thankfully space-suit-protected and therefore also-able-to-breathe-underwater Crash did the exact same thing in response.
“PERFECT.” Verona devilishly-grinningly thought to herself as she examined the even larger control panel that said dial was on and therefore saw the massively meaningful “skull and crossbones” label that said dial’s maximum “heart speed” setting was indicated by. Needless to say, said thought of hers was immediately followed by her grabbing onto said dial (which was almost as tall as she was) using both of her hands and then forcefully turning it toward said maximum setting (right) while Crash just-as-forcefully turned it toward its minimum setting (left).
“OOOGH...AGGGH...I think I’m about to literally have a heart attack…” Coco light-headedly and utterly-exhaustedly groaned in pain as she suddenly began to rather-disturbingly feel the effects of how much Crash and Verona were causing her heart rate to fluctuate. Luckily, however, Crash was able to keep Coco’s heart rate balanced at roughly its normal (medium) setting for just long enough to where Verona thankfully lost her patience and therefore ended said Tug Of War game by rather-abruptly quitting it and then immediately fleeing/flying straight back into Coco’s throat (which Crash, of course, immediately followed/chased her into in response after rather-surprisingly-carefully returning Coco’s heart rate to its exact medium setting).
“Hmm...you know, your heart actually sounds pretty normal right now if you ask me.” Aku-Aku oh-so-relievedly pointed out as he flew over to Coco’s chest and very-lovingly listened to her suddenly-normal-again heartbeat while Crash and Verona very-angrily confronted each other right next to her voice box. Surely enough, despite being the one who had caused most of the actual trouble between the two of said nuisances, Verona was considerably more angry than Crash was.
“Watch where you’re GOING, ya FOOL!” Verona extremely-frustratedly-and-hypocritically yelled at Crash, shaking her left fist at him in the process as the two of them increasingly-impatiently floated around in Coco’s throat while Crash rather-worriedly waited for Verona to finally make her next move.
“Why don’t YOU try doing so, ‘ya’ freaking BRAT?!” Crash threw his arms out beside himself, rolled his eyes and exasperatedly yelled at Verona, causing said virus to cross her arms over her chest and resoundingly say “HMPH” (while also secretly thinking “SIGH...fair enough” to herself) in response.
“Because this is what I LIVE for, YOU freaking poorly educated and blatantly racist numbskull! I’m WARNING you, PAL; if you don’t stop fighting against me RIGHT freaking now, I’m going to show you just HOW far I’m willing to go in order to get what I want! In other words, the entire body of this appallingly spoiled little ‘princess’ that you call your sister will become as utterly devoid of functionality as your worthless and pathetic little BRAIN! ERAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!” Verona maniacally ranted and laughed, causing Crash to furiously and completely-deservedly slap her across the face using his right hand in response. Although said slap wasn’t exactly the most forceful one in the world (despite how angry Verona had quite-evidently caused Crash to become) and also had been given to Verona using a gloved hand, Verona definitely was NOT the type of “person” that professionally/maturely reacted to being criticized/punished by other people.
“SO-HO-HO-HO...you want to GO a few rounds?! Let me TELL you something, BUDDY; when this is over, we’ll SEE who the REAL spoiled BIMBO in this DISGUSTINGLY primitive house of yours is! EEYAAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEH!” Verona maniacally laughed with increasingly sadistic delight before then immediately flying/fleeing straight up into Coco’s mouth while Crash increasingly-horrifiedly chased/flew after her.
“Catch me if you CAN, you pathetic piece of white- I mean, orange TRASH! UWOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHH!” Verona maniacally laughed some more, playfully poking Coco’s uvula with her left index finger and secretly-fascinatedly observing her actually-rather-impressively clean teeth and tongue in the process while Crash extremely-frustratedly growled “oh, believe me; I freaking WILL do so” at her in response.
“I can already SMELL Coco’s FEAR from HERE! EYOHEHAHEHAHEHAHAHAHAAH!” Verona maniacally laughed even MORE as she flew straight up the exact same nasopharynx through which she had entered Coco’s lungs and then flew equally straight through the inner workings of Coco’s nose from there, with Crash incredibly-persistently chasing/flying after her all the while.
“AHH...Coco’s precious award-winning brain...beautiful, isn’t it?” Verona ever-so-teasingly asked Crash as the two of them finally reached the center of Coco’s head, in which said girl’s adorably fragile and squishy brain was headache-inducingly-intensely throbbing due to how desperately she was struggling to not wildly freak out about the fact that Crash and Verona were both inside her body. Needless to say, Coco definitely was not going to be able to keep her “cool” (or her sanity, for that matter) for much longer.
“OH...so THIS is why Coco is so much smarter than me…” Crash amazedly thought to himself as he speechlessly and slack-jawedly stared at the superhumanly powerful-looking brain that Coco’s skull had been hiding within itself (and, of course, beneath her utterly gorgeous blonde hair). Meanwhile, Verona was droolingly and almost-fingering-herself-ly fantasizing about the sheer amount of damage that she had rather-disgustingly-excitedly been planning to deal to said brain.
“Let’s see what she’s LOOKING at, shall we?” Verona ever-so-playfully teased Crash as the two of them flew over to Coco’s eye sockets and then took a brief but very informative peek through the aforementioned (and extremely worried-looking) literal windows that her eyes were. Surely enough, what the two of them ended up seeing through said eyes was Coco almost-motionlessly staring across her house’s living room while also staring at Aku-Aku in the process. As for what Aku-Aku was doing...well, let’s just say that he was incredibly-intensely trying (and rather-surprisingly NOT completely failing) to keep Coco calm.
“You must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. You will face this new enemy of yours. You will unflinchingly keep your inner peace as she travels through your body. Once she has reached the climax of said journey, you will open your inner eye to see her true weakness. Where the virus has gone, there will be nothing left of her. Only you and Crash will remain.” Aku-Aku incredibly-calmly explained to Coco as his ever-so-soothingly fatherly-sounding words rather-amusingly echoed directly into the poor girl’s head through her ears, somehow causing the literal “third eye” on the back of her suddenly-much-less-panicked-looking brain (which actually was said brain’s secret entrance rather than being an actual eye) to suddenly open itself in response as he did so.
“Hmm, let’s see here...no secret entrance here...no secret entrance there...AH, HERE WE GO!” Verona increasingly-impatiently mumbled to herself as she and Crash very-carefully flew around the outer surface of Coco’s brain in hopes of finding a secret entrance somewhere on it...then suddenly yelled with delight as she immediately flew straight through the secret entrance hatch that Coco’s completely motionless “third eye” almost-insultingly-blatantly was while Crash also-immediately followed/chased her through said hatch. Surely enough, what Crash and Verona found behind said hatch was the ludicrously spacious and futuristic-looking core of Coco’s central nervous system.
“WOW...this brain of hers really is SO freaking beautiful and amazing…I’m actually rather JEALOUS right now, I must say...” Verona droolingly, blushingly and extremely-arousedly thought to herself as she and Crash both loudly gasped in slack-jawed amazement after finally setting foot on the internal floor of Coco’s brain and therefore also-finally getting to see the sheer amount of space-station-esque technology (not to mention overflowingly electricity-loaded brain cell transit wires that covered its walls and ceiling like breathtakingly massive and intricate spider webs) that the absolutely gigantic brain-shaped control room that inexplicably was inside said brain contained. Surely enough, the interior of Coco’s brain being a giant bio-mechanical control room also meant that a ridiculously powerful Central Nervous Super-Computer (of which the log-in password rather-foolishly was the exact same one that her Froogle account had) had somehow been built into the inner wall of her frontal lobe in order to very-effectively serve as the cockpit of her brain.
“Don’t tell Verona about how painfully obvious the way in which you’re going to defeat her is...DON’T tell Verona about how painfully obvious the way in which you’re going to defeat her is…” Crash’s own brain increasingly-nervously begged itself as Verona guided him directly to Coco’s aforementioned Central Nervous Super-Computer for some good old-fashioned “hacking into it”.
“Alright, so HERE’S how this is going to work, PAL; you are going to tell me what Coco’s CNSC’s log-in password is RIGHT freaking now, or else I am going to mercilessly electrocute you to death using Coco’s ‘brain wires’ and then utterly tear this ENTIRE squishy and pathetic little THING that she calls her brain apart, PIECE BY FREAKING PIECE, until she quite-literally is nothing but a drooling, bloody-nosed and anthropomorphic-bandicoot-shaped VEGETABLE! Do you freaking understand what I’m telling you right now, my obnoxious little SLAVE?” Verona unbelievably-sadistically-and-hatefully sneered at Crash in a rather-shockingly serious-sounding tone of voice, causing Crash to extremely-horrified-lookingly nod his head and say “MM-HMM” (followed by “GULP”) in response.
“Well, yes, but uhh...to be honest, I don’t really KNOW what Coco’s CNSC’s log-in password is!” Crash shrugged his shoulders and regretfully admitted as he somewhat-reluctantly took his seat in front of Coco’s CNSC while adorably-fascinatedly examining its keyboard, levers, buttons and whatnot as he did so.
“Well, then, why don’t you try CONTACTING her, ya FOOL?” Verona annoyingly-impatiently scolded Crash as said bandicoot used Coco’s “Inner Voice” microphone (which surprisingly still worked despite him not actually being logged into her CNSC) as a rather-disturbingly effective means of doing so. Needless to say, Coco was thoroughly startled (and also generally frightened and uncomfortable) when she suddenly heard Crash speaking directly into her brain.
“HEY, COCO! IT’S ME! CRASH!” Crash far-too-loudly yelled at Coco in order to let her know who he was.
“Yes, yes, I know who you are…” Coco exhaustedly and aching-headedly groaned through both her mouth and her CNSC’s main communication speaker, almost being afraid to even ask about where Crash was contacting her from (despite being PRETTY freaking sure that she already knew the answer to said question) as she did so. “Where are you contacting me from right now, pardon my asking?” Coco extremely-nervous-soundingly asked Crash after finally swallowing her pride.
“Your BRAIN, of course!” Crash ever-so-merrily teased Coco, causing the pupils of said girl’s eyes to suddenly and very-rapidly shrink to QUITE-nearly microscopic sizes as she helplessly shook in her restraints and began repeatedly, very-loudly and increasingly-horrifiedly whispering “don’t worry, Coco; Crash OBVIOUSLY knows what he’s doing; your brain definitely is in VERY clean and careful hands right now” to herself while Aku-Aku regretfully shook his own head and exhaustedly groaned “oh, dear” in response.
“And if you don’t at least TRY to tell us what the log-in password of said brain’s Central Nervous Super-Computer is within the next TWENTY FREAKING SECONDS of your ‘life’, then I sure do hope that you enjoy having to kiss said brain of yours GOODBYE, sweetness!” Verona suddenly interrupted Crash in order to extremely-sincerely tell the absolutely “scared out of her mind” Coco. Just to make Coco even MORE stressed out, Verona then immediately and very-ominously began counting said seconds straight down from twenty to zero in real time.
“TWENTY...NINETEEN...EIGHTEEN...SEVENTEEN...SIXTEEN...FIFTEEN…FOURTEEN...THIRTEEN...TWELVE...ELEVEN...TEN...NINE...EIGHT...SEVEN...SIX...FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO...ONE…” Verona seethingly whispered into Coco’s “Inner Voice” microphone, beginning to sound progressively more angry and aroused as she did so. As much as Coco wanted to believe that she “would rather die than become Verona’s literal flesh puppet”, said countdown was what officially pushed her to her mental breaking point.
“OKAY, OKAY, JESUS CHRI-HI-HI-HIYYYST! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK THAT MY FREAKING BRAIN’S LOG-IN PASSWORD PROBABLY IS! JUST PLEASE DON’T HURT ME, PLEE-HEE-HEE-HEEEASE!” Coco bloodshot-eyedly and horrifyingly-frantically-and-desperately screamed and cried, wildly shaking in her restraints in the process while Aku-Aku hung his head in shame and extremely-regretfully thought “poor, poor thing” to himself in response.
“As long as you follow her orders, she DEFINITELY won’t! We very-sincerely PROMISE!” Crash surprisingly-non-sarcastically explained to Coco while Verona ever-so-teasingly whispered “wanna BET?” into his left ear. After taking several extremely deep breaths in order to finally regain her composure, Coco finally gave Verona the answer to her “what is your CNSC’s log-in password” question.
“It’s...it’s...I think it’s Rainbows And Sparkles (R41n80w54nd5p4rkL35)…” Coco extremely-reluctantly-and-embarrassedly began explaining while Crash and Verona both uproariously laughed at her (as if she hadn’t already been blushing brightly enough) in response.
“Hey, WAIT a minute; why isn’t your password working?!” Crash frustratedly ranted at Coco after typing out exactly what she had just said (with all three of the words being capitalized, no less) but rather-thankfully still being unable to successfully log himself into the CNSC of said dearly beloved sister of his. Needless to say, Verona very-angrily-and-impatiently growled at both him and Coco in response.
“SIGH...FINE...if you really want me to do so THIS badly, then I guess that I WILL list every single freaking character of my Froogle account’s utterly idiotic ‘Rainbows And Sparkles’ log-in password for you, including which ones of its letters are lower-case and which ones of them are upper-case!” Coco rolled her eyes and exasperatedly sighed while Crash clapped his hands exactly three times and incredibly-childishly said “YAY” (and Verona rolled her own eyes and exasperatedly groaned “I really DON’T get paid enough for this crap, do I?”) in response.
ONE PAINFULLY LONG LIST OF PASSWORD CHARACTERS LATER…
“ALRIGHT! FINALLY! WE’RE IN!” Verona overjoyedly laughed, rather-surprisingly high-fiving Crash in the process as said bandicoot finally finished using the log-in password of Coco’s Froogle account to very-surprisingly-successfully log himself (and Verona) into said girl’s CNSC, causing Coco to audibly and downright-horrifiedly tremble in her restraints yet again as she regretfully and head-shakingly whispered “WHY can’t Crash be more like a normal doctor?” to herself due to strongly suspecting that Crash and Verona would hear said question if she thought it to herself (due to the existence of her CNSC’s main communication speaker, however, said nuisances rather-amusingly still were able to hear said question anyway).
“You...uhh...you guys aren’t planning to take CONTROL of me, are you?” Coco extremely-nervously and twitchy-eyedly asked Crash and Verona, closing her eyes and repeatedly (and remarkably-loudly) whispering “PLEASE SAY NO” to herself immediately after she had finished doing so. After getting a few more disgustingly cheap laughs out of how much they were utterly torturing the poor girl, Verona and Crash finally decided to give her their answers to said question.
“Well, uhh...I don’t really want to, but Verona apparently does!” Crash shrugged his shoulders and rather-awkwardly chuckled as Verona far-too-proudly nodded her head and blatantly-sadistically grinned from ear to ear in response.
“However, due to how much sympathy I quite frankly am starting to feel for you, I’ve decided to at least be somewhat fair here by giving you and Crash what I like to call a sporting chance!” Verona ever-so-arrogantly laughed, causing Crash to rather-confusedly scratch his head using his right index finger and say “HUH?” (while Coco just speechlessly shook in her restraints) in response.
“Um...what does THAT mean, pardon my asking?” Coco nervously and tiredly asked Verona.
“Basically, it means that unless Crash wins the fight that I am about to challenge him to, you will be EXTREMELY lucky if I actually DO decide to take control of your body rather than simply shutting said body down in order to KILL you in the process! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!” Verona maniacally and downright-diabolically laughed, causing Coco to become utterly frozen with fear in response. Needless to say, Crash DEFINITELY did not approve of what Verona had just threatened to do to his own sister, and he also was EXTREMELY ready to fight her after what she had already done to said sister of his for practically no actual reasons other than “because making Coco suffer aroused her”.
“Alright, THAT’S IT; I have VERY-truthfully tolerated FAR more than enough of your utterly outdated and offensive existence, ‘ya’ freaking obnoxious little PARASITE! GET READY TO BE EXTERMINATED LIKE THE UTTERLY HEARTLESS AND REVOLTING LITTLE PEST THAT YOU ARE!” Crash utterly-furiously yelled and screamed at Verona as he rather-impressively-menacingly stood on the floor of Coco’s right brain hemisphere and faced himself directly toward said virus while said virus just-as-menacingly stood on the floor of Coco’s left brain hemisphere and faced herself directly toward him.
“ARRRRRRGH! NOW you’re on MY last NERVE, you little SKUNK! JUST FREAKING GIVE UP ALREADY!” Verona even-more-furiously yelled and screamed at Crash as the two of them suddenly began repeatedly flying into each other in a downright-ridiculously large number of different directions while also-repeatedly punching and kicking each other Dragon-Ball-Z-style in the process...well, until they realized that said tactic actually wasn’t going to work on either of them (due to Crash’s incredibly-thoroughly-and-powerfully body-protecting space suit making him far-too-nearly invincible while Verona’s actual body recovered from external injuries far too quickly and therefore hilariously-ironically was a body that Crash was going to have to totally ruin the inner workings of instead), at least. Naturally enough, their extremely over-the-top fight against each other required the two of them to damage each other using an also-extremely-over-the-top method...hitting/throwing each other into Coco’s brain cell transit wires, to be exact!
“IT’S NO USE! TAKE THIS!” Verona enragedly yelled as she suddenly very-tightly grabbed Crash using her “hair tentacles” and then VERY-forcefully threw him straight into the brain cell transit wires that covered the inner wall of the left side of Coco’s brain using said tentacles, ironically causing Crash to actually get mildly (but still very-shockingly and bone-revealingly) zapped right through his magically “100%”-electric-shock-proof space suit in the process while also causing Coco herself to briefly but rather-frighteningly become more than a little “cuckoo” as a result of said brain damage.
“TWENTY-ONE TIMES TWO EQUALS FISH!” Coco dizzily and cross-eyedly yelled, sticking her tongue out and drooling for at least five entire seconds after doing so. Meanwhile, Aku-Aku regretfully shook his head and whispered “I sure do hope that Coco makes it out of this alive” to himself in response.
“AGAIN!” Verona ferociously yelled as she attempted to grab Crash using her “hair tentacles” yet again. “Nice try!” Crash smugly laughed as he surprisingly-deftly dodged said grabbing attempt and then brutally rammed himself straight into her using his famous “spin attack” technique. “NOOOOOO!” Verona very-hammily screamed as she was sent flying straight into the brain cell transit wires that covered the inner wall of the right side of Coco’s brain, causing her (Verona) to get horrifically-intensely electrocuted in an extremely cartoonish and skeleton-revealing fashion that rather-amazingly was going to have to happen to her ELEVEN more times in order for it to even-nearly kill her.
“I AM FINE! THIS IS FINE!” Coco dizzily and cross-eyedly yelled as her brain became even more damaged while Verona’s own internal organs quite-literally “felt the burn” from HOW horrifically-intensely she had just been electrocuted. Meanwhile, Aku-Aku rather-snarkily muttered “are you SURE about that, Coco?” in response.
Amusingly enough (and quite-possibly as a result of rather severe electric-shock-induced damage to her OWN brain), Verona somehow allowed her rage to consume her so ridiculously-thoroughly that she forgot to even properly change her attack pattern mid-fight, so the entire remaining portion of Crash’s laughably easy and downright-unbelievably one-sided fight against her was basically just Crash using his almost-comically simple “dodge Verona’s tentacles, then spin her into Coco’s brain cell transit wires” strategy in quite-literally THE exact same way over and over and OVER again, with Verona rather-pathetically not even managing to properly hit Crash more than one additional time for the entirety of said remainder of said fight. In fact, the only thing that Crash really had left to worry about was the sheer amount of brain damage that he was causing Coco to experience in the process of utterly destroying Verona.
“CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!” Coco dementedly yelled while respectively rotating her left and right eyes around and around in goofy clockwise and counter-clockwise circles and repeatedly sticking her tongue straight out in the process; surely enough, Crash had just spun Verona straight into the brain cell transit wires on the upper inner wall of her frontal lobe.
“THE GOVERNMENT IS ALWAYS WATCHING US! ALWAYS!” Coco increasingly-light-headedly continued rambling as Verona threw Crash straight into the brain-cell-transit-wire-covered ceiling of said poor(, POOR) girl’s brain using her “hair tentacles” (still barely even hurting him at all in the process, naturally enough); at that point, Aku-Aku wasn’t even able to be surprised anymore.
“THE CORONA VIRUS IS MERELY A RIDICULOUSLY ELABORATE ILLUSION THAT WAS MANUFACTURED BY CHINA AND THE UNITED STATES IN ORDER TO INCREASE GROCERY SALES!” Coco continued rambling as Crash spun Verona straight into the brain cell transit wires on the inner wall of her occipital lobe; you would not BELIEVE how much I wish that said “fact” was true.
EIGHT MORE OCCURRENCES OF VERONA GETTING SPUN STRAIGHT INTO COCO’S INCREASINGLY DAMAGED AND MALFUNCTIONING BRAIN CELL TRANSIT WIRES BY CRASH LATER…
“DURR, PLANT! DUH HUH HUH HUH HUH!” Coco droolingly, slack-jawedly, head-swayingly, dangling-tonguedly and cross-eyedly moaned and laughed as Crash flew/ducked underneath one last extremely desperate one of Verona’s “grabbing him using her hair tentacles” attempts and then spin-uppercutted (Shoryukened) her straight into the aforementioned brain-cell-transit-wire-covered ceiling of Coco’s brain while actually yelling “SHORRR-YUKEN” at the top(s) of his lungs.
“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Verona ridiculously-loudly-and-hammily screamed in agony as she and her internal organs were electrocuted the one last blatantly-heart-attack-causing time that finally caused her to become totally exhausted once and for all. Needless to say, Coco completely passed out due to the sheer number of her brain cells that Crash and Verona had just utterly destroyed in response (luckily enough, however, when Aku-Aku extremely-horrifiedly checked the unconscious Coco’s chest for the sound of a heartbeat, he actually did hear a quite normal-and-healthy-sounding heartbeat...in addition to a REALLY upset-sounding digestive system that probably was going to need to get emptied out rather-quickly to say the least).
“PLEASE hurry up in there, Crash…” Aku-Aku increasingly-nervously thought to himself as he used his “invisible hands” to prop Coco’s head up(right) so that Crash would be able to properly finish his work inside said head. Thankfully, however, said “work” barely even qualified AS work at that point.
“Is there anything else that you would like to say and/or do before you die, sweetness?” Crash rather-mockingly asked Verona as the two of them finally lowered themselves back down onto the floor of Coco’s brain, on which Verona immediately began helplessly crawling toward Crash at a snail’s pace in a downright-miserably failed attempt to make herself look “innocent” and “misunderstood” while Crash was busy pulling out an anti-virus injection syringe (that was loaded with the most powerful medicine on Earth) from his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets and then oh-so-eagerly readying himself to quite-literally stab Verona right in the back with it. If there was ANYONE who deserved such a thing happening to him/her, said “person” definitely was Verona, and Crash clearly was NOT afraid to admit that he completely agreed about that.
“GAHHHHHH…” Verona pathetically moaned in agony as Crash forcefully-yet-gracefully injected his “ultimate medicine” directly into her back, causing Crash to disgustedly and extremely-sarcastically tell her “oh, you poor thing” in response. Truly, as how incredibly-reluctantly he shoved his aforementioned anti-virus injection syringe back into his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets after touching Verona with it clearly showed, Crash had absolutely never been more disgusted by someone else in his entire life (no, not even after watching N. Tropy flirt with himself).
“I just want to admire my utterly irresistible BEAUTY one last time...PLEASE…” Verona grabbed Crash’s legs using her hands and ridiculously-desperately began begging like a dog due to how shamelessly narcissistic she was. Despite REALLY not wanting to, Crash exasperatedly rolled his eyes and groaned “FINE” while also pulling out a comically large and fancy-looking rectangular mirror from his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets in response. Indeed, Verona was so disgustingly self-obsessed that she even died while ogling herself to her utterly cold and black heart’s content.
“OHHHHHH...I LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH...OOOOOOGH...YOU’RE THE ONLY REAL FRIEND THAT I’VE EVER HAD...UGGGGGGH…” Verona increasingly-loudly-and-arousedly moaned to herself as she revoltingly-intensely kissed her own mirror reflection until she literally couldn’t do so anymore due to the fact that the medicine that Crash had just injected into her had already caused her to quite-literally crumble into dust. Needless to say, Crash’s resulting facial expression was downright-pricelessly disgusted-and-confused-looking and absolutely screamed “what have I just seen?”.
“BLECH...good riddance…” Crash disbelievingly stuffed the aforementioned mirror that he had just pulled out of his space suit’s Hammerspace pockets straight back into said pockets and head-shakingly thought to himself as he finally returned to Coco’s Central Nervous Super-Computer and then immediately activated its “Brain Repair” program. Surprisingly enough, said program’s loading screen actually was a rather short one.
ROUGHLY ONE MINUTE LATER…
“Oh, dear GOD, what just happened to me?” Coco rather-nervously asked Aku-Aku as she finally woke back up and got her intelligence back...while unfortunately still being trapped in her restraints in the process. In response, Aku-Aku decided to immediately let go of her poor little head and begin saying “WELL…”
“Me and that blatantly sadistic virus that must have somehow snuck into your body while you were asleep last night decided to fight each other, and I WON! In other words, said virus is officially DEAD now!” Crash ever-so-merrily explained to Coco using her “Inner Voice” microphone, causing her to rather-creeped-outly say “Um, o-KAY?” in response due to how remarkably (and understandably) uncomfortable Crash literally being inside her brain made her feel.
“Well, uh, the virus that I got attacked by today is gone now, I suppose...that DOES mean that you can FINALLY let me out of these restraints now, right?” Coco exhaustedly asked Aku-Aku, who relievedly-smilingly nodded his head and said “yes” in response. As Aku-Aku finally removed the magical “energy chains” with which he had trapped Coco against the former jetboard-hanging wall of her own house from existence, Coco had literally never felt more glad to be free from something...what she unfortunately WASN’T free from, however, was needing to poop.
“Uhh...we’ll finish this conversation later, okay?” Coco extremely-embarrassedly explained to Aku-Aku before then immediately running straight into her house’s very-recently added bathroom, pulling her pants and underwear down (with her vagina being thoroughly censored as she did so, of course), plopping her butt onto the toilet that said bathroom contained (with her vagina being thoroughly censored as she did so, of course), and then finally taking a downright-ludicrously sloppy-sounding off-screen dump that apparently was so unbelievably painful that it caused her to scream loudly enough for said scream to echo a considerably long distance away from her house.
MEANWHILE, INSIDE COCO’S BRAIN…
“Yeah, it probably WOULD be better for her mental health if she forgot about the fact that something like this has happened to her…” Crash regretfully sighed as he clicked his way into Coco’s CNSC’s memory bank(s) and then somewhat-reluctantly deleted her memories of what he and Verona had just done to her so that said memories wouldn’t be able to cause any more trouble for him and/or her. Surely (and interestingly) enough, Coco’s CNSC actually said (yes, SAID) “THANK YOU” to Crash as her immensely traumatizing memories of said utterly horrific abuse instantly flew straight out of her head as if they had never even been there (causing her to no longer even be aware of the fact that Crash was inside said head of hers, amusingly enough).
“Man, I sure do wonder what could have led to me taking such an INCREDIBLY nasty dump…” Coco rather-embarrassedly wiped the poop stains off of her butt (which was an action that the show thankfully avoided actually showing by only showing the toilet-paper-grabbing that led to it) and thought to herself, causing Crash to rather-childishly giggle in response as he suddenly realized that Coco no longer even knowing that he was inside her brain basically meant that he was able to do whatever he wanted with said brain of hers as long as she didn’t find out about the fact that he had snuck into it. If most other people/creatures had been given an opportunity such as the one that Crash had just been given by said unawareness, they probably would have simply used it to make a lovely blonde hottie like Coco strip herself naked and/or show off her feet for them, but...well...let’s just say that Crash had far grander ambitions.
“OOH; what do we have HERE?” Crash incredibly-teasingly laughed as he dug even deeper into Coco’s CNSC’s memory bank(s) and therefore completely invaded her privacy (as if he hadn’t already done so) by finding a downright-scandalously large amount of information about her secret crush on N. Gin hidden within said memory bank(s). Needless to say, the result of said discovery was a rather-extremely disastrous and humiliating one to say the least.
“Oh, dear…” Aku-Aku regretfully sighed as Coco came out of her bathroom with swirly eyes and a painfully-obviously being-controlled-from-within-by-Crash body. Meanwhile, inside Coco’s brain, Crash downright-evilly grinned from ear to ear as his own brain was visited by an absolutely-hilariously (wonderful and) AWFUL idea.
MEANWHILE, IN OUTER SPACE…
“CURSES! FOILED AGAIN! WHAT MAKES THIS EVEN MORE HUMILIATING IS THE FACT THAT I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH WHAT I DID TO COCO TODAY IF IT WASN’T FOR THAT MEDDLING CRASH!” Nitros Oxide could be heard crying and screaming from an incredibly long distance away (in outer space, no less) as he utterly-defeatedly flew back to his home planet (Gasmoxia) using his UFO after finally realizing that his communication link to Verona Chong had completely ceased to exist due to Verona herself also having done so.
A FEW HOURS LATER, BACK ON EARTH…
“Tee hee hee; tell me, Coco, would you like to rev up your N. Gin?” a rather-awkwardly dressed-up-as-a-pretty-little-princess N. Gin rather-creepily asked an incredibly-adorably swirly-eyed, blushing and smiling Coco as the two of them lovingly and tea-partyingly sat RIGHT next to each other at a picnic table (one that was right next to Crash’s/Coco’s house, no less) of which literally all of the other occupants were stuffed animals. Well, at least the two of them weren’t NAKED (yet), I suppose…
“Oh, believe me, I would absolutely LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to do that! TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!” Coco overjoyedly sang and giggled as she and N. Gin extensively and downright-sickeningly-sweetly cuddled each other while Dingodile (who very-unfortunately was standing right in front of said “sweethearts” and their precious picnic table) understandably-laughingly recorded said debauchery using an incredibly high-quality video camera. Meanwhile, Neo Cortex and Tawna (who were standing right next to both each other and Dingodile) were increasingly-desperately struggling to not vomit as they watched N. Gin and Coco flirt with each other.
“Let me TELL you guys; YouNoob is going to absolutely LOVE this!” Dingodile merrily chuckled while clearly-deliberately looking directly at the show’s audience in the process. Needless to say, the video in question actually DID end up becoming extremely popular...and let me tell YOU, Coco had NEVER been more humiliated (or more mad at Crash) at any point in her entire lifetime.
“Tawna...do...do you THINK that God stays in Heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?” Neo Cortex surprisingly-thought-provokingly asked Tawna while still being completely unable to believe what he was looking at in the process. As much as Tawna wanted to give Cortex a more complex and sophisticated answer to said question of his, the only truly perfect answer that she was able to give to said question was this one:
“Yes, Cortex. Yes, I do.”