This was very creative, and had a strong start. It's not my cup of tea, but I really liked the sense of scale you gave everything.

One big problem, though, and it's that your grammar and word phrasing often misses the mark, for example:

"When the purse abruptly stops falling I guess she threw it in the passenger seat."

The other problem is that I feel like this is stream of thought, which is great, but you need to figure out how to portray a thought. Obviously the character is thinking, so words like "I think" are already implied and are uncessary. Furthermore, they make the sentence harder to read:

"Is this really what a bar fight is, I think," If you're going to portray just a static thought, you should do more than just seperate it by commas. Since you're on GTSWorld, using italics is a good way to seperate 'stream of thought' kind of ideas that seperate a thought from a description.

Just saying Is this really what a bar fight is? with a follow up/leading sentence is enough to seperate it. So it would be <scene description> <italics thought> <seperate sentence break>

Overall that was a very creative death and the concept was nice, it was dark as hell but well thought out. It could use a lot more structure and more direction, you really should plan at least some of this out, and then you'd have a solid piece of writing.

It appears in every single story you write. It's not an insult, as your writing is amazing, but you really need to find some synonyms as your descriptions are starting to sound similar. Also, the word 'pillowy' is being used a lot, and 'appendages' (which sounds gross ._.) Just look at your past stories and Ctrl-F "clammy," "pillowy," and "appendages."

It doesn't bother me, again, your writing is fantastic. I'm just teasing, no disrespect.

I... Didn't see that coming. I honestly didn't think she was going to run away, but I know why she would. I think she was broken ages ago, and she was in this strange abusive relationship with her sisters.

I don't think she can do it, though.

By the way, do you already know how this story is going to end, or are you writing as you go?

So I'm gonna drop yet ANOTHER review. God I wish this place had a comment system.

Anyways, the cage was possibly my favorite part. It's very creative, I don't think I've ever seen that before, and it's so... perfect. Stuff here gets pretty dry and 'checklist,' but you certainly have a talent. Even inshoe, which I'm a huge fan of and probably wouldn't ever get bored of, you do well, mostly because you added that other element of what happens with that tiny, which by far is one of my favorite scenes. Has June literally never seen another tiny?

This reminds me a whole lot of The Insole Girl, which you might beat as my favorite story on this sight (it's a tie,) but this whole 'not entirely evil' deal is definitely something I like.

I might get into that in the future. This story, especially with your dynamic, is certainly opening my horizons to what's possible in this genre, and I've already got a few ideas I don't think have been tried before. Keep going, and I have to say this twice because the views aren't that great (wait for it,) you're onto some amazing stuff.

I... Actually learned something.

I still don't know what Maundy is, though, so I guess I'm lucky not to have HER as my sister.

The illustrations were really well done, and the writing complimented it. Usually the illustrations make up for the writing, but in this story both complimented eachother nicely, giving details in the writing that gave the images some 'animation.'

Cool c:

Wow. That's some of the best cruel insertion and domination I've read in a while. I really want to see this continued!

I really like this chapter, your ability to get that feeling of absolute frustration across is great. Hoping to see some action happen next chapter :)

I like where this is going, that description of her walking in the forest was exceptional.

Oooh, this is sadistic, I love it!

My only thing would be to let them be broken more psychollogically. I think the fear is extremely important but in this story it moves a little too fast and though it's said it's not felt.

Looking forward to the last bit, though!