Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: September 21 2023 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

This was a nice feel-good chapter. It came off as very sweet and wholesome, and it sounds like that will contrast quite nicely with the next chapter, where we're likely to get into the darker, more fetishy stuff.

I really like the unique dynamic between Emily and Jane. In particular, Jane makes this relationship feel different, as her acknowledgement that even most of the humans trying to help the Little Folk don't view them as people displays her appreciation of Emily viewing her as an equal. In most of these stories, the tinies are either terrified of giants or feel that they deserve to be treated like people, so it's refreshing to see a little person who has simply adapted to the way the world views her kind, only to find someone to fill her with hope and maybe even a renewed sense of self-worth.

Emily's wholesomeness also shines through brilliantly throughout the chapter. Even the threat to Suki (which I meant to mention last chapter), while seemingly out of character at first glance, actually fits her really well when you realize that she's stepping out of her comfort zone for Jane's sake. This love-motivated threat gave her some depth as a character, and it made an impact with the reader (and Suki, apparently) as well.

And her immediate reaction when getting into her room makes a lot of sense. She clearly has a strong sense of personal accountability and feels like she put Jane in danger, despite not having any way to know what Suki was going to do beforehand. But this also contrasts really, really well with Jane's worldview that I mentioned above. While Emily feels like she put Jane in harm's way, Jane is used to the world trying to kill her. Emily has no idea what that's like, so she ends up being more psychologically affected by the whole thing than Jane, the one who was almost eaten. Jane ends up being the one that has to comfort Emily. You would think it would be the other way around, but with the way things have been set up, this actually makes a lot of sense.

Jane's pep talk was inspirational and fun to read, but I do feel like there was something that could have been done to build to that moment in order to give it even more of an impact. I've mentioned in previous reviews that those earlier chapters could have benefited from showing just a bit more attention to Jane. After reading this chapter, I feel that way even more so. In particular, a quick reference or two to Jane during Emily and Shana's "philosophical debate" on Little Folk, namely, Jane's reaction to Emily arguing that tinies are actually people, could have hinted at Jane's view of giant-Little Folk relations. Relaying a sense of shock from Jane at Emily's words then would have provided the reader something to draw from during Jane's speech now, and I think that would have made a touching scene even more poignant.

That's not to say that the scene was hurt by not doing this. I just think that including stuff like that when you know how a character is feeling and what's coming ahead can give your story a bit more punch, if that makes sense.

I think you did a solid job of this with Maya's crush on Emily. the narrative revealed little bits of the relationship between the two, such as Maya noting that Emily was the only one that was nice to her when she visited the dorm, Emily wanting to comfort Maya when Shana called her a cockroach, and Maya looking to Emily for protection when Shana abused her, so it kind of made sense that Maya would have feelings for Emily. That being said, there were a couple more direct ways this could have been conveyed as well, such as having Maya be nervous, maybe even stutter a bit, when greeting Emily (that might be a bit too obvious, but I'm just throwing examples out there) or having Maya suddenly get a bit more aggressive when Shana grabbed Emily (this would have especially stood out with how meek Maya had been up to that point).

Again, I think what you did works pretty well, but I just wanted to suggest some additional things you could have done to help set this development up.

Speaking of Maya, I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to see an underage character in this story (this is a fetish site, after all), but I decided to see how things played out before rushing to judgment. I'm glad I did, as she has brought an innocent, wholesome tone to the story and hasn't been "fetish-ized" at all. I feel like you may have addressed this directly when she talked about giving Emily and Jane privacy because she wasn't old enough to think about that stuff yet. I appreciated that!

But yeah, this story seems more narrative-driven than fetish-driven, so I'm okay with Maya's role within it so far. Like I said, I was on the fence on this, and this chapter pushed me over it, so I figured I'd say something.

As for criticism, I did think that the dialogue came off as a bit clunky at times here, particularly from Maya. At times, she doesn't really come off as a 13-year-old girl. Jane also spoke pretty formally (for lack of a better term), but admittedly, we don't know much about Little Folk culture yet, so that might be normal for them. I guess based on the way she was dressed and how little she's said so far, this surprised me a bit. I would also say that these two seem to speak in a very similar manner.

It's tricky, but distinguishing different speaking styles for your characters can really help them stand out. Take Emily, for example. So far, she has spoken primarily in shorter sentences and avoided longer lines of dialogue. She also has been portrayed as quiet, kind, and maybe just a bit shy, so that fits her well. It also makes her different from all of the other characters we've met so far.

Maybe for a younger character like Maya, throw in a bit more slang terms and have her be more talkative. These are traits that can convey a youthful friendliness. For Jane, you might be on the right track. She has been mostly quiet until she's comfortable around someone, but now we're starting to see her open up to Emily and even Maya a bit. That seems like a reasonable approach for someone living in a world that's mostly cruel to her kind. Maybe put a bit more of her background into her word choices, though. Does she live in the walls of some academic or does she spend all her time on the streets foraging for food? How familiar with human culture is she (calling Shana Black Titan instead of Brown Titan seems to imply at least some sense of familiarity)? Things like that would certainly affect her vocabulary.

Dialogue is really hard to write, so don't take this criticism as harsh. This chapter definitely works as written. But nailing these difficult things can bring your writing to the next level.

Great work so far overall! The gentle aspects of this chapter really hit home. It will be interesting to see how well you handle the decidedly less than gentle aspects of the next one.

Author's Response:

Thanks for another detailed review and sorry it took me so long to respond.

I am extremely satisfied that you feel that the chapter has ultimately been successful.

Although unfortunately the way the characters speak show little of their personality, I was afraid that the chapter as a whole would be too awkward to read, but fortunately I was wrong.

As for Maya, I imagined that some people might feel disturbed by her inclusion in this kind of story, but it was never my plan to include her in the 'fetishized' part of it.

My intent with her was, from the beginning, just to offer an innocent point of view of the story, free of the preconceptions that the other characters may have.

On that note, thank you for waiting to see how I developed her before judging, I truly appreciate that!

In the next couple of chapters both Jane and Maya are absent, so I'll try to find a better way to write their speech, but for now I have no real ideas yet. We'll see!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: October 19 2023 Title: Chapter 7: Shana's Day

It was nice to see Shana show a bit of what's underneath that tough exterior, if only slightly here and there. Getting to see her interact with a different group of characters, ones that she has a different type of relationship with, was able to draw a little more out of her but without her having to give up that rough-around-the-edges demeanor that we've become accustomed to when dealing with her.

And I think we learned a bit about her as well. The way she talked about Emily, even if she didn't say it directly, indicates that she has a certain respect for her. She also trusts Emily with Maya (I'm with Liliana, I'm not buying this "She's not my sister" bit, either), which I think is a bigger deal for her than she lets on.

Also, it was pretty cute how flustered the tomboy got when Liliana subtly let Shana know that she views Shana as a friend. It shows that Shana doesn't really know how to deal with that, which implies that she doesn't have any real friends (I think Suki is more of lackey than a friend).

I think seeing this softer side to Shana could be important moving forward, as I also think that she's going to have to "pick a street" regarding Little Folk for this story to really advance. At some point, she's likely going to recognize that tinies are more than she thought they were, and that can go one of two ways: She can be like Emily and treat them like people or she can be like Suki and use them as a release (although hers would likely be more about anger and stress relief than the sexual release that Shana is seeking).

Either way, I'm guessing that seeing Suki with Nadia (and how Nadia actually reacts to whatever terrible things Suki is doing to her) is going to change the way Shana sees things. Now that we know that there's a (slightly) softer person in there somewhere, we can accept the possibility that she might follow the path of Emily rather than the path of Suki. If she does, what does that mean for her when she thinks back to all the tinies she killed without a care? And if she goes the other way, how crazy is she going to get with tormenting the Little Folk (probably Jane at some point)?

I thought it was interesting that Liliana came to the opposite conclusion that Emily did about Shana's indifference toward stepping on Little Folk. To Emily, not even taking the time to acknowledge that Shana was killing them is worse than Suki deliberately trying to eat them, like Shana is insulting them by acting like they're not even worth acknowledging. Liliana, on the other hand, sympathizes with the tinies, but accepts that unintentional deaths at the feet of people like Shana are going to happen, so it isn't that big of a deal to her. Liliana strikes me as one of those people that Jane described a few chapters ago, a person who cares about Little Folk and maybe even believes that they should have some rights but doesn't see them as equals. I could see her owning a pet tiny and pampering it (I'm assuming she comes from money with the way she was presented here).

I don't know if that comparison holds any significance to the story going forward, but I was kind of intrigued by it nonetheless.

I also wanted to say that you did a great job differentiating all of these new characters, Liliana in particular. I love the regal, teasing, almost benevolent personality you crafted for her. Of course, Hannah's shy, quiet, on-edge character and Satsuki's quiet but deadly and slightly sarcastic demeanor were pretty stark and enjoyable as well.

Author's Response:

Sorry again for the delayed response.

I'm going to keep this short, since a lot of what I could say would be spoilers, but I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter and the new characters!

The new chapter is out, I hope you like it as well!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: April 16 2024 Title: Chapter 19: Shana Day After - Part 3

I really like that we got a heavy dose of Jane these last chapters.

Early on in this story, I noted that it seemed to me that Jane didn't really have much of a voice of her own. Well, you've certainly rectified that! And while she started to stand out much earlier than this, these last two chapters really let her shine!

In particular, I think the tiny's unique blend of silliness and seriousness should be hard to pull off, but it just feels natural in this story, especially here. The combination of the dark reality Jane has faced for almost her entire life and her gradually diminishing ignorance of how humans live has allowed her to walk this fine line like a sidewalk rather than a tightrope.

That conversation with Emily went really deep. While we've gotten glimpses into Jane's inner workings from time to time through the narrative, it was both chilling and, in an odd way, refreshing to hear her say that she would choose death over becoming a pet. I think the scenario being discussed here is a difficult debate: to live a life of relative luxury but have no agency or go through hell every day but maintain your ability to choose how you go through that hell. I don't think there's an easy answer there, but Jane's declaration here makes her unique among most of the tinies written about on this site, as, from what I've read, most of them would elect to survive at all costs.

Personally, I like the character and fortitude Jane shows with that choice.

Then Jane kind of goes back on that choice, which actually makes a lot of sense as well. Having a taste of a better life has pulled her away from that old mentality and saying she would rather die than go back to her old life. I do think it's easier to choose harsh freedom over pampered enslavement when you've only ever experienced the former. So of course getting a taste of a better life would make the thought of returning to the terrible day-to-day living of the Little Folk unbearable for her.

Not to mention that she doesn't even need to make that choice, since Emily actually views her as a person rather than a pet.

But this realization and almost struggle that Jane goes through over the course of this discussion is really interesting. I feel like she's discovering this change in her mentality in real time, displaying the influence that Emily has had on her. Jane's giant friend is dedicated to respecting individual life, which has led her away from that community-first philosophy that's responsible for the death of so many weak and infirmed tinies. Now Jane wants to live for herself, and that's okay.

I also like that Jane acknowledged her own "weakness" in running to Emily for help against that cat rather than "freely choosing" to share the fate of her friends. No matter how principled we may be, there's almost always a point in which survival takes priority.

But the earlier part of that conversation was also pretty significant, I think. Emily, despite what she may think, is a truly wonderful soul, so seeing her so upset over the dark reality faced by the Little Folk makes perfect sense. And her natural desire to help sets up a great debate over how much a person can do to combat systemic problems in society.

While Emily wanting to save those tinies is noble, Jane makes a good point here. There's not much one person can do to fight against such a huge problem, one that most of human society doesn't know about and likely wouldn't care about even if they did. Little Folk lead hard lives, and sacrifices do need to be made for the sake of their community. Yeah, this could easily be resolved if the bigs were all like Emily, but they're just not. Some don't care, while others are happy to kill the tinies themselves. Even the ones that do care mostly see the tinies as pets rather than people. Emily would have to not only convince the Little Folk to trust humanity, the very reason why they suffer so severely, but she would also have to convince her fellow humans that the tinies are actual people in need of help and deserving of respect. Good luck with that!

At the same time, however, Jane's wavering on her principles seems to open the door to the possibility that a caring person can make a difference. Emily has done just that with Jane without even doing anything out of the ordinary (helping people is second nature to Emily, after all). This may not be a problem that Emily can truly fix, but she can do something to make things better. That's a powerful message.

And then there's the Emily's offense at Jane keeping this whole issue a secret from her. Emily comes off almost as feeling betrayed that Jane would keep this from her, showing how deep their friendship has grown in the first place. Then there's her being upset that Jane didn't tell her in order to shield her from all this. I get where Emily is coming from here, but this has actually been set up pretty well in previous chapters, as Jane has casually mentioned some of the horrors the tinies go through only for Emily to be visibly affected just by hearing about them. So it makes sense that Jane would be concerned about upsetting Emily by telling her about something terrible that the little lady thinks the blonde giantess can do nothing about.

There are some really deep concepts that come out in this conversation, but they come out in a natural and engaging way, which isn't easy to do. I've pointed this out in previous reviews, but you have a way of addressing them in a fluid way through your characters, which is something I really appreciate.

Oh, and you mentioned before that you are having a hard time including "fetishy" content outside of the Suki chapters. While I wouldn't worry too much about that (for me, at least, any interaction with Jane and the world around her, fetishy or not, is pretty interesting), you could always move Jane and Emily's relationship forward. You've done a great job of subtly creating a "will they, won't they" dynamic between the two of them, and that bit about the collar at the end of their conversation was a nice little tease in that direction. I don't know how you feel about the more "lewd" side of gentle interaction, but that could be a place you could take this story, and given how you've built the relationship between Jane and Emily, it would be pretty satisfying to see, as it will have been "earned," if that makes sense.

If that's not your thing, cool, but I figured I'd put that out there since you mentioned having a hard time with that.

As for the last chapter, Jane really shines here as well, and for a different reason entirely! Her nonsensical imitation of a crime drama was hilarious, and it was nice to see her silly side after such a serious discussion in the previous chapter. Of course, it also shows that living such a hard life has developed nerves of steel in the tiny, as she was observing some things that no one else was, despite the fact that it was her life that was in danger. 

It's also good that Shana's true intentions at the start of the story are now known by everyone, as now all the "terrible" things she has done are now understood to have come from a good place. That she admitted that she couldn't just let Jane die in such a cruel way was interesting, as we hadn't heard that part of the real story yet. It makes sense, though. Shana never intentionally hurt the Little Folk, and she only started not caring about squishing them to save herself from the mental anguishing of dealing with what she had done purely on accident. So seeing Jane about to be eaten for Suki's amusement wouldn't be something I would expect her to tolerate (although that was obviously not clear back then).

And the way she showed guilt at just knocking Jane over on accident shows that she recognizes Jane as a person now. She has really come a long way since chapter one!

It should be interesting to see what happens when this new, more-honest-with-herself Shana meets up with Suki, especially if she goes to Suki's room for the conversation.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review!

I'm glad to hear that I finally managed to do justice to Jane's character.

To be honest, at first I had no intention of making her more than a plot device, but after your initial comments, I did my best to develop her character and create a backstory for her, as well as the others. Once I did that, it became a lot easier and a lot more natural for me to write her.

I'm also glad to hear that you enjoyed both chapters. I won't say much about them because you managed to see everything I wanted to express. Especially Jane being confused as to what she's supposed to be feeling. That part was a bit difficult to write because she kept jumping from one extreme to the other in a short period of time, trying to figure herself out. I was afraid it might be confusing to read, but I'm glad it worked out!

The second chapter was also, like the first, a big moment of revelation where Shana's truth was finally revealed to everyone. But I didn't want to make it another dark and serious chapter like the previous one. So I decided to make it more lighthearted by turning Jane into a detective, while at the same time giving her a chance to finally reveal the thoughts that have been going through her head for the past few days. I'm glad it doesn't come off as ridiculous.

Regarding fetishism, you're right. I thought about it after I replied to your previous comment and realized that it doesn't necessarily have to mean forced or degrading things. It can be something wholesome as well.

Also, the review of 'pkong' made me aware of something that I had always felt was missing from the story, but that I had taken too much for granted to really consider. I also got some new ideas from it.

I'm still working on integrating some of those ideas, so I don't know when I'll be able to finish the next chapter, but hopefully it'll be soon!

Thank you once again for the great review, and I will continue to do my best to finish the story in the best possible way!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: March 22 2024 Title: Chapter 16: Shana day after - Part 1

Good to see you back! And don't worry about taking a couple months to put out a chapter. You certainly don't owe us anything. In fact, I think I'm about two months out from putting out another chapter in my own story as well, so you're not the only one getting caught up in stuff.

Speaking of which, I hope whatever you're dealing with is getting better!

As for the chapter itself, again, I love the complexity of your characters. I just kind of assumed Shana simply bought into the public perception that tinies weren't really people, so I was pretty stunned to see that the reason she became known as the "Black Titan" was because she felt so guilty about accidentally stepping on them that she had to force herself not to care, lest she go insane. And again, Shana ends up being a good person, and everything we thought we knew about her has taken on a whole new meaning.

Not only that, but given how upset Shana gets when she finds out that the Little Folk probably left their weakest out there specifically for people like her to step on them, she gets really upset. I feel like the Shana at the beginning of the story probably would have shrugged it off and not really cared one way or the other, but the fact that she got pissed over Jane's revelation shows that Shana is really starting to get back in touch with the real her. She's starting (and emphasis on starting) to show people that she actually cares about them. She's starting to stop pretending that she doesn't care about about anything (tinies in particular). She's starting to show that she's actually a pretty good Big Sis!

Watching Shana develop like this throughout the last 10 or so chapters has been quite a rewarding surprise in this story!

The revelation about the Little Folk leaving those least able to contribute to their society out for Shana (and presumably others as well) to step on is a bit ironic. Shana has been made out by the tinies as the Black Titan, the one who literally walks on them without a care, but really the only reason she didn't care is because the tinies themselves unwittingly made her that way in the first place! It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy when you think about it like that.

And while it's heartless that Little Folk abandon their neediest like that, Shana's right that it does make sense for them to do so. With life being so hard for all of them, they can't really afford to look out for the weakest among them. Honestly, I more blame the bigs for this problem, since most of them view the tinies as bugs and even most of those who want better treatment for them see them more like pets than anything else. If most humans viewed them the way that Emily does, they could probably create a thriving society, one that would be able to take care of those most in need. Instead, they have to adjust to the harshness of their dark reality.

We saw a bit of an edge to Emily in this chapter, and I kind of liked it. She admitted that she hated Shana and even showed some anger toward her. Now that we know about Emily's dark past, it makes sense that she has some of that in her, even if she's still sweet at the same time.

Also, now that she has gotten past the barriers between Shana and her, I could see the two bonding down the road (once Shana starts getting a little more comfortable letting her guard down). Those two have a lot more in common than was shown at the start of the story. They're kind of like two sides of the same coin: Shana is a good person wrapped around a rude, uncaring facade, while Emily is super sweet, yet has a lingering darkness from her past hang over her head.

I also get why Emily might be mad at Jane for not being so forthcoming about her people abandoning the weak and frail, but I hope she can understand that there are several reasons why Jane wouldn't bring it up, not the least of which is how Emily reacts whenever Jane casually starts talking about how terrible life for tinies really is. Now the question is, what is Emily planning to do with this information. Is she going to try going to the park and saving some of these abandoned Little Folk? Hmm, I wonder if she might see anyone she knows if she goes out looking for tinies to save ...

Overall, this was a great chapter! After going a couple months without writing, this was actually pretty polished, I think. Good work, and I look forward to seeing what comes next, even if we have to wait a bit to find out!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the welcome back and good wishes, and I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

The last two months or so have been tough, with a lot of time in bed and even more time sick. That left me a bit anxious and itchy to finally get back to writing, something I've really come to appreciate over the last few months.

But there was a positive outcome in the end, as I finally found a way to include this particular bit of Little Folks lore. It was something I had tried to do on several occasions, but couldn't find a place for it, and had resigned myself to just cutting it out.

I'm not quite back to full strength yet, but I'm feeling better enough to write again, and I'm making good progress on the next chapter, which I'll get up and post as soon as I'm able, as I want to finish the story now that I finally have the whole plot in my head.

Once again, thank you!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: December 26 2023 Title: Chapter 14: A New Week (Part 4)

The more we see of Shana, the more impressed I am at how you're able to make me view her so differently from how I did at the start of this story.

I mean, she hasn't really changed the way she acts or even speaks at all from the early chapters, and she hasn't had some sort of life-changing revelation to change the way she thinks or views the world, either. No, she's exactly the same as she was from the start. And yet, I find her so much more likable now, and she has gone from being a bully to someone I want to root for.

I know you said before that you were worried that Shana's "turn" might seem forced and unnatural, but the exact opposite is true. She's every bit the same as she was when we first met her, but a deeper understanding of who she is has radically changed my perception of her words and actions. I've said it before, but I can't say enough how blown away I am by that.

And this chapter is a perfect example. Without those chapters that showed Shana lightly (barely at all, but just enough) touching on her deeper feelings with her teammates, Shana would have come off as a hateful jerk for the way she handled the situation with Maya, despite the fact that she bought her food. But now, she can say things like, "If you open your mouth on the way, I swear I will strangle you and throw you in a ditch," and my reaction is to chuckle a bit and think, "Oh, silly Shana."

In other words, I can see beyond the hateful tone her words imply and see that she's really trying to be a good big sister. She just doesn't know how to do that, and the spite she puts out there is really just a defense mechanism. It's really interesting, and I find myself liking and sympathizing with her more and more each time she says something that seems terrible on the outside. I also find myself really hoping she can find a good way to actually express herself by the end of the story.

As for Maya, this was a pretty eye-opening chapter regarding her character. I've found it odd for a while now that Maya acts a bit younger than 13 quite often in this story, but I've mostly attributed that to the kind of silly, almost zany undertone you've inserted into this story, which does give it some much-appreciated levity. But after reading this chapter, I feel like it actually makes sense for her character now.

Seeing the lonely life that Maya lives (outside of Emily), with her mother always away and seemingly trying to parent strictly through parental controls and limiting Maya's access to things, I can understand why Maya acts so young and finds comfort in things that maybe some 13-year-olds would find to be a bit childish. She didn't have a role model to aspire to be until Emily came into the picture (which couldn't have been more than what, two or three years ago at most?), so her idea of what is and isn't childish is different from most (there are also times where she shows some advanced maturity for her age as well).

This is especially sad when you realize that that very role model was always present in Shana, but the elder sister's inability to properly convey her feelings has made that impossible. Not to mention that Shana's conflict with Maya's mother (and from what we've read here, I'm starting to think that Shana is right about her) has clearly driven a huge wedge between the two sisters. I can see now why Shana was so happy (whether or not she would ever admit it directly) that Maya found Shana, as well as why Shana wants Maya to make up with Emily.

I also understand why Maya deleted Emily's text. In a normal situation, that wouldn't have made a lot of sense, but seeing as how most of Maya's personal interactions have likely been with Shana, it makes perfect sense that she would assume that Emily would send her a randomly hateful text because she was mad at her. That sounds like something an unhinged Shana would do, after all.

So I can understand why the thought of reading something spiteful from her much older crush would be too much for her heart to bare.

With all of that being said, I'm really curious to see how this conversation between Emily, Shana, Maya and (most likely, I would think) Jane is going to go down. You've done a wonderful job with these last four or so chapters in building anticipation for this (and other confrontations to come, I'm sure).

Author's Response:

Thank you for reviewing and sorry for taking so long to respond.

Firstly, I'm glad you liked Shana. I'm also glad that you find her 'change' believable, even if it's just a change of perspective, and that this makes you react completely different, even if she acts the same as before.

Being able to write a story that is appreciated, with characters that are considered interesting, is something I'm really happy about. This is my first experience writing for someone other than myself (as my first story proves), and that makes this year's experience even more rewarding.

I had doubts about making Maya's mother an absent mother because I thought it was too similar to Suki, but a bit like Jane and Nadia, I thought about making a parallel that they had a similar past, but Suki wasn't lucky enough to have a grumpy sister who secretly wanted to help her, nor an Emily of her own, which unfortunately made her who she is.

The next chapter, the conversation between the four (where I reveal some of the many hidden truths between them), marks the beginning of what should theoretically be the final arc of the story. So I'm going to take some time and try to make it as good as I possibly can.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I wish you (belatedly) a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: December 04 2023 Title: Chapter 12: A New Week (Part 2)

First of all, I think that transition between chapters nine and ten reads a lot more clearly and is a lot easier to understand now. You had a good idea for how to pull off that transition, and it's nice to see it executed so well now!

As for this chapter, I continue to be thoroughly impressed with the uniqueness and complexity of the relationships you create between your characters, as well as how well those relationships are set up.

I figured Suki would become attached to Nadia over time, but I certainly didn't think she would become this attached this quickly. But even so, it makes a lot of sense that she did, given what we've learned about her so far.

At first glance, it might seem odd that Suki, the one who is by far the most cruel to the Little Folk could feel so much affection for little Nadia, especially with the way she has been constantly referring to them (and Nadia herself) as bugs and denying their personhood. However, I've been saying for a while now that there's some undertones to this character that make clear that she actually does view the tinies as people but is simply taking advantage of society's stance on them to exert her dark desires that likely stem from her lack of human connection. So I feel pretty vindicated here, with Suki forming such a strong attachment to one of the "bugs," who also happens to be the first person that actually has to spend an extended period of time with her.

When thinking of things this way, it makes perfect sense that Suki's closeted desperation for companionship wouldn't waste any time manifesting itself through her adoration of Nadia.

As for "Mushi-chan," her struggle to cope with her situation has quickly become the most intriguing thing about this story. She's actually starting to like the person who killed her brother and devoured her master, which is a pretty hard sell to make to the reader. However, you do a really good job of doing exactly that.

Between the hatred she's getting from her own kind, the adoration she's receiving from Suki, and the sudden elevation in her standard of living, it makes a lot of sense that a part of her might come to like and even appreciate Suki. The other Little Folk turning on her was something I really never thought of, but it's a great way push her toward Suki, especially given Nadia's emotional, fiery nature. I mean, we're still seeing the bitterness she has for her master in this chapter with the comment about him being free to come back from the dead and judge her.

Although, I do have to wonder if Master Sean had the foresight to see Nadia's pampering as a possibility when he made that deal. We'll probably never know, but I'd like to think that he was wise enough to have seen something in Suki that led him to believe her wasn't condemning Nadia to a lifetime of torture.

But anyway, with Nadia seeing Suki deliver what she believes to be justice on Matt, there's a lot of things in the plus column when it comes to the Little Folk's view on her giant captress. Hell, at some point, I could see her lessening Suki's murder of her brother as an accident (which is technically true, I guess), maybe even laying that at the feet of her former master as well (I could see her saying something like, "If he hadn't antagonized her, maybe Suki would have kept my brother around, too.")

But seeing these complex feelings from each character come together is what really makes this chapter. Nadia shows that she actually cares for Suki, but the disdain she still holds from her, combined with a shyness of these feelings (which Suki called out correctly, I think) leads to her having some particularly harsh words for Suki at a couple points in the chapter.

But Suki's reaction to said harshness is interesting. She cuts to the core of Nadia's feelings and appreciates the concern the tiny has for her. Even two chapters ago, I think Nadia would have been killed on the spot for talking back at all, but now she can call Suki names and all the big girl does is laugh it off or blush? There's a certain irony here, I think, in that Suki is treating Nadia more like a person than even somebody like Liliana would, as she's recognizing really complicated emotions from Nadia and responding with a level of understanding that I think even most normal-sized people wouldn't have for one another. It really shows how much Suki cares for her.

And while it's noted that Nadia believes that Suki's feelings are for her as a pet, I don't think that's quite right, either. After all, I think it's pretty clear that Suki wasn't going to eat Matt when she thought he was someone important to her, even though she obviously really wanted to. I don't think she would let a bug or even a pet keep her from doing something that she really wanted to do. And then there's how happy she was to receive Nadia's blessing to eat him. That acceptance meant a lot to Suki, which, again, is something that only another person could have made her feel.

But yeah, the further this story goes, the more interesting each of these characters becomes. I really have no idea where these two go next. Could Nadia be wrong and Suki eventually be redeemed through her love of Nadia? Or could Nadia keep drifting toward Suki's line of thinking and eventually act as a cheerleader or even an idea girl for the cruel acts Suki performs on the tinies? Or what would Suki's reaction be to Nadia trying to escape? I'm even left wondering where Nadia's head will be at by the time she inevitably meets the other characters in the story.

There's so many possibilities, and even though we know so much more about these characters now, I still can't predict what's next for them. That's something I really appreciate.

I'm also eager to see what's up with Emily and company in the next chapter. I can get into the darker stuff, but it was the gentle nature of Emily and her instant chemistry with Jane that initially sucked me into this story. After seeing how Shana, Suki, and Nadia have changed/revealed over the course of a week, I'm looking forward to seeing where our trio of protagonists are now.

Oh, and just a quick question. Did Suki just rename Nadia Mushi, or is that just some term of endearment she has for the Little Folk?

Author's Response:

I'm glad to see that the transition went well, and thanks to your suggestion, I didn't have to think too hard about it. Nadia's fear and tears were a good way to explain her mistaking a sock for a snake, so I took that idea and revised both parts as I thought best.

Once again, I must express my pleasure at your appreciation of the complexity of my characters and your perfect understanding of how I envisioned them.

Both Nadia and Suki come from two very different walks of life and have diametrically opposed goals in life. Yet they share the same passion in pursuing what they want. They are willing to make any sacrifice, be it their own or someone else's. And ultimately, they find what they were looking for within each other.

Mushi is just a nickname Suki has for Nadia, whose name is still unknown to her. (The thought of asking or using her real name hasn't crossed her mind yet...).

As for the rest of them, they are still insects, just like before.

Unfortunately, the next chapter(s) will take some time.

I wanted to write all three of them together, but that didn't work with the new status quo, so I split the chapter into two halves. One with Emily and Jane and one with Maya. I'll definitely have the first one done by next week, and hopefully the other one as well, which will complete 'Introducing the Characters (Part 2)'.

Thank you again for your review! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: November 12 2023 Title: Chapter 10: Suki's Day (Part 4)

I do have a bit of constructive criticism regarding the start of this chapter.

The scene in which Nadia confuses the sock for a monster trying to eat her didn't quite work for me. I was able to figure out what was happening thanks to it being stated outright at the end of the previous chapter, but I found this to be confusing at first here.

First, I think you decided to reuse part of the end of the previous chapter at the start of this one, as it helps to clue the reader in that we're seeing the same scene from a different perspective. This wasn't a bad idea, but the fact that it was exactly the same passage from the before left me with a sense of deja vu and confusion.

If you knew ahead of time that you were going to use this technique, a better strategy might have been to have saved Nadia's portion of the narrative at the end of last chapter for the start of this one exclusively and work those thoughts between Nadia and Suki's lines of dialogue right before it at the start of this chapter, maybe starting with a description of Nadia being taken out of Suki's pocket from the tiny's perspective. In other words, the dialogue tips us off that we're rehashing the previous scene, but Nadia's internal struggle and rage is only expressed in this new chapter.

This would provide us with enough of a clue of what's happening without making us question our sanity (or maybe that was just me?) for a quick second.

Second, while I can buy Nadia not knowing what a sock is (I actually like that, as Jane set the precedent earlier by not knowing what underwear was. This makes sense, as these things are luxuries that people struggling to survive, at least to the extent of the Little Folk, wouldn't have or know about.), I had some trouble believing that Nadia couldn't tell the difference between a living creature and a sock, at least as written here.

I think you were on the right track by noting that she was crying and became terrified as she was lifted, but a more in-depth description about her becoming hysterical or maybe a note that her vision was blurred through tear-stained eyes would have made such a mistake much more believable. Blurred vision could easily justify her mistaking the sock for something like a snake, and going hysterical throws logic out the window entirely, which makes it easier to justify almost anything from her perspective.

Third, a description of Nadia feeling the material of the inner sock as she was "swallowed" and/or during her climb out would have provided an opportunity for the reader to figure out that the beast wasn't a beast at all. Maybe a thought or two from Nadia about how this isn't how she envisioned the "belly of the beast," noting how soft and unalive it seems, could have worked here.

And finally, I feel like we needed just a bit more detail on the "crawling beasts" that Nadia thought the sock resembled. As noted above, I kind of think this was supposed to be a snake, so maybe replacing "crawling" with "slithering" might have helped emphasize this. If it wasn't supposed to be a snake, another description in passing would have helped the reader identify what this was supposed to be.

When I read through this the first time, the "crawling beasts" part threw me off a bit, and I was wondering if Suki had a pet that she was using to tease Nadia with. As I read on, it became clear this wasn't the case, but I was really confused for a minute.

Overall, I think using this immersive narrative style was a good idea here, and you captured Nadia's blend of terror and anger (more on that in a minute) extremely well. But the scene itself was hard to follow and it took reading it a few times for me to figure out exactly what was going on here. I hope my criticisms above made sense and might be useful to you going forward with you work.

Now, with that out of the way, I really liked this chapter overall.

I can't say enough how much I loved Nadia's attitude here. People react differently to fear, and that tends to get lost a bit in these fetish stories, with tinies usually having the narrow emotional range between terror and hopelessness. Nadia deciding to go out with pride and sacrificing herself to inconvenience her captor and the "beast" is refreshing! It was great to see her anger win out over her fear and embrace such a "fuck you!" mentality, even if it didn't work out for her in the end.

I'm really enjoying pretty much all of your characters in this story so far, but Nadia has quickly become one of my absolute favorites!

I also like how the dynamic between Suki and Nadia is shaping up.

With Suki, it was finally stated outright what had been hinted at quite a bit these last few chapters: that Suki had an exceptionally lonely childhood and had no friends. That explains her awkward social skills, as well as her lack of value for other people. I think she takes out her frustrations with people in general out on the Little Folk (I still say that, deep down, she sees them as people, but indulges in society's claim that they aren't to justify doing what she would want to do with anyone if she could get away with it).

In short, she's never had anyone in her life that to care about or who cares about her, and that frustration comes out in sadistic glee as she has tormented Nadia and company.

But now, near the end of the chapter, we see the tiniest signs of her feeling a sense of companionship with Nadia. She uses her personal shower gel to clean the Little Folk (and it's noted how big a deal that is to Suki) and she seems somewhat happy that Nadia is clean and to feed the little person (even her excuse that Nadia was "too clean" to play with seems like a weak excuse to give the girl a break).

I'm not saying that Suki cares about or respects Nadia, but maybe finally having someone else around has started to change her a bit. This opens so many narrative possibilities! I initially thought/hoped this might turn into a Shana redemption story, but is it really a Suki one instead (I wouldn't have even thought that just a couple chapters ago)? Maybe it's one for both of them. Or for neither of them!

Even if Suki keeps being evil, this new development could open some interesting avenues to explore for Suki and Nadia (especially given Nadia's justifiable hatred of Suki).

I've been pretty high on the unique relationship you built between Emily and Jane previously, but I'm starting to see a no less unique one forming between Suki and Nadia but in an entirely different way. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes!

Author's Response:

As always, thanks for your feedback!

As far as criticism goes: I can see the problems now that you've described them to me.

Nadia's POV piece in the previous chapter already clashes with the story. Having it repeated in the next one does indeed feel weird...

Maybe I didn't notice this dissonance because there was a week between writing one chapter and the other, and I didn't reread them both after writing. But as for the snake, it's something I absolutely would not have noticed on my own. It seemed good to me, but that was probably me being biased, having written it.

The two chapters do have the appearance of being disconnected from one another.

Either it looks like a snake is brought in from out of nowhere, with no explanation as to where it comes out, or you get that it's a sock, but then there's no logical explanation as to why Nadia would see the sock as a snake.

For now, my idea is to cut Nadia's POV from the end of the previous chapter and keep it only in the chapter that focuses on her, which is more fitting, and adjust the sock part in both of them to make everything a bit more believable... I hope, anyway.

That said, I'm proud and happy that you like the characters and how they interact with each other, since I tried to create them as complex and believable characters.

As for the redemption... we'll see about that!

Once again, thank you so much!

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: April 30 2024 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15 - Breaking, and Entering

Again, I wouldn't worry about taking so long between chapters. We're not entitled to your work, and our expectations to see it at a particular point and time certainly shouldn't supersede whatever you have going on in your actual life. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty much three months from the last time I updated my story, too, so you're keeping pretty good company!

As for the leaving us hanging from that cliff for three months, I just figured you were a master of suspense!

I also find myself wondering what part of this chapter you weren't happy with. I think it turned out pretty well, particularly when there were some tricky descriptions that I feel were pulled off with amazing detail (a lot of them taking place inside Stella). I also found the building tension in both of the dire situations driving this chapter to be gripping and, well, tense. So, as a reader, I was quite happy with the chapter. Then again, having become pretty familiar with your work, I think you have higher standards than I do, so maybe I shouldn't be surprised that you're a bit hard on yourself.

Regarding the chapter itself, I have to start with Chae-Won. I can't remember how much I've mentioned this before, but her extreme sense of entitlement may make her an even more despicable villain than even Stella, and I love that about her. I mean, at least Stella knows she's being a bitch (hell, she seems to feed off of it), but the Korean beauty has actually convinced herself that all of the terrible things she's doing and intends to do moving forward are completely justified.

It would be one thing if that justification was somewhat understandable, like the classic "misunderstood" or "relatable" villain, but that's not the case here at all. She feels justified simply because, in her mind, she deserves to be a part of this project, and how dare Melissa, a student, be allowed to help with Claire's shrinking solution (I wonder what her reaction would/will be if/when she finds out it was actually the other way around and that it was the "prideful" student who actually made the breakthrough).

I also love how Chae-Won just assumed that they took short-cuts and that the tech is only half-finished despite having no actual knowledge about the project itself. She did have a legit point about security, though ...

And then there was that cold viciousness she showed in breaking Jen's leg. Even when she second-guessed the decision, it seemed more like she was mad at herself for feeling the pressure of the situation than actually sorry for hurting Jen. And, of course, once she saw that the leg healed itself, she deemed learning about that little side effect more than worth the mistake in the first place. She may be sloppy, but Chae-Won has a lot of the traits I look for in a good, old-fashioned bad guy (or girl, in this case, although bad girl usually has a different connotation).

I also liked Missy, out of all the people at Chae-Won's mercy, was able to keep her composure and coming up with a decent plan. Yeah, Jen kind of screwed things up a bit, but I can't really blame her for that. Titty mostly just yelling obscenities the whole time fit with her pretty well (and, in another scenario, I could almost see her enjoy being tased). And poor Dick didn't even get to find out what was going on before he was plucked away like a flower petal. Well, at least he was conscious, unlike Livy. That's going to be a rude awakening.

Also, I'm ultimately glad that Missy's plan didn't work out. Not that I was rooting against the tinies, but it almost would have seemed too convenient if they had just so happened to find a way to stow Richard away for Claire to find later (which might have made for a fun scene, admittedly), and despite Chae-Won's sloppiness with this whole thing, she would have come off as completely incompetent if they were able to pull that over on her. It also wouldn't have made sense for her to have given them the kind of time they would need to do so.

Still, it would have seemed odd if Missy hadn't come up with something to try, so, again, I'm glad that she did, even if it didn't work out.

On the other side of the secured door, Kim continues to be my new favorite character in the story. I've harped on Kim having a natural take-control mentality for a while now, and to see that culminated here was pretty satisfying. Like I said before, she doesn't necessarily look to boss people around or crave control, but it seems to just come naturally for her. That passive dominance even extends to when she's dealing with giants, and the way she was able to get Claire's head in the game both at the end of last chapter and the start of this one fit her character rather well, I think.

Then, when she was inside Stella, risking her life and putting herself in just as much danger as Tara, she was still able to keep her confidence, keep her head and improvise, and even provide comfort to Tara, who, again, was in the exact same situation as Kim herself by that point. Even during the darkest moments of the whole ordeal, we saw that sense of control over the situation only start to crack, which shows vulnerability on her part but also that her commanding presence is truly a part of who she is rather than a façade or defense mechanism.

I thought this showing by Kim contrasted really well with Claire's own handling of the situation. It had since been made clear that Claire's stoicism was a veil hiding some deeper emotions she would rather not face head on (her feelings for Titty among them), and seeing her composure break down and her struggle to keep cool enough to play her part in the rescue was, in an odd way, refreshing. It felt like we were finally getting a glimpse at the real, unfiltered Claire, even if said glimpse came at the most inopportune of times.

I love that she somehow lost her shoes and immediately gave up on trying to figure out what happened to them. I love her scatterbrained thoughts while trying to simply retrieve the extraction device. I love that she couldn't remember which way the storage room door opened and that she screwed up the code to the back room once. Like I said above, that frantic response was the polar opposite of Kim's, whose own life was on the line here.

That's not to criticize Claire, far from it. Kim's poise was unique and rare among most people, I think, and watching Claire messily do her part helped illustrate that. It also shows how much Claire values life, as the source of her panic was the thought of them dying rather than something terrible happening to her directly. In other words, it demonstrates just how good a person Claire is.

Now the question becomes, How do Claire and company figure out what happened to everyone else? I could see them assuming Stella might have something to do with it and "interrogating" her for real or Aidra coming back online to provide the vital clue/back up. Hell, I wouldn't be stunned if Claire just naturally assumed it was Chae-Won and went from there.

I could also see Victoria stepping in at this point. I've already noted that I think that, at least in some ways, she will be seen as the "real" villain by the end of the story. But, in other ways, I don't think she's villainous at all (at least compared to Stella and Chae-Won). I don't know if she's so smart that she anticipated most if not all of what is happening right now or if she was just monitoring things through Elise the whole time, but I feel pretty confident that, if nothing else, she's not going to let anything too terrible happen to her little sister and she surely had some safety precautions of her own put into place before sending Stella to muck everything up (I'm still clinging to that theory).

Lastly, I have a question about how the shrinking solution works: How does the solution distinguish between swallowed people and food? We know it has to shrink digesting food when it shrinks a person, otherwise Dick would have been ripped apart from the inside by those sex-spiked gummy bears Ronnie was feeding him before he went down himself. So how did the solution "know" not to just shrink Kim and Tara to a microscopic size as Stella was shrinking herself?

I don't ask this to take away from the tension of the scene (which was pretty intense), but I'm legitimately curious about how that works.

Oh, lastly lastly, when I was saying things I love about that Claire segment, I forgot to mention the bosom bed. That they went so far as to create things like that to go along with this grand idea is awesome!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the kind words!

I know I may not be obligated to post - I suppose this isn't a Patreon, after all - but I do recognize the disappointment and frustration that come from a writer positing a timeframe for the next chapter, and then shattering it like a table setting that's had the table cloth pulled out from under it by NASA's shuttle crawler.

As for what I wasn't happy about with this chapter, it came from a few places, not the least of which is my unhealthy obsession with alliterative description.  mostly, though, it comes from an incomplete view of Chae-Won as a character.  I have a solid grasp of her as a plot device, but as a character, she's a little less cohesive.  Writing her is like diving into a fresh gallon of neapolitan ice cream.  You start with some sharp, bold vanilla, then before you know it she's darker, like chocolate, but maybe not quite as rich.  And then, next thing you know she's an aggressively sweet but artificial strawberry.  I feel like my characterization of her is more of a dismally brown, melted morass, even if that is mixed with a bit of villainous Korean professor who will happily put me in my place.  For another example, I couldn't get Chae-Won's interrogation of Jen to work for me.  Cutting it down to exposition might have been the right call in hindsight, but wiring it just felt off, no matter how I approached it.

Touching again upon Chae-Won, I approached her character through the lens of a twisted center of responsibility backed by ambition, and reinforced by a desire for completion defined in part by an expectation of human fallibility.  Her mindset regarding the shrinking solution is that it is powerful, and important, but no one person - even aided by an ambitious grad student - could possibly get something so powerful, so world-altering right by herself.  It is Chae-Won's responsibility, as the most capable person in the vicinity, to make sure that the shrinking serum is completed, without fault or defect.  The fact that doing so would support her career and finances only enhances that feeling of responsibility into ambition, and the willingness to act.

You brought up Missy, and I have to say that I absolutely enjoy writing her.  On the one hand you have Missy, the tiny, adventurous redhead who just wants to act out until someone puts her in her Livy's warm, wet womanhood - I mean place.  Puts her in her place.  But that's the intimate side of Missy.  The side she presents to those she hasn't let in is Melissa, the strong, confident daughter of the Vane household.  She's a woman who was strong and compassionate enough to forge her own trail with her love beside her, even after she's already climbed the obstacle course that leads to a steady position on the peak of the mountain.

I feel a bit sorry for Titty in this chapter.  The poor succu-girl is having her mind blown by the three lovers writhing inside her vagina, even as a fourth lover is humping her labia even as she pushes the others in and out like a dildo.  And while Titty's in this breathless state of bliss, Claire-Bear's bitchy coworker comes in and tries to kidnap everyone to be used as guinea pigs or lab rats.  In Titty's enviable - erm, in her restricted and distractible position, I doubt I would have faired any better in communicating my point.  Which would probably have been, "Fuck off and let my pussy pals get back to fucking my brains out."

I'm glad Missy's plan, and its subsequent failure to get off the ground, made sense.  Melissa isn't the kind of person to take a bad situation lying down, but as a tiny, eight inch tall sex toy, there's not much she could do, even against the somewhat careless Chae-Won.

I'm really glad Kim is so likeable.  I may have a lot of emotional investment in Titty, and Missy, and Livy, and Jen, and... well the whole cast.  Still, Kim is the character I feel is closest to my ideal person.  She's strong of spirit, but not aggressive or particularly assertive.  Still, when she speaks, people listen.  She's fun and competitive, without being absent or combative.  She's kind, and caring, without being needlessly self-sacrificing.  Yet, when shit hits the fan, she's willing to put herself on the line to save someone she'd seen for all of a few seconds, if for no other reason than that person had been threatened, and Kim was the one who could help.

Claire is a bit of a contrast to Kim.  Not in a bad way, just in a less healthy way, I believe.  She's rigid, and controlling.  That has helped her stand tall in life, but she's never really developed coping methods for things that fall outside of her control.  That makes her afraid, and that fear may fuel some darker, more primal urges to deal with an unpredictable threat in a permanent manner.  That feeling of being out of control may also, in some small way, contribute to why she has yet to confess certain feelings to a certain bubbly, pink engineer.

Regarding Claire's next hurdle - finding her missing friends while caring for and protecting a traumatized pair of inch-tall women and restraining or dealing with a dangerous third - you raise a good question.  Can they solve things with the resources on hand, or will she require outside assistance?  Is it time for Victoria, or at least her agent, Elise, to step in and impose control on this chaotic enterprise?  I hope you enjoy the answer, and I hope it's at least a bit of a surprise.

As for your question about how the shrinking solution works, this was described way back in early September, or Chapter 3 - The 200 Ld. Sexbot in the Room.  While Livy and Missy are spending some amorous alone-time together, Missy shrinks down, and the solution's effects are described as the process runs its course.

In summation, the solution is a composite of several chemicals.  When it enters the stomach, it induces an aggressive digestive cycle, dumping in stomach acid that reacts with a second molecule in the solution, which drastically increases the acids potency.  A third chemical reacts with the stomach lining, helping it protect itself from the super acid, though this part is imperfect, and the stomach lining is typically healed in the shrinking process.

After the stomach's contents are liquified, the stomach contracts, forcing the nutrient-rich bath into the intestines, where the bile is rapidly absorbed, and the nutrients distributed throughout the body.  This has the dual purpose of both clearing the stomach of material that would cause problems for an imminently tiny tummy, as well as providing fuel to the whole body to support the shrinking process.  Within a couple of minutes of ingestion, the stomach is empty and the body begins to shrink.  It may be less time if the person has a naturally efficient digestive system and high metabolism.

As the person shrinks, their body becomes more resilient, and their cells ability to multiply and respond to damage is drastically increased.  Oxygen needs drop, and the body is, for all intents and purposes, under the effects of a mini super soldier serum.  As another side effect, the stomach stops producing normal digestive enzymes.  Instead, it is closer to saliva, optimized for breaking down sugars for easy digestion.  This protects inchers who may end up swallowed by a foot tall tiny, though even an incher in a normal stomach would fare fairly well, as the stomach acids aren't powerful enough to outpace the tiny's healing.  Though, the sensation of being broken down and instantly healed might be discomforting, to the point of being considered torture.  Hmmm...

As for your last point, I'm glad that tickled your fancy.  I have a small laundry list of inventions Titty made that just don't seem to have a great spot to be showcased.  Yet.  I am hoping to get a bit more use out of a couple of inventions in the next chapter.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to write these incredibly analytical and detailed reviews.  I really hope I can continue to deliver the goods to an enjoyable standard.

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: February 08 2024 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14 - Games of Lust, Hubris, and the Sensual Depths of Depravity

Ironically, you used a word that I had never heard before in your author's notes. I have never in my life had cause to reference more than a singular thesaurus, so while I don't need you to define it for me, thesauri is a new one for me.

Also, I love that your elegant, classy word defined in said author's notes shared a sentence with the term "fuck-filth," a word of equal class and elegance.

As far as the smut segments of this chapter go, once again you were as on-point with your descriptions as you were creative. That little "love triangle" with Missy, Titty, and Ronnie was really easy to picture, and the idea of Missy using Ronnie as a glorified strap-on while both being eaten out and working Titty's clit simultaneously was such an inventive idea that I would have ever thought of, let alone the idea of how you incorporated Jen and Dick into the mix.

Better yet, I thought the way you broke up each of those segments did a fantastic job of conveying Titty's scale to the little ones. For the most part, those at each section of her body got their own separate segment, which subtly made it seem as though each character (or characters in Missy and Ronnie's case) were in completely different locations, as opposed to just being in the same room, let alone the same body. This made Titty seem positively monumental by comparison. And with the Titty segments broken up between the Claire/Stella ones, I found the layout of this chapter to be quite clever.

You also captured that effect I mentioned above extremely well with the Tara segment and the start of the one directly after it. We were given a look at Tara's huge struggle to stimulate Stella and make herself known to the others, only to see Stella be into it briefly, then slightly annoyed, only to adjust her by rubbing her crotch on the chair. That made Tara's size seem more insignificant than any direct description could have. It was the literary equivalent of the camera slowly zooming out on Tara fighting for her life all the way out to see Stella absently rub her crotch slightly.

It was nice to not only check in with Tara for the first time since she was taken but get a bit of backstory on her as well. I was thinking she might be losing her mind in Stella's sex, but I was impressed with the way she was able to keep her mental state together despite being shrunk and turned into an inch-tall sex toy. It sucks that she has to deal with these traumatic events after going through so much shit in life already, but it was good to see that her past hardships helped her cope with her situation and continue to fight.

Also, Tara said my favorite line in the whole chapter:

I might not be into girls, but ... with a boss like Titty, I know my way around a vagina.

That must have been an interesting orientation.

Stella's game turned out even worse than I thought it was going to. I assumed the girl she bullied into killing herself would be one of the pictures she would be shown, but fuck, that story was rough. Pretty much all of the other ones were, too. You had teased up until this point that the would-be intern was a nasty person, but now I know that when you construct a villain, you go all out. I respect that. The complicated villain has her place, but sometimes you just want a good old fashion embodiment of evil to root against, and you certainly delivered on that front here.

I also both agree with and like Claire's assessment of Stella. She's not a master manipulator. She's not dumb by any means, but she's been able to pull off all of this terrible shit because society is quick to judge and doesn't ask questions. I mentioned before that I didn't think Stella was particularly great at thinking things through, and it felt good to see Claire (a character that has really shined these last few chapters, by the way) give me a bit of vindication here.

But as much as I like Claire, Kim is now my favorite character in this entire story (and that's saying something). We didn't get a ton of her this chapter, but the small streamer's gradually changing reactions as Stella revealed more and more of how disgusting she is mirrored my own pretty well (Claire's shock and concern for Kim and her safety fit her character really well, though). And then at that huge cliffhanger, where Claire was both literally and metaphorically choking, the way Kim took control of the situation and came up with a crazy plan that put herself in danger to save a total stranger was just awesome! I've been liking Kim for a while now, as you well know, but that was the moment where I realized just how much I enjoy her character. She just has that neutrally controlling demeanor about her and between that and her natural confidence, she just won't let panic get to her. It's really admirable.

Since I mentioned Kim, I have to say that I noticed that Jen was having more fun with Titty than I predicted she would, although she did still have Kim on the back of her mind. I think this makes sense, though, given Jen's youthful exuberance. She's focusing on what's directly in front of her, burying the unpleasantness that happened with Kim and the potential consequences of said unpleasantness. I think she would have felt hollow after it was all said and done, though (I say would have, because I'm pretty sure she's about to have some bigger concerns based on that cliffhanger).

Looking at Claire in this chapter led to a very interesting philosophical debate in my mind. You've mentioned a couple of times how this game would fall into morally questionable territory, and you were completely correct. So regardless of her intentions, was Claire morally okay to drug Stella and drag her darkest secrets out of her?

To figure out where I stood on that, I had to ask myself which is more important to consider in a situation like this: the moral values of the person an act is being committed against or the act itself? If I didn't make it clear above, I don't feel sorry for Stella at all. That she has been exposed and will face the consequences of her actions (no matter how the next part turns out) isn't something I'm going to shed any tears over. In fact, you could easily argue that society will be better off now that the dark truth about her is out there.

But, from a moral perspective, is it really about Stella?

Claire has used her knowledge of chemistry to extract information that Stella would have never willfully given under normal circumstances. Are we, as human beings, not allowed to have secrets? Or can only the "good" people keep their private moments private? Who determines where that line is?

Let's say that Stella wasn't a terrible, terrible person. Let's say that her answers were mostly pleasant and that it turned out that the suicide she caused was actually an unfortunate misunderstanding for which she feels incredibly guilty. Would that have made Claire's actions any more or less moral?

Ultimately, for me, it was Claire's actions and not Stella's deserving of retribution that dictated how I viewed the morality of the situation. I think Claire was in the wrong here. I don't think that makes her a bad person (it makes her even more interesting, though), and she does have good intent by doing this to Stella, but none of that changes the fact that she serious compromised ethical standards to justify this. That can lead even the most noble of people down a dark path, which I think we saw a glimpse of in Claire's thoughts after hearing the tale of Emerald Greene.

Claire actually begins to consider using the shrinking solution to "punish people like this in a manner they truly deserve," which seems like the exact kind of thing the Fab Four have been trying to make sure doesn't happen with their product up until this point. Yeah, she says that she won't do that without the consent of the others, and sure, you could argue that this reaction is more about just how much Stella's actions have affected Claire, but no matter how you look at it, even considering punishing those who "truly deserve" it is an ethical barrier from which there's no return once you cross it. Making yourself (or your group of friends) the grand arbiters of right and wrong, of who's deserving of such punishment, is a one-way ticket to corruption.

But even with everything else going on in this chapter, I found myself constantly thinking about one character, despite the fact that she's barely even mentioned in this chapter at all: Victoria Vane. I'm going to go ahead and double down on my prediction that all of this is part of her plan, even if the exact happenings weren't necessarily foreseen.

I started thinking about this again when we looked in on Chae-Won. You see, Chae-won isn't very smart when it comes to planning criminal activities. Her "brilliant" plan to just break in to the sex shop; steal the shrinking solution, Melissa, and as many other tinies as possible; gamble that the dean of her college is cool with human trafficking; and coerce Melissa to transfer ownership of the business over to her under duress is actually pretty terrible. Not terrible as in evil (although it's that, too) but terrible as an awful. It has virtually no chance of succeeding. Not only that, but she doesn't know how long the solution lasts, if a gun can even stop Aidra, (again) if the dean is going to accept her generous gift of tiny sex slaves and not report her to the authorities instead, or who the companies partners even are. Somehow, I don't see Victoria being cool with her sister being kidnapped and tortured, which could lead to a lot of trouble for the Fab Four Fluids' "new owner." 

Then I began to wonder if her involvement wasn't part of Victoria's plan. I don't think it would be too much of a stretch to assume that Victoria would have looked into other professors in Claire's department and put together some information on Chae-Won. And given what we've learned about Stella in this chapter, would it really be so crazy to assume that the would-be intern would find out about and try to use the disgruntled professor to her advantage? For all we know, Stella might have been informed on who Chae-Won was when she got her information on the Fab Four.

But Victoria would probably know enough about Chae-Won to know that she would try something stupid and likely fail, much like I think she's expecting out of Stella. And going back to Stella herself, I don't think it would have been crazy for Victoria to assume hearing about Stella's past would make someone like Claire consider some "alternative uses" for the shrinking solution.

Again, I'm not saying Victoria is omniscient and knew exactly how things would play out, but I don't think she has to in order to know that her plan is going to work. I think she wanted to create a situation that would cause the Fab Four to question themselves and their product and maybe even feel some guilt. Whether the end game is to put them in a mental state to want out of the business and give her sole control of the product or to simply bring them around to her way of thinking, I think getting in the Fab Four's heads is the ultimate goal here. And Elise is hanging around to get samples and whatnot, just in case things don't go according to plan.

I'm going to further predict that Melissa is the one that sees through that plan and keeps the Fab Four on the right path. She knows her sister well, and while the other three are wallowing in extreme guilt over Tara and anger over Stella (I'm really wondering how far they're going to go with her once things settle down), Missy is probably going to have the most clear head of the group (then again, she might feel guilt over the fact that her creation is what caused the problem in the first place, but I personally don't think she'll dwell on that too much).

But yeah, a couple of huge cliffhangers you've left us with here. It looks like we're going to find out whether or not Aidra is bulletproof (I don't know why she would be, but you never know). If she's not, the immediate future isn't looking too good for our favorite orgy. Take as long as you need before getting the next one out, obviously, but I'm really eager to see where things go from here!

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for this amazing breakdown. I'm so glad to see that so much of this chapter landed as intended, from elegance and scale, to contrast and depravity.

I do have to respond to your comment: "I might not be into girls, but ... with a boss like Titty, I know my way around a vagina.  That must have been an interesting orientation."   The mental story I had behind this, is that Titty isn't the kind of entrepreneur to leave her cashiers to work solo.  Her store isn't Generic Adult Paraphernalia Shop #3, or Dildos, Dolls, and Rings For Your Balls; she named her store Love & Lust.  She may not be able to sell those emotions, but she's definitely going to assist her customers when they come in, looking to enhance or pursue either.  She's not just going to help them find the correct sizes, or the safest materials, oh no.  That's the bare minimum.  No, our Titania is an engineer.  She is going to make damn sure that any customers who are comfortable enough with their sexuality to walk through her door, know damn well just what they're doing with their new product.  If Tara's heard Titty talk about the parts of a pussy once, she's heard it several hundred times.  And not just the biology, but the strategies for discovering where she's most sensitive, what degree of stimulation is just right, what angles and tempos and...  Let's just say that Tara has enough second-hand knowledge from a sex-crazed engineer to write a very scandalous, yet sensual erotica.  Oh, and enough practical knowledge to work up a giant woman hundreds of times her size.

As for this comment: "Stella's game turned out even worse than I thought it was going to." This was a harder chapter to write, and even more difficult to edit, just because It was hard to find a sweet spot for Stella.  I wanted her to be believable, yet evil, yet still in the realm of arrogance and self-entitlement, and yet a monster who deserves everything you're praying will come to her.  She's manipulative and uncaring, but she's no criminal mastermind, and yet I still want to capture that sense of the senselessly evil villain, and getting that right took a few rewrites, assuming I succeeded.

I'm glad to hear you like Kim so much.  I hope things go well for her with this bold solution she's proposed to save Tara.

Jen is definitely living in the moment.  She's in a situation that is overwhelming her senses and building upon her wildest dreams, and she is literally into things way over her head.  Perhaps this next chapter will help remind her of what's truly important.

Claire is definitely a deeper character than you would find at a first glance.  At first glance, she is the classic, dignified professor.  At second glance, there's a reserved woman who wants to be wild, waiting beneath the surface to be unleashed.  But deeper still are the parts of herself she's still trying to sort out.  She's been so self-repressed, that she has developed drugs capable of unleashing the psyche, removing, or re-arranging inhibitions, and even manipulating memory.  Is Claire an evil character?  No, I would think not.  Is she a misguided character?  Perhaps, though I would say her typical flaw is that she's too uptight and reserved.  As for the application here, Stella has effectively given Claire free reign to test all products and services that may be sold through Fab Four Fantasies, so dosing a willing, albeit pressured Stella isn't wrong, I would think.  The issue comes when this is used for an unofficial interrogation, under the effects of a mind-altering drug.  This is definitely a moral grey area, and arguably on the darker side.  Soon, we'll get to see how Claire acts, now that she has seen the evil before her, and people's lives are at stake.

I have had Victoria's final appearance in the story written since around the time I finished chapter 5.  She has defined goals, intentions, and expected potential outcomes, and a part of me is constantly fighting rushing the story to that conclusion, because I really want to post that scene.

I'm glad to see you have such faith in Melissa, that she would see through her sister's plan.  I'm not sure how much of that is my handling of her character, how much of that is the presentation of the Vane family reputation, and how much of that faith is projection, but I'm glad Melissa is coming across as that level of reliable.  That's very much where I want her to be, whenever she's not a tiny little love slave to her adorable fiancée.

You are correct, I left you on a couple of nasty cliffhangers, and I do not mean to keep you there longer than necessary.  I fully plan to take tomorrow to finish and edit the chapter, but the last time I made plans like that, my sister showed up unannounced, so I'm not going to predict when the chapter will be posted.  That way lays the path of planning, and I've seen all to well what fun fate has with the plans of men. 

Reviewer: It Was Me Signed
Date: September 09 2023 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - Travel Plans Within Plans

You know, when Elise and Stella were introduced a couple chapters ago, I wouldn't have guessed that the shady-dealing right hand of our megalomaniacal supervillain in the making would be the one I liked and the 19-year-old intern wannabe being used by said potential supervillain's company would be the one I despised. I'm really enjoying the flip on the tropes associated with their archetypes, though.

But damn, Stella is just so hateable. She was judging the Fab Four before she even met them, and her first impression of Olivia was just despicable. Going to Claire's rival like that could be a pretty smart move, though, depending on what Stella has planned once the disgruntled professor arrives at the presentation, so credit where it's due.

And I love how assertively Livy shut Stella down. We've been seeing that side of her building throughout the story, and I'm eager to see where that particular development goes.

So it's probably a bad sign that both Jen and Ronnie have already imagined using the shrinking solution for exactly the kinds of things that the Fab Four want to avoid. Jen came off as pretty cranky and judgmental, which surprised me a bit, but we were also introduced to a pretty good reason for her to be that way as well. Still, shrinking someone and sticking them in your shoes for being rude seems a bit much. And I laughed a bit when she suggested that the Fab Four invented this stuff to keep up with the college guys they want to fuck, since, you know, they all only want to fuck each other.

We also got our answer for why Kim and Jen aren't together. I have to admit, I thought Kim would have been the hang up based on the first time we saw those characters. I do feel bad for Jen, struggling to get accepted back into a traditional family that's probably never going to let her back in. Overall, her character is a lot more complicated and interesting than I initially expected.

Ronnie's idea for the shrinking solution seems a bit more justified than Jen's, but would obviously still constitute abusing the technology. Still, I can't blame her for wanting to shrink Crusher, nor can I say he wouldn't have it coming. And Ronnie wanting to do something like that does fit her personality pretty well, as she comes off as a bit of a wildcard. She continues to be my favorite among the new characters introduced in this story, which is a high compliment given my feelings about the rest of them.

Richard also continues to come off as really likeable too, though. The fact that he clearly wants Ronnie but has so much respect for her to not perv out on her, especially after learning about some of other exploits, makes him come off as admirable, rather than pervy. And his anger at learning about Ronnie's situation mirrored the readers, and I really like feeling the emotion of a scene alongside a character.

I'm looking forward to Ronnie finally helping him loosen up a bit. He deserves it, and so does Ronnie, for that matter.

Fruit Roll-up underwear? What a brilliant idea. I'm sure Livy's stomach will appreciate that this time around.

This was another excellent chapter! I'm excited to see things ramp up next chapter, particularly since we're starting off with Ronnie and Dick!

Author's Response:

I'm honestly not sure I could have made Elise nearly as off-putting as Stella without a lot more effort.  The role of corporate spy / mercenary has darker connotations that we inherently accept, so to make her relatively unlikeable, let-alone downright loathsome in that situation, I would have had to build a much darker character than this story deserves just to sink her below the "acceptable" levels for her role.  Rather, by making her something of an idealist - or rather a realist with noble intentions - I can elevate her outside the norm, and actually craft her into an interesting character.

And then we have Stella.  There's a bit of a background with Stella that hasn't been fully explored yet, but taking an unknown character and putting her in a tough spot tends to garner 1 of 2 reactions: 1) Sympathy, or 2) Vindictiveness.  For those who take the sympathy path, the scenes of her actively lying to our leading ladies undermines that, instantly dropping her into a very different position.  That sympathy is gone, and something has to fill that hole, and it tends to be strong and negative, which lets me play with her later in fun ways that... I won't get into here.  And for the vindictive crowd, they can find a kindred spirit in Stella, and then take pleasure in... later, as-of-yet undisclosed activities.

I adore Livy.  She's not a self-insert character, but she's kind of an ideal character for me.  She's empathetic, supportive, successful, and still growing as a person.  She can also be trusted with basically absolute power over another, without abusing it beyond the enjoyment of both parties.  Plus she's engaged to Missy, so that's a whole lotta kudos there.

Jen is... young, I think might be the best way to put it here.  She's a grown woman, and she's been through a lot, but she still has that youthful verve that tends towards more extreme or absolute responses to things.  Plus, she's fantasizing, not acting on it (yet, anyway.  She has a very active imagination), so we have yet to truly see just how much of a bad girl she is.

I have to say, it's incredible how much this feedback between chapters helps with finalizing decisions, smoothing rough spots, and tailoring focus on the points that at least seem to be landing.  Thanks again for the review!  I'll be back with some action on Monday!