Reviewer: scrymgeour Signed
Date: October 14 2018
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Pit Of Destiny
Responding to the reviewer below, who said, ''I hoped for some different kind of story...with a all loving realtionship and no domination": What a petty excuse to give a story you admittedly liked a half-star rating. Totally unjustified, and ignoring the fact that it's more than possible to show a loving gf/bf connection based on power dynamics (reflected in the vast difference in physical size between the lovers) and the fact that domination needs submission in order to be what it is (and that often in writing stories like that you can represent this D/s relationship in a playful, loving, and realistic way without compromising the violent and domineering side of things in the least) -- ignoring all that, you have to let the author finish the story before expressing your disappointment with the path it's taking.
For what it's worth, I'm loving this story. Only suggestion I'd make, from an author's perspective, would be (in your next story) to consider taking a more detached authorial role. Third person, no present tense except in dialogue, and finding a way to develop and deepen your characters through dialogue and actions (in fetish stories I think plot's far less important than character, and that's natural enough).
Keep going though. I loved your ideas in Rachelle's Sweat Pads, too. Really top notch stuff.
Author's Response: Thank you, and I mean that in several ways. Your kind defense of my characters relationships is very well taken. I try not to front load my stories with too much ground work; rather I prefer to add and build them up as the stories progress.
As to the perspective, that is something I have to work through. One problem I often have reading the works of others, whom I applaude, are the names or descriptions of characters. It's hard to submerse myself into a story when the name of the first person is contantly mentioned and not my name. That's why my stories often do not contain the name of the first person. It's also odd when the super hot girl has the same name as a family member or close friend, uh ewe... That said, sometimes having a vague description leaves a lot open to the imaginations of the various readers.
I like the present tense for ongoing stories; but I do have some that are definitely past tense. Third person, well there is one story I am writing that I consider my opus, so to speak. It's about a group of female soldiers in a future war with some rather unique, shall we say weapons, and very derriere oriented. It's present tense but definitely third person. Maybe oneday I'll finish writing it out and possibly post it.
Glad you enjoyed "Rachelle's Sweat Pads", hardly anybody read it.